شيماء ✨'s Reviews > They Both Die at the End

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
42130592
's review

it was amazing
bookshelves: read-in-2017, favorites, lgbtqia-rep, romance, young-adult, fiction, fantasy, boys-love-boys

This book smelled like tears and self-sabotage.

And it's safe to assume that indeed, it was.

But then again, it's never been an option to walk out of an Adam Silvera's book and not feel a thing, since they're the kind of books that hold you tighly you can feel it seventy-two hours later. And they might also be the kind of books that will make you lie in bed, disintegrating into a pile of emotions and missing that one person you made eye contact with for two seconds on a public transportation five years ago and all of your feelings become just one giant bruise you just love to press on.

I've felt everything reading this book but mainly calm (as if my edges are blurring into the universe), and sad too I guess but the kind of sadness that is really just a gentle little smooch reminding you you're strong enough for this, where this stands for everything.

I know people will experience this book in vastly different ways, but I've experienced it in a very personal way which is why this is probably one of the most personal reviews that I've ever written.

....'you're supposed to be a lifer.'


Now. Imagine getting a call, at midnight, telling you that you have less than 24 hours to live. Twenty four hours to get through everything that you wanted to do. Twenty four hours to be all the people you were supposed to be before you could become yourself. Twenty four hours to grow out of phases and mindsets before you could learn where exactly your shift in identity is going. Twenty four hours to rewrite the diaries that have been written in invisible ink until that moment. Twenty four hours to make the memories of a lifetime.

How cruel and unthinkable is that? I mean, we all know that we're just a temporary fixture in the vastness of the universe and that life is only a few seconds at a time and all the appreciation of it in the world won’t allow you to hold onto it forever, but imagine having a conscious awareness of how many numbers exactly those seconds encompass, like being trapped in a giant hourglass which threatens to suffocate you with sand.

Think of all the many strangers' stories you won’t get the chance to make into, the many versions of yourself that you won't become, the many places that you've yearned to visit but won't be able to set foot in, the many people that will impact your life but you won't get the chance to meet, the many life views that you would've learned and the ones that you would've eventually unlearned, the many unpublished books that you would've ranted to your friends about for an irritably long amount of time and the many unreleased songs that you would've exhaustively listened to.

'I can't go on being the kid who keeps his head low because all that did was rob and being out there with you- maybe I could have met some of you sooner.'


Think also of the many happy memories you've denied yourself because you lied and said you were busy and the many people you could have had amazing chemistry with but your first impression of them was wrong and you wrote them off. The many opportunities to reinvent yourself that you've missed out on because you thought it was too late to shape yourself into who you wanted to be or because you let yourself be paralyzed by the crippling fear of failure and be pulled into a cycle of stagnation and lack of motivation to do anything which might actually push you forward towards your goals.

The many memories that didn't make it to your journals and how many times you've thought 'I will remember this' only you've completely forgotten about it because as much as you hate to acknowledge it, the temporary can't be immortalized and the memories you're trying so hard to repress are the ones that shine the brightest.

Think of the many years that you've wasted on hate and grudges and meaningless conversations and relationships that have no longevity and no longer positively affect your life. And the many true friendships that you've taken for granted because you were too busy expanding energy on people you would just gossip and smoke and go out with, when you could have been busy making polaroid pictures with friends you can cry with, friends you can go get breakfast with, friends you can talk about books and music and things that matter with, friends who will support your life goals and call you out on problematic shit and motivate you and believe in you.

'You may be born into a family but you walk into friendships. Some you'll discover you should put behind you. Others are worth every risk.'


Think of the many times you were scared to call others out or stayed away from controversial topics because your hands shook at the notion of confrontation and your throat closed up at the thought of sticking your neck out for your beliefs, and your heart threatened to burst out of your collarbone at the possibility of losing friends and family and safety for choosing to align yourself with causes and the many times your head has hit that pillow at night only to be plagued by the nagging thoughts of 'what ifs'.

I think we go through life wired to only appreciate the Big Moments so much more than small individual moments that build up to bigger things. We're made to believe that we're supposed to be alive for better reasons than just having a dog curling against your feet and a cat purring on your lap. And it's like living to just constantly impress the world, and strive to make your “special moments” compete with other people’s moments, worrying yourself sick whether your life has more or less meaning than theirs. And before you know it, you've already trapped yourself in high expectations that you've created out of a collage of other people’s lifetime achievements which you expect yourself to live up to... When you could just be living for the very few things that still make your heart warm and glowy even if they’re small and inconsequential and transient.

'I've spent years living safely to secure a longer life and look where that's gotten me. I'm at the finish line but I never run the race.'


They Both Die at the End made me really realize that I have no clue for how much longer I'm going to live in the world and exist in it. That really, I’m living day by day but I have literally no idea what I’m doing or where any of this is leading and how long this is actually going to last.

But mostly, it made me worry about the older version of me and it made me realize that I truly owe her some semblance of a past, I think. I owe her some memories of some type of happiness and contentment.

So perhaps it was that very note that Adam Silvera wrote at the beginning or maybe it's Rufus and Mateo's story, maybe it had nothing to do with this book, maybe it was the build up of many reasons and circumstances but the next day after reading this book was also the day I came out to my best friend.

I guess this is my way of saying that this book meant a lot to me and it will forever have a place on my pillow.
558 likes · flag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read They Both Die at the End.
Sign In »

Reading Progress

July 13, 2017 – Shelved
August 4, 2017 – Started Reading
August 4, 2017 –
35.0% "you know this time 4 years ago, i was the type of person who didn't break down crying over fictional characters and i want to go back"
August 6, 2017 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-50 of 79 (79 new)


message 1: by Vanessa (new)

Vanessa I want to read this book. because the premise sounds really unique and interesting, but I also really don't... (all of that for any of Silvera's books actually). I just don't do sad books, because they make me feel really down for days afterwards... :/


شيماء ✨ ooh i get you, adam silvera's books are definitely the kind of unforgettable that stays with you long after you read them, they're sad and heart breaking yes but he's always said they came from his personal experiences (excep this one) which makes so real and relatable and just so so unique!!!


message 3: by Vanessa (new)

Vanessa kazzy boy ⚓ wrote: "ooh i get you, adam silvera's books are definitely the kind of unforgettable that stays with you long after you read them, they're sad and heart breaking yes but he's always said they came from his..."

Yeah, I do believe that they're probably very well written, which is why I do consider them from time to time... but I'm 99% sure I'd feel awful after reading them (and not the good kind of awful that people mean when they say that it's "worth it!). It's always been like that...
If he ever writes a book that isn't sad (or has enough happy in the end at least), I'll order it with lightning speed. :D


شيماء ✨ Vanessa wrote: "kazzy boy ⚓ wrote: "ooh i get you, adam silvera's books are definitely the kind of unforgettable that stays with you long after you read them, they're sad and heart breaking yes but he's always sai..."

i'm excited about this book so i will def let you know about the ending!!


message 5: by Vanessa (new)

Vanessa Going by the authors track record, the title is probably not a lie /o\ but yes, I'll wait to see what you're going to say.


شيماء ✨ i am hiiiiighkey chosing to ignore the title and live in a perpetual state of denial i refuse to believe that they both, in fact, die at the end, nope concept Blocked lmaoo


message 7: by trash™️ (last edited Aug 04, 2017 09:27AM) (new)

trash™️ the title is rlly cute :)))


شيماء ✨ trash™️ wrote: "the title is rlly cute :)))"

oh yeah just lovely, ism't it??? i'm telling myself this is some kind if prank and at the end we will find a note from Adam silvera saying "WE GOT YOU!


message 9: by trash™️ (last edited Aug 04, 2017 02:40PM) (new)

trash™️ kazzy boy ⚓ wrote: "trash™️ wrote: "the title is rlly cute :)))"

oh yeah just lovely, ism't it??? i'm telling myself.."


BE POSITIVE GURL at least they will die together #goals


Sol ~ TheBookishKing wow, nothing about running out of mAYO?! Is it no longer important to you?


شيماء ✨ S.J.R.S wrote: "wow, nothing about running out of mAYO?! Is it no longer important to you?"

you really don't like to read, do you i'VE OBVIOUSLY MENTIONED MAYO FROM THE BEGINNING??? wow???


Sol ~ TheBookishKing YOU JUST ADDED IT???? lyer


شيماء ✨ S.J.R.S wrote: "YOU JUST ADDED IT???? lyer"

i might be a liar but i mostly definitely am not a LYER


message 14: by Carmen (new) - added it

Carmen Allegra If I'm feeling like death maybe I'll read this


message 15: by amy ☂︎ (new) - added it

amy ☂︎ sorry but there's nothing more painful than stepping on a lego this is false advertising


message 16: by anita (new) - added it

anita you made me want to read this book without even reading a blurb.
i mean, seriously. if that's worse than lego, then...


Martina wow, sounds hopeful


message 18: by Vanessa (new)

Vanessa Looks like another Silvera I'm going to skip ... why can't this man write something not-tragic for a change (aka I'm convinced he's a good author, but I just don't DO sad books - I like my angst, but gimme a happy ending). Sigh. And I love the cover.


message 19: by شيماء ✨ (last edited Aug 05, 2017 05:17PM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

شيماء ✨ Carmen wrote: "If I'm feeling like death maybe I'll read this"

great life choices adam silveras books are for folks who actively enjoy self sabotaging behavior *side-eyes myself*


message 20: by Taylor (new) - added it

Taylor Ohhhh my god this is HILARIOUS. Also...I really need to read an Adam Silvera book, like i love emotionally draining books and I've heard he's the king of them so what am I doing??


شيماء ✨ amy ⚓ wrote: "sorry but there's nothing more painful than stepping on a lego this is false advertising"

when i first read this i thought, 'ok she clearly hasn't read an adam silvera book'...i stalked your shelves and i was right


cesca I love bathing in acid😍😍😍


message 23: by amy ☂︎ (new) - added it

amy ☂︎ kazzy boy ⚓ wrote: "amy ⚓ wrote: "sorry but there's nothing more painful than stepping on a lego this is false advertising"

when i first read this i thought, 'ok she clearly hasn't read an adam silvera book'...i stal..."


stop judging me i'm too busy reading six of crows forever


message 24: by may ❀ (new)

may ❀ the question remains
do they both die in the end?


rin 눈_눈 READ RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE "the urge to punch those self righteous fuckers who black out entire pages of books to make some stupid contrived combination of words and take a picture and post it online" don't u call out victor vale like this


prag ♻ i was going to comment but i see you've already been called out for shaming viccy


شيماء ✨ anita wrote: "you made me want to read this book without even reading a blurb.
i mean, seriously. if that's worse than lego, then..."


prepare to be destroyed honestly this was emotionally draining but also so enlightening tbh


شيماء ✨ Martina wrote: "wow, sounds hopeful"

surprisingly, it was!! i mean, sure it shot my heart and scattered the pieces across three continents but ultimately, adam silvera's books always leave you with a lesson to be learned (kinda the hard ways, yes, but totally worth it)


message 29: by anita (last edited Aug 06, 2017 11:08AM) (new) - added it

anita kazzy boy ⚓ wrote: "anita wrote: "you made me want to read this book without even reading a blurb.
i mean, seriously. if that's worse than lego, then..."

prepare to be destroyed honestly this was emotionally draining..."


sometimes i think i'm a masochist >.>
the more cry and heart-shattering the better


شيماء ✨ Vanessa wrote: "Looks like another Silvera I'm going to skip ... why can't this man write something not-tragic for a change (aka I'm convinced he's a good author, but I just don't DO sad books - I like my angst, b..."

i love suffering at the hands of mr silvera so i don't think i'll ever not read his books lmaoo and yeees the cover is so pretty!!!


شيماء ✨ Taylor wrote: "Ohhhh my god this is HILARIOUS. Also...I really need to read an Adam Silvera book, like i love emotionally draining books and I've heard he's the king of them so what am I doing??"

HE IS THE KING OF PAINFUL BOOKS YES so you should totally read this omg


شيماء ✨ abookplanet wrote: "I love bathing in acid😍😍😍"

i hope you mean figuratively lmaoooo


♔ Dark Lordette Jennymort ♔ I love how you're so fucking dramatic about everything Em.


شيماء ✨ maybelline ⚓ wrote: "the question remains
do they both die in the end?"


i'd rather let you guess forever


شيماء ✨ prag ⚓ wrote: "i was going to comment but i see you've already been called out for shaming viccy"

rin (lorenzo) wrote: ""the urge to punch those self righteous fuckers who black out entire pages of books to make some stupid contrived combination of words and take a picture and post it online" don't u call out victor..."

LISTEN I LOVE MY GLUCOSE FATHER VICTOR VALE BUT THAT WAS A DICK MOVE


شيماء ✨ anita wrote: "kazzy boy ⚓ wrote: "anita wrote: "you made me want to read this book without even reading a blurb.
i mean, seriously. if that's worse than lego, then..."

prepare to be destroyed honestly this was ..."


I 100% agree


شيماء ✨ Jennymort ☆The Dark Lord, House of Slytheread★ wrote: "I love how you're so fucking dramatic about everything Em."

yup, that's me lmao


message 38: by emma (new) - rated it 5 stars

emma um I'm crying (in the very literal sense this is not an expression) and I love you and my heart feels all soft 💙💙💙💙💙


message 39: by Janille (new) - added it

Janille N G Absolutely beautiful review -- it was a pleasure to read!


Sol ~ TheBookishKing everything about this has given me Emotions 💙

Ily awesome nerd


شيماء ✨ Emma wrote: "um I'm crying (in the very literal sense this is not an expression) and I love you and my heart feels all soft 💙💙💙💙💙"

this is the loveliest thing ever omg i love you and your weird infatuation with those ugly blue hearts 💜💜💜


message 42: by emma (new) - rated it 5 stars

emma kazzy boy ⚓ wrote: "Emma wrote: "um I'm crying (in the very literal sense this is not an expression) and I love you and my heart feels all soft 💙💙💙💙💙"

this is the loveliest thing ever omg i love you and your weird in..."


LISTEN the blue hearts are my favorites so you know if you're getting one those you're extra special 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙


message 43: by Ellen Gail (new) - added it

Ellen Gail Okay are we close enough friends for me to say fuck you? Cause fuck you, you made me cry. Not like I'm even wearing makeup I have to fix or anything. But if I'm seriously crying just from your review, OH MY GOD what would this book do to me?

I would dehydrate.


Sandra Lovely review hun! I honestly havent read anything by Adam Silvera yet. I might start with this one. Your review got me. :)


may ➹ how do you always write the best reviews :') 💕💕


شيماء ✨ aaron wrote: "this was emotional as fuck and ive run out of snarky things to say"

this is so unexpected i was ready to lash out too who are we


شيماء ✨ Janille wrote: "Absolutely beautiful review -- it was a pleasure to read!"

omg you're so kind!! thank you so much !!!!


شيماء ✨ S.J.R.S wrote: "everything about this has given me Emotions 💙
Ily awesome nerd"


ilyt even though you constantly disrespect my food fetishes


message 49: by Annabeth (new) - added it

Annabeth Em if I owned a book publishing business or something I would 100/10 hire you to describe all the books because honestly... I think you could describe a dishwasher usage manual in a beautiful way?? I just love your reviews so much


شيماء ✨ Ellen Gail wrote: "Okay are we close enough friends for me to say fuck you? Cause fuck you, you made me cry. Not like I'm even wearing makeup I have to fix or anything. But if I'm seriously crying just from your revi..."

i would literally rather punch me than make someone cry but your comment actually made me tear up a little bit so i guess now we're even and gosh so sappy but this made my day thank you <3


« previous 1
back to top