John Egbert's Reviews > Hades

Hades by Alexandra Adornetto
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did not like it
bookshelves: annoyed-after-reading, author-steaming-mug-of-stfu, boooored, for-the-motherfucking-lulz, i-wish-i-hadn-t-read-this, no-just-no, nothing-special, omfg-it-s-a-series, pure-bullshit-from-concentrate, what-the-everlonging-fuck, why-did-i-read-this, wtf-dude, wtf-is-this
Recommended to John by: ...this was my own fault...
Recommended for: *starts to cry* I-I wouldn't recommend this book to the person that SLAUGHTERED MY FAMILY

Before reading Hades

How can you trick someone into getting on a motorcycle? Either they get on, or they don't get on. Motorcycles aren't like cars. And what does angel Bethany want with a motorcycle anyway? SHE CAN FLY. Or, I'm assuming she can. Who knows, maybe Halo angels are just so lame they can't even use their wings to fly. *shudders from pure lameness*

Perhaps the conversation went something like this:

Jake: Hey Bethany. Why don't you get in my van on my motorcycle? I'll give you a lift...
Bethany: No wayz.
Jake: I have...teh ice cream! And kitties!
Bethany: OOOOHHHH KITTIES! *hops on*
Jake: MUAHAHA SILLY GIRL THERE ARE NO KITTIES
Bethany: NOOOOO I HAZ BEEN TRICKED!
Jake: MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

Now that would make a lot of sense.

10/11

I AM GOING TO DO IT.

I'm going to rip this to shreds with my razor teeth! It sounds so bad I cannot resist.

After reading Hades


Warning: There will be heaps of Allie-bashing, lots of cap rage, Hades-bashing, swearing, and SWEARING, and DID I MENTION SWEARING?!

Glossary: Because I won't explain who all of the characters are inbetween my rage outs.

Bethie: The main character.

Xavier: Her boring ass boyfriend.

Jake Thorn: The Prince of Hell















......fuck....


.....FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK.....

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You notice how light and joking I was in my pre-review? Notice how I was poking fun at Bethie, notice how I was...happy....?

I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WAY AGAIN.

Noah Pukcerman screaming in rage at Hades's terribleness.


I had originally planned on writing a nice, coherent, numerical list of this book's fails but THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. I WOULD BE HERE ALL FREAKING DAY.

So, I will rant on random things.

Firstly,


ADORNETTO NEEDS TO SHUT. THE FUCK. UP.


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Not a single freaking page goes by without this neurotic, raging bitch (insult courtesy of Hana Joy :D) preaching to us about something or the other. IT'S DISGUSTING. Here are a few examples of Allie dearest reaching her nasty author hand through the pages:

1. Her version of Hell

The way she describes the inhabitants of hell. Miniskirts, piercings, chains, black nail polish -- generally goth. We all know how Christian and conservative Allie dearest is, so it's obvious why she would choose to condemn these things -- they just don't fit in with her idea of what's "moral" and "perfect".

2. Her lectures on sex

While reading that entire part I was essentially doing this:

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I WANTED TO STAB MY EYES OUT WITH A FUCKING PEN.

In Kira's review, which is much, much better than this one and you should in fact read it NOW she says "Bethany is viciously devoid of conscience. You'd think she'd be "all soul", as Xavier once said (BARF) but in fact she's completely devoid of any kind of compassion. She lets Jake bleed to death and die before her, she leaves her friends to rot in Hell (literally), and she says, and I quote, "The purpose of sex is to create life."

Oh, really? You want me to go there? Seriously?

FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT YOU BIG PIECE OF FESTERING MONKEY VOMIT.

This is a disgraceful thing to write. Who the fuck green-lighted this shit? Someone needs to be fired for this. I'm not even kidding.

About two weeks ago, a teenager who featured on Youtube as a strong advocate of the It Gets Better campaign killed himself. He had been so viciously bullied and isolated because of his sexuality that he chose to end his own life. He was so utterly crushed by misery, shame and loneliness that he committed suicide. He was little more than a child.

This comment advertising sex as a way to procreate and nothing more is a violation of so many people's beliefs and lifestyles, and is a complete disgrace in every sense of the word. Not only does it completely exclude homosexuality and indirectly condemn it, but it also reverts back to this fabricated idea of "virginity". Basically, it is a vicious way to shame and attack gay and lesbian peoples for the way that they choose to express perfectly natural attraction to the people they romantically love and/or date. Homosexuality is in no way wrong, it is in no way unnatural, and condemning it borders on a violation of human rights. Quebec had it down when they said, "The state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation."

Amen, sista's.
"

That was a rather long quote, I know, but it all needed to be there because I don't know any other way to express my annoyance. Sure, I had read Kira's review before throwing myself into the pit of shit and vomit that is alternatively known as Hades, but reading the quote in context provided with everything else makes me want to hurt myself.

IT'S JUST SO TERRIBLE.

That, that doesn't even count the heaps of other sex lecturing. JAKE EVEN REFERS TO BETHIES "VIRGINITY" AS HER "VIRTUE". It's fucking disgusting how obsessed Allie is with this.

SHE PUTS A SHAME TO ALL TEENAGERS EVERYWHERE. (She is a teenager still, right? I don't know and I don't give a fuck. SHE PUTS A SHAME TO EVERYONE CONSIDERED NOT AN ADULT YET EVERYWHERE.)

In short, if I ever met Allie in real life and caught her trying to give anyone a fucking lecture on fucking ANYTHING, I'd do this:

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And this:

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And this:

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Gross little bitch...

What else did I want to rant about?


Oh ya. BETHIE DEAREST.

Bethany is so stupid. So yeah, I have an ebook copy of this utter vomit and shit, right? That's bad, very bad, because as long as we're in Bethie's head every few sentences I have the urge to throw the book against the wall with a satisfying thud. BUT IT'S AN EBOOK COPY. So I would end up doing this:

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Which would suck, seeing as how I only gots one computer, yeah.

Her stupidity was SO OFFENSIVE that it made me literally burst out into tears.

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Well...maybe not literally -- BUT I WAS FUCKING CLOSE.

And the worst part, because Bethie is Adornetto's self insert (anyone try to argue with me over this in the comments and I will cuss you the fuck out, just so you know) WE GET DOUBLE THE PREACHING. So while Adornetto is using her author powers to preach through the story, BETHIE IS FUCKING PREACHING IN THE STORY.

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IT MADE ME WANT TO THROW THINGS.

Not to mention that Bethie is A FUCKING MARY SUE.

Even when she goes to Hell, EVEN IN HELL THEY LIKE HER. EVERYBODY LIKES HER. THE PRINCE OF THE FUCKING HELL WANTS HER. IS THERE ONE PERSON THAT DOESN'T LIKE BETHANY WHO ISN'T DEMONIZED?!?!?!?! AND WE WILL FUCKING TALK ABOUT ASIA LATER.

FUCK THAT. WE'LL TALK ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW BEFORE I FUCKING FORGET OR SOMETHING WITH MY GOLDFISH BRAIN, BECAUSE READING HADES HAS FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGED ME WITH IT'S TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE AWFULNESS AND I CAN BARELY REMEMBER MY FUCKING NAME ANYMORE BECAUSE IT IS JUST THAT BAD.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK THIISSSSSSS BOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAAAAOOOOUUUUSSSSSHHOIFWIAIOFNWA


So, to talk about Asia.

Asia is Jake's bitch, basically. Also, from what I remember she is one of the only minorities in the book, if not the only minority, someone can correct me on this if they want.

How is she portrayed?

Well, even though she's supposed to be a snide, evil bitch (and slut?) I actually quite liked her. She acknowledged Bethany as the stupid, disgusting, waste of space she was, see this quote: I gave the woman a closer look and remembered her instantly as the tattooed barmaid from Pride. It would have been hard to forget the annihilating look she’d given me then. She gave me a fleeting glance this time as if my presence were too immaterial to take up any more of her time. I agree with her. Bethany doesn't deserve anyone's time. She's a gross, nasty, hideous waste of space and she should be burned on the stake, cut in half, erased from this universe forever and ever. AMEN.

Also, Asia gets jealous that Jake likes Bethany more than her. IT'S A VALID COMPLAINT. So you're the head bitch of hell with your psuedo boyfriend, and then some sniveling preachy brat shows up and snatches your honey's attention. Oh, yeah, tell me you wouldn't be bitter. There's also the added fact THAT THEY ARE ALL FUCKING DEMONS SO DUHHHH.

But we're supposed to see Asia as a jealous, evil, bitch. That's great. That's just fucking fantastic. Way to go Allie dear. But you wanna know something? I'd rather be represented by an Asia FIVE THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES OVER than be represented by a Bethie, which is the worse fucking insult ever, in the history of time and space, the worst thing in the whole world ever to exist AMEN.

Anything else?

Well, there's Xavier. He annoys the shit out of me. And Jake is an asshole, as well as a rapist, but once again he's a demon so you know. That's rather accurate for Jake.

Oh! How could I forget?

Xavier and Bethie's relationship.

THAT IS THE MOST...I DON'T EVEN HAVE WORDS FOR IT. It is co-dependent, unhealthy, obsessive, weird, and just NO. NO JUST NO.

How can you write something like this and portray it as being positive? HOW? HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY PORTRAY THIS AS NORMAL, EVEN A GOOD THING? Another reason why I want to punch Allie in the face, or at least strap her into a chair and viciously re-educate her.

PLEASE GOD. IF YOU DO EXIST, WHICH I DON'T REALLY THINK YOU DO BUT IF YOU DO, PLEASE, DO NOT ALLOW ALEXANDRA ADORNETTO TO PROCREATE UNTIL SHE GAINS AT LEAST AN OUNCE OF FUCKING COMMON SENSE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE.

Amen.

Here are some examples of how co-dependent and fucked up Xavier and Allie I MEAN BETHIE'S relationship is:

I kept one of Xavier’s Tshirts, dowsed in his cologne, under my pillow so that every night I could imagine he was with me. It was funny how the goofiest behavior could feel perfectly natural when you were in love.

“Okay, don’t take the quiz,” Hallie cut in. “Just answer a few questions, okay?” “Shoot,” I said. “What’s your favorite football team?” “Dallas Cowboys,” I said without hesitation. “And why’s that?” Hallie asked. “Because it’s Xavier’s favorite team.”

“He’s coming over to make barbecue ribs.” “Since when do you like ribs?” The girls raised their eyebrows. “Xavier likes them.”

I was willing to pardon any crime, but one against Xavier, and so help me, God, Jake would get his comeuppance.

Every fiber in my body yearned to return to Xavier. My one true love. The light of my life. (..) My pain was so all consuming that I hardly cared where Jake was taking me to or what horrors awaited.

Had enough? I think so. I know if I type anymore about this shit I will vomit all over my computer, shorting it out. If I do vomit over my computer from Hades induced sickness I WILL sue Adornetto for enough money to get a new one, I swear it.

Is there something else?

Oh yeah!

I DON'T CARE.

The book was so boring, so annoying, so rage inducing, it was so terrible. I WANTED TO DIE.

Top Causes of Death:
Heart disease
Cancer
Stroke
Chronic lower respiratory diseases
Accidents
Alzheimer's disease
Diabetes
Influenza and Pneumonia
Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis
Septicemia
Hades by Alexandra Adornetto



It's the truth, people.


Oh, and there's one more thing I wanted to mention...

One more thing...

What was it...

That...thing about....

Wait...

It's on the tip of my tongue....

OH!

I remember now!

It was...

THAT GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT VOMIT CREATURE HELL ANGER RAGE RAGE RAGE CAPSLOCK DOLPHIN FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCKING TITLE!

Many fanidiots have gotten upset about people constantly pointing out that Hades =/= Hell. They say Adornetto can call her books anything she wants. They say Adornetto can do anything she wants. They say that people who point out Hades =/= Hell, lovers of Greek Mythology who hate to see this mixed up, people with general common sense, they say that they need to shut up and worship Allie like they do.

To that I say this:

FUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU PPPPPPEEEEEEEOOOOOOOPPPPPPLLEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHUAISUFNIOSNAOSIPG


Guess what? Guess what? I added this section just because of you, you blithering bleeding dolts! So here I will say it:

HADES IS NOT HELL. HADES IS GREEK MYTHOLOGY FOR THE AFTERLIFE, NOT HELL, NOT EVIL, NOT PAINFUL, JUST THE WHOLE AFTERLIFE. HELL IS CHRISTIAN MYTHOLOGY FOR AN ACTUAL PLACE OF ETERNAL SUFFERING, BAD, PAINFUL, ALL THAT CRAP. YOU CAN NOT MIX THEM UP OR SUBSTITUTE ONE FOR THE OTHER BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING, THEY DO NOT MEAN THE SAME THING, AND THEY WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER MEAN THE SAME THING!!

AND FUCK ANYONE ELSE THAT THINKS OTHERWISE. DO A WIKIPEDIA SEARCH YOU JACKASSES.

Wow. That got really aggressive at the end there, actually. (Well this whole review has actually been really aggressive. GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT?)

Sure, Allie has the right to write whatever she wants, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FUCKING RIDICULE AND BELITTLE HER FOR IT. BAHAHAHAHAHA.

That is the end of my review.

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AND NOW FOR A RANDOM TOKKA GIF.

Because I can and I feel like it.

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HAH.

WARNING: TROLL MY REVIEW AND I AM FULLY PREPARED TO AND WILL TROLL YOU THE FUCK BACK. SO BE FOREWARNED, ASSHOLES OF THE INTERNET. YOU HAZ BEEN WARNED.


Note: Everyone that reads this review should rate Hades 1 star, don't care if you have read the book or not, the rating on this pile of shit and vomit is too fucking high and we as human beings need to do something about this.

If you want to you can even read the book to write a bad review of it, which I encourage, this needs as many bad reviews as it can get, seriously. But do not buy the book, Jesus Fucking Christ do not buy the book please. Pirate this thing. Do not waste your money. Do not waste your hard earned dollars on this creature, please, for the life of me, DO NOT.

(Yes I am bitter and angry about Hades and I will continue to be bitter and angry about Hades FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. AMEN.)
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Reading Progress

August 22, 2011 – Shelved
October 2, 2011 – Started Reading
October 2, 2011 –
page 8
1.88%
October 2, 2011 –
page 12
2.82% "I kept one of Xavier’s Tshirts, dowsed in his cologne, under my pillow so that every night I could imagine he was with me. It was funny how the goofiest behavior could feel perfectly natural when you were in love. Um, is it just me or is that a little creepy rather than goofy.."
October 2, 2011 –
page 13
3.06% "Ivy had her nose in a book and Gabriel was deep in concentration, composing on his guitar. His expert fingers massaged the chords gently and they seemed to answer his silent command. Eh? Wait, whut? Okay so he "massages" the chords...try "pluck" next time Ally, since that's actually how you play a guitar. Who massages the strings when they play a guitar? I mean, really!"
October 2, 2011 –
page 13
3.06% "Ivy had her nose in a book and Gabriel was deep in concentration, composing on his guitar. His expert fingers massaged the chords gently and they seemed to answer his silent command. Eh? Wait, whut? Okay so he "massages" the chords...try "pluck" next time Ally, since that's actually how you play a guitar. Who massages the strings when they play a guitar? I mean, really!"
October 2, 2011 –
page 14
3.29% "I joined them and knelt down to pat my dog, Phantom, who was sleeping soundly with his head resting on his giant, silky paws. Silky paws? Lol, Adornetto, lol."
October 2, 2011 –
page 18
4.24% "I wanted them to know that Taylah was out there still, only now she was free. I wanted to tell them about Heaven and the peace she would find there. But, of course, sharing any of that knowledge was impossible. Not only would I be breaking our most sacred code and exposing our presence on earth, but I’d also be instantly kicked out of the group for being a lunatic. What kind of idiot is she?"
October 2, 2011 –
page 19
4.47% "Gray clouds rolled ominously overhead, but the girls never went inside unless there was absolutely no alternative. As usual they sat with their hair perfectly coiffed and their skirts hitched up, soaking up the weak rays of sunlight (...) Skirts hitched up? Um, okay that's a little weird. Ally does know what that means, right?"
October 2, 2011 –
page 19
4.47% "“Okay, don’t take the quiz,” Hallie cut in. “Just answer a few questions, okay?” “Shoot,” I said. “What’s your favorite football team?” “Dallas Cowboys,” I said without hesitation. “And why’s that?” Hallie asked. “Because it’s Xavier’s favorite team.” There is something deeply wrong with this, and if there is a god I will pray to him in hopes that I'm not the only one who thinks so."
October 2, 2011 –
page 27
6.35% "“He’s coming over to make barbecue ribs.” “Since when do you like ribs?” The girls raised their eyebrows. “Xavier likes them.” WHAT THE EVERLONGING...WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS GIRL?! HAS SHE NO LIFE OUTSIDE OF HER SIGNIFICANT OTHER?!"
October 2, 2011 –
page 35
8.24% "Huggie bear? Whut?"
October 2, 2011 –
page 43
10.12% "Hm...page fourty three huh? PLOOOT? OHHHH PLOOOTTTT? There you are! I thought I'd never find you for a moment!"
October 2, 2011 –
page 53
12.47% "*stares at page* BWAHAHAHAHAHAAUAUAUAHAHAHAA!!! *wipes tear* Okay, okay I-I'm done...that was the dumbest thing in the history of dumb. Did a group of amateur teenage girls really just summon the Prince of Hell from a Ouija board? Please tell me I mis-read something. Wait...no I didn't. It's in the summary of the book. Hm. Wow. This really is as stupid as I thought."
October 2, 2011 –
page 65
15.29% "XAVIER IS HURT!!! DID YOU HEAR THAT, XAVIER IS HURT OHHH MAHHH GOOODDD NOT XAVIER LAWD PLEASE NOT XA-wait...I don't really care do I? Hm. No, not really."
October 2, 2011 –
page 65
15.29% "I'm going to go to bed now...I'll get back to you later tomorrow you sad excuse for a novel. Thank you and goodnight! (And I'm glad everyone liked my statuses!)"
October 3, 2011 –
page 65
15.29% "AH NOW I HAVE TO COME BACK. Shit. It feels like a chore."
October 3, 2011 –
page 67
15.76% "The only one I like is Ben. And he's only had four to five lines."
October 3, 2011 –
page 69
16.24% "JUST GET OFF THE GODDAMN BIKE YOU FREAKING IDIOT IT ISN'T FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE! GRROAAAARRRR!"
October 3, 2011 –
page 69
16.24% "JUST GET OFF THE GODDAMN BIKE YOU FREAKING IDIOT IT ISN'T FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE! GRROAAAARRRR!"
October 3, 2011 –
page 72
16.94% "I think I just read the dumbest fucking kidnapping scene EVER TO BE WRITTEN ON A GODDAMN PAGE. AND YES I WILL CONTINUE TO CURSE IN THESE UPDATES AS I PLEASE AND ANYONE WHO EVEN MENTIONS IT WILL GET CHOPPED UP INTO LITTLE PIECES AND THEN PROMPTLY EXPLODED."
October 3, 2011 –
page 72
16.94% "Every fiber in my body yearned to return to Xavier. My one true love. The light of my life. (..) My pain was so all consuming that I hardly cared where Jake was taking me to or what horrors awaited. Hm, nope, let's not think about where this creepy perv is taking you or try and figure out how to get off of of the damn bike. Let's moon over Xavier. Freaking idiot."
October 3, 2011 –
page 72
16.94% "I was willing to pardon any crime, but one against Xavier, and so help me, God, Jake would get his comeuppance. NOPE THAT'S NOT SAD AND SELFISH AT ALL."
October 3, 2011 –
page 78
18.35% "Pride the nightclub. Besides the fact that I think pride is a pretty fucking stupid reason to condemn someone to eternal torture and suffering, OH MAH GOD A NIGHTCLUB THEY IZ SOOOOO EVILS NOO POOR BETHIE! That was sarcasm."
October 3, 2011 –
page 79
18.59% "P-piercings...leather...BLACK NAIL POLISH?! OH MY GOD SO SCARY! N-not to mention THE PLATFORM SHOES OH MAH LAWD THAT REALLY IS HELL!"
October 3, 2011 –
page 83
19.53% "Just waltz right into hell, Bethie-McDumbdumb. Good job."
October 3, 2011 –
page 85
20.0% "OH NO A MINISKIRT!! I find those things atrocious myself and I would never wear one, but in Hell, really Adornetto?"
October 3, 2011 –
page 87
20.47% "“By Hades you don’t mean … you can’t mean …” I faltered. (...) “Otherwise known as Hell,” the receptionist said breezily. “But don’t let Mr. Thorn catch you calling it that. He prefers the more classical name." *stomps foot angrily* GODDAMNIT! I am not even a real friggin mythology nerd AND I KNOW THAT'S SHIT WRONG ADORNETTO!"
October 3, 2011 –
page 87
20.47% "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M ONLY TWENTY ONE PERCENT DONE WITH THIS CRAP?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"
October 3, 2011 –
page 89
20.94% "And I depart to bed again...how long is it going to be before I finish this book? GROOOAAAARRRR....oarrrrr...rrrr...."
October 4, 2011 –
page 92
21.65% "Describing yourself in the mirror, eh Bethie? I SEE WHAT U DID THERE, ADORNETTO, I SEE WHAT U DID THERE. NIIIICE TRY, but mirror or no mirror a useless chance taken to describe a character's appearance is always a useless chance taken to describe a character's appearance. Tch."
October 4, 2011 –
page 93
21.88% "“Excuse me, miss, would you like me to make up your room now or should I come back later?” Her manner was diffident, and she kept her eyes downcast to avoid eye contact. Spoken like a true third person narrator! Oh, wait, you mean this isn't third person? Well, shit..."
October 4, 2011 –
page 95
22.35% "Big...Daddy... I was warned about this. I read countless reviews, countless comments that told of this name. But yet I still find myself staring blankly at the screen as if I had picked up this novel without any knowledge of what awaited me."
October 4, 2011 –
page 98
23.06% "I didn’t feel frightened now that I was going to come face-to-face with him(Jake) again. (...) He’d done his worst; there was nothing further he could do to hurt me. He took you away from your precious Xavier, so fucking what. There is still far worse he can do to you, and I hope he does do it, you dumbass, because you certainly deserve it, that's what."
October 4, 2011 –
page 98
23.06% "“What do you think of my club rats?” Jake boasted. “Damned to drink and dance for eternity! That was my idea.” Sweet baby Jesus...DRINKING AND DANCING?! WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK...JAKE THORN YOU GODDAMN SADIST YOU! WHAT KIND OF SICK, SICK PERSON WOULD MAKE SOMEONE ELSE DRINK AND, DARE I EVEN SAY, DANCE?!"
October 4, 2011 –
page 100
23.53% "“Really?” I retorted. “I would’ve thought over-the-top is just the way you like it, being the big drama queen you are.” I tried to make my words as offensive as I could. I was in no mood to humor him. OOOOH! You called him a drama queen! Bethie, youz baaaaadddddd! /sarcasm"
October 4, 2011 –
page 100
23.53% "Jake twisted his mouth into an O of mock surprise and clamped his fingers over it. “My, my, we’ve learned to be catty. That’s a good thing. You can’t go through life always being Little Bo Peep.” *eyetwitch* CALLING SOMEONE A DRAMA QUEEN IS NOT BEING CATTY. Calling someone a idiotic fuckwad who is sad excuse for a human being and who should not be wasting air, now that's being fucking catty."
October 4, 2011 –
page 104
24.47% "I was choking back tears. “Wasn’t it enough to abduct me? How dare you hurt him! You’re a vicious, heartless coward.” Rage suddenly replaced my distress. My hands curled into fists and began beating at Jake’s chest. He didn’t try to stop me but simply waited for the anger to subside. Alexandra Adornetto and her self insert character Bethie: taking feminism back a good seventy years every single time."
October 4, 2011 –
page 106
24.94% "As the realization of my own stupidity sank in, Jake began to laugh. I'm starting to like you, Jake."
October 4, 2011 –
page 107
25.18% "“You are home,” Jake said in a flat voice. He pressed my hands to his chest. His flesh felt as malleable as dough, and for an awful second I thought my fingers would sink right into the hollow cavity where his heart should have been. HUMAN PLAYDOUGH!! I've always wanted that much playdough, and compressed so neatly? Another point for Jake!"
October 4, 2011 –
page 110
25.88% "Those involved were doomed to relive it infinitely. The other figures scattered around me were each reliving their own crimes of the past: murder, rape, assault, adultery, theft, betrayal. The list seemed endless. Eh...just a guess, but wouldn't a rapist like to relive their rapes forever and ever? You know, because they're rapists?"
October 5, 2011 –
page 121
28.47% "I gave the woman a closer look and remembered her instantly as the tattooed barmaid from Pride. It would have been hard to forget the annihilating look she’d given me then. She gave me a fleeting glance this time as if my presence were too immaterial to take up any more of her time. Is this Asia? It is. I like Asia."
October 5, 2011 –
page 122
28.71% "“So what’s with the Mary Sue outfit?” Asia asked, plucking at the frilly sleeve of my dress. “You got some fetish for Southern belles? It’s very pure. That’s what this is all about, right? But did you really have to dress her like she’s twelve?” “No one dressed me,” I snapped. “Oh, how cute!” Asia threw me a scathing look. “It talks.” I really, really like Asia."
October 5, 2011 –
page 125
29.41% "Jake, I don't like the way you're treating Asia because of Bethany. You're losing points, pronto."
October 5, 2011 –
page 126
29.65% "I edged away from him, but his grip on my arm tightened and he began tracing the network of veins beneath the translucent skin. Eh...Allie is aware that translucent means semi-transparent, not pale, right?"
October 13, 2011 – Finished Reading
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: annoyed-after-reading
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: author-steaming-mug-of-stfu
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: boooored
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: for-the-motherfucking-lulz
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: i-wish-i-hadn-t-read-this
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: no-just-no
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: nothing-special
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: omfg-it-s-a-series
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: pure-bullshit-from-concentrate
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: what-the-everlonging-fuck
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: why-did-i-read-this
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: wtf-dude
October 14, 2011 – Shelved as: wtf-is-this

Comments Showing 1-50 of 201 (201 new)


message 1: by Becca-Rawr (new)

Becca-Rawr I was sent an arc of Hades, and I'm sort of looking forward to reading it. But I want to read Halo first, just to be fair...


message 2: by Kogiopsis (new)

Kogiopsis Rebecca, don't do it! Unless you feel like snarking, I suppose.


Sev, have you ever seen the anime Angel Beats? There's a character who gets distracted (and killed a couple times as a result) by cute things much in the same way I imagine Bethie would.


message 3: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Rebecca: DO IT DO IT DO IT

Anilla: D: ....wow. Okay, that sounds sad. Very, very sad. Sad as in pathetic, not melancholy.


message 4: by Becca-Rawr (new)

Becca-Rawr Conflicting orders! 'Tis so confusing...


message 5: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Shit muffin?

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


message 6: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Adorshitto....!!! Cillain, you kill me. You kill me dead.


message 7: by Becca-Rawr (new)

Becca-Rawr Would you suggest it for a good laughing of the ass off?


Lucy Tearling hahaha. you make jake sounds so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!


message 9: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Lucy wrote: "hahaha. you make jake sounds so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!"

He is! In a creepy, demonic way, I'm sure XD


Katie(babs) Hot man offers me ice cream and kitties, I'd hop on his chopper.


message 11: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert LE GASP! KATIE!

How can you be so naive, girl?!


Miriam Riding a motorcycle with kitties and ice cream? A guy that skilled I would give a chance!


message 13: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Hm, when you put it that way it is quite endearing...

*thinks* How would someone manage that?


Miriam I don't think my cat would ride a motorcycle even if there were ice cream.


message 15: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert You have a smart cat. Smarter than Bethany, anyways. (Not like that's saying much.)


Katie(babs) And if hot demon dude had a puppy, I'd straddle his lap and go vroooooommmmmmmmmmm.


message 17: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Depends on what kind of puppy it was I MEAN no way, that's terrible and naive and dumb! There are a few things I would do for a cute, fluffy puppy like the one in that magazine I saw yesterday, just to pet it once How could you even say such a thing?


Miriam

The puppy is bringing you tissues in case you are weeping over how stupid Bethany is.


message 19: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert AWWWWW!

Thank you, puppy! *takes tissues*


message 20: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Oh, Cillian, always there to crush my hopes and dreams aren't you, darlin?

You're so mean...


message 21: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Well, if it's slime, it's cute puppy slime. Humph.


message 22: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Yeah, well, eh, yeah, well, yeah, well, YEAH.

(Has run out of comebacks)


message 23: by Brigid ✩ (new)

Brigid ✩ HAHAHAHA. I already laughed my ass off at the idea of Bethany being tricked by the idea of kittens...

I can't wait for the whole review. I'm drooling just thinking about it.


message 24: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert After reading I take it back...being tricked by kittens is way too smart for her. Jake would just have to tell her to get on and she would without question, she's such an idiot...

Oh, expect it either today or tomorrow! Since I say that expect it in about a week. I SWEAR I WILL MEET MY OWN DEADLINES THIS TIME. I SWEARZ IT.


message 25: by Brigid ✩ (new)

Brigid ✩ I'm so excited. You have no idea.
I've read like a billion wonderful reviews of this book and it never gets old...
I have yet to suffer through read/review it myself, though. :P


message 26: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Well that's great! I'll try to put enough snark and rage to appease all lol >:)

NO DON'T DO IT! GACK! I mean, please do so there are more low rating and bad reviews. Counter advice, I know, but my first instinct is to tell people to stay away from this horror, that's all...


message 27: by Brigid ✩ (new)

Brigid ✩ Shweet. :)

Haha, you know telling me not to read it will make me want to read it more....


message 28: by P. (new)

P. Oh, Mello, you poor thing.
*hands over a box of chocolates*
Got these from my factory. Hope they make you feel better.

Also, I rated this one star and I haven't read it. All the reviews I read for it have given me a good idea of what kind of shit is inside it.

OH, and TOPH! Yay TOPH!


message 29: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert T-thank you Palice...*sobs while eating chocolate*

Good, good! And let me personally assure you -- those reviews were all right. I thought, I don't know, I thought there would be something redeemable about this...I-I-I was w-wrong....

TOPH ROCKS! One appearance from her makes the review brighter!


message 30: by P. (new)

P. Awwh...

And yes, Toph makes the review a lot brighter! I love her.


message 31: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Palice wrote: "Awwh...

And yes, Toph makes the review a lot brighter! I love her."


She's remained my favorite character in Avatar besides foaming mouth guy, who always has a special place in my heart C:


message 32: by P. (new)

P. Mello wrote: "Palice wrote: "Awwh...

And yes, Toph makes the review a lot brighter! I love her."

She's remained my favorite character in Avatar besides foaming mouth guy, who always has a special place in my ..."


Lol, Toph's my favorite too. Zuko and Iroh come second.

I'm sorry, but... I never really liked the foaming mouth guy. The first time he showed up, I was like, "Ewww dude, calm yourself." LOL. I like the cabbage guy. He always got his cabbages destroyed. :-(


message 33: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Paige wrote: "I applaud you for both this awesome review and for making it through Hades. That book was so, so disgusting.

Be thankful you read edited, censored Adornetto and not raw Adornetto. As bad as the f..."


Thank you, thank you *bows*

Hades is worse than ANGEL STAR. And we all know how I felt about that...I couldn't even finish Angel Star, but this, this was....*froths*

YOU READ AN ARC?! My suffering pales in comparison to yours. I can only imagine...

I heard of the gas pedal thing, and I couldn't seem to stop laughing. Really? I thought, This book can't possibly be that stupid.

I WAS WRONG.


message 34: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Karen wrote: "I can't believe my Wifey had to suffer through this.I'm so sorry Mello *sobbing*

It should have been my duty to protect you.

Epic review!"


I-It's fine. This is something I had to learn myself. You can't protect me from everything!

Thank you! Being epic is nice indeed.


message 35: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Palice wrote: "Mello wrote: "Palice wrote: "Awwh...

And yes, Toph makes the review a lot brighter! I love her."

She's remained my favorite character in Avatar besides foaming mouth guy, who always has a specia..."


B-but he's so adorkable! Well, okay :(

Funny, I always found myself feeling sorry and yet annoyed at the cabbage guy. He obviously had terrible, terrible luck. Yet wasn't he the one who got them arrested in the King Bumi episode? He loved his cabbages too much...


message 36: by Cait (new) - rated it 1 star

Cait Amenamenamenamenamenamen! And the guy who takes off his shirt to slam on that other guy=fucking awesomeness. Now I get to see it on my review and your review!


message 37: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Cait wrote: "Amenamenamenamenamenamen! And the guy who takes off his shirt to slam on that other guy=fucking awesomeness. Now I get to see it on my review and your review!"

I came across it while looking for anger gifs AND I HAD TO USE IT IT'S JUST FULL OF WIN.


message 38: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert YEAHHHHHHHH!


message 39: by P. (new)

P. Mello wrote: "Palice wrote: "Mello wrote: "Palice wrote: "Awwh...

And yes, Toph makes the review a lot brighter! I love her."

She's remained my favorite character in Avatar besides foaming mouth guy, who alwa..."


Was he the one who got them arrested? Really? I don't remember. It was just sad that he ALWAYS had his cabbages ruined. I mean, just imagine him growing them, and then traveling with them to all those cities just to sell them, and then they get destroyed! That's a lot of work, and he didn't look like he sold any either. Poor guy.

I can't believe I'm feeling sorry for a character that wasn't even important.

Yeah, I guess foaming mouth guy is adorable... until he starts foaming. Ew.


message 40: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Well, when you say it that way I feel sorry for him too :'(

POOR CABBAGE GUY!

Well, the foaming is the intriguing part. (Did I just say that?)


message 41: by P. (new)

P. Okay, okay, foaming mouth guy is adorkable, in a... funny sort of intriguing way.


message 42: by Cait (new) - rated it 1 star

Cait Mello wrote: "Cait wrote: "Amenamenamenamenamenamen! And the guy who takes off his shirt to slam on that other guy=fucking awesomeness. Now I get to see it on my review and your review!"

I came across it while ..."


WIN IS AWESOME! WIN IN THE WINNEST WIN EVAH! SLAP MAN EPITOMIZES THAT WIN! Ahem.....sorry for the spazz-fest.


message 43: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Palice wrote: "Okay, okay, foaming mouth guy is adorkable, in a... funny sort of intriguing way."

*smug* I knew you'd give in!


message 44: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Cait wrote: "Mello wrote: "Cait wrote: "Amenamenamenamenamenamen! And the guy who takes off his shirt to slam on that other guy=fucking awesomeness. Now I get to see it on my review and your review!"

I came ac..."


Cait, I welcome spazzing, especially when it's spazzing of truth.


message 45: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Awesome. Just awesome. This series is absolute shit. It is completely worthless. I thought words could not describe the kind of rage induced by reading this series, but you've come pretty close. The pictures help too.

I also wanted to throw the book against the wall but seeing as how I was reading it on my iPhone that would have cost me hundreds of dollars. And you know, it was still tempting.


message 46: by Cait (new) - rated it 1 star

Cait Mello wrote: "Cait wrote: "Mello wrote: "Cait wrote: "Amenamenamenamenamenamen! And the guy who takes off his shirt to slam on that other guy=fucking awesomeness. Now I get to see it on my review and your review..."

Yes, spazzing of truth is very......truthful! And do you mean this foaming mouth guy?


because yes he's adorable!


message 47: by P. (new)

P. Mello, there's no need to be all smug about it.

And Cait, yeah, we were talking about that guy.

I think... I've changed my mind again. There's nothing adorable about him. Ew.


message 48: by Brigid ✩ (new)

Brigid ✩ I think my eyes burned out of their sockets just reading this review. And I may have thrown up in my mouth once or twice. Gosh, that preachy, annoying, little ... GAAHHHH. x_x It's atrocious. The fact that this stuff gets published, and that Adornetto is pretty much the most successful teenage author at this time .... It literally makes my stomach hurt.

Yeah, there is no way I would spend my money on this crap. PIRATING IT IS. I still intend to read it so that I can bring the rating down. And rip it the heck apart.

Anyway ... Thanks for being so brave and reading/reviewing this, Mello. *Applauds* It was simultaneously excruciating and hilarious. :D Also I likeys the Avatar gifs. <3


message 49: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Lisa wrote: "Awesome. Just awesome. This series is absolute shit. It is completely worthless. I thought words could not describe the kind of rage induced by reading this series, but you've come pretty close..."

Thank you :D

I tried my best to capture the rage and terror you'd experience reading this book, but I think I still fell flat. It's just, argh.

I will refrain from throwing my computer against the wall if you do the same for your iPhone, yeah?

HIGH FIVE FOR REFRAINING FROM BREAKING $100+ ELECTRONICS! YEAHHH!


message 50: by John (new) - rated it 1 star

John Egbert Cait wrote: "Mello wrote: "Cait wrote: "Mello wrote: "Cait wrote: "Amenamenamenamenamenamen! And the guy who takes off his shirt to slam on that other guy=fucking awesomeness. Now I get to see it on my review a..."

Yes, that foaming mouth guy! It'd be nice if he had made a second appearance, I think.


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