Anzu The Great Destroyer's Reviews > Exclusively Yours

Exclusively Yours by Shannon Stacey
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I started reading this as an accident of fate. Yes you read it well! Me and my friend Aly decided we should do a “group” (or whatever you wanna call it) read. We picked a couple of books, numbered ‘em and then used an online random number chooser thing to pick what to read. This was the result. It was actually a nice experiment. Worked for my friend, didn’t work for me.

This review will be a bad one. I hated the book; I won’t be nice so in case you’re into this type of books you should probably stop reading now. If you want my opinion on this, keep on reading.

So we have the dude. He’s a writer and, in my personal opinion, a big loser. He’s still living with his family, hiding stuff from his mum, taking sh*t from his brothers and so on. He is a big fancy writer so I was expecting him to f*ck off everyone and live a depressed solitary life. But I guess that’s just me…

The chick is a total idiot. Typical case of stuck-up, successful (to a point) city woman paying nature a visit. She acts all blonde, says stupid things (heh! She kinda reminds me of the Legally Blonde chick – did I mention I hate Legally Blonde??) and fears raccoons like one would fear a crazed crocodile. Yep, I shite you not!

Now the whole feeling of the book is one big fat huge damn telenovela (did I mention I also hate telenovelas???). I duno who did duno what to duno who and he did duno what back to her. Highschool drama and broken friendships (that got fixed too easy – if I’m not wrong… did it actually get fixed? I don’t even remember). Too many kids (God I hate kids…) doing stupid stuff. Guys acting like machos and failing at it. B-O-R-I-N-G and annoying!

I tried to like this book! I really did but it had too much sh*t for me to handle.

Keri seems like a bad person (she’s even annoying during sex). I get that people break up when they’re young (and when they’re old so I guess that makes it all the time) but at least I’d expect her to show a bit of feelings. She’s talking about leaving Joe like she gave up some shoes she didn’t like anymore. She goes back to her hometown and meets the guy who’s gonna end up the love of her life and does what? Gets all hot n sweaty ‘cuz he looks good and remembers how perfect they were together and then talks about leaving so easily. So this shows lack of feeling and shows what a bad person she is. I can’t get to like her and I don’t like reading books where i can’t even like the main characters.

I respect Joe fighting for what he wants or what he thinks is his but I can’t respect him for being an idiot. Yes he is an idiot. That’s the key word when it comes to Joe Whatever-the-hell-his-name-is. Get over damn higschool you’re a f*cking successful writer you can do better than that! Oh and speaking of the Mighty Joe, why does the author have to mention his erection every five pages? He’s horny, we get it already!!! Let it go!!!

Aaand of course shell betray his trust, aaand of course we’ll have two more chapters of drama followed by tears and flying dishes, and in the end they kiss and make up and move to the city where Joe lives. They have kids and live happily ever after. I insist on mentioning that in 69% through the book when I’m writing this.

Aaand in the end the story ended up like I said it will. I will be honest (and not harsh) and give it one star. Why? First of all I didn’t like any characters. And I mean it. Joe was an idiot, Keri was annoying, Terry was stupid and the rest of the characters irrelevant. Two, the story was nonsense. Too predictable, boring and mediocre. Three, lack of emotions between the main characters. Yes she wrote about them hanging out, making love and whatever the hell they were doing but i didn’t feel any spark between them. I didn’t feel any connection forming between them, didn’t have any reaction when they were in trouble or when they had the typical sentimental moments at the end. Four, the cover sucks. Sorry, I love a good cover so it has a part in my rating, however small this may be. Five, no epic quotes. I’m a quote monster so it matters to me.

So that’s it. Harsh probably, but it was not my thing. I will avoid this series and probably the author as well.

Top 5 quotes (yes, I still did one - ZOMG)

#5 “Why did you kiss me?” she asked suddenly, her gaze like an interrogator’s spotlight on his face.
“Glitch in the space-time continuum, I guess. Old habits die hard and all that.” Chickenshit.

#4 “Dan. Take a breath.”
“Oh, I’m taking so many breaths I’m hyperventilating. I need to put a fucking bag over my mouth. Or maybe put a bag over your head because your brains are leaking out.”

#3 “That’s right.” Keri frowned at him. “How do you remember that? You were behind us in school.”
“Her yearbook photos, especially the cheerleading candids. Sometimes I’d—” he paused, obviously remembering Steph’s presence, “—have them nearby while checking myself for ticks.”

#2 "She likes me better because she doesn’t have to wash my underwear. Plus I’m better lookin’.”
Mike laughed. “You keep telling yourself that while I’m getting laid out in the woods, my friend.”
“You just like it out there because the mosquito bites make your dick look bigger.”

#1 “If you’re looking for sympathy, it’s between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”

Read the review on ZombieHazard.
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Reading Progress

July 27, 2011 – Started Reading
July 27, 2011 – Shelved
July 28, 2011 –
July 29, 2011 –
July 30, 2011 –
July 30, 2011 – Finished Reading
August 1, 2011 –
99.0% "I'm done so gotta write le review"
August 1, 2011 – Shelved as: the-hate-it-burns
August 18, 2011 – Shelved as: buddy-or-group-read
December 29, 2011 – Shelved as: is-it-just-me-goddammit
January 11, 2012 – Shelved as: whiny-bitches
May 4, 2012 – Shelved as: kill-it-with-fire
May 5, 2012 – Shelved as: reviewed-2011
May 5, 2012 – Shelved as: wtf-am-i-doing
May 11, 2012 – Shelved as: stabby-stabby
May 14, 2012 – Shelved as: masters-of-snoozeville
May 16, 2012 – Shelved as: cheesetacular
August 7, 2012 – Shelved as: lit-for-the-chicks
August 7, 2012 – Shelved as: romance-contemporary
September 19, 2012 – Shelved as: facepalm

Comments (showing 1-16)

dateUp arrow    newest »

Aly is so frigging bored I liked your review 'cuz it's so damn funny :)) even if I don't agree with you :D

message 15: by Anzu (new) - rated it 1 star

Anzu The Great Destroyer Eeeh?? Like the cat?? :>

Aly is so frigging bored I looks like it's on crack :)) I hope no animals were hurt in the process of writing that review ;;)

message 13: by Michelle (new) - added it

Michelle [Helen Geek] Perfection!

message 12: by Anzu (new) - rated it 1 star

Anzu The Great Destroyer :D

message 11: by Brittany B. (new)

Brittany B. I love your reviews of bad books!! You and Aly are so funny.

Aly is so frigging bored Bad book reviews are usually great :D

message 9: by Brittany B. (last edited Jun 25, 2012 06:45PM) (new)

Brittany B. Aly (Lothaire) Daciano wrote: "Bad book reviews are usually great :D"

Aly, I love it when you two disagree. I've said this before, I know, but I forgot how much it made me smile when I first started following the two of you.
Also Anzu is an intimidating force, but you never back down. That gives you GR "street cred"... Lol.
Anzu, I often like the same books as Aly, but I always appreciate your bad reviews. This one in particular is impressive. The "sympathy in the dictionary" line is classic!

Aly is so frigging bored I really am glad that we make people smile :)

message 7: by Anzu (new) - rated it 1 star

Anzu The Great Destroyer I don't start a book thinking omg I'm sooo gonna kill you bitch!. Ok, sometimes I do. But not this time. I read and I get angry and I start taking notes on the Kindle. And then I finish the book and I'm still angry. And then I transfer my notes and read them again and remember how angry I was at the time and get even more angry. And then I need a way of releasing my anger and I choose doing it through the review :D Thus lots of negative feelings -> filter -> funny review.

I'm a hater, I know. My good book reviews are rarely funny :/

Aly and I have chemistry *wiggles eyebrows* I know she secretly hates me and wants to kill me. But I'm cool with that.

Aly is so frigging bored I loves you! How can you say that? I think you are projecting!

I love your process btw :))

message 5: by Anzu (new) - rated it 1 star

Anzu The Great Destroyer You do? ;;) You really love me? ;;)

It's a healthy process. My mind feels free after I'm done :))

Aly is so frigging bored I sure do! You iz the love of my life!!!

Yhea, it is :D And I am glad that you feel better afterwards :D even if you trash a book I like! See how generous I am?! :P:D

message 3: by Brittany B. (new)

Brittany B. (Idiot american feels left out of the Romania connection)


message 2: by Anzu (new) - rated it 1 star

Anzu The Great Destroyer We love everyone! Group hug!!!

You spoil me my dear Aly. Always.

Aly is so frigging bored I'll be making ice cream and lemon curd today, I'll send you some, telepathically :D


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