Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish)'s Reviews > Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
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Jul 24, 2011

did not like it
bookshelves: flounce, pathetic-and-or-stupid-female-lead, wtf-is-this, caused-me-rage, disappointing, lurking-pedobear, ugh-first-person, speshul-snowflake, judging-you, i-hope-the-mayans-were-right, apparently-theft-is-okay, lowest-common-denominator, we-deserve-the-apocalypse, wtf-is-wrong-with-you-people, trees-died-for-this-crap, supports-theft-rh, chris-brown-would-be-proud, this-is-not-a-romance, male-lead-who-needs-a-junk-punch, me-and-ranty-mcgee, drank-the-haterade, author-needs-a-muzzle, not-for-realreal-just-for-playplay, curiosity-killed-the-cat, my-masochism-is-not-the-sexy-kind, ftlog-stop-calling-it-her-sex
Recommended to Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) by: I'm actually still talking to her.
Recommended for: Coma patients, no wait, they have enough problems.

See below for Master of the Universe Fifty Shades of Grey: A Summary. I read this trash so you don't have to.


This was a poorly written, utterly ridiculous, never ending mess as a fan fiction. The speed with which they "published" this indicates that they merely conducted a find and replace on the names and did not put in a good faith edit or rewrite the highly problematic storylines (read: the entire thing). The writing is insipid and juvenile. The characters are static, one dimensional, and unbelievably vacuous. (And also sound suspiciously and consistently British though they are supposed to be American.) In addition to the theft of intellectual property committed here it is not worth your time. If you like reading about incredibly stupid women, females being treated like the family pet in a relationship and marriage (outside of the poorly executed initial BDSM relationship), and no character development do a Google search for "Master of the Universe" and you'll find a residual copy of the original floating around. Save yourself the money and don't reward this unethical enterprise.

Added: A summary of Fifty Shades of Grey Master of the Universe.

Written to save a friend the . . . effort. . . of reading this – may my brain's sacrifice not be in vain. This story is not original fiction, therefore names will not be changed from the original as I will not protect this author or her "publisher."
*Language Warning*


(view spoiler)
–––
My Fifty Shades Darker review.
My Fifty Shades Freed review.
My review of the Bundle. It includes some important points I didn't include in these reviews.
Links of Interest
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Reading Progress

03/05/2016 marked as: flounce

Comments (showing 51-100 of 919) (919 new)


Sandra Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "Good Lord, I just found that part in the actual story. O__o
“When did you start your period, Anastasia?” he asks out of the blue, gazing down at me.

“Err... yesterday,” I mumble in my highly arous..."


Yep. Just like the fanfic.


message 52: by Beate (new)

Beate I just feel really sorry for all the suckers who unwittingly buy this because of all the "brilliant" "reviews" it has gotten. And it saddens me that so many people are dumb enough to actually support this piece of shit. Goes to prove that if one idiot goes ahead of the pack and says something is great, the sheep will follow.

Though your summary of this "brilliance" never stops to amuse me. :)


Sandra Audrey wrote: "So I take it you all are *ahem* thrilled that this book took home second place this year in the Goodreads Choice Awards for Best Romance? *wiggles eyebrows*"

The power of the sheeple.


message 54: by rameau (last edited Dec 06, 2011 12:19PM) (new) - added it

rameau Beate wrote: "I just feel really sorry for all the suckers who unwittingly buy this because of all the "brilliant" "reviews" it has gotten. And it saddens me that so many people are dumb enough to actually suppo..."

Don't we all.

Does anyone know how Goodread chooses to show the groups, which have listed the book on their bookshelf, on the book profile? Is it random or based on membership numbers? Because there are thirteen in total and all those groups look to have hundreds if not thousands of members. Pull2Pub would need to triple it's members to compete under those requirements.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) I know at this point I shouldn't still be surprised by things like this, but I am.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "Does anyone know how Goodread chooses to show the groups, which have listed the book on their bookshelf, on the book profile? Is it random or based on membership numbers? Because there are thirteen in total and all those groups look to have hundreds if not thousands of members. Pull2Pub would need to triple it's members to compete under those requirements..."

That's a good question. I bet it is by numbers. I wish the numbers of people who have it shelved as "reworked fanfiction" would increase exponentially, too.


message 57: by Karla (new) - rated it 1 star

Karla I created that shelf for this book. Since I'm not in the Twilight fandom, I didn't know the connection until I started reading it, thought it sucked, and looked for the scarce 2 stars and under reviews. But looking at Beate's fanfiction & cheap-ploy shelves, there's apparently a ton that are reworked fic! I have a problem with that on principle, no matter if I'm in the particular fandoms or not.


message 58: by Michelle (new)

Michelle Alicia wrote: Hahaha, I couldn't remember what the partner of her "inner goddess" was. Now that I do maybe I'll have them make an appearance in the summary. Also, I'm actually surprised that it was only 80 and 58 mentions. The seemed to pop up a lot.

Remember, it's only the first 'book'. They can clock up another 300 appearances in the next two parts.


message 59: by Beate (new)

Beate rameau wrote: "Beate wrote: "I just feel really sorry for all the suckers who unwittingly buy this because of all the "brilliant" "reviews" it has gotten. And it saddens me that so many people are dumb enough to ..."

I think it's ranked by latest comment made. Newest stuff always on top. Think that goes for pretty much everything.


message 60: by Beate (new)

Beate Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "I created that shelf for this book. Since I'm not in the Twilight fandom, I didn't know the connection until I started reading it, thought it sucked, and looked for the scarce 2 stars and under reviews. But looking at Beate's fanfiction & cheap-ploy shelves, there's apparently a ton that are reworked fic! I have a problem with that on principle, no matter if I'm in the particular fandoms or not."

I made those shelves specifically to warn off people who don't want to read this garble. Unfortunately, my shelves disappear in the masses. :-/


message 61: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Beate wrote: "rameau wrote: "Beate wrote: "I just feel really sorry for all the suckers who unwittingly buy this because of all the "brilliant" "reviews" it has gotten. And it saddens me that so many people are ..."

Except for the reviews under friends and people who you follow. There's three filters: default, newest, and oldest. Default filter is a mystery to me.


message 62: by Beate (new)

Beate rameau wrote: "Except for the reviews under friends and people who you follow. There's three filters: default, newest, and oldest. Default filter is a mystery to me."

Once I scroll past friends' reviews - on default, it seems that it always puts the newest reviews on top. And it does so all over the place, so I figured it would be the same for everyone. But then again, maybe not...?


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "I created that shelf for this book. Since I'm not in the Twilight fandom, I didn't know the connection until I started reading it, thought it sucked, and looked for the scarce 2 stars and under rev..."

Yes, there are a ton. It's sickening. It's not that I wanted to announce having read this stuff to the world, but I am so against what they're doing I couldn't stay quiet. Maybe there's something about how terrible Twilight is that drew so many selfish, entitled, unethical people into the fandom (that describes Bella to a T). There are plenty of great people, but the other side of the coin is quite dark. (And no, don't ask how I ended up in a fandom for books I hate. I still don't know. I plead law school.) I haven't heard of any other fandom having so many people do this (and two fandom "publishing" houses to churn this crap out to boot).


message 64: by Karla (new) - rated it 1 star

Karla I think the default is organized by the number of likes? At least for the first several. Then it all seems willy-nilly.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Michelle wrote: "Remember, it's only the first 'book'. They can clock up another 300 appearances in the next two parts..."

That is a good point. I still don't know exactly where this one ends. So I may be thinking of where the first part of the fic ended.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Beate wrote: "Once I scroll past friends' reviews - on default, it seems that it always puts the newest reviews on top. And it does so all over the place, so I figured it would be the same for everyone. But then again, maybe not...?..."

It always seems to come up differently to me. So I never knew there might be rhyme or reason to it. And since you apparently can't see your own reviews in the default view it makes it even harder to tell.


message 67: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "I think the default is organized by the number of likes? At least for the first several. Then it all seems willy-nilly."

It would be true, but for the proof we currently have. The last time I checked Alicia had more likes but less reviews and was still in third(?) place on the list when I logged out.


message 68: by MLE (new)

MLE I'm kind of mystified how this made second place in the romance category. I mean the one quote on here made me throw up a little, and reach for the can of mental Lysol.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Emily wrote: "I'm kind of mystified how this made second place in the romance category. I mean the one quote on here made me throw up a little, and reach for the can of mental Lysol."

Haha, right? Ugh just so awful. My theory is a ton of sock accounts rating and voting. Though that doesn't excuse such poor taste.


message 70: by MLE (new)

MLE That seems like the most sound theory I've heard so far.


message 71: by Karla (new) - rated it 1 star

Karla rameau wrote: "It would be true, but for the proof we currently have. The last time I checked Alicia had more likes but less reviews and was still in third(?) place on the list when I logged out."

I see what you mean. Alicia's review used to be in 2nd place with the 2nd highest # of likes, but for some reason another person with fewer likes has jumped ahead of her. Just happens to be a 5 star review. Huh. Wonder if the # of friends is a factor. Highly networked reviewers get preference?


message 72: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "I see what you mean. Alicia's review used to be in 2nd place with the 2nd highest # of likes, but for some reason another person with fewer likes has jumped ahead of her. Just happens to be a 5 star review. Huh. Wonder if the # of friends is a factor. Highly networked reviewers get preference? "

I see that the third now second review was written by a Goodreads author who just happens to have hundreds of friends, one published book, and has been active in Goodreads since July 2011. I sincerely hope it's not the author status that gives her a higher rating than this. And sorry, I meant comments not reviews at the time. Now this review has more comments and Alicia has more than a double reviews in total than the author reviewer.

I'm starting to sound like a conspiracy theorist, aren't I?


message 73: by Beate (new)

Beate rameau wrote: "I'm starting to sound like a conspiracy theorist, aren't I? "

A little bit, yeah. LOL

Seriously though, I've double checked. And on my end, newest reviews always show up on "default". Or rather, the review that has gotten the newest comment is on top. Looks like it's all down to when the comments on reviews are posted.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) That's definitely not how it is for me. I just clicked on a random book (Blue Smoke) and the top review has 4 likes and was from August 2007, and the second review has 3 likes and was from November 2011. Even though they say this:

about sorting
The default sorting algorithm on Goodreads uses a variety of factors to determine the most interesting reviews. The recipe for our special sauce is a closely guarded trade secret, but the ingredients are: length of the review, number of people who liked it, recency of the review, popularity of the reviewer (i.e. number of people who have liked reviews by that person across all books).


I still don't see any rhyme or reason for it.


message 75: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Because there's none. It's just a random generator at work.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "Because there's none. It's just a random generator at work."

That's so obnoxious, there must be reason! Also, I don't get why they make it so that you can't see your own review on the page. How does that make sense?


message 77: by rameau (new) - added it

rameau Doesn't yours show right under the book blurb? Mine is usually the first after the book information, then friends, then people I follow, then strangers who've reviewed.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) rameau wrote: "Doesn't yours show right under the book blurb? Mine is usually the first after the book information, then friends, then people I follow, then strangers who've reviewed."

Yes, it does, but I mean in the lists of all reviews. It's kind of weird I have to log out to be able to see it there.


message 79: by Karla (new) - rated it 1 star

Karla I can see my review in the list of reviews even if I'm logged in, but it's usually buried a few pages in. SOMETIMES.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) No rhyme or reason! I think I've only seen one of my reviews on a page ONCE. And that was after sorting by one star.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Huh. I just checked the page not logged in and the 5-star review that used to be second is now first. This is still in third.


message 82: by Melanie~~ (new)

Melanie~~ Amazing review. I always wondered about this story (as fanfic) but it seemed so mammoth. It sounds over sexed like the end of Clipped Wings and Inked Armor. Talk about jumping the shark!


message 83: by Beate (new)

Beate Melanie wrote: "Amazing review. I always wondered about this story (as fanfic) but it seemed so mammoth. It sounds over sexed like the end of Clipped Wings and Inked Armor. Talk about jumping the shark!"

Yes!!! LOL I've been saying the same thing about CWAIA! The first 11 chapters were good, lots of plot. Then she got "famous", and it was all about huge dicks and how long he could go...


message 84: by Karla (new) - rated it 1 star

Karla I'm glad I stayed rather obscure in my fandoms. The thought of screaming fangirls panting over every chapter gives me the vapors. :-\


message 85: by Melanie~~ (new)

Melanie~~ IMO, HunterHunting absolutely blew the ending of CW&IA. Her fangirls put her on so high a pedestal that she thought her sh!t didn't stink and that she could do no wrong. I tried posting on a forum page about the story but I wasn't adoring enough to garner any kinship from the hardcores.

I was with her and the story until the last couple of chapters.

What I really want to know about 50 Shades (and if someone would rather PM me than put it in a spoiler here) is why couldn't "Ana" (or presumably anyone) touch his chest? To be honest, finding this out was one of the reasons I was considering tackling this behemoth. If someone would take pity on me and satisfy this bit of curiosity (and save me from reading the MotU pdf), I'd be grateful. LOL


message 86: by Beate (new)

Beate Melanie wrote: "IMO, HunterHunting absolutely blew the ending of CW&IA. Her fangirls put her on so high a pedestal that she thought her sh!t didn't stink and that she could do no wrong. I tried posting on a foru..."

Sorry, can't help with the MOTU, I gave up 5 chapters in. It was just too annoyingly bad to keep up with beyond that. LOL

As for CWAIA, I was very loud and very clear about what I thought about the nosedive the story took after chapter 12. It was more about the dick, than the actual plot.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Hahaha, I heard about CW&IA. People were screeching to high heaven about that thing the first several chapters. Then it imploded into horrendously written smut and they were embarrassed to have ever liked it. Someone was talking about one scene and so I read it and I wanted to head desk my laptop it was so BAD.

Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "I'm glad I stayed rather obscure in my fandoms. The thought of screaming fangirls panting over every chapter gives me the vapors. :-\"

Girl. The first thing you have to understand about fic in that fandom is that smut is key. If your story wasn't more smut than brains (brains being optional – as evidenced by 50 over here), it wasn't popular. And a lot of people liked to pander. It didn't start off that way, but it evolved and made the whole thing trite and useless. Second, back on the subject of this story. The fangirls are seriously off. They've thrown a flipping gala for the writer. They've sent death threats to people.

Melanie wrote: "What I really want to know about 50 Shades (and if someone would rather PM me than put it in a spoiler here) is why couldn't "Ana" (or presumably anyone) touch his chest? To be honest, finding this out was one of the reasons I was considering tackling this behemoth. If someone would take pity on me and satisfy this bit of curiosity (and save me from reading the MotU pdf), I'd be grateful. LOL"

He didn't like to be touched there because of the abuse he suffered from his crackwhore birth mom's pimp (putting out cigarettes on him, etc.) when he was four and under. How that worked when he was subbing for Irina, I don't know. But even when they were being ~vanilla he'd tie Bella up so she couldn't touch him because he'd get freaked out. As much psychological research went into this story as BDSM research.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Beate wrote: "Sorry, can't help with the MOTU, I gave up 5 chapters in. It was just too annoyingly bad to keep up with beyond that. LOL"

Hahaha, see, I thought the first story was freaking hilarious. There were some stories that you read only to mock and this was it. The "sequel" stopped being funny and was just flat-out disturbing.


message 89: by Karla (new) - rated it 1 star

Karla Alicia wrote: "Girl. The first thing you have to understand about fic in that fandom is that smut is key. If your story wasn't more smut than brains (brains being optional – as evidenced by 50 over here), it wasn't popular. And a lot of people liked to pander."

Hmmm, my fandom was LOTR and from the time I spent in that it was the Legolas fangirls and the hardcore elf slashers of endless, drippy epics on one side (aka The Crazies) and everyone else on the other. So I think I'm seeing the similarities. Is it a coincidence that the real nutters in LOTR fandom (that I encountered anyway) were hormonal teens and bitchy middle-aged women? What is it about pale and immortal manmeat that makes fans go bonkers? O___o


message 90: by Beate (new)

Beate Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "Is it a coincidence that the real nutters in LOTR fandom (that I encountered anyway) were hormonal teens and bitchy middle-aged women? What is it about pale and immortal manmeat that makes fans go bonkers? O___o "

It's always hormonal teens and bitchy middle-aged housewives. The former don't know how to deal with their newfound sexual frustrations, and the latter are just plain old sexually frustrated since their men lost interest in them. LOL

And yeah, don't get the pale superskinny manmeat either. I want my men to be men! :D


message 92: by Karla (new) - rated it 1 star

Karla As a Boromir fangirl, I felt starved in the fandom. I liked some Aragorn/Boromir slash, but as for het? Usually he was the stock rapist of the Mary Sues. Rarely did he get interesting chicks of his own. Count me as another member of the "I like my manly men" team.


message 93: by Melanie~~ (new)

Melanie~~ Alicia wrote: "He didn't like to be touched there because of the abuse he suffered from his crackwhore birth mom's pimp (putting out cigarettes on him, etc.) when he was four and under. How that worked when he was subbing for Irina, I don't know. But even when they were being ~vanilla he'd tie Bella up so she couldn't touch him because he'd get freaked out. As much psychological research went into this story as BDSM research. "

Thanks, Alicia. I think that, along with your review, should help me resist wasting my time. Did he have burn scars at least? Never mind. You've given far too much of your valuable time to that story.

Have a wonderful holiday season and thanks for your invaluable assistance in saving the rest of us who are sane enough to listen from having to wade through 50 shades of drivel. ;-)


the other courtney "It's a BDSM miracle!"

Laughing my butt off.


♡ Sassy ~ Amy ♡ I am so glad you wrote this! You saved me $7.99 trying to figure out what ended up happening & you virsion was so much better than the original!!LOVE IT!!


message 96: by Melanie~~ (new)

Melanie~~ Sassy ~ Amy wrote: "I am so glad you wrote this! You saved me $7.99 trying to figure out what ended up happening & you virsion was so much better than the original!!LOVE IT!!"

Actually, she saved you a lot more because there are/will be two other books to complete the story. It was something like 85 chapters in fanfic.


message 97: by Angela (new) - added it

Angela I think this might be the best review I've ever read!!


message 98: by Mary Catherine (new)

Mary Catherine God, this made my day.


message 99: by Karla (new) - rated it 1 star

Karla Congratulations on having the most "likes" by far for a review of this book! :D


Charlene Well guess what, yes the story was a very naughty Twilight Fan Fiction BUT the only closeness it comes to Twilight is the characters and some little references the original story itself was and Still Is very original and so damn proud the story itself has been published due to the fact many people LOVED the fan fic!!


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