Frank Calberg's Reviews > Rising Strong

Rising Strong by Brené Brown
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it was amazing

This is one of the better books I have read. Some extracts I found particularly useful:

Topic # 1: What should we do when we feel hurt?
- Location 700: When you feel disappointed or angry, start out by recognizing what you feel in that moment. Examples: "I feel disappointed". "I feel frustrated." "I feel hurt." "I feel angry." "I feel ashamed / embarrassed." "I feel afraid." "I feel i need to eat." "I feel vulnerable."
- Location 750: Ask yourself why you are feeling what you are feeling. Be curious about finding the reasons for your feelings / emotions in that particular situation. Write it down. Example: "I think I feel hurt, because...." or "I think I feel ashamed / embarrassed because...."
- Location 1000: Give yourself permission to experience / engage with / learn about your emotions. Doing that will not turn you into someone you are not or someone you do not want to become. On the contrary, it will give you the opportunity to become your most authentic self, to become who you are.
- Location 2000: To forgive someone, a part of how you think needs to go. For example, Brené Brown explains that to forgive her parents for divorcing and thereby causing much pain, it helped her to bury her idealized version of her parents and, instead, see her parents as two people, each of whom had their own struggles, limitations, difficult stories and heartbreaks. That change of thinking opened up for more honest connections between authentic adults who are doing the best they can.

Topic # 2: When we feel hurt, why is it important to communicate what we feel - thereby showing vulnerability?
- Location 100: Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, trust, joy, and creativity.
- Location 250: Vulnerability is our greatest measure of courage.
- Location 980: By recognizing and feeling our way through an emotion, we choose to be free.
- Location 1900: To love with any level of intensity and honesty is to become vulnerable.
- Locaton 2300: Asking for help means risking vulnerability. People are more likely to trust people, who ask for help.
- Location 2300: If we are committed to innovation and growth, we need to both help and ask for help.
- Location 2450: Shame thrives on secrecy, silence, perfectionism, and judgment. If you share your experience of shame with someone, who responds with empathy, shame will die.
- Location 2500: By sharing our stories, we allow ourselves to build deeper, more meaningful connections with ourselves and our trusted friends.
- Location 3100: Our stories matter because we matter. This movement is fueled by the freedom that comes when we stop pretending that everything is ok when it isn't.
- Location 3350: Connection is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The absence of love, belonging and connection always leads to suffering.

Topic # 3: Why does the ego want to block out emotions, so we don't show vulnerability when we feel hurt? Location 900.
The ego wants to protect us and avoid discomfort. Because reflecting on and communicating emotions is uncomfortable and hurts, the ego tries to block out emotions / feelings.

Topic # 4: How does the ego block out emotions? Location 900 to 1000.
A: The ego finds excuses, avoids the truth, and lies by pretending that feelings / emotions don't matter. It finds it easier to say "I don't care" than to say "I am hurt".
B: The ego stays busy, for example by consuming more news on radio / tv / internet / social media than you need, eating more food than you need, doing more shopping than you need, keeping more things than you need, being more perfectionistic than you need, seeking constant change in all areas of life.
C: The ego interrupts, competes and wants to outperform others in order to win and to prove it is valuable.
D: The ego tries to please others by being overly nice and sweet. In inauthentic ways, it communicates that everything is positive. In this regard, the author notes at location 2400 that perfectionism asks "What will people think?" Perfectionism does NOT ask "How can I be my best self?"
E: The ego gets angry, finds faults and blames others.

Topic # 5: What happens when we feel good about ourselves?
Location 1600:
- We don't compare. In this regard, the author mentions a swimming metaphor at location 2400: When people stay in their own lanes and avoid comparing themselves with other swimmers, they experience more joy and more creativity. We can then focus on our own breathing and our own strokes. Thereby, swimming becomes exercise, meditation as well as therapy.
- We look for what is good in others.
- We respect and love people for who they are.
- We praise ourselves for doing the best we can do.
Location 3350:
- People, who feel lovable, love, and who experience belonging, believe they are worthy of love, belonging, and joy.

Topic # 6: Tips to live in a wholehearted way. Location 3350.
- To cultivate authenticity, let go of what people think.
- To cultivate self-compassion, let go of perfectionism.
- To cultivate creativity, let go of comparison.
- To cultivate play and rest, let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self worth.
- To cultivate meaningful work, let go of self doubt and "supposed to".
- To cultivate laughter song and dance, let go of wanted to constantly be in control.

Further inspiration about emotions and expressing emotions:
http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalber...
http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalber...
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Finished Reading
January 14, 2017 – Shelved

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