Karl's Reviews > The New Testament

The New Testament by Anonymous
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
56884005
's review

liked it

A zombie invasion, Jesus healing people with spit, prophet-slave-girls, wizards ... When you read the bible as literature and not scripture you will notice that the Bible isn't a very Christian book, and you will realize that Christianity in the generations after Jesus was even more diverse than it is to day.

The first third of the NT is the gospels, four quite different accounts of the life of Jesus. Mark is the story about a foul-tempered wizard. Luke is the oriental fairy tale of a mystic, interspersed with obscure parables on theology. Matthew is about the absolutist who demanded complete subjugation to the Jewish law and turning the other cheek. Luke is a mystery story about the identity of Jesus.

Q: Which is the only gospel where Jesus speaks ethics. A: Matthew. Q: What are the ethics of Matthew. A: Complete subjugation (Islam) to Jesus's interpretation of the Jewish law. Q: Wait a minute, Jesus was a tolerant lefty who liked non-violence, equality and all that stuff? A: Cherry-picking! According to Matthew Jesus was an extremist crack pot who went out of all bounds both in being nice to the poor and in insisting everyone should follow Jewish law to perfection.

Q: Was Mary the mother of Jesus? A: Depends on which gospel you read. Q: Was Jesus born in Bethlehem? A: Depends on the gospel. Q: Did Jesus have siblings? A: Yes. Q: Was Jesus god? A: Depends on the gospel! (Matthew never says Jesus is god. Perhaps the Jesus of Mathew is a prophet, or god temporarily possessed Jesus? Why would Jesus otherwise cry out "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" when he hung on the cross? ... By the way there is a Zombie invasion after Jesus dies in Matthew."

Leaving the gospels we get to acts of the apostles which is a kind of adventure-novel about the religion maker Paul. This book should be seen as fiction, as its Paul knows magic and founded dozens of churches. The story also features a couple of Greek slave girls who can see in to the future, and a bunch of genuine gentile wizards (who are way inferior to Paul).

After acts we get to the genuine (and forged) letters by Paul. In these we get a fifth account about Jesus. Paul never actually met Jesus during his first stay at earth, but Jesus occasional speaks to Paul in visions. As you progress through the epistles it becomes clear that the Jesus of Paul is about as similar to the Jesus of Matthew as professor Dumbledore is to Saruman. It is like Paul never actually heard the story about Jesus, but only knew it via misunderstood clichés.

The new testament drops pretty severely in quality after Paul's first few letters, and there is not much to comment upon until we reach the apocalypse, which is in a word strange.
8 likes · flag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read The New Testament.
Sign In »

Reading Progress

Started Reading
May 28, 2016 – Finished Reading
October 28, 2016 – Shelved

Comments Showing 1-3 of 3 (3 new)

dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Stuart (new)

Stuart Brilliant.


message 2: by . (new)

. The Bible is the most Christian book around.


Debra Hahn The disciples in the New Testament testimonies were different because they told it from their point of view. Paul wrote letters to the earlier churches, that he started by Christs command, is different then the Jewish law. We are under faith, grace, salvation of eternal life, through faith and forgiveness. Which we receive through repentance of our sins, and asking Christ into our hearts. We turn from sin and live our lives by Christ example that He set for us. People will know us by loving one another, as we love ourselves. Its quite obvious you have no teaching or knowledge about the truth of the living gospel of Jesus Christ. Our savior and redeemer. The Bible is full of people failing and people faithful to GOD the Father, GOD Jesus Christ, and GOD the Holy Spirit. 3 separate entity’s, but one Being. I suggest that you speak with a minister or some one who is knowledgeable in the Holy Bible and Christian Faith and what a true Christian is. Christianity is a faith, not a religion. For GOD so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16
The people in the Bible are ordinary people who are examples to us, that we too will fail to meet the mark, but to keep our faith in Christ and in prayer of forgiveness of sin and repentance.
Debra H.


back to top