Literary Ames {Against GR Censorship}'s Reviews > Touched by an Alien

Touched by an Alien by Gini Koch
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A mash-up of "Men In Black" and "Ghostbusters" with a central "McGyver" character. Intriguing premise. The sex scenes were steamy and the humour sometimes funny but the writing, in general, needed serious tweaking.

Fugly. That word has been (possibly temporarily) removed from my personal dictionary. "Baby" and "girlfriend" as terms of endearments should be banned. My lovely Kindle can illustrate why:

fugly = 39 mentions (mostly in the second half of the book) -used by Kitty.
baby = 22 mentions (as a term of endearment) - used by Martini (love interest) when referring to Kitty.
girlfriend = 21 mentions (as a term of endearment) - used by the only gay character when referring to Kitty. Ugh.

Thesaurus. It's there for a reason. Be imaginative when referring to a loved one or, you know, call them by their actual name.

The first 25% was a nightmare to get through as Kitty asked a torrent of questions to establish the world-building and get to know the aliens. It was difficult to keep up, especially since Kitty would make huge "intuitive leaps" when I couldn't figure out where she got the information to make such assumptions. She was also unbelievably arrogant in the way she told the professionals they were doing everything wrong:

"Feel free to tell us what you, having less than two days of this kind of experience, would like the rest of us do. You know, those of us who have spent years, or merely our entire lives in this line of work."

Kitty doesn't know the meaning of "tact" and "diplomatic". She had a different perspective on things but she wasn't willing to be even a little polite about it. When she wasn't putting them down she was ogling and drooling over how naturally attractive all of the A-Cs are. I didn't see why she was the only one to come up with all of the brilliant ideas since most of the A-Cs had either lived on this planet for over 40 years or were born on it. You'd think a few of them would've learned what kills slugs or would've heard of Earth's history with religion.

Religion. The A-C's religion changed to reflect Judaism right after Kitty compared it to that when explaining to her parents. And perhaps I'm being oversensitive to these next two issues but Martini says they're all circumcised to appear more human -like being uncircumcised is somehow unnatural. Men are born that way, that's human/natural enough for me.

Martini, the love interest, was hugely annoying to begin with. From the get-go he's overly flirty verging on overbearing with the sexual harassment and proposes to Kitty within minutes, possibly an hour of meeting her. Some of his attraction to Kitty is later explained but Christopher's interest was hard to fathom unless it was due to brotherly rivalry, only it didn't come across that way.

I'm also unhappy with the dog-on-human violence. Duchess, the pitbull, followed Kitty's actions by attacking an unarmed and physically non-threatening male. The dog teared into the guy's groin. He made rape threats but was unable to carry them out as the women surrounding him had confiscated his guns. This upset me. If the dog saw her owner being attacked and it responded on it's own or Kitty called for help then I would've felt differently. Instead Kitty instructed the dog to attack someone who wasn't in a position to hurt anyone. This is a hot topic in the UK and pitbulls are subject to the Dangerous Dogs Act because they're so aggressive, tend to be mishandled and have been responsible for a number of, sometimes fatal, maulings.

Okay, negativity over. The sex scenes were superb. Kitty's upside-down Mission-Impossible pole-dancing move on the rope suspended in mid-air while shooting at the ground was very cool. I liked the A-C male/female dynamic when it came to mating choices. The females were super intelligent scientists interested in high IQs who thought human men like Stephen Hawking and Bill Gates were and I quote "dreamy". They considered their male A-C stock to be morons in comparison. Physical appearance didn't matter to any of the A-Cs, perhaps because they were all 100% gorgeous.

I think this book would make an exciting movie but I'm not sure I would read the sequel unless my local library acquires it.
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Reading Progress

April 15, 2011 – Shelved
April 15, 2011 – Shelved as: sci-fi
April 15, 2011 – Shelved as: aliens
April 15, 2011 – Shelved as: 1st-in-series
September 23, 2011 – Shelved as: kindle
October 22, 2011 – Started Reading
October 23, 2011 – Shelved as: read-in-2011
October 23, 2011 – Finished Reading
November 15, 2011 – Shelved as: series-abandoned
July 7, 2012 – Shelved as: love-triangle

Comments (showing 1-11 of 11) (11 new)

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message 1: by new_user (new)

new_user I would have so many problems with this book... Thank you! LOL.

Shera (Book Whispers) I feel bummed out that I bought this book and the next one.

message 4: by new_user (new)

new_user Aww. Maybe you'll like the humor?

Shera (Book Whispers) Let's hope. One way or another I'll be reading it.

Literary Ames {Against GR Censorship} Shera, I'm pretty sure you'll like it more than I did. I'm harder to please these days. The latter half of the book was better than the first.

Shera (Book Whispers) It depends, lately I've started having book mood swings. I used to always finish a book, no matter what. Now I just chuck the bad ones away and I'm developing low tolerence levels.

That's the curse of reading too many books!!! ^_-

Chani I completely agree. I just finished this atrocity and wish I had listened to your review before reading it.

message 9: by Michael (new) - added it

Michael Thanks for the thorough review! That thing about the circumcision sure was strange. It's like cutting off all your hair to appear more human. Huh??

(Note: Wikipedia tells me only 30% of males 15 and over are circumcised worldwide, so there is obviously some sort of bias going on in the book.)

David Gay guys ALWAYS tag every sentence with "girlfriend". *Rolls eyes* Talk about cliche and stereotyping.

Shera (Book Whispers) You know . . . I've never met a gay guy in "real life" that tags everything with girlfriend . . . ever.

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