Roya's Reviews > How to Win Friends and Influence People

As most of you know this is not the type of book I normally reach for, so it should be no surprise that my dad recommended it. He's a huge fan, so for whatever reason I decided to give it a shot. This is by no means a bad book, but since we're on the topic, I'll mention the cons first. I skimmed through the latter half of this book today. The first half took me over a month. This isn't boring per se, I just happen to have the attention span of your average Millennial. I have the worst patience (as in non-existent) to boot. If I'm not constantly entertained by something and it takes longer than ten seconds, I get irritable. This book was full of real life examples. Whenever you thought it would finish, another would come.



A lot of the principles are obvious, but let's be honest. Am I going to apply any of them to my life? Nope.



The thing is, I don't want to win friends and influence people. I want to avoid people and take long solitary walks. I don't want to influence anyone because I am a bad influence. My tactic for gaining friends is very simple.

Stage 1: Hiss and moan when anyone shows interest in you, but silently be flattered. Never show interest in anyone. That's antisocial suicide.
Stage 2: Go into asshole mode - make snide remarks, but be nice enough so the person will let you keep making snide remarks.
Stage 3: Have no tact or diplomacy because that means you're lying and possibly weak.
Stage 4: Finally decide you may like them and go into nice-but-hyper-and-distracted mode. NB, this does not occur during shark week.
Stage 5: Fluctuate constantly and be a burden forever. Cut ties with anyone who slightly irritates you because you believe in minimalism in all things.

This method works wonders and leaves me nearly friendless. How I influence people is slightly more corrupt so I won't go into that. In the end there's not many wonderful things I can say about this book. Still, I don't feel like it's bad. It's just not for me personally.