Marya's Reviews > Eldest

Eldest by Christopher Paolini
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did not like it
bookshelves: teen-fantasy

Do Elves have pubic hair? Are Orc marriages performed with ceremonies? What is the life cycle of the giant birds the Nazgul ride? If questions like these have haunted you ever since you delved into the world of fantasy, look no further for your answers!

Eldest continues the saga started in Eragon by sending our plucky hero into the land of the Elves in order to complete his training as a Rider. There, we learn absolutely everything you (n)ever wanted to know about the Elves (think of it as though the Lord of the Rings treated the different races not as allegories, but as Star Trek races, with their own anthropologies). Alas, all the training is worthless in changing Eragon. They then must ask the hot, female, identical twin Elves to stand naked back to back and jiggle so as to make the dragon tattoo running over their bodies release the "spirit of the dragon". This, it seems, triggers the desired transformation (Freudian minds, insert your own joke here).

Meanwhile, back on the farm, Eragon's cousin Roran comes into his own by mowing down opposition to lead his people to freedom (he even counts them as he goes along, i.e. "And now I've killed five men"). His story aligns with Eragon's just in time for him to destroy in one page of action a threat bloated out to be important in the previous 500.

I can't wait for book three; do you think we'll find out the literacy rates for Dwarf children?
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Reading Progress

Finished Reading
February 17, 2008 – Shelved
February 17, 2008 – Shelved as: teen-fantasy

Comments Showing 1-20 of 20 (20 new)

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Vassi Too funny!

Julie S. I 100% agree that he told us far too many things that were not needed. Interesting way of pointing it out. "Freudian minds" comment was funny.

message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

Good description is necessary, but we didn't think we needed to know some things.

message 4: by D.M. (new) - rated it 1 star

D.M. Best review ever!

Julio Genao accurate review is accurate.

message 6: by Joe (new)

Joe Lundy Sorry to be the outlander in this set of comments of this post, but I must make one thing clear. Most of the complaints this book has gotten is that it is too long. Sorry but if you don't like good, vivid details of a specific location in your mind, then this as well as many other book are not for you.

I thought Paolini wrote this book very well and he was obviously influenced by one of the greatest pieces of literature ever which is Lord of the Rings(and some Harry Potter). Mind you that book makes this book seem like a Dr. Seuss book when it comes to size. Don't mean to sound mean, but I'm irritated that people feel that they have to be on the edge of their seat the entire length of the book. By the way, Nazgul is from Lord of the Rings unless you meant to put that their.

Joseph Perry Nazgul? I think you mean Ra'zac.

Brenda A Lol at the above two comments.
This review cracked me up

Orinthia It's not Orc, it's Urgal, and it's not nazugall or whatever you said it's Ras'ac

message 10: by Elena (last edited Aug 13, 2015 06:17AM) (new)

Elena Glitch To everyone complaining about Nazgul and Orc...
That was the joke. Ya missed it. Flew right past you.

message 11: by Lettie (new)

Lettie Oh, and yes Elena, I Read your comment, I meant Ra'zac

message 12: by Julio (new) - rated it 1 star

Julio Genao this is what happens when we give internet access to people who still bring home parental consent forms

message 13: by Miles (new)

Miles Chou I'm a kid so sorry to adults who think this comment is immature but i seriously lost my *@&(@ hah

RangerBryn Can you not pick on Christopher Paolini, please? How would you feel if someone was pointing out every little "flaw" in YOUR book? It wouldn't make you feel very good, would it?

Brenda A RangerBryn wrote: "Can you not pick on Christopher Paolini, please? How would you feel if someone was pointing out every little "flaw" in YOUR book? It wouldn't make you feel very good, would it?"

RangerBryn, it is HER review space, to say whatever she wants. She gives her honest opinion, with backup, for why she did not like it. You do not have to read it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Romana Omg, this review wins everything!

Brenan This review is hilarious XD

message 18: by Chantal (new)

Chantal Loved your review!

Charlie Wesche i love them all you are totally wrong

message 20: by James (new) - rated it 1 star

James I am actually curious about the Nazgul steeds. Are they endothermic or exothermic?

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