Carmen's Reviews > Yes Please

Yes Please by Amy Poehler
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really liked it
bookshelves: traditionally-published, non-fiction, she-says, american-author, published2014
Recommended for: Anyone

Once a woman turns 40 she has to start dealing with two things: younger men telling her they are proud of her and older men letting her know they would have sex with her. Both of these things are supposed to be compliments but can often end up making this particular woman angry. I don't think a man who is 15 years younger than me should tell me he is proud of me unless he is my sober coach or my time-travel dad. Older men can be sexy and powerful, but when a thrice-divorced entertainment attorney puts his bony hand on my knee, I want to whisper in his ear, "You're crazy, old man."

I did not expect to like this book. One, I am no fan girl of Poehler's. I have never seen Parks and Recreation. Actually, I'm pretty sure the only thing I've seen her in is Mean Girls.

However, the book surprised me. When Poehler is good, she is really, really good.

THE GOOD

1.) Feminism.

I don't like it when bratty, privileged old white guys speak to me like I am their mouthy niece. I got that amazing feeling you get when you know you're going to lose it in the best, most self-righteous way. I just leaned back and yelled, "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU." Then I chased him as he tried to get away from me.

"You rich motherfucker! Who do you think you are? You're not better than me. Fuck you and your fucking opinions, you piece of shit."


*Carmen is impressed* This sounds like a more energetic version of myself. It also makes me REALLY like Poehler.

She is against plastic surgery and Botox. She laments the shit that comes with girls dating in high school.

Dating in high school was very different. Boys suddenly went up your shirt. Girls were expected to give blow jobs and be sexy. You had to be hot but not a slut. You had to be into sex but never have it, except when your boyfriend wanted it. If you had sex you had to keep it a secret but also be very good at it, except not too good, because this better be your first time.

She really tears into mom-on-mom hate.

There is an unspoken pact that women are supposed to follow. I am supposed to act like I constantly feel guilty about being away from my kids. (I don't. I love my job.) Mothers who stay at home are supposed to pretend they are bored and wish they were doing more corporate things. (They don't. They love their job.) If we all stick to the plan there will be less blood in the streets.

Poehler is a fierce and outspoken feminist, I like it. The best parts of the book, in my opinion, is her standing up for herself (even though it's hard!) and not taking shit from people.

"Relax" is a real tough one for me. Another tough one is "smile." "Smile" doesn't really work either. Telling me to relax or smile when I'm angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You're just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off.


2.) Aging.

This is what adults do. They demand or deny drugs on their own terms.

She also ties feminism in with aging. She talks a lot about how aging makes you better, more confident, stronger, and less likely to put up with shit.

"Yeesh, she's a handful." Luckily, that doesn't bother me the way it used to. That kind of feeling would have been hard to hold in my heart and stomach when I was in my twenties. It was hard to feel like somebody didn't like me. It felt like such a failure. I don't care as much now. It's really great. It's like I can finally eat spicy food without the gut ache later, or something similar. I have a stomach for people not stomaching me. Or at least I am working on it.

She thinks one should embrace aging rather than try desperately to fight it.

You know those exercise pools where the water comes at you strong and you have to swim against it to build up your strength? That's what the social pressure of staying young feels like. You can either exhaust yourself thrashing against it or turn around and let the pressure of it massage out your kinks. Fighting aging is like the War on Drugs. It's expensive, does more harm than good, and has been proven to never end.


3.) Sex.

Okay, Poehler's sex advice to women and her sex advice to men is SO GOOD that I really want to frame it and hang it on my wall. So true and so good. This section is amazing.

Here are some highlights:

I think sex is great. I love it and I am here to say I am good at it. ...

Try not to fake it... remember to allow yourself real pleasure and not worry about how long it takes....

Don't have sex with people you don't want to have sex with. Remember that no matter how old you are, every time you see that person the first thing you will think of is, "I had sex with you." ...

Don't get undressed and start pointing out your flaws or apologizing for things you think are wrong with your body. Men don't notice or care. They are about to get laid! They are so psyched...

Get better at dirty talk. Act like a bossy lady ordering at a deli. "I want the ham on rye and make sure you toast it!" If your guy is bad at dirty talk tell him to shut up. He might like that. ...

Don't make fun of men. Don't be mean to them or hurt their feelings. Try not to crush their dreams or their balls.


Her advice for men is on point, as well.

We don't want to remember your penis. We want to remember everything else but hopefully your penis is a just a wonderful blur of goodness. ...

Keep it sexy. Don't believe what you see in movies. ... Cool it on the porn and jerking off. We think porn is great and so is jerking off, but if we are going to have sex it may cause some problems. If you depend too heavily on the technical or the visual then you may not notice the real flesh-and-blood person in your bed.


I actually think Poehler PERFECTLY captures the line of a woman who likes and enjoys and uses porn, but STILL recognizes its dangers and how it can become a problem, and what the warning signs of it becoming a problem are. She talks about this quite a bit in the book and it made me happy. Her and I are in complete agreement about yet another thing!!!!

Be nice, tell your woman she is hot, never shame her, and never hurt her.

Work on your dirty talk... avoid the words 'climax, moist, and mom." Don't speak in a fake accent. Or blaccent.

If you don't get an erection, we know it's usually not because of us. We look concerned because we are wondering if it will keep happening.

Stay away from orgies. They just take so much organizing and I feel like your time could be better spent.

IF YOU DON'T EAT PUSSY, KEEP WALKING.


Seriously, her sex chapter is succinct, to the point, and one of the most amazing sex advice chapters I have ever read. Serious props to Poehler here.


4.) Divorce

Divorce is another thing that Poehler gets exactly right. Her discussion of divorce is also one of the funniest parts in the whole book.

She doesn't talk about her divorce specifically, I don't want to talk about my divorce because it is too sad and too personal. I also don't like people knowing my shit. which is completely valid.

Instead, she talks about divorce in general and she nails it.

Here are some highlights:

This book will point to ways you can talk about your divorce without feeling like it's a fancy fur coat that people like to try on but then throw back at you in disgust because they would never wear something so vile.
...
Chapters include:
- Divorce is not an option for me, but I am happy for you
- C'mon, who hasn't cheated?
- I just couldn't do that to my kids
- Maybe you guys just need to go to Ojai for a weekend.
...

You will find tips on how to gently break it to women that you don't want to fuck their flabby baby-faced husbands.


LOL LOL LOL It's so accurate and so funny.

5.) Beautiful book

Another pro to this book is its beautiful layout. Poehler has spared no expense: she has printed her memoir on this soft, glossy paper - in order to better showcase photos. It's in full color and it is fabulous.

She also breaks the book up with huge colored pages with quotes on them and huge pictures of her in costume.

It's great. And (although I'm not telling you to buy it) I have to note that the book is only (in paperback) $16.99. I honestly expected it to be more expensive than that. So that is a plus.

6.) She loves her children and it really shines through the whole book.

7.) Poehler talks about one time she really fucked up. This is an amazing and hard-hitting chapter. She really goes into some self-exploration and she doesn't let herself off the hook. She really puts it all out there and it is touching, relatable, and brave. This is one of the best chapters in the book. Definitely worth reading.


THE BAD:

Alright. But the book isn't all awesome kickass feminism and witty wisdom. The book has plenty of flaws. Let's discuss them.

1.) I don't care.

She talks a lot about stuff I simply don't care about. There are chapters in here, chapters and chapters, where I just don't give a fuck. Her chapter on Parks and Recreation. Her chapter on her sleep apnea. The chapter she had Seth Meyers write. Completely pointless. (Then again, I have no idea who Seth Meyers is.)

I didn't care about the SNL stuff, but she sounds SO joyous and grateful and fun in her SNL chapter that I can't file it under the bad section. Kudos to her for this section. Even I was having fun reading it, and I don't give a fuck.

The whole story about her fake jokey birthing plans is worthless.

Perhaps this is the danger of any memoir or autobiography. *shrug*

2.) She tends to start stories, veer off wildly, and then weirdly finish up at the end of a chapter. She does this two or three times, and it's very annoying. She'll start a story at the beginning of a chapter, meander along around with completely different points, and then end the story at the end of the chapter.

The stories aren't even that good, and even if they WERE, I would find it hard to still care by the end of the chapter.

3.) Sometimes I could literally not understand what Poehler was saying. She has some really bizarre paragraphs in this book. Most of the stuff that I couldn't grasp was at the beginning.

Woodsworth also said that the best part of a person's life is "his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love." I look forward to reading a book one day in which someone lists mine. I feel like I may have failed to do so.

I don't understand anything about this or what she is trying to say here.

It's called Yes Please because it is the constant struggle and often the right answer. Can we figure out what we want, ask for it, and stop talking? Yes please. Is being vulnerable a power position? Yes please. Am I allowed to take up space? Yes please. Would you like to be left alone? Yes please.

This makes no fucking sense to me.

I also don't get when she calls people "open-faced sandwiches." I get that she's using it as a compliment, but I have NO idea what it means or what it implies about someone. Maybe it's an in-joke from a sketch or a show? I have no idea.


THE UGLY:

Poehler seems to genuinely believe she is an unattractive person.

I had already made a decision early on that I would be a plain girl with tons of personality, and accepting it made everything a lot easier. If you are lucky, there is a moment in your life when you have some say as to what your currency is going to be. I decided early on it was not going to be my looks. I have spent a lifetime coming to terms with this idea and I would say I am about 15 to 20 percent there.

She talks about being 'plain' a lot. Which is sad. She's not plain, she is vibrant and beautiful, but she obviously thinks she is not 'a pretty girl.'

My plain face was a perfect canvas for other people.

I wanted to tell her to stop this. I wanted to tell her she is fucking gorgeous.

I want to kill those fuckers who made her feel 'less than.'

Boys, who were going through their own battles started to point out things about me I hadn't yet noticed. One told me I looked like frog. Some told me I smiled like a Muppet. A senior told me to stop looking at him with my "big, weird eyes." I looked in the mirror at my flat chest and my freckles and heard a sound.

Also, she really, truly believes that every woman hates their body and thinks they are ugly. And that every woman has a 'demon voice' inside her which berates her and will never go away.

The good news is there are ways to make it stop talking. The bad news is it never goes away. If you are lucky, you can live a life where the demon is generally forgotten, relegated to a back shelf in a closet next to your old field hockey equipment.

And she acts like you can never get rid of it and that it will be constantly demanding your attention for the rest of your life.

Maybe a day comes when you are getting dressed for a fancy event and it whispers, "You aren't pretty," and you go, "I know, I know, now let me find my earrings." Sometimes you say, "Demon, I promise you I will let you remind me of my ugliness, but right now I am am having hot sex so I will check in later."

I just don't agree with this reality. Hmmmmm, I know what she is saying but I just don't agree with it. It may be a sad fact for a lot of people, but I don't think this is inescapable and incurable. Perhaps I'm naive.

Anyway, this whole section made me very sad.


Tl;dr - Wow. I was surprised by how awesome this book was. You have to realize I am not a Poehler fan (this doesn't mean I dislike her, I'm just unfamiliar with her work). My close friend IRL read this and she said it was "meh." So I came into this with pretty low expectations.

And for the most part, Poehler blew me away. Her fierce and determined feminism really speaks to me. Her chapter on sex and her chapter on divorce were on point. Her very honest and heartwrenching chapter on one time that she really fucked up was touching and human.

But the book isn't perfect. I really debated on whether to give this a four or a five, and I had to end up giving it a four.

Still, this is a book worth reading and I'm glad I read it. It's not very laugh-out-loud funny - I laughed more reading Anna Kendrick's book Scrappy Little Nobody, but Poehler makes up for it in sheer awesomeness.
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Reading Progress

February 18, 2016 – Shelved
January 31, 2017 – Started Reading
February 1, 2017 –
page 1
0.3% "*Carmen makes reading list based on Poehler's recommendations*

This is America and I am allowed to have healthy self-esteem.

Debatable.

Sometimes I literally cannot figure out what Poehler is trying to say. Is calling people "open-faced sandwiches" an in-joke I'm just not getting?

Except when it comes to celebrities without makeup. I want my celebrities to look beautiful. I don't need to see them pump"
February 1, 2017 –
page 2
0.61% "Woodsworth also said that the best part of a person's life is "his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love." I look forward to reading a book one day in which someone lists mine. I feel like I may have failed to do so.

Okay, I'm not even going to pretend like I know what this means. It makes no fucking sense to me."
February 1, 2017 –
page 3
0.91% "It's called Yes Please because it is the constant struggle and often the right answer. Can we figure out what we want, ask for it, and stop talking? Yes please. Is being vulnerable a power position? Yes please. Am I allowed to take up space? Yes please. Would you like to be left alone? Yes please.

Just not understanding this."
February 1, 2017 –
page 5
1.52% "At the time, I was in fourth grade, which, for me, was a heavenly time to be a girl. It was all elbows and angles and possibility. I hadn't gotten my period or kissed a boy. My beloved grandfather hadn't yet died of a heart attack on my front porch on Fourth of July. I wanted to be an astronaut or a scientist or a veterinarian and all signs pointed to my making any or all of that happen. The worst things I had enc"
February 1, 2017 –
page 6
1.82% "I think we should stop asking people in their twenties what they "want to do" and start asking them what they don't want to do. Instead of asking students to "declare their major" we should ask students to "list what they will do anything to avoid." It just makes a lot more sense."
February 1, 2017 –
page 15
4.56% "This chapter makes me sick; in which Poehler - who is a beautiful woman - talks about how ugly she thinks she is and how she has to battle body and self hatred every day."
February 1, 2017 –
page 16
4.86% "The good news is there are ways to make it stop talking. The bad news is it never goes away. If you are lucky, you can live a life where the demon is generally forgotten, relegated to a back shelf in a closet next to your old field hockey equipment.

Sigh. This doesn't have to be your reality."
February 1, 2017 –
page 17
5.17% "It was a wonderful but short-lived time when I was in my body but not critical of it. If you ever want to see heaven, watch a bunch of young girls play. They are all sweat and skinned knees. Energy and open faces."
February 1, 2017 –
page 18
5.47% "Dating in high school was very different. Boys suddenly went up your shirt. Girls were expected to give blow jobs and be sexy. You had to be hot but not a slut. You had to be into sex but never have it, except when your boyfriend wanted it. If you had sex you had to keep it a secret but also be very good at it, except not too good, because this better be your first time.

Accurate and sad and scary."
February 1, 2017 –
page 18
5.47% "Boys, who were going through their own battles started to point out things about me I hadn't yet noticed. One told me I looked like frog. Some told me I smiled like a Muppet. A senior told me to stop looking at him with my "big, weird eyes." I looked in the mirror at my flat chest and my freckles and heard a sound.

How horrible."
February 1, 2017 –
page 19
5.78% "In Chicago I dated a 'male model' for a hot minute. It was the first time I had dated someone that 'handsome' but the truth was he was in my improv class and not that funny, so I felt weirdly superior.
...
We finished having medium-to-boring sex...


LOL Medium-to-boring sex."
February 1, 2017 –
page 20
6.08% "Snooping in e-mails, texts, or journals is a disaster. No one says good things about people in diaries. You tell people the good things. Diaries are for the bad things!"
February 1, 2017 –
page 20
6.08% "I had already made a decision early on that I would be a plain girl with tons of personality, and accepting it made everything a lot easier. If you are lucky, there is a moment in your life when you have some say as to what your currency is going to be. I decided early on it was not going to be my looks. I have spent a lifetime coming to terms with this idea and I would say I am about 15 to 20 percent there."
February 1, 2017 –
page 21
6.38% "Decide what your currency is. Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier.

True."
February 1, 2017 –
page 21
6.38% "Beautiful people can get objectified and underestimated. They didn't have to do anything to earn their genes so they have to struggle to prove they are more than their hot bods. People assume they are happy and good in bed, and most times this is not true. Plus, some beautiful people get a little addicted to being told they are beautiful and have real trouble when they get older, get less attention, or have their"
February 1, 2017 –
page 21
6.38% "My plain face was a perfect canvas for other people.

For fuck's sake! You're not plain!

People are at their most beautiful when they are laughing, crying, dancing, playing, telling the truth, and being chased in a fun way."
February 1, 2017 –
page 22
6.69% "Maybe a day comes when you are getting dressed for a fancy event and it whispers, "You aren't pretty," and you go, "I know, I know, now let me find my earrings." Sometimes you say, "Demon, I promise you I will let you remind me of my ugliness, but right now I am am having hot sex so I will check in later."

Or... not? I don't agree with Poehler's reality in this chapter."
February 1, 2017 –
page 26
7.9% "If you plump your lips
The words that come out of them
Sound ridiculous

We know it's Botox
And not your vegan diet
Nice try, Margaret

A face-lift does not
Make daughters comfortable
When you chaperone

Fine, get your boobs done
But only make them smaller
Fake boobs are weird, y'all

Asymmetrical
Looks cool while cheek implants are
Less interesting

Plastic surgery
Requires a good amount
Of lying to friends
"
February 1, 2017 –
page 31
9.42% "Everyone's journey is different and I have nothing to say about how and when someone decides to become a mother. The legacy of my generation will be that we have truly expanded the idea of what 'family' means."
February 1, 2017 –
page 32
9.73% "I don't consider myself beautiful or famous, but my vagina certainly is. Everyone knows this. I have the Angelina Jolie of vaginas.
...

This is what adults do. They demand or deny drugs on their own terms.
"
February 1, 2017 –
page 36
10.94% "When you are pregnant you can get away with a lot of shit. Women really are at their most dangerous during this time. Your hormones are telling you that you are strong and sexy, everyone is scared of you, and you have a built-in sidekick who might come out at any minute. There should be some kind of pregnancy superhero movie. Calling Hollywood now. What's that, Hollywood? It's a weird idea and also you don't do"
February 1, 2017 –
page 45
13.68% "I have no idea who Seth Meyers is nor do I care about this stupid chapter he wrote for Poehler's book."
February 1, 2017 –
page 55
16.72% "I don't care about this 'birthing plan' section either."
February 1, 2017 –
page 61
18.54% "If your parents are still alive, call them today and ask them to describe the day you were born. Write the details down here, on the following pages. Tell the story every year on your birthday until you know it by heart.

This is a nice idea."
February 1, 2017 –
page 65
19.76% "But this doesn't mean I am a pushover. It doesn't mean I am afraid of conflict or don't know how to stand up for myself. I am getting to a place right in the middle where I feel good about exactly how much I apologize. It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for. It takes years to find your voice and seize your real estate."
February 1, 2017 –
page 66
20.06% "I don't like it when bratty, privileged old white guys speak to me like I am their mouthy niece. I got that amazing feeling you get when you know you're going to lose it in the best, most self-righteous way. I just leaned back and yelled, "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU." Then I chased him as he tried to get away from me.

"You rich motherfucker! Who do you think you are? You're not better than me. Fuck you and your fucking
"
February 1, 2017 –
page 79
24.01% "I like this long, detailed story about how Poehler fucked up and ended up apologizing and how she doesn't sugarcoat it."
February 1, 2017 –
page 87
26.44% "I don't want to talk about my divorce because it is too sad and too personal. I also don't like people knowing my shit."
February 1, 2017 –
page 91
27.66% "This book will point to ways you can talk about your divorce without feeling like it's a fancy fur coat that people like to try on but then throw back at you in disgust because they would never wear something so vile.
...
Chapters include:
- Divorce is not an option for me, but I am happy for you
- C'mon, who hasn't cheated?
- I just couldn't do that to my kids
- Maybe you guys just need to go to Ojai for a we
"
February 1, 2017 –
page 91
27.66% "You will find tips on how to gently break it to women that you don't want to fuck their flabby baby-faced husbands.

This divorce chapter is funny and on point."
February 1, 2017 –
page 98
29.79% "You know those exercise pools where the water comes at you strong and you have to swim against it to build up your strength? That's what the social pressure of staying young feels like. You can either exhaust yourself thrashing against it or turn around and let the pressure of it massage out your kinks. Fighting aging is like the War on Drugs. It's expensive, does more harm than good, and has been proven to never"
February 1, 2017 –
page 100
30.4% "Getting older is awesome, and not because you don't care as much about what people think. It's awesome because you develop secret superpowers."
February 1, 2017 –
page 101
30.7% "I am interested in people who swim in the deep end. I want to have conversations about real things with people who have experienced real things. I'm tired of talking about movies and gossiping about friends. Life is crunchy and complicated and all the more delicious.
...

Sex is better and I'm better at it.
"
February 1, 2017 –
page 102
31.0% "I remain suspicious of men and women who don't want to work with newbies, and people who only date someone younger or of lower status. Don't you want the tree you love or work with to have a similar number of rings?"
February 1, 2017 –
page 107
32.52% "She tends to start stories, veer off wildly, and then weirdly finish up at the end of a chapter."
February 1, 2017 –
page 114
34.65% "Nothing is more depressing than a tired dominatrix."
February 1, 2017 –
page 117
35.56% "Also, Ian and Walsh and Matt were the funniest people I knew and Ian had once punched a drunk guy wearing a sombrero who yelled gross stuff to me from across the street. I felt protected."
February 1, 2017 –
page 124
37.69% "The physical act of walking combined with the opportunity to look out at the world while you are sharing your thoughts and feelings is very comforting to me. You are in charge of the route and the amount of eye contact."
February 1, 2017 –
page 126
38.3% "I am an excellent person to be around if you're having a bad drug trip.
...
I was also on ecstasy at the time.
"
February 1, 2017 –
page 139
42.25% "John Goodman was the host that week and is probably still my favorite, because he was nice to me when no one knew my name.

Mmmmmmm, John Goodman, yum yum!"
February 1, 2017 –
page 140
42.55% "Amy Poehler talks about 'completing the circle' a lot. I never know what on Earth she is talking about."
February 1, 2017 –
page 142
43.16% "I don't know or care about any of the SNL stuff, but I like how she sounds so enthused talking about all the fun she had."
February 1, 2017 –
page 150
45.59% "Mom-on-mom hate"
February 1, 2017 –
page 151
45.9% "There is an unspoken pact that women are supposed to follow. I am supposed to act like I constantly feel guilty about being away from my kids. (I don't. I love my job.) Mothers who stay at home are supposed to pretend they are bored and wish they were doing more corporate things. (They don't. They love their job.) If we all stick to the plan there will be less blood in the streets."
February 1, 2017 –
page 152
46.2% "She's not a wife if you pay her, Poehler."
February 1, 2017 –
page 153
46.5% "I think sex is great. I love it and I am here to say I am good at it. ... Try not to fake it... remember to allow yourself real pleasure and not worry about how long it takes.... Don't have sex with people you don't want to have sex with. Remember that no matter how old you are, every time you see that person the first thing you will think of is, "I had sex with you.""
February 1, 2017 –
page 154
46.81% "Don't get undressed and start pointing out your flaws or apologizing for things you think are wrong with your body. Men don't notice or care. They are about to get laid! They are so psyched... Get better at dirty talk. Act like a bossy lady ordering at a deli. "I want the ham on rye and make sure you toast it!" If your guy is bad at dirty talk tell him to shut up. He might like that."
February 1, 2017 –
page 154
46.81% "Don't make fun of men. Don't be mean to them or hurt their feelings. Try not to crush their dreams or their balls."
February 1, 2017 –
page 155
47.11% "MEN: We don't want to remember your penis. We want to remember everything else but hopefully your penis is a just a wonderful blur of goodness. ... Keep it sexy. Don't believe what you see in movies. ... Cool it on the porn and jerking off. We think porn is great and so is jerking off, but if we are going to have sex it may cause some problems. If you depend too heavily on the technical or the visual then you"
February 1, 2017 –
page 155
47.11% "MEN: Be nice, tell your woman she is hot, never shame her, and never hurt her.

Good God, how is this book so FUCKING AMAZING?!"
February 1, 2017 –
page 156
47.42% "MEN: Work on your dirty talk... avoid the words 'climax, moist, and mom." Don't speak in a fake accent. Or blaccent.

If you don't get an erection, we know it's usually not because of us. We look concerned because we are wondering if it will keep happening.

Stay away from orgies. They just take so much organizing and I feel like your time could be better spent.

IF YOU DON'T EAT PUSSY, KEEP WALKING.


Fuck yes"
February 1, 2017 –
page 165
50.15% "I'm not interested in this chapter on the Golden Globes or whatever."
February 1, 2017 –
page 179
54.41% "I have a boyfriend who knows how to settle me. He puts his hand on my chest and tells me boring stories. He promises me we can stay up as late as I want. On one of our first nights together I woke up apologizing for my snoring and he pulled out the two earplugs he had worn to bed so that he could hear what I was saying. It was one of the most romantic gestures I have ever seen.

Aw."
February 1, 2017 –
page 192
58.36% "From the dawn of civilization, they have existed in order to undermine it. Our only enemy is the status quo. Our only friend is chaos. They have no government ties and unlimited resources. If something goes wrong, we are the cause. Every corner of the earth is under their surveillance If you do it, we will see it. Always. We believe the powerful should be made less powerful. We have heard the voice of society, be"
February 1, 2017 –
page 207
62.92% "If you were old enough, you were expected to have a part-time job."
February 1, 2017 –
page 219
66.57% "Everyone wants to believe they will be the regular guy from Sioux City who becomes a reluctant movie star despite his best attempts to remain a sensitive tattoo artist. People don't want to hear about the 15 years of waiting tables and doing small shows with your friends until one of them gets a little more famous and they convince people to hire you and then you get paid and you work hard and spend time getting"
February 1, 2017 –
page 220
66.87% "I like how Poehler stands up for herself. It's extremely attractive."
February 1, 2017 –
page 222
67.48% "I am introducing a new idea. Try to care less. Practice ambivalence. Learn to to let go of wanting it. Treat your career like a bad boyfriend."
February 1, 2017 –
page 233
70.82% "Once a woman turns 40 she has to start dealing with two things: younger men telling her they are proud of her and older men letting her know they would have sex with her. Both of these things are supposed to be compliments but can often end up making this particular woman angry. I don't think a man who is 15 years younger than me should tell me he is proud of me unless he is my sober coach or my time-travel dad."
February 1, 2017 –
page 235
71.43% "And I count myself very lucky. That is what 'very lucky' feels like. Oof.

Feminism and dealing with sexual harassment and rapists."
February 1, 2017 –
page 236
71.73% ""Relax" is a real tough one for me. Another tough one is "smile." "Smile" doesn't really work either. Telling me to relax or smile when I'm angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You're just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off.

Get 'em, girl!"
February 1, 2017 –
page 237
72.04% ""Yeesh, she's a handful." Luckily, that doesn't bother me the way it used to. That kind of feeling would have been hard to hold in my heart and stomach when I was in my twenties. It was hard to feel like somebody didn't like me. It felt like such a failure. I don't care as much now. It's really great. It's like I can finally eat spicy food without the gut ache later, or something similar. I have a stomach for"
February 1, 2017 –
page 243
73.86% "Calling people sweetheart makes most people enraged."
February 1, 2017 –
page 288
87.54% "I am ashamed of the few times I drove drunk. Drinking and driving is the absolute worst, because unlike doing coke in your basement while you teach yourself guitar, you could kill someone else."
February 1, 2017 –
page 291
88.45% "Sometimes I think about those skinny girls and their rapid and hungry hearts, and I just want to put my hands on their chests and cry chocolate tears that they can lick and swallow.

Um, ew. Also, people with anorexia have slow heart rates. Slow. Slow."
February 1, 2017 –
page 293
89.06% "She did a lot of drugs but doesn't want her children doing any drugs."
February 1, 2017 –
page 294
89.36% "I can't perform, drive, or write stoned, and therefore I smoke pot a lot less than I used to."
February 1, 2017 –
page 299
90.88% "I watch their little fat feet and their shiny cheeks as they jump into the backseat of the car. These boys, they are delicious. I swear, if I could eat my children, I would. I'd consume them like some beast in a Hieronymus Bosch painting, but in a friendlier, more momlike way. Their little bodies make me salivate. It takes everything I have not to swallow them whole."
February 1, 2017 –
page 314
95.44% "Wow, she really hates her Boston accent."
February 1, 2017 –
page 324
98.48% "Gone are the days when you sat on your couch and turned pages with Dorito-stained fingers. Gone are the days when you took Henry James on the train and read it in front of cute guys to impress them. Gone are the books stuffed with pressed flowers and handwritten notes and hotel room receipts."
February 1, 2017 –
page 329
100.0% "The only way we will survive is by being kind. The only way we can get by in this world is through the help we receive from others. No one can do it alone, no matter how great the machines are."
February 1, 2017 –
page 329
100.0% "*sips chamomile licorice tea* Alright, let's do this thing!"
February 1, 2017 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-25 of 25 (25 new)

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Kandice I just started this and already love it! I needed a good book. Nice review, like always! :D


Carmen Kandice wrote: "I just started this and already love it! I needed a good book. Nice review, like always! :D"

Aw, thanks, Kandice! I'm excited you are reading this! I will be following your updates and eagerly awaiting your review!


message 3: by Steelwhisper (new)

Steelwhisper She speaks from a high end position. I was fine with what you wrote, until I got to her sex advice. Much of it is - in my opinion - quite the nonsense. Unfortunately maybe, but still nonsense.

As always though an enjoyable review!


Carmen She speaks from a high end position. I was fine with what you wrote, until I got to her sex advice. Much of it is - in my opinion - quite the nonsense. Unfortunately maybe, but still nonsense.

As always though an enjoyable review!


LOL I LOVE hearing your opinion, Steelwhisper. You are just such a smart and interesting person. I feel like I learn a lot from you. :) No bullshit. Sometimes I feel like we have wildly varying experiences in life, but that just adds to the fun. ;)

Thanks so much for your kind words!


Carmen Which parts do you think are nonsense? Please elaborate! :)


message 6: by Steelwhisper (last edited Feb 01, 2017 10:58PM) (new)

Steelwhisper Carmen wrote: "Which parts do you think are nonsense? Please elaborate! :)"

Heh, I was already looking for the quote ;) This here is from a discussion of the topic among men and women on a European forum.

This is the hard reality just before menopause. For your target group of single moms after several failed relationships anyway:

At 16 nearly all women are attractive.
At 26 possibly half of them.
At 36 a quarter of them at most.

Sure, possibly women older than 40 are super experienced and constantly megahorny, but as a normal guy you simply ask yourself "do I want to touch that faded, wrinkled flesh?" and the answer usually is "no". Experience never ever was more attractive for the majority of men than beauty and youth, even though overweight older women love to convince you into believing this.


And I think this quote is correct, not Poehler. She is famous, still good-looking (which I don't really believe to be entirely due nature's favours, most women at that age without artificial help look very different), probably supposed to be rich or actually rich by men seeking her out.

The average Jane, whether emancipated and feminist or not, who takes her words as gospel would have a very bad wake up call. She speaks as if all women were as attractive, physically and financially and status-wise, as she is. That's, in my opinion, a pretty mean-spirited deception.

And...

A lot of women have sex with men with whom they don't really want to have sex, but they have it anyway, because else they'd have no sex at all, and most likely no relationship at all.

Not all women like dirty talk, whether from their men, nor do they like themselves to talk dirty.

At least 45% (yes, it's been researched ;P) women prefer vaginal or anal sex to oral sex. So nope, "eating out pussy" is not a qualifier and demanding it might chase an otherwise perfect mate.

Possibly the reason why she gives such truly skewed advice is because she considers herself plain, as you state elsewhere. I'm not so sure this isn't being coy, but I haven't read the book. So if she thinks she is plain, maybe she thinks her sexual successes are available to "other plain women". But seriously, she isn't plain, she belongs to the upper 15% in the good looks department, and her name and profession will add attraction for men.

Edited to correct typos. Sorry, I'm not yet really awake (and it is soooo cold here just now).


message 7: by Carmen (last edited Feb 01, 2017 11:08PM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

Carmen LOL I hope you warm up soon, Steel! Cup of tea? ;)

I agree Poehler is very attractive. I also agree with you that oral sex isn't for everyone, and dirty talk isn't for everyone. But I think when people are trying to advise other people about sex, they can only go off their own experiences. So... that's probably where the problem lies.

Certainly Poehler would probably not describe herself as a 'sex expert,' she's just trying to help a sister out and I think she makes some valid points. I can't fault her for not telling women 'your chances of getting laid over the age of 36 are shit' because frankly this isn't that kind of book. She's (although she confronts some true problems with society) trying to be generally upbeat and positive in this book.

I really appreciate your input, Steelwhisper! I learn so much from you! :)

Heh, I was already looking for the quote ;) This here is from a discussion of the topic among men and women on a European forum.

This is the hard reality just before menopause. For your target group of single moms after several failed relationships anyway:

At 16 nearly all women are attractive.
At 26 possibly half of them.
At 36 a quarter of them at most.

Sure, possibly women older than 40 are super experienced and constantly megahorny, but as a normal guy you simply ask yourself "do I want to touch that faded, wrinkled flesh?" and the answer usually is "no". Experience never ever was more attractive for the majority of men than beauty and youth, even though overweight older women love to convince you into believing this.

And I think this quote is correct, not Poehler. She is famous, still good-looking (which I don't really believe to be entirely due nature's favours, most women at that age without artificial help look very different), probably supposed to be rich or actually rich by men seeking her out.

The average Jane, whether emancipated and feminist or not, who takes her words as gospel would have a very bad wake up call. She speaks as if all women were as attractive, physically and financially and status-wise, as she is. That's, in my opinion, a pretty mean-spirited deception.

And...

A lot of women have sex with men with whom they don't really want to have sex, but they have it anyway, because else they'd have no sex at all, and most likely no relationship at all.

Not all women like dirty talk, whether from their men, nor do they like themselves to talk dirty.

At least 45% (yes, it's been researched ;P) women prefer vaginal or anal sex to oral sex. So nope, "eating out pussy" is not a qualifier and demanding it might chase an otherwise perfect mate.

Possibly the reason why she gives such truly skewed advice is because she considers herself plain, as you state elsewhere. I'm not so sure this isn't being coy, but I haven't read the book. So if she thinks she is plain, maybe she thinks her sexual successes are available to "other plain women". But seriously, she isn't plain, she belongs to the upper 15% in the good looks department, and her name and profession will add attraction for men.

Edited to correct typos. Sorry, I'm not yet really awake (and it is soooo cold here just now).


edited to add your original text


message 8: by Steelwhisper (last edited Feb 01, 2017 11:24PM) (new)

Steelwhisper I'm just feeding wood into the bloody oven and stoking it. We had a night of well under 30 degrees Fahrenheit. But yes, I am holding on to a nice coffee here ;)

I agree that a comedian's memoire is probably not the place to discuss the current obsession with youth, but what caught my eye was her pushing off old(er) men as being crazy fuckers, while maintaining that at 40 all women can still be choosers.

I'm close to her age, definitely not as beautiful as she is, and the sole area where I still attract male glances is the dungeon - because female tops are rare.

I'm happily settled, but I'd have a hard time now finding a man to my tastes outside of a dungeon, if I had to go looking for one again. I'd either have to settle for someone much older (at least 10-15 years older), or much more unattractive in some department than what I consider attractive. If I look around, I see the 85% women who're not looking like Poehler at 40, so it galls a bit to read how an actress asserts that things are easy at that age.


message 9: by Michael (last edited Feb 02, 2017 09:33AM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Michael This is one of your best reviews,so blunt and real! Still may not be interested though,but your review is outstanding!! ..No really,remarkable!


message 10: by Donna (new)

Donna Terrific review, Carmen. I agree some of the best parts of this book sounded like they could have been written by a version of you. I'm still waiting for the day you'll write your own book. :)


Kandice Donna wrote: "Terrific review, Carmen. I agree some of the best parts of this book sounded like they could have been written by a version of you. I'm still waiting for the day you'll write your own book. :)"

I hope she'll give us ARCs, because someday Carmen MUST write a book. It feels inevitable. :)


Carmen I'm just feeding wood into the bloody oven and stoking it. We had a night of well under 30 degrees Fahrenheit. But yes, I am holding on to a nice coffee here ;)

I agree that a comedian's memoire is probably not the place to discuss the current obsession with youth, but what caught my eye was her pushing off old(er) men as being crazy fuckers, while maintaining that at 40 all women can still be choosers.

I'm close to her age, definitely not as beautiful as she is, and the sole area where I still attract male glances is the dungeon - because female tops are rare.

I'm happily settled, but I'd have a hard time now finding a man to my tastes outside of a dungeon, if I had to go looking for one again. I'd either have to settle for someone much older (at least 10-15 years older), or much more unattractive in some department than what I consider attractive. If I look around, I see the 85% women who're not looking like Poehler at 40, so it galls a bit to read how an actress asserts that things are easy at that age.


She's got a man, too, she's not married to him, but she's certainly not single. And, as you said, her looks, fame, and riches probably make her very desirable.

I don't think she's playing coy about thinking she's plain, though. She seems to actually believe that shit.

I can't, I mean, I don't think I can advise women to have sex with just 'some guy' or 'any guy' just to be having sex. Perhaps because I'm a romantic or because I'm a big believer in masturbation, but it just seems awful to me. That's just my personal thing, though.

I'm happy you are happily settled and also that you got to warm up a bit!


Carmen Michael wrote: "This is one of your best reviews,so blunt and real! Still may not be interested though,but your review is outstanding!! ..No really,remarkable$"

Aw, thank you, Michael! *blush* You are sweet! :)


Carmen Donna wrote: "Terrific review, Carmen. I agree some of the best parts of this book sounded like they could have been written by a version of you. I'm still waiting for the day you'll write your own book. :)"

Donna, LOL Especially at that part with the rude older man, I was like, "ARE YOU ME?!?!!?!!?" because she said EXACTLY what I would have said. (I wouldn't have chased him across the airport, though.) Ditto because she says "your woman" as in "take care of your woman and never shame her" and I always say "your woman!" !!!! Wow, it was crazy. Really made me like her a lot.

I can't write fiction. But writing a non-fiction piece / book is feasible, I GUESS. Not really though, because I'm lazy. LOL

Thanks for all your kind words, Donna!


Carmen Kandice wrote:
I hope she'll give us ARCs, because someday Carmen MUST write a book. It feels inevitable. :)


LOL You're incredibly sweet, but don't hold your breath! :)


message 16: by Cecily (new)

Cecily This is brilliantly comprehensive - and fair.


message 17: by Joe (last edited Feb 02, 2017 06:51PM) (new) - added it

Joe Valdez I love this review, guapa. Women who express themselves like Poehler are immensely attractive to me. She is smart and assertive and quite often very funny. I have so much less use for "nice" the older I get. Her sex advice sounds really on point. It takes balls to put yourself out there by talking about religion, sex or politics. I'm glad you gave Poehler the Carmen Legion of Decency stamp of approval.


Carmen Cecily wrote: "This is brilliantly comprehensive - and fair."

Aw, thank you, Cecily. That means a lot to me.


Carmen I love this review, guapa. Women who express themselves like Poehler are immensely attractive to me. She is smart and assertive and quite often very funny. I have so much less use for "nice" the older I get. Her sex advice sounds really on point. It takes balls to put yourself out there by talking about religion, sex or politics. I'm glad you gave Poehler the Carmen Legion of Decency stamp of approval.

Dear Joseph,

Poehler is EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE when she stands up for herself, which is often. I think since she is 45 now, she feels less of a need to present a pleasing face to everyone. Women who are strong and outspoken and stand up for themselves are very attractive.

I liked her sex advice, although its merits have been debated here! LOL LOL

I was surprised I liked this so much. I am VERY unfamiliar with Poehler and her work, and a close friend had told me that she didn't enjoy this book very much, so my expectations were low. But Poehler was actually very good. I still don't think it's 5-star worthy, but it IS very good.

Thanks for stopping by, Joseph!


message 20: by Carol. (new)

Carol. Nice review. I appreciate the detail. I'm iffy on biographies, but I feel like I have a good grip on what it would contain.


Carmen Carol. wrote: "Nice review. I appreciate the detail. I'm iffy on biographies, but I feel like I have a good grip on what it would contain."

Thank you, Carol! I'm glad to help you and anyone else who is curious!


message 22: by Ɗẳɳ 2.☊ (new)

Ɗẳɳ  2.☊ I really enjoyed your cliff notes review here, Carmen. 5 stars - great to read with my morning coffee. Thanks for providing all those details. :)


Carmen I really enjoyed your cliff notes review here, Carmen. 5 stars - great to read with my morning coffee. Thanks for providing all those details. :)

Aw, thank you, Dan! I'm glad my review and the coffee helped to wake you up! I tried to convey the gist of the book. :)


message 24: by Cher (new) - rated it 4 stars

Cher Fantastic review, Carmen! This brought back a lot of nice reading memories of this book for me. :)


Carmen Cher wrote: "Fantastic review, Carmen! This brought back a lot of nice reading memories of this book for me. :)"

Thank you, Cher!


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