mark monday's Reviews > Sextrology: The Astrology of Sex and the Sexes

Sextrology by Stella Starsky
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Mar 10, 2011

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bookshelves: sexathon, guidebooks

have you ever wondered which star sign is the most likely to engage in scat play? well, dear reader, never fear - welcome to the astrology guide of your dreams! which sign likes it rough? which sign is a big excited puppy? which sign has the smallest tits? which sign has the biggest dick? which sign is bossy in bed, which sign just lays there like a wooden plank? which sign is the gayest, which sign is the most lesbionic? hey, what is the hairiest sign? which sign likes to trim that bush? all those answers and more await you and your quivering fingers within this exhaustive tome.

good grief, the level of detail on every single sign is mind-boggling. how do they know these things, every tiny little thing about a person, down to the most obscure details? are people really defined by their sign, so much so that each sexual longing can be exactly predicted and minutely detailed, in every way? why would the stars know which sign has the biggest feet? why would the stars even care? or was this book written by God? a God-like level of knowledge of all human beings and everything they do is certainly contained within. fortunately, the tone of the book is light rather than ponderous, which makes reading this perhaps similar to the feeling one would have rushing through a lavish and over-heated bodice-ripper. it is a true guilty pleasure.
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Reading Progress

Finished Reading
March 10, 2011 – Shelved
March 10, 2011 – Shelved as: sexathon
September 17, 2011 – Shelved as: guidebooks

Comments (showing 1-22 of 22) (22 new)

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message 1: by Miriam (last edited Aug 19, 2011 04:58PM) (new)

Miriam One Cosmo had an article assigning lingerie by star sign. A male friend of mine with the same sign and I went out in a snow storm to the mall on Grape Road in Mishawaka (was that built when you lived in South Bend?) to look for some but couldn't find the right pattern and ended up getting vinyl pants and go go boots instead. He then tried to sneak into his girlfriend's dorm in drag, got caught, and was expelled. The point of this anecdote is that astrology is dangerous, and so is cross-dressing at Catholic school.

mark monday ha! astrology really let your poor friend down. he should have been warned about this upcoming fiasco!

let's see, if i remember my Lessons About Miriam correctly, that would mean your friend is a Scorpio, right?

i was only in South Bend for a few years prior to 8th grade, so i really don't recall any names other than Corby Homes, where i lived.

message 3: by Miriam (new)

Miriam Eww, no! Aries! My friend actually had the same birthday. Later we dated for like two weeks, but we kept looking at each other and realizing we were thinking the exact same thing, and it was too creepy.

mark monday oh that's right, you're the same sign as my mom! how could i have forgotten, tsk tsk mark.

yes, that actually twincestuous. creepy indeed!

message 5: by Miriam (new)

Miriam Yeah, and we couldn't have fights because whatever he did, I knew that I would have done the same thing, so it was fair to get mad.

message 6: by Michael (new)

Michael mark wrote: "let's see, if i remember my Lessons About Miriam correctly, that would mean your friend is a Scorpio, right?"

Miriam wrote: "Eww, no! Aries!"

What makes Scorpio "Eww" worthy?

mark monday michael, i think you scorpios are top notch!!

message 8: by Miriam (new)

Miriam Nothing, sorry, I just can't imagine being a water sign. My psyche couldn't handle all that complexity.

message 9: by Miriam (new)

Miriam I just spent a few minutes thinking harder about why I said "ewww," because I do have several close Scorpio friends. I think it is because they are all the kind of people who frequently have personal drama and upset and then call expecting me to drop what I'm doing to rush over and listen to them cry and buy them drinks. And although I love them they require a lot of emotional energy from me, and I would hate to have people think of me as a high-maintenance friend or a drama queen. I have a completely different set of faults.

message 10: by Meredith (new)

Meredith Holley (Sparrow) This book says I dig lumberjacks, which sure. Lumberjacks are groovy. It also, if I recall correctly, says Pisces are into kiddie sex. Or is it Leos? I forget. I think this is an astrology fail. Prob written by a Virgo w/ Aquarius moon, to join in the stereotyping.

message 11: by mark (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday i'm a Virgo with a moon in Pisces. no wonder i appreciated it, but was also confused by it!

message 12: by Meredith (new)

Meredith Holley (Sparrow) Hahaha! I was kind of guessing that you were for some reason. Love Signs is better because it was written by an Aries.

Awww, Pisces moon. That is a difficult placing.

message 13: by mark (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday i grew up with that book! what a blast from the past. my mom was into astrology big-time. but my favorite book on astrology will always be the very sensitive and old-timey Zodiac and Its Mysteries. that was one of my favorite books as a kid.

message 14: by Meredith (new)

Meredith Holley (Sparrow) Oooo, that looks rad! My astrology training is at the feet of the Parker's Astrology, though I was raised that the astrology was eeeeevil - probably why I've thought it's fun since I stopped being scared of it.

Yeah, the blast-from-the-past part of Love Signs is kind of lame - like how she's always dropping things like, a woman with this placing will have difficulty as a woman because she is not good at baking (or whatever). Astrological sexism is kind of great, though, because I think it recognizes some social pressures that are easier to overcome if you look directly at them.

message 15: by mark (last edited Aug 20, 2011 04:51PM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday i still have my original copy, held together by duct tape. i also have my original copies of my other two favorite books growing up:

Mastering Witchcraft
Field Guide to the Little People

mom was really into these kinds of things when she was younger, and dad was an atheist, so nothing was really considered evil. not even the playboys they discovered under my mattress! i'm not sure why i just felt compelled to share that.

message 16: by Meredith (new)

Meredith Holley (Sparrow) haha! yeah, we had a lot of eeevils in my house - from, you know, the Smurfs to carbohydrates to changing the channel when dad was watching something. They rotated, though, so there was usually a nice freshness to the new evils. Most of them were a la playboy, but interestingly dad talked about watching porn a lot. But, no one ever said there was consistency to evils.

The witchcraft one looks actually a little farther than I've gone. I have dimples, so goth doesn't really look great on me.

Oh, must look at the little people one.

message 17: by mark (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday ha! that is very interesting and inconsistent! funny.

my parents were actually fascinated by the Smurfs. they made lots lof jokes about them, and called various neighbors or my friends different versions of Smurf names. they often called me Vanity Smurf to get on my nerves. or Chubby Smurf to really get on my nerves. although their favorite nickname for me was always "Little Hitler". apparently i was very bossy. i do remember harrassing them frequently for not tipping enough.

message 18: by Meredith (new)

Meredith Holley (Sparrow) Because people should tip, right? I am actually really bad at that - always way over or under.

The smurfs are cool. The little people sound cool, too, but kind of creepy. I would like one of those ones who cleans my house and makes funny jokes, though.

message 19: by mark (last edited Aug 20, 2011 05:47PM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday i would put up with the feet-tickling if i had one of those little people!

the idea of tipping became very important to me after my dad caught me taking the money they had left on a table for a tip. i had no idea what they were doing other than maybe forgetting their change and so had been happily pocketing it for years. after he had explained what tipping was and that i had actually been stealing from our waiters and waitresses, tipping correctly became sort of an obsession to me.

message 20: by Meredith (new)

Meredith Holley (Sparrow) hahaha! awww. I can see why! You thought it was a tip for you, but you were really taking money out of the bank accounts of babes.

I, too, could probably handle the feet tickling, but that is really annoying, so I may be over-estimating my powers.

Xenomantid This comment is late, but "a lavish and over-heated bodice-ripper" is an apt description. Possibly the most entertaining aspect of this book is its complete lack of irony or self-awareness. The book remains totally calm when describing urolagia and other kinks, to say nothing of each sign's upbringing.

message 22: by mark (new) - rated it 3 stars

mark monday agree!

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