Manny's Reviews > Sex Manners For Advanced Lovers

Sex Manners For Advanced Lovers by Robert Chartham
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Feb 21, 2011

did not like it
bookshelves: too-sexy-for-maiden-aunts
Read in January, 2004

I don't think I've ever been quite so disappointed. Fooled by the brilliant title, I was expecting an edgy piece of satire along the lines of Donleavy's The Unexpurgated Code - well, obviously it wasn't going to be as good, but I'd have taken half as good and been well satisfied. I was sure that, at the very least, I'd get a few memorably bizarre pieces of etiquette advice to giggle over. Fellow Goodreaders, don't be taken in as I was. I can summarise the whole thing in one sentence: women have clitorises, and enjoy having them licked and stroked. How the author could spin out this elementary observation to nearly 150 pages is still beyond me.

I'm reminded of an episode from the third movement of Powell's Dance to the Music of Time. The narrator is serving with a British infantry battalion during World War II and unexpectedly meets his old friend Stringham, who complains about the basic training course he's just been forced to complete.

"I used to think that all you had to do to use a rifle was get your eye, the sights and the target in a straight line and pull the trigger," says Stringham. "Now I discover the Army has written a book about it."
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Notgettingenough has just drawn my attention to the fact that this book is banned in New Zealand. The full list of banned books makes for mind-boggling reading. Why, for example, is 201 Girls, Vol. 12, No. 3 banned, but not, apparently, any of the other numbers? I can't help admiring the fortitude of the people who combed through the entire 201 Girls oeuvre to locate the one bad apple in the barrel.
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Comments (showing 1-22 of 22) (22 new)

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notgettingenough So you mean men don't need that ten volume encyclopedic reference on the matter that I've very nearly almost finished? Are you really saying the last 1050 pages of it aren't necessary? They get the message that quickly? Damn.


Manny Don't give up. All you need is a good title and some pictures.


notgettingenough Finger licking good? Too subtle?


Manny I'm afraid KFC have already trademarked that one. You could get in a whole lot of trouble.


message 5: by MJ (new)

MJ Nicholls "Excuse me, fellow lover, might I spread your legs and ease my fully erect organ into your sufficiently lubricated opening? Thank you for co-operating."


message 6: by Manny (last edited Feb 21, 2011 09:13PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Manny You have a way with words, sir. I'm sure it must get you into any number of tricky situations.


message 7: by Brad (new)

Brad So you're saying, Manny, that the time it took to read about how "women have clitorises, and enjoy having them licked and stroked" would have been better spent practicising?


Manny Well, I'm sure that would have been a better way to spend the time. So would going for a brisk walk, cooking dinner, vacuuming the hall, or pretty much anything else I can think of. It'd have been more likely to have an erotic effect too.


message 9: by David (new)

David women have clitorises, and enjoy having them licked and stroked. How the author could spin out this elementary observation to nearly 150 pages is still beyond me.

Depends how good he is.


message 10: by Manny (new) - rated it 1 star

Manny Depends how good he is.

I'd describe his writing style as a cross between medical textbook and IKEA assembly instructions. It didn't do much for me. But if you find that kind of thing exciting, he's your man.


message 11: by David (new)

David If you find that kind of thing exciting you probably could spread it out over more than 150 pages, although you'd need to have a way with words to convey the excitement of it.


notgettingenough Love the update.


message 13: by Ian (new)

Ian "Marvin" Graye Manny wrote: "Women have clitorises, and enjoy having them licked and stroked."

I'm sorry, but as a not very advanced lover, it has never dawned on me that women might have more than one clitoris.


message 14: by Ian (new)

Ian "Marvin" Graye notgettingenough wrote: "Finger licking good? Too subtle?"

Bad luck, Not, the following title is already taken:

"The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips"

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13...


message 15: by Manny (new) - rated it 1 star

Manny Bird Brian wrote: "Perhaps the secret lies in the title? Sex manners for advanced lovers?"

I discover that the book is in fact the sequel to two earlier ones, Sex Manners for Men and Sex Manners for Women. Viewed in that light, the title is maybe a little more comprehensible.

Ian wrote: "I'm sorry, but as a not very advanced lover, it has never dawned on me that women might have more than one clitoris."

As far as I can recall, this topic was not treated in anything near enough detail. If your partner is lucky enough to have multiple clitorises, you'll just have to figure it out yourself. Or maybe it was going to feature in a planned fourth volume. It sounds very advanced indeed, particularly when you think how bad most men are at multitasking.


message 16: by Ian (new)

Ian "Marvin" Graye Let me know if there's a chapter on Polyclitoral Discombobulation.


message 17: by Traveller (new)

Traveller Finding this book on your "most boring" list, Manny, inspired me to look up your review, and upon reading it, i feel inspired to look for a book i found hidden in my father's closet when i was a child.

It was a book translated from Japanese, illustrating about 30 or 40 different positions as a guide for newly married couples, all done with little wooden dolls (faceless and hairless dolls).

The paragraph that really stood out in my mind, and that i remember far better than any other of the advice offered therein, was advice given to young brides:
"Never, EVER let your husband see you naked down there without any panties on, no matter how much he pleads and begs you to let him look. Your relationship might not recover from the shock he might get. "

Way to go for making a woman feel good about herself, eh?

He never did say if it was ok for the wives to see the husbands in their full naked glory.


message 18: by Manny (new) - rated it 1 star

Manny Well, look what happened to John Ruskin! I bet his wife wished she'd been given this advice. Though it's conceivable that things have changed since then.


message 19: by Traveller (new)

Traveller Manny wrote: "Well, look what happened to John Ruskin! I bet his wife wished she'd been given this advice. Though it's conceivable that things have changed since then."

Well, she was much too old for his tastes, but it might have helped her a bit to have had a razor handy.


message 20: by Manny (new) - rated it 1 star

Manny Ah, you favor the pedophile theory. Personally, I think he'd just spent too much time with classical Greek statues. It's not healthy.


message 21: by Manny (new) - rated it 1 star

Manny PS I just looked at the Wikipedia article for Ruskin, and came across the noun "pigwiggina". If this is not the most unnecessary word in the English language, it is surely a strong contender.


message 22: by Traveller (new)

Traveller Well, a lot points to it. Though of course there's no solid proof. He could simply just have favored young girls because he was afraid of the grown ones...


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