Kelly (and the Book Boar)'s Reviews > Creamed by Cave Creatures

Creamed by Cave Creatures by Chelsea Chaynes
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Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/

Because nothing says HUMP DAAAAAAAAY like reading monsterporn while eating a Pop Tart . . .

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Errrrrr, sploosh????? Yeah, notsamuch.

WARNING: I AM GOING TO SPOIL ERRRRRRYTHING

When Dan said he had this little beauty sitting in his Kindle and it was also free I immediately demanded he buddy-read it with me. Dan was one of the first friends I made on Goodreads, he lives in flyover country like me, he reads quality stuff (present selection not included), and he actually knows how to write a review rather than only string funny pictures together. He’s obviously way more legit than I am and everyone should follow him.

Okay, enough of the kissing of Dan’s butt. Let’s get on with the horrifying show . . .

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Creamed By Cave Creatures begins with our leading lady on a research trip in order to earn her doctorate . . .

“South America was filled with natural crevices, and I’d been in most of them.”

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She was warned to never go into a cave alone, but since her research partner was having . . .

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she’s left with no choice. While spelunking in to the vast darkness where she will attempt to find a new “ecological system” our heroine shares details of the way the safety harness fits her “succulent ass” and “sultry body” . . .

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Luckily she makes it to the bottom safely. It’s only when she has to crawl through a rock formation into a smaller crevice that she runs into trouble . . .

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Oh bother! But there are cave creatures there to save the day. Hooray!!!!! Or maybe not . . .

“I felt his breath against my feet as he began to suck my toes. Then I felt another tongue slicking its way up my legs, over my thighs and then ending against my hard, throbbing . . .”

Well, you get the picture. Due to the darkness of the cave, our scientist is able to picture fellas like this . . .

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(Sidenote: Hollywood’s cutest couple. Amiright or amiright???)

licking her like a lollipop should be licked. It’s only after she’s been taken seven ways to Sunday, including . . . .

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that she sees who is really making her “butthole flutter” and “jabbing her uterus.” She also quickly discovers that these guys don’t experience post coital bliss and instead she has upset the “balance of this finely tuned ecological niche.” It’s only by pure luck that she manages to escape. Buuuuuuuut, she brought back a little souvenir (!!!!!) which claws its way out of her uterus and runs to the nearest sewer. And that’s how the legend of the gator in the toilet began. The end : )

Okay, so monster erotica is most definitely not my forté, but somehow I can’t help thinking this was still wasn’t very good. While I appreciated the attempt at having a plot, once you get banged by a bunch of monsters is it even really necessary? There were also several typos which I can overlook since this was zero dollars. The one thing I really didn’t like? The story ends at 45%. I mean the story was ABSOLUTELY FINISHED by that point and I didn’t need any more, but I also don’t want a bunch of previews working as advertising to get me to buy more.


ORIGINAL REVIEW:
Buddy read with The One, The Only, The Original Dan tomorrow because he is a filthy pervert who can't get the idea of making much of the sex with this guy . . .

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off his mind.
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Reading Progress

September 1, 2015 – Shelved
September 1, 2015 – Shelved as: to-read
September 2, 2015 – Started Reading
September 2, 2015 –
0.0% "You ready, Dan????\n \n Chicago commercial photographers"
September 2, 2015 – Shelved as: i-have-no-shame
September 2, 2015 – Shelved as: hide-the-salami
September 2, 2015 – Shelved as: read-in-2015
September 2, 2015 – Shelved as: zero-dollars-makes-me-holler
September 2, 2015 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-26 of 26 (26 new)

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message 1: by Dan (new) - rated it 2 stars

Dan Schwent He'd be a gentle lover.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) I bet he can work some serious magic with that mouth ; )


message 3: by Jason (new)

Jason Koivu Is #4 the one with pegging?


message 4: by Dan (new) - rated it 2 stars

Dan Schwent Jason wrote: "Is #4 the one with pegging?"

I'll let you know tomorrow.


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Goodreads will never be the same. LOL


Valerie (Howler_Puff) I cannot wait for your review on this. Please read fast. Thanks.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Valerie wrote: "I cannot wait for your review on this. Please read fast. Thanks."

Ha! It's only 38 pages so a review should be up tomorrow or Thursday at the lastest ; )


Valerie (Howler_Puff) Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "Valerie wrote: "I cannot wait for your review on this. Please read fast. Thanks."

Ha! It's only 38 pages so a review should be up tomorrow or Thursday at the lastest ; )"


I want to know why there is like 7 Monster Mayhem books...haha!


Sh3lly (GrumpyBookGrrrl.com) Wow, this sounds like something I would read. lol




Sh3lly (GrumpyBookGrrrl.com) Annnnnd it's free!




Karlyflower *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)* Oh this woman is golden at titles.......Snatched By The Yeti *snort-snicker-chuckle*..... double entendre alert ;)


SUSAN   *Nevertheless,she persisted* She chose an interesting outfit to go spelunking in.
How could a cave creature resist her.


message 14: by Dan (new) - rated it 2 stars

Dan Schwent Great review, especially the ass-kissing at the beginning.

I'm probably too analytical to fully enjoy monster porn. I kept thinking things like "who describes their own ass as succulent when getting into a climbing harness?" and "is that even anatomically possible?"


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Right??? Or, "oh shit my body is waaaay too sultry to squeeze through this rock." WTF? I also enjoy how her ladybits were throbbing before even meeting the cavedudes. There's probably a cream her doctor could give her for that.


Karlyflower *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)* Hahaha... obviously caves make her hot, for herself... and anyone anything else that comes *heh* along....


Kelly (and the Book Boar) SUSAN wrote: "She chose an interesting outfit to go spelunking in.
How could a cave creature resist her."


I know! And she wonders why her back got all scratched up when she was orgy-fying up on the rocks.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Karly *The Vampire Ninja & Luminescent Monster* wrote: "Hahaha... obviously caves make her hot, for herself... and anyone anything else that comes *heh* along...."

Yes. I have a feeling her research partner was probably in a sex coma and not really suffering from the poops.


message 19: by Dan (new) - rated it 2 stars

Dan Schwent I would have felt bad for her if she'd been more sympathetic toward her research partner.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Dan wrote: "I would have felt bad for her if she'd been more sympathetic toward her research partner."

Or if she got a three month case of the runs instead of morning sickness : )


Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ You should read The Tingle. He wins at all the weird porn & he won't leave my til 80% or so.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ & MANTIES Champion wrote: "You should read The Tingle. He wins at all the weird porn & he won't leave my til 80% or so."

Only problem is he actually wants to be paid for his stuff ; )


Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ Sometimes they are free. I'll throw a rock next time he's handing out freebies.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Awesome! Thanks in advance : )


Valerie (Howler_Puff) I read this last night...I couldn't stop laughing at the end! Hahahaha! Her poor research partner..jeez!


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