Greg's Reviews > The Egg Said Nothing

The Egg Said Nothing by Caris O'Malley
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Nov 19, 2010

really liked it
bookshelves: fiction

Caris, Caris, Caris. It's like the only thing you hear on goodreads.com lately. Caris and his fucking book. Unless you never happen to check out the update feed or aren't friends with any of his cheerleaders you probably have already seen a bunch of reviews for this and seen all the praising going on. Sickening isn't it? I mean, so what? Caris wrote a book, and everyone (well not everyone, but most everyone) that has read it is gushing about how great it is. And it might make you feel like saying, enough is enough already, we get it, you all like Caris and want his book to do well. But then the book turns out to actually be really good. And instead of just having that feeling of enough already people, you kind of want to curse him for writing what might possibly be the second best bizarro book (or the second best one I've read, maybe there are some better ones out there..... FYI the best one (in my humble opinion) is Help! A Bear is Eating Me)).

But anyway, unlike some other bizarro books this one has a coherent plot that goes somewhere. The book is also stylistically interesting, again something that isn't always the case in these books. Personally, my particular angst has moved beyond getting kicks out of something being shocking just for the sake of it being shocking. I'd rather read seven hundred pages of unattributed dialog than 80 pages of methed out Nazi's fisting each other while fucking the baby jesus, but that's just me and my getting old. Not that this book doesn't go into weird territory, but there is something more to the book than just being weird.

I read the book the day after I finished writing the first draft of my NaNoWriMo novel, and there were a few times that I muttered Fuck You Caris, under my breath, because he had done something that I had also done in my novel and even though I knew I hadn't stolen it from him I still felt like someone might think I was influenced by him. For the record I had my characters stealing money from fountains before I read his book, which doesn't seem like a big point but I can't think of another book where characters gleefully steal from fountains. I attribute this either to Caris having a similarly bored teenage life that I did, and maybe also having friends who bought their cigarettes by hitting local fountains or Caris used a time machine to steal the idea from me. I'm fairly certain it's the latter and I'm not going to pursue any actions over it but I wanted to let him know that I know what he has been up to.

All joking aside this is a fine good book and you should buy a copy and support our fellow goodreader and help convince Eraserhead that Caris deserves to have more books published because I'm anxiously waiting the chance to review his clown book in the near future.
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Reading Progress

November 19, 2010 – Started Reading
November 19, 2010 – Shelved
November 19, 2010 –
page 1
1.0% "The girl who rang me up saw the title read it out loud and laughed. She said it was sooooo funny."
November 20, 2010 –
page 1
1.0%
November 20, 2010 – Shelved as: fiction
November 20, 2010 – Finished Reading

Comments (showing 1-32 of 32) (32 new)

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Meredith Holley Just so you know, I am contracted to represent Caris in any obscenity suits. I'm not sure about time-travel plagiarism, though. I may still be available for that type of action.


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

That O'Malley and his time machine. You gotta watch out for him.


Greg I think I'll put you on retainer to cover any time-travel litigation of mine.


Meredith Holley Okay, that sounds good. I have always wanted to develop a time-travel practice.


Eh?Eh! This review is burritos, old dude!


Jasmine I'd rather read seven hundred pages of unattributed dialog

if done poorly that is still shocking for the sake of being shocking. It only isn't that for you because gaddis did it well. if someone like zweig did it you wouldn't feel the same way.


I think a lot of people steal money out of fountains. I mean my friends all did that growing up.


Esteban del Mal Where's this book of methed-out Nazis fucking the baby Jesus? I give that four stars without even reading it.


Greg In the good old salad days I might have found it interesting.


Jasmine, the writing still needs to be good. Zweig was stylistically terrible, he was vaguely interest worthy for some of his conceptual ideas but he didn't have the talent to make them work.


Jasmine Esteban wrote: "Where's this book of methed-out Nazis fucking the baby Jesus? I give that four stars without even reading it."

i think it mellnick.


message 10: by Brainycat (new)

Brainycat I stole money out of fountains as a kid too.


karen i stole money outta greg's mom


message 12: by Mykle (new) - added it

Mykle Were you methed-out?


Joshua Nomen-Mutatio I asphyxiated Zweig in a fountain.


La pointe de la sauce Caris...wrote a book? The man has no shame!


message 15: by Joshua Nomen-Mutatio (last edited Dec 01, 2010 01:05AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Joshua Nomen-Mutatio karen wrote: "i stole money outta greg's mom"

Oh my stars and garters! Heavens to Betsy! Jupiter's thunder!


message 16: by Miriam (new) - added it

Miriam Oh, my brother and I used to get money from fountains, too. And I've seen other kids do. Pretty standard, I think. So really, the idea belongs to whomever trademarks it first.


message 17: by Meredith (last edited Dec 01, 2010 10:13AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Meredith Holley As legal counsel in this matter, I would like to advise my client not to make any statements on the matter of trademarks until I have taken the trademark law class.


Meredith Holley I thought I was only representing you on matters of obscenity. Is time-travel plagiarism substantially related to obscenity? I don't think so. My plan was to use the time machine, go to a time when I'm not representing you, and then represent Greg against you. I think that would eliminate the conflicts problem of simultaneously representing two materially adverse clients.

This has been a nice review for my legal ethics class. Thank you for listening.


message 19: by Matt (new)

Matt Margo I have yet to read "Ass Goblins of Auschwitz," but I did read Carlton Mellick III's "The Baby Jesus Butt Plug," and although I certainly see your point, I found there was this sort of dystopian vibe to that novella that brought it beyond weird for the sake of weird.

Also, included amongst what Eraserhead Press apparently doesn't want in a submission: "Stories where weird shit happens just for the sake of weird shit happening." Just food for thought. I think I may eventually give in to all the damn hype and...*sigh*...check out Caris's book.

As a sidenote, Jeremy Robert Johnson is my personal favorite when it comes to bizarro. Judging by this review, I think you would enjoy his stuff.


Jasmine Caris' book is just terrible. I mean there isn't one instance of twincest or methed-out Nazis in the book.


message 21: by Kristen (last edited Dec 01, 2010 03:27PM) (new)

Kristen There was an episode of 'It's Always Sunny' where Charlie steals coins out of a fountain . . . you both probably stole the idea from there.
;-)


message 22: by Greg (new) - rated it 4 stars

Greg I was being a little unfair to the genre with my flippant remarks. I wasn't too fond of Baby Butt Plug Jesus, I think I wanted the book to be something more. I will check out Jeremy Robert Johnson though. Anderson Prutney has also done a few books that I've really liked in the genre. So far my experiences with Eraserhead has been hit and miss but when they have been good they have been really inspiring.


message 23: by Greg (new) - rated it 4 stars

Greg You might be right Kristen, I'd seen that episode pretty recently. But I'm going to say they stole it from me, they must have gotten a hold of the time traveling apparatus too.

Meredith, you're going to have your work cut out for you.


message 24: by Kristen (last edited Dec 01, 2010 03:49PM) (new)

Kristen I like the episode where they smoke crack to get on welfare, maybe you boys can rip that off.

Anyway, life has a tendency to imitate "It's always Sunny", like the episode where Dee unknowingly dates a retarded person, that actually happened to me . . . for seven years.


Meredith Holley I don't know. Now I'm starting to feel like you guys are just using me because I'm not caught up on It's Always Sunny.


Meredith Holley I'm way behind. I was catching up, but I stopped in the middle of the third season. I had watched too many in a row and it stopped being funny.


Meredith Holley It was sad. I was also applying for jobs that I didn't get. I was in a pretty bad mood.


Joyzi Lol I think you love the book but you wanted to kill the author


message 30: by Oriana (new)

Oriana pff, didn't the kids in The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler steal money out of the fountain? nothing new under the sun, people!


message 31: by Mykle (new) - added it

Mykle Yeah! And then they smoked crack to get on welfare.


message 32: by Greg (new) - rated it 4 stars

Greg Listen, none of you know what your talking about. In July / August of 1992 when my friends Holly, Ari and I would drive around town stealing from the fountains we were the very first people EVER to do so. We had to have been. I'm fairly certain we were also the first people to ever sneak into hotels to use their pool without being a guest and the first people to ever shoot strangers with waterguns from a moving car. We were breaking new ground!


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