Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies's Reviews > Uprooted

Uprooted by Naomi Novik
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did not like it
bookshelves: don-t-drink-the-kool-aid

“They forget how to live here...[they] remember to be afraid,” my father said. That was all.

Then they took their dowry-silver and left. Mostly they would go to Kralia and go to the University. Often as not they married some city man, and otherwise they became scholars or shopkeepers.
Are you fucking kidding me? *seethes*

I swear to god I'm the only one in the world who didn't think this book is THE BESTEST MOST SPECIALEST WONDERFULEST BOOK EVER. For god's sake, Emily May loved it, and I highly respect her opinion, but this book is one case where we will have to agree to disagree.

Frankly, I have no idea why everyone loved this book and thought it was so wonderful. The main character is every bit of a Speshul Snowflake Mary Sue. The "Dragon" (so very disappointing) is an asshole of the Fever sort, the kind I deem Jericho-Fucking-Barrons, a term used to describe an asshole who is an asshole only for the sake of being an asshole. He's grumpy, he's grouchy, he is a huge fucking condescending thundercunt of a douchebag just for the plain old reason that he wants to be one.
He was irritated with me every time I came into his library, even on the few days that I managed to keep myself in good order: as though I were coming to annoy and interrupt him, instead of him tormenting and using me. And when he had finished working his magic through me and left me crumpled on the floor, he would scowl down at me and call me useless.
Let's get one thing straight. I like assholes (sometimes), but they have to have character. For example, Dr. House. He is filled with snark. He is a jerk. He's oftentimes despicable, but there's a spark in him, a humanity in him that lets me love him and appreciate him no matter what despicable things that comes out of his mouth, because, under it all (and you seriously have to look deep), he is a human being with a good purpose, no matter how harsh his methods.

Once again, I like assholes. I like anti-heroes, but they have to self-redeeming. The "Dragon" in this book is none such.

Ok, back to the plot. It sucked. I didn't really read the synopsis, but I know there was a dragon who kidnapped girls in it. Surely a terrible fate, right?! EEEEEEEEEEHHHN. Wrong. Look at the quote at the beginning of my review. Essentially the girls are "kidnapped" by said "Dragon" (keep in mind I used quotation marks around dragon), they're educated, they become well-read, and they want to spread their wings. They're given shit tons of money to make a better life for themselves.

Terrifying. Absolutely fucking terrifying. I'm quivering in my boots.

The world building is your standard generic fantasy fare. Monsters. Kings. Princes. But the magic. The fucking magic, man.It just highlights what a special freaking snowflake the main character is. There is nothing to catch the imagination. If I shouted out "Merde!!!!" and butterflies burst into the air and a rainbow forms at my feet, it would essentially be as magical as the shit in this book.
I whispered, “Kalikual.”
The power rushed out of me.
Foreign words!!!! So magical!!!one!1

The main character, Agnieszka, is seriously nothing new. You have read countless incarnations of her in every shitty YA book ever written because she's a special, special girl who doesn't know how special she is. She's just so ordinary and adorably clumsy and plain, y'all! The Dragon always, always takes the most special girl!
The Dragon didn’t always take the prettiest girl, but he always took the most special one, somehow.
:| <- this is my surprised face.

And Ag-noying (my new name for her) is just!
At seventeen I was still a too-skinny colt of a girl with big feet and tangled dirt-brown hair, and my only gift, if you could call it that, was I would tear or stain or lose anything put on me between the hours of one day.
You don't say!

But of course, there's more to Ag-noying than meets the eye, why, she's got magical power that's just waiting to burst from her like a rose from a fermenting pile of steaming poop.
My strength welled up through my body and fountained out of my mouth, and where it left me, a trembling in the air began and went curling down around my body in a spiraling path.
Yeah, yeah. I've read this shit before, and I say no, thank you. I like my main characters average, thank you very much. I like my "Dragons" with humanity.

1 star is a bit harsh, but for all the hype, this book let me down tremendously.
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Reading Progress

May 26, 2015 – Shelved
May 26, 2015 – Shelved as: to-read
Started Reading
January 4, 2016 – Shelved as: don-t-drink-the-kool-aid
January 4, 2016 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-50 of 314 (314 new)

Esther I would love to see your take on this story. :)

message 2: by Renae (new)

Renae Oh my god, these are EXACTLY my thoughts. I couldn't even finish it though. The first chapter had me rolling my eyes with how "been there, done that" everything was, and once I met the actual Dragon, I was done. No thanks, goodbye. Thumbs down.

message 3: by lasvamps (new) - added it

lasvamps I think I love you... It's like you read my mind. I'm stuck in the middle with this horrible book and I can't go further. BLAH.

message 4: by Kelly (new)

Kelly You have saved me from reading this book. Thank you.

John Haha. I knew you would hate this book. I should have warned you!

♔ Dark Lordette Jennymort ♔ This makes me sad because I was looking forward to reading this. However, I think I still might... Maybe.

message 7: by TL (new) - added it

TL I didn't care for this either... it was very boring to me

message 8: by Cee (The Mistress Case) (last edited Jan 04, 2016 10:06AM) (new) - rated it 2 stars

Cee (The Mistress Case) How many times can I like this review? Only one time? Fuck that. This is an absolutely fantastic review and even more so when I agree with it. The chosen girls' fates sounded like heaven and I couldn't understand the horror of it (that is until I learned everyone in the village is like "drugged" by the land so that's why they never want to leave). And don't even get me started on the Dragon. You, sir, are more boring than you are a douchebag. Then there's the special-snowflake protagonist and the underwhelming magic system that has no limits or rules to it. The author should have at least tried to make us believe in the magic. Convenient much?

/I'm done/

message 9: by House (new)

House of Books My favourite booktuber hated it.

Alex ☣ Deranged KittyCat ☣ "... she's got magical power that's just waiting to burst from her like a rose from a fermenting pile of steaming poop."

You're reviews are priceless. :)) And I made myself believe I liked this book because everybody else did.
Just as somebody already asked before, "how many times can I like this review"?

Jasmine Despite this book being in my top 10 favs in 2015, this review was priceless. XD Great as always, Khanh.

message 12: by O.R. (new) - added it

O.R. Meh

Agnieszka "Aeth" Jędrzejczyk I love this review just as much I hated the book ^^

message 14: by Nastassja (last edited Jan 04, 2016 10:08AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Nastassja I love your reviews, Khanh, especially the snarky ones, though in the case of this book we'll have to agree to disagree too, because I loved the book. But it's always curious for me to read the opposite opinion and let some pink stuff get off my eyes and see some other facts I missed :D

Alienor ✘ French Frowner ✘ Omg XD We planned to BR this with friends soon and I was worried because I read before that The "dragon" was an annoying asshole... like Barrons (for whom I never understood the appeal O_o) Now I'm really scared, ugh. Anyway, wonderful review (and Dr House is a perfect example of asshole I love^^)

Rachel I completely agree-- I'm so glad you read it!!! So many huge problems with this novel! And did I miss an entire part of the novel or did she go from needing spells and "making a path through the woods" to ultra-wizard who can build up an entire castle and raise walls with no preamble or special foreign words or struggles? It felt very disjointed and unrealistic to me.

Megan "waiting to burst from her like a rose from a fermenting pile of steaming poop." Your reviews give me life please never stop writing them

message 18: by Kirsten (new)

Kirsten I couldn't even muster enough interest to finish reading the synopsis.

message 19: by Kelsi (new) - added it

Kelsi I can't stop laughing! I'm always glad to see a 1-star review from you because I always know it's going to be funny. Thanks for writing such great reviews! :D

message 20: by Bochra (new)

Bochra I couldn't even finish it tbh. I got about 25% in and gave up

Esther While I disagree as I loved this book l, I loved your review add well. It brings up points I didn't notice so I'm going to go back and read this book again.

Gabrielle  (Wishes she had more time to read) I adored this book, so your review hurts me a little bit. But, like Esther, your review is pointing out things I didn't notice before. Maybe a reread is in order.

Rebecca So sad you didn't enjoy this one. :'(

Jennifer Haha. I bought this book new on the strength of its reviews and found it just okay. I like the female friendship, I like much of the imagery. The 'romance' is kind of terrifying, even though I usually love enigmatic, snarky heroes. I think you've just persuaded me to downgrade my rating.

message 25: by Joann H (Sshh!!! I'm reading) (last edited Jan 04, 2016 11:40AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Joann H (Sshh!!! I'm reading) I feel like I felt the same way you did about the book up to the point where (view spoiler). Everything changed from that point. The characters grew, the magical aspect became more complex, and the action was non-stop. By the end of the book, Agnieszka changed from being an annoying, useless person into a strong, brave kick-ass woman. I really encourage people to read the whole book because it's one of those books that builds.

Jennifer Also, I would love to see you eviscerate An Ember in the Ashes. Please?

Joann H (Sshh!!! I'm reading) Jennifer wrote: "Also, I would love to see you eviscerate An Ember in the Ashes. Please?"

0___0 Please no! my heart just about dropped when I saw the one star review for "uprooted". "I couldn't handle one for "ember in the ashes", which was also one of the few books I enjoyed last year. Last year was a rough reading year for me.

Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies You will be happy to know I grew so bored with Ember in the Ashes that I DNFed it within 20 pages.

message 30: by Lindsey (last edited Jan 04, 2016 12:14PM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Lindsey Couldn't agree with you more! The rave reviews for this book have me completely baffled.

Devil yeah i was gonna say this book hardly deserves a 1 star but if you're basing if off the hype then it makes slightly more sense.

message 32: by Stas (new) - rated it 5 stars

Stas Sorry you didn't like it.
But, to be fair, the book does not set out to terrify.
I can see why you didn't like it. But this is just a fairy-tale - no more, no less.
(And yeah, lack a dragon was anticlimactic and utterly disappointing; I kept expecting he'd turn into a real dragon; no such luck alas!) (but I still loved it so... *shrug* to each their own?)

message 33: by Jessica (new)

Jessica Uhh, just reading the quotes you took from the book makes this sound like some kind of tweaked version of Beauty and the Beast, plus magic? Am I about right? I think I'll avoid it like the plague!

Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Lol, Jessica, I had that impression too.

message 35: by Stas (new) - rated it 5 stars

Stas Okay, so basically my review was pretty much the opposite of yours, and you still liked it. Go figure. =)
But anyway, I don't think my reading experience would have been as good as it was if I weren't in the mood for a fairy-tale at the time.
After re-reading my notes in the margins, aka reading progress, I've concluded that any other mood would have led me to a review very much similar to yours. So cheers!
Hype alone does not a good book mark. Most of the time it's quite the opposite, isn't it?

Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Of course, I appreciate your opinion even if we disagree :)

message 37: by Carley (new) - added it

Carley I'm changing my Ex's name to "huge fucking condescending thundercunt of a douchebag" in my phone. AMAZING.

Stephane Boulard I did like this book, but you're right on you're analysis of those protagonists.
They were definitively cliche and not that interesting.

On the other hand, the forest and all the legends around it were great.

Bradley Great review.

It satisfies my deep and unrequited desire to raise both of my middle fingers to the world and scream how I just don't give a fuck.

Only, you get to do it for me. :)

message 40: by R.K. (new) - added it

R.K. Syrus You had us at 'thundercunt' :D

Melanie I think this is the first time I've seen you give a one star rating to a book that Cory has given a five star rating! I trust you both more than all the other reviewers combined!


Yasmin Always ejoy your reviews Khann even if they are opposite again haha. But how I said in my review" I guess this is the kind of book that you love or hate.
And I loved it."

message 44: by Simon (last edited Jan 04, 2016 03:01PM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

great review <3
but omg honestly what really annoyed me was the writing
the story was cute enough
but the writing....

Macklin I liked it, but the hype was way too much.

message 46: by Riotkittin (new) - added it

Riotkittin This review totally matches mine..but better worded =D The "romance" between the dragon and the speshul-girl was totally dumb, the book would be slightly better without it...but only slightly because the plot is still awful.

message 47: by Kadi (new) - rated it 2 stars

Kadi Dragon was a letdown, I give you that. In the beginning I hoped that he actually IS dragon and that he actually ate the girl. Disappointing in that regard.

Theresa Boydston :| <- this is my surprised face.

Haha priceless.

I didn't mind the Dragon being an ass so much, probably because the MC was so unbelievably annoying.

message 49: by Holly (new) - added it

Holly You are not alone. I DNFd.

message 50: by Erin (new) - rated it 2 stars

Erin Smith I do so love how you express yourself

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