Amber's Reviews > Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
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did not like it

I have to say that I did not enjoy reading this book at all and would not recommend it to anyone. First, it bothers me that he bases the vast majority of the books basis on a single verse. The description for this book says that Dr. Emerson has done extensive biblical research on his proposed idea of men needing respect and women needing love. However, I see very little that verifies this claim. Extensive biblical research would show Dr. Emerson’s thorough and careful exegesis of Ephesians 5:33, which would include the historical background, the verses (and even chapters) surrounding the verse, the background and point of the book of Ephesians as a whole, who wrote the book, why it was written, and who it was written for, as well as a look at the greek that the original verse was written in. That would be extensive biblical research, what Dr. Emerson did in this book, I’m afraid, is not an example of this in the least.

Tying along with that thought, I can find no sources in the back of his book where Dr. Emerson credits the work of anyone else. Pretty much the entire book is comprised of his own research and inflated with lots of inserts that he has received from readers or people who attended his seminars. While that’s very nice and all, it hardly counts as a credible source that would support his findings. On page 14 he says this:

”The insight that I finally found in Scripture, and which I later confirmed from reading scientific research…” (emphasis added)

What scientific research is this?

Who knows, he never tells us!

I find it very hard to consider Dr. Emerson’s book from an academic standpoint when he only quotes his supporters and I can find nothing that any of his colleagues or others on the same standing as himself in the subject may say about his love and respect idea.

Despite numerous other reasons for my dislike of Dr. Emerson’s book, these two reasons are enough to completely discredit the book in my mind. Beyond these two reasons it is obvious as you read the book that the entire thing appears to be a huge infomercial for his seminars and DVDs, which is terrible. I continually get the impression that I am trying to be sold something.

All in all, the book is a great advertisement and appears to be very effective in promoting Love and Respect Ministries. However, I believe anyone looking to strengthen their marriage or prepare to go into one look to other, much more credible, books. I personally suggest His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley.
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Reading Progress

Started Reading
October 1, 2007 – Finished Reading
January 16, 2008 – Shelved

Comments Showing 1-16 of 16 (16 new)

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Andrea I completely agree with you! In addition to these problems, I take issue with his caricatures of husbands and wives. Despite his insistence, the majority of men are not emotionally stunted child-men, and the majority of women are not frail dolls whose sole purpose in life is to have children. My biggest problem is his misogyny. I got the distinct impression that if it were up to him, women's lib would have never happened. That's just my 2 cents about the book.

Joshua Olmstead With respect I say I think you misunderstood the book entirely. It's a simple concept (extremely simple actually) that once applied makes all the difference. When I first read it I realized instantly the majority of the book is testimonials of couples who came in were reveiling their hurts, try this concept and their marriage improves instantly. I saw NO indication men are stunted child-men or that women are frail dolls whose sole purpose is to have children??? Wow... didn't get the book did ya's. That's okay most people do and disagree with ya. Try reading it again...

Janique Agree with the above. The concept is so simple perhaps it's too easy to be that easy! On the women's lib thing to quote a powerful leader 'One advantage of being a woman, was that there was a basic courtesy towards us on which we could draw, something which today's feminists have largely dessipated.' The Path to Power, Margaret Thatcher (British Prime Minister 1979-1990). Who also deeply respected her husband, Dennis Thatcher.

Cheralyn Koops This book is not meant to dig into a deep philosophical understanding of marriage and historical backgrounds on the author's information gathered, it's a repetitive notion that we all need to read often and understand about each individual in a marriage. I agree, Dr. Emerson writes in a redundant form. however, he is trying to set a point for men and women. And he'll say it over and over again. Isn't he one of MANY authors who take credit for his "in depth research" when writing books? I think you are being too critical and missing the point.

Charles Sr. I agree with the comment before mine. You are being critical for it's own sake. I wouldn't be surprised if all of your reviews sounded similar. I would be even less surprised if you didn't read the book at all. His ministry has has enormous affect on thousands of couples. People, like yourself, are turned off by the Biblical concept of Love and Respect and form your judgements a priori. You are in the vast minority with your mere opinion.

Michelle Irving I completely disagree. It is 100% Biblical that men need respect and women love.

Charles Sr. I agree with Michelle.

message 8: by Keri (new)

Keri Amorosa I totally agree with Amber! There is no basis for the crap in this book! This is the most chauvinist book I have ever read! I couldn't even read the whole thing because it made we want to puke! Even my husband, who I read a bit to thought it was absurd and any guy that needs this much babying has serious issues! I felt like it was written for Leave it to Beaver times... Good grief come into 21st century where men and women are treated equal. I feel sorry for the wives that follow this book!

message 9: by Dawn (new)

Dawn The book polarises the genders: in so doing, it actively promotes American Christian fundamental Patriarchy suggesting men need "hierarchy". Totally agree with all your comments. Glad I'm not the only one not to like it.

message 10: by Marisa (new)

Marisa Thank you, I'm in process of reading/listening to this book and I am glad to see that I'm not the only one disturbed by the patriarchal patronizing overtone through.

Cassie Mcnaney Thank you so much! It has been shown over and over again in peer-reviewed science that men fall in love faster than women and also are more likely to experience "love at first sight." (Harrison Ma et al 2011, Galperin A et al 2010, Huston & Ashmore 1986... Etc). How on earth is it even possible to love someone without respecting them first? How is this antiquated crap not backed by science still taught? I'm appalled as both a Christian and a scientist. This man uses his own research to contradict long-withstanding evidence, not to mention the entire gender similarities hypothesis. You cannot love someone without respect, and women are not, according to any peer reviewed science available, more likely to somehow place lovey dovey feelings as more important than respect. This book is a pile of garbage

Darbi This book is not “antiquated” and “Leave it to Beaver.” I think as adults, we have to think about how much we have been influenced by our own cultures, families, etc. In the book, the author suggests these as the INTRINSIC (sorry for all caps- I’m wanting that to appear as bold print) needs of men and women. For example, he makes it a point to say that yes, there are many women who enjoy work but in general, most women would not feel like they want to “die” if they’ve lost their jobs; they don’t find their identity to the point of death in their work like men. That’s just an example. The point I want to make though is this: I think before you discredit this book, you should try and apply these basic concepts to a group of children. Children are not swayed by the world around them. They don’t care or know about feminism or antiquated chauvinistic ideals; they just EXIST. I teach kindergarten through 5th grade students (music). I decided to test this experiment on my students: I openly used the word “respect” and “young man” with my male students in order to correct behavior and praise positive behavior. I knew that I was going to use this on students who have especially difficult times with their self-control behavior and typically get in trouble a few times throughout the school day whether that be sent to the office, working with a behavior coach, suspension, etc. When certain male students were “doing their job” in my classroom, I openly thanked them for being a “man that I can respect.” I saw smiles from students that I had literally, NEVER seen smile before. I saw many faces light up and chests puff out at the idea of being called a respectable man. I saw self confidence and it was beautiful. They did not treat me or the female students any differently and in fact, I saw the change in many of them to strive higher and be more well behaved than I had ever seen before! Mind you, I work in the highest-poverty, lowest-income school in my district. So, I’m not always dealing with college bound angels who have two loving parents with jobs, presents on birthdays and Christmas, park days on the weekends, a meal for dinner every night... Many of these students are broken with one or both parents in jail, living with an aunt, a grandma, and again, pretty low self-esteem. Children don’t think of having “antiquated” ideas. They are not “enlightened” like we all think we are. They just simply are; they are their basic, human, intrinsic selves. Try it! Maybe that will change your mind and opinion on this book! Again, the concept is so SIMPLE that I think our female brains may need to shut off the wiry connection work and just accept this as simple, biblical truth. Make sure you read to the end as well: the author suggests that all of this we are doing unto God so... who cares whether this is chauvinistic or “Love and Respect Ministries” marketing? It’s in the Bible, right? So, as lovers of Christ, our goals are to show Him our love and follow His words; not that of an author.

Kiyoshi The basic principle of love and respect are spot on. I respect the fact that the author quoted the Bible however I think it would be great to have a book that’s more neutral on the religious stand point. It’s too bad people cant take the good out of it, instead they trash the whole book. Regardless of religion anyone that’s open minded can learn something.

Kristi Rist Totally agree with this review. It reminds me of a modern, and drawn out version of the article from 1955 Good Housekeeping article entitled “The Good Wife’s Guide”. Wow.... Grew up Catholic and began to question things as I got older. Just because someone wrote some stuff in an old book, doesn’t mean it’s correct. This book is crap.

message 15: by Hugh (new) - rated it 5 stars

Hugh Brechtel Did you not take the time to write down the verses he used and meditate on them? I found that he gave numerous verses to reflect on and also the surveys he eluded to were enlightening.

message 16: by Andi (new)

Andi Tubbs I agree with you completely, Amber! I hated this book when my husband and I went through it after we got married. There is a better one but the title escapes me.

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