Matt's Reviews > Twilight

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
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M 50x66
's review
Jan 14, 2008

did not like it
Recommended for: people who love thomas kincaide and celine dion

there are so many problems with this book that i can't even begin to address them all. but i will say this, 'twilight' is probably one of the worst, if not THE worst, books i've ever read. the writing is amateurish at best [cliches, stereotypes, purple prose--how anyone can applaud meyer's prose is puzzling]; the editing--or lack thereof--is appalling [this is a 200 page novel, no more and probably less]; the grammar and syntax are unforgivably bad; the plot is onion-skin thin; and the characters are uniformly dull and uninspiring.

it's hard to imagine how so many people got suckered into this book. the novel's protagonist, bella swan [really? i mean, really?], is a complete idiot. she has no dreams, no motivations, no ambitions, no hopes, no goals, and not a single original thought of her own. she spends 500 pages spewing endless platitudes and commenting on edwards 'perfect face,' 'amber eyes,' and 'perfectly-muscled chest' ad nauseum [those references number in the HUNDREDS, literally]. she constantly wonders why edward, a 100-year old domineering vampire, wants her. apparently she's the only one who doesn't realize how 'beautiful' she is. too bad, so sad. honestly, this is the kind of novel you'd expect see selling for $1.99 at the supermarket checkout, not winning all sorts of awards. at one point i was half-expecting to close the book and find fabio on the cover. and a glittery vampire? gimme a break.

frankly, i'm mystified at its popularity. if nothing else, i guess it goes to show what clever marketing and stories of wish-fulfillment and so-called 'forbidden love' can do to some women. it's made meyer a multi-millionaire, i'm sure, and turned her publisher into a cash cow. i don't begrudge anyone his or her success, but when it comes via a turd like 'twilight,' it's well, more than a tad saddening.

'twlight' apologists will say that 'at least young women are reading!'i guess you could make that argument, but with that kind of logic you might as well congratulate an anorexic for eating a marshmallow.
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Reading Progress

Finished Reading
January 14, 2008 – Shelved

Comments (showing 1-33 of 33) (33 new)

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message 1: by Mishio555 (new)

Mishio555 I love the way you wrote this review it had me laughing like a loon at work. It's perceptive and scathing is the only way I can think of the overall tone of your review but it was just adn deserved even the part of mentioning the cash cow for publishers, the realisim that marketing sometimes sells the book more than content. Thank you for writing this review, it made my heart lighter to read it.


Jennifer I really don't think this book deserves this kind of review. So it's not a literary classic; it was never written with that intention. This was the author's first novel and wasn't even written with the hopes of being published. She just did it for fun, for her own enjoyment. Which is exactly how this book should be read: FOR FUN! Besides, this book’s main audience is teenage girls. Of course the romance is sappy and unrealistic. As for adults who enjoy it, sometimes reading a book is about escapism.


message 3: by Matt (new) - rated it 1 star

Matt hello, jennifer.

thanks for dropping by. ;)

i have no problems with escapism or with reading just for fun. i really don't [i love comic books and i don't think anyone would ever accuse the justice league of america of realism]. i don't even have a problem with being silly, campy, or ridiculous. i enjoy all those things equally--so long as they're well done.

'twilight,' unfortunately [and this is just my opinion], fails on all levels. i didn't find it fun at all, and i don't understand how anyone could. but hey, that's just me.

that you disagree is just great. really. in fact, i applaud you for having the cajones to do it! ;)

m.


Kristen This review made me giggle. And, I agreed with most of it. I have read all three books in this series (although I agree they're not very good, they're somehow strangely addictive to me), and the plot of all of them could have been filtered down to a book the size of Twilight. Without losing ANYTHING. And, yes, the writing is bad. Really, really bad.

However, I do disagree with your last paragraph. I read a lot of schlocky, formulaic and ridiculous books as a kid (the Sweet Valley High/Twins and The Babysitter's Club series immediately spring to mind). I loved to read those books, and when I was done with them I started to move on to other, better written, books. I think that anything that gets people to read and starts a lifelong habit of reading is a good thing. Even if it is the literary equivalent of a marshmallow for an anorexic.

But anyway, I digress. I enjoyed this review. It's funny how the negative reviews are almost always the most amusing.


Kristine I like your review. I think it's quite funny... I agree with what you said though. I also wonder how others could swallow such a book. What bothers me the most, however, is that Twilight is actually compared to books such as Pride & Prejudice and Harry Potter. Honestly, Twilight doesn't even have a right to be used in the same sentence as those books.


Yuh-line thanks for the review. esp. who you'd recommend it to. ^_^ very fitting. I read these books because of my younger siblings, and I can't believe something like that could be published and sold, much less spread across the nation with a movie out and a cult following of millions. only goes to show how sad our education system is and how bad our world must be to find a need for escapism this cheap.


message 7: by Me (new)

Me I think you refuse to see the positive aspects of Twilight and in your review you only focused on the negative things that were your opinion. I guess you'd have to be a teenage girl to understand why so many people like Twilight. And the book isn't really for middle aged men so i can see why you wouldn't enjoy the book, but other than that you were basically just hating and complaining about the book. I agree with jennifer that the book doesn't deserve this kind of review.


message 8: by Fenixbird (new) - added it

Fenixbird SandS Thanks soooo much, Matthew, for sharing this candid review!


message 9: by Matt (new) - rated it 1 star

Matt BEST REVIEW EVER.


message 10: by Groovy (new)

Groovy FABIO! XD XD BEST THING EVER. Couldn't get over the awesomeness of that line. They stress Edward's perfection so much you'd think he was Fabio! XD Loved this review!


message 11: by Solus (new)

Solus Lol The last paragraph made me laugh. Not only that, but the comparison of Fabio and Edward. Hahaha xD

Great review. =]


message 12: by Jonny (new)

Jonny WOW LIFE FAIL BUDDY!!!!!!!!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


message 13: by Jonny (new)

Jonny FAIL
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Accalia Riddle YES!!! I love you :)))
This is the best review I have read so far... you nailed it! :))


Accalia Riddle Jennifer wrote: "I really don't think this book deserves this kind of review. So it's not a literary classic; it was never written with that intention. This was the author's first novel and wasn't even written wi..."

Jennifer wrote: "I really don't think this book deserves this kind of review. So it's not a literary classic; it was never written with that intention. This was the author's first novel and wasn't even written wi..."

You think when Jane Austen, Bronte or even Lewis Carroll sat down and said, I am going to write a literary classic.
'Just for fun' should be kept at home and not unleashed at millions of unsuspecting minds.
Don't we want to educate our children? Stimulate their minds?
I guess not, when you give them to read something like that.


Michele Wow...I respect opinions but you sound like a snob.


Katie Mcsweeney I agree with the people who have called it escapism. It is basically a fairy tale. Personally I always liked fairy tales... Twilight is like Cinderella for older girls and boys :)


Natasha i think its the most amazing lovetorn book evr


Natasha youve got to be kidding your insane i love i am osessed have youseen the films O.M.G


message 20: by [deleted user] (new)

I partly agree with you on the onion-thin plot. The plot wasn't THAT interesting but i did liked the humor in the book as well as the setting.


Kristin Amen brother!


Giulia I knew I was not the only one who thought this book was ugh.. I could not even finish it.


message 23: by Margarethicks (new)

Margarethicks I honestly completely agree. Bella doesn't have anything going for her in her life maybe that's why she's do dependent on Edward. It's a weird love story and she falls in love with something that isn't human. I agree with you that this is a terrible book.


message 24: by Mark (new)

Mark I feel insulted I actually like Celine Dion, but know that Twilight is waste on my person. However having daughters in the age that they like reading these books makes it happen that all books are in my house currently. And the positive about the twilight books is that they did get kids to read and that is a great start from just watching tv and doing games.


message 25: by Palakshi (new)

Palakshi You can never compare Harry Potter and Twilight.Harry Potter has role models like Hermione and Lily and even though Bellatrix was evil she fought for what she lived for.Bella Swan couldn't even fight her way out of a paper bag.That is my opinion .


Vidushi Excellent review Matt! Truer words were never spoken.


message 27: by Hannah (new) - added it

Hannah Despite the fact that I love all the twilight books I also like your review its very entertaining and hits on a lot of true points, but I'm surprised that you didn't include how Edward is a total stalker, and Bella loves him more for it, like seriously sneaking watching her sleep? Only Bella wouldn't run.


message 28: by Hannah (new) - added it

Hannah Despite the fact that I love all the twilight books I also like your review its very entertaining and hits on a lot of true points, but I'm surprised that you didn't include how Edward is a total stalker, and Bella loves him more for it, like seriously sneaking watching her sleep? Only Bella wouldn't run.


message 29: by Hannah (new) - added it

Hannah Despite the fact that I love all the twilight books I also like your review its very entertaining and hits on a lot of true points, but I'm surprised that you didn't include how Edward is a total stalker, and Bella loves him more for it, like seriously sneaking watching her sleep? Only Bella wouldn't run.


message 30: by Hannah (new) - added it

Hannah Despite the fact that I love all the twilight books I also like your review its very entertaining and hits on a lot of true points, but I'm surprised that you didn't include how Edward is a total stalker, and Bella loves him more for it, like seriously sneaking watching her sleep? Only Bella wouldn't run.


Halima Hahaha, 'stories of wish-fulfilment an so-called forbidden love can do to some women'. Great review Matt!


Frosted Butterfly I'm pretty sure Meyer got that "sparkle" thing (in a way) from the vampire diaries, when Elena becomes a vampire she describes her skin as a wintry luster.


Rbbiefrah So! Let me get this straight ! Bella braves nightmares every night then composed herself gets up to face another day > when a gang of 5 guys tries to rape her she yells “let me go !” snaps a perfect groin kick and trys to run > when Edward leaves Bella feels like “ a big hole had been punched in my chest “and yet dispite her pain does not turn to drugs ,drinking or guys or commit suicide but continues to go to school and stays near the top of her class, works after school in Sporting Goods store ( for her college fund) and cooks her Dad’s meals > Bella goes speeding off to save her mother from vampire James thinking “ I never thought my death before this but dying to save the life of someone I love seems like a pretty good way to die” (“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” –Jesus quoted in John 15:13) > Bella rides motorcycles ( in the book any way ) , jumps off a 100 ft cliff ( I’ve jumped off 60 ft and I can tell you it hurts if you don’t cut the water just right and it takes no small amount of courage) > Bella stomps up to the werewolf gang and demands “ what have you done to[my friend] Jacob !” Big muscular Paul laughs Bella slaps him in the face > Bella charges off to Italy without a second thought to try to save Edward even though she knew the Italian vampires would likely kill her > Bella refuses an abortion even though her pregnancy is extremely painful and the Indian lady and the doctor both predict “DEATH unless it’s cut out Bella jut says “I wont die ! Im strong enough to do this! “> Bella Braves the excruciating pain of being transformed without moving and crying out because she knows her friends would be hurt by her pain . All other newborns writhe and scream from the pain but Bella remains calm and still counts her breathes and suffers that excruciating agnony in silence .
And you say “ I HATE Bella because she is WEAK and STUPID “????
Lets look at what strength and wisdom are
REAL STRENGHT IS HAVING THE COURAGE AND FORITUDE TO DO WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY IN THE LONG RUN . Bella loved her Mother , Edward and her baby so much that she was HAPPY to risk her life .
Is it stupid for Bella to risk her life to save those she loves ? Is it wrong to risk ones life to save others if you know that unless you act they will surely die? The marines don’t think so “Leave no (wounded ) man behind .” is the marine’s ethos . Are you saying the marines are “weak and stupid” to risk their lives for each other ?Is a marine who falls on a grenade on a roof top to save his brothers “a weak , stupid airhead “ to be hated ? or does he deserve a silver star metal and to be loved and honored ?
“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” --Jesus quoted in Matthew 16:25 & Luke 9:24
I think Bella deserves a silver cross and to be loved and honored not to be hated as “weak stupid airhead “ and I definitely don’t think she is a helpless puppy . She was wise and strong because those who live and die for love will merge and surge in supreme happiness in the surging ocean of love for eternity . Any one who loves will find God . Anyone who can love has a soul . God is the ocean of love and the soul is its drop .
Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12:25
This means that if you love selfish worldly pleasures ( drugs , sex , possessions ,ambition, fame , power ) you will not get eternal life in the ocean of love and will be unhappy . But for the sake of love for God , thy neighbor and thy soul you hate these worldly aims and choose to love and serve God and your fellow man then you will get eternal life in the ocean of love and be happy .
So Bella is actually strong and wise


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