C.G. Drews's Reviews > The Lies of Locke Lamora

The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch
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Dec 13, 2016

it was amazing
bookshelves: 5-star, best-of-2016, adult, epic-fantasy, read-2016, audio-books

THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH STARS IN THE SKY TO ACCURATELY SUM UP MY LOVE FOR THIS BOOK. I'm actually DYING WITH ADORATION RIGHT NOW. Can I say this is the best book ever???? Like, seriously, if I could only pick like 5 top books, it would be in that 5. (And omg peoples I read hundreds of books per year and am a rabid fan of many.) This was just frikkin brilliant in every. single. possible. way. I HAVE EMOTIONS. And I laughed so much because it's absolutely hilarious and clever and witty and insanely clever and did I mention how clever it is yet??!?

I love this book. Just in case you needed that to be cleared up a bit.

NOTE: I listened to the audio and 10/10 looooved it. Narrator was amazing, although I still played it at 2x the speed because I'm an impatient little bean.

WHERE DO I EVEN START?!?!? Okay, how about, a short list of everything perfect about this book?
• it's about heists and con artists
• it's set in an Italian (Spanish? both?) inspired fantasy world
• Locke is a sassy little bastard who is SO CLEVER but honestly spends 98% of the time admiring his own wit
• it has my new favourite brotip of the world
• the plot weaves things together so clever I died
• it absolutely MANGLED MY FEELS
• there is magic
• and psychopaths galore
• it gets seriously bloody and stabby SO MUCH WHICH IS GREAT
• #ISwearImNormal
• I laughed. I cried. I laugh/cried. I died.
• LOCKE IS MY DARLING.

One thing I can't flail about enough is the WRITING. It was constantly smart and concise and often had really short chapters that packed a grand punch. And it had little cliffhangers ALL OVER THE PLACE which slayed me 100% of the time. I mean, they were kind of annoying?? Like it'd leave Locke in a precarious dangerous deathly position and then flash back to something in his childhood or like narrate the origin of the history of handball. I know. HANDBALL. Like SHUT UP AND STOP PROCRASTINATING. But these little tidbits were interesting and did actually flesh out the world a lot...aaaand, they totally created so much tension and addiction that I couldn't put the book down. Well, put my headphones down. Ever. THEY ARE GLUED TO MY HEAD OMG.

And the world building was fantastic! I could totally SEE Camora (shh, I have no idea how to spell it!? audiobook remember) and I loved the intense details that just brought the place to life.

And Locke is, no joke, the BEST character of my life. He was simultaneously clever, witty and capable...and also like a pathetic little thin child who got into very terrible danger and needed to be rescued constantly by Jean. I CANNOT LOVE LOCKE ENOUGH. He sassed at all the wrong times. Like, dude, you are getting your face beaten in SHUT UP. But no.

“I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he'd confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized."
Everyone in the room stared at him.
"I called him an asshole, too," said Locke. "He didn't like that.”


He also needs Jean so bad and their friendship is actual goals. I mean, Jean would cross oceans and kill a thousand sharks and fly to the moon and back and be nearly murdered -- AND HE'D STILL COME AND SAVE LOCKE. Whereas Locke gets beaten up and he just lies in the dirt until Jean saves him. #precious

Not to mention all the other Gentlemen Bastards. I loooved the twins, Carlo and Galdo (heaven help me with the spelling??) who finished each other's sentences and were clever and hilarious at ALL TIMES. And Bug was the 12 year old apprentice and he was adorable and stupid and therefore a perfect Gentlemen Bastard. (That's the name of their con group by the way.) AND THEY WERE ALL LIKE BROTHERS AND LIKE FAMILY AND I LOVED THEM.

The plot was obviously A+. Because it was so clever. There are dozens of cons and small subplots that just wrap into each other PERFECTLY by the end that I was sitting there like a drowned avocado saying "why can't I write like this".

And my feels? HAHAHAH WHAT FEELS. They've been mangled. I don't even know how to fix them. Duct tape? I'm gonna need duct tape.

I CAN'T EVEN GET OVER HOW MUCH I LOVE LOCKE THOUGH. Perfect little arrogant and cocky and twitchy and absolutely in-over-his-head-at-all-times little mite. I have such a weakness for thieves and sass and I got BOTH in GREAT ABUNDANCE here and I'm in love. Also crying but whatever.

And I have such a book hangover... YES it's a thing. I have the sequel on library reserve but IT'S NOT IN MY HANDS RIGHT. THIS. MINUTE. Ergo I am dyyyyyying. It only took one book, but I'm successfully Locke Lamora trash and I'm not even ashamed. I'm just, like, SCREAMING because it was so so so so freakishly good. It was everything I want in a book. I THINK I'M SUFFOCATING WITH ADORATION RIGHT NOW.

“You've got that motherly concern in your eyes, Jean. I must look like I'm hammered as shit," said Locke.
"Actually you look like you were executed last week.”
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Quotes C.G. Liked

Scott Lynch
“Someday, Locke Lamora,” he said, “someday, you’re going to fuck up so magnificently, so ambitiously, so overwhelmingly that the sky will light up and the moons will spin and the gods themselves will shit comets with glee. And I just hope I’m still around to see it.”
“Oh please,” said Locke. “It’ll never happen.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

Scott Lynch
“... It's perfect! Locke would appreciate it."

"Bug," Calo said, "Locke is our brother and our love for him knows no bounds. But the four most fatal words in the Therin language are 'Locke would appreciate it.'"

"Rivalled only by 'Locke taught me a new trick,'" added Galo.

"The only person who gets away with Locke Lamora games ..."

"... is Locke ..."

"... because we think the gods are saving him up for a really big death. Something with knives and hot irons ..."

"... and fifty thousand cheering spectators.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

Scott Lynch
“I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he'd confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized."

Everyone in the room stared at him.

"I called him an asshole, too," said Locke. "He didn't like that.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

Scott Lynch
“I don't have to beat you. I don't have to beat you, motherfucker. I just have to keep you here... until Jean shows up.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

Scott Lynch
“So that makes us robbers of robbers," said Bug, "who pretend to be robbers working for a robber of other robbers.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

Scott Lynch
“You've got that motherly concern in your eyes, Jean. I must look like I'm hammered as shit," said Locke.

"Actually you look like you were executed last week.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora


Reading Progress

March 11, 2015 – Shelved
March 11, 2015 – Shelved as: to-read
December 2, 2016 – Started Reading
December 3, 2016 –
10.0% "LOOK IT'S A BOOK ABOUT STABBY SASSY THIEVES. I'M SO READY FOR THIS."
December 5, 2016 –
30.0% "What These Thieves Spend Their Time Doing:\n5% making up clever plans\n5% swindling people\n90% being sassy snarky bastards and admiring their own wit"
December 7, 2016 –
48.0% "Wait wait...who said you could hurt my INNOCENT * PRECIOUS DARLING CINNAMON ROLL NAMED LOCKE?????\n\n* translation: murdering thieving fiend .... but you know, whatever."
December 7, 2016 –
52.0% "Best Part Of This Book: I AM LAUGHING SO SO HARD OUT LOUD.\nAwkward Part Of This Book: I'm listening to an audio and my family is concerned at how often I spontaneously burst into shrieking convulsions for no apparent reason."
December 9, 2016 –
60.0% "Mentor: Now never ever ever insult a bondmage because they'll kill you gruesomely.\nLocke: Got it!\nLocke: *meets a bondmage*\nLocke: *insults bondmage*\nLocke: *nearly dies*"
December 9, 2016 –
69.0% "OH.\nOH THAT'S OKAY.\nI WANTED MY HEART TO BE BRUTALLY RIPPED OUT AND STOMPED ON ANYWAY."
December 10, 2016 –
72.0% "Locke: I'M NOT SICK AND I MUST GET OUT OF BED TO SCHEME!\nLocke: *falls on his face and can't get up because sick*\nJean: Whatever you say dear."
December 10, 2016 –
75.0% ""I'M SO STRESSED."\n-- title of a brief memoir by me about reading this book"
December 12, 2016 –
90.0% "Jean: *gets badly wounded*\nJean: *smites all enemies and still walks across the city to get to safety*\nLocke: *gets badly wounded*\nLocke: *lies down in the dirt until Jean comes saves him*"
December 13, 2016 – Shelved as: 5-star
December 13, 2016 – Shelved as: best-of-2016
December 13, 2016 – Shelved as: adult
December 13, 2016 – Shelved as: epic-fantasy
December 13, 2016 – Shelved as: read-2016
December 13, 2016 – Shelved as: audio-books
December 13, 2016 – Finished Reading

Comments (showing 1-13 of 13) (13 new)

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message 1: by (new) - added it

Rê Okay, so I need this book.


Alienor ✘ French Frowner ✘ Wooooooot!!! Bastards FTW


Bee {Quite the Novel Idea} Okay so what you're saying is that I'm an idiot for putting off reading this one for so long??


Matty-Swytla I actually have the two sequels to this one at home, but I'm afraid to read them in case they fall short of the brilliance of this book. So, I definitely understand your book hangover and fangirling. :D


booksneedcaffeinetoo I am so glad that you loved this book!!!! It's one of my favorites. It's the only time (while reading a book) I've ever had the compulsion to literally stop random people on the streets and recommend it. It makes me so happy when people read this underrated book!!!

Also the sequel is great. It has badass women, pirates, plot twists, and OMG IT IS GREAT!!!! Plus there is a bit more diversity in the sequel.


Meredith Yay, so glad you loved it! =D


Nina (Every Word A Doorway) I think we can agree on the Gentlemen Bastards being precious little assholes, with Locke being my fave because of reasons. This anti-hero stole my heart and refuses to give it back (thieves, duhhh). I was also surprised by the amount of detail and violence that went into this world-building, and it definitely has an Old Venice vibe, the covers further underpinning this (because if you compare the Piazza San Marco and the purple cover, you have pretty much the same image ^^). I'd be interested to know which influences you regarded as Spanish? Like, maybe you're up to something and this half-Italian is extremely biased? ;) Anyways, SUPER HAPPY you loved this!!! :))


message 8: by Katie (new)

Katie  Hanna "Actually you look like you were executed last week." I'M LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW.


C.G. Drews @Rê: yES you definitely do.

@Alienor: HERE WE ARE ROOTING FOR THE THIEVES WITH NO REGRETS WOOOO.

@Bee: Omggggg please read it and then fangirl with me. Or if you like audios, try that too because it's SO BRILLIANT.


message 10: by C.G. (new) - rated it 5 stars

C.G. Drews @Matty: Omg I understand! I usually procrastinate sequels so bad, but for this case I would've started the sequel IMMEDIATELY if I'd had it. *wails*

@Booksneedcaffeinetoo: SAME. I was practically babbling to my sister and she's like "chill there child" BUT THERE IS NO CHILL. THERE IS ONLY FORCING THE WORLD TO READ IT. Next step is to find out whoever has the book at my library and hassle them to give it up, right? #WhatWouldLockeDo

@Meredith: eeeep! I'm glad I loved it too. :')


message 11: by C.G. (new) - rated it 5 stars

C.G. Drews @Nina: OH. Well see I just wasn't sure between Italian and Spanish because I'm an uneducated fish and I was listening to the audio so I couldn't see the words to see if they seemed more Spanishish or Italianish? But I was leaning towards Italy with all the canals there. And these little assholes are definitely my favourite creatures and that bit at the end with the "I ONLY HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL JEAN GETS HERE" broooooke me.

@Jessica: LAUGHING SO HARD <--- me the whole book basically


message 12: by Penelope (new)

Penelope Did you say "set in an Italian-Spanish"? okay I NEED THIS BOOK NOW.


message 13: by Jon (new) - added it

Jon White Well it looks like I'll be adding this to my ever growing "to read" stack.


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