✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans)'s Reviews > Magic Breaks

Magic Breaks by Ilona Andrews
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The Grand IAA™ KD Buddy Rerererereread Extravaganza (GIAAKDBRE™), aka the yellow brick road to Magic Triumphs

Presenting Episode 7, or How Kate Daniels Learned That You Never Know When Your Puking Mutant Attack Poodle Will Come In Handy.

» And the moral of this particular rererereread is: I was obviously either very high or very drunk on top quality stuff (or both) when I last reread this book, because it seems I maybe perhaps have possibly mentioned somewhere but certainly not down there ↓↓ oh no absolutely not that I didn't like the first part of this book.



My thoughts exactly. It seems obvious that my feeble-minded two grey cells were possessed by my Evil Twin of Despicable Book Taste (EToDBT™) at the time. This is getting really old. I've had it with her reading books wrong on my behalf all the time. Anyway, if it had really been the real me really reading this book, I would have told you that the first part of the book is scrumpalicious because (you might consider taking a deep breath before reading the following. You are quite welcome):

I want Barabas to be my nanny and I want a bunnycat and I love plums and HAHAHAHA and I want a pork sword and also HAHAHAHA and I'm kidnapping adopting Ascanio and cool, it looks like someone has a future in the donkey whispering business and oooooooooh tentacles vines and spoiler spoiler spoiler and Desandra you batshit crazy I lurves thee and virgin sacrifices are not always who you expect them to be and oh you scumbag, you deserved to die a much more painfully excruciating (and possibly agonizing) death and I'm thinking of breeding teenage werewolf sidekicks for entertainment purposes and EPIC EPIC EPIC and NOOOOOOOOOO and All Hail Kate Daniels Queen of Most Glorious Chewing Outs Ever (KDQoMGCOE™) and oh no he didn't oh no he didn't oh no he didn't and someone please kill that bitch already and oops, it looks while we just crossed the border to the second half of this book, oh well and hahahaha this is Freak Out Central (FOC™) hahahaha and I'm kidnapping adopting Christopher and did I already say EPIC EPIC EPIC that's too bad because there is so much epic epicness in this book I might blow up any second now and damn I love that place called spoiler spoiler spoiler (it's not the best holiday place though) and bones are underrated and of course you're not weird honey, this is all perfectly normal and swans are evil and hey look, someone is losing their shit again and HAHAHAHAHA and oh how I wish I'd cut down that vicious bitch myself and did someone say EPIC EPIC EPIC and breathe, Sarah, breathe!


P.S. Maybe by the time I read this book for the two hundred and twentieth time, I'll write a review for it. Have I heard this before? I think I've heard this before. No idea when or where, though. Certainly not down there ↓↓ oh no, absolutely not. Wait. This sounds familiar, too. Where I have heard it before? I really think I've heard it before. Certainly not up there ↑↑ oh no, absolutely not.
P.P.S. This series kinda sorta makes me feel like:





KD is the Cure to All of Life's Problems Buddy Read (KDitCtAoLPBR™) with my dear wife Ange, and the poor IAA souls who have fallen into our deathly KD Surprise Reread Trap (KSRT™).

Previous rating: 15 stars
New rating: no longer counting Kate Daniels Stars (KDS™), remember? It's useless, my Little Barnacles! It's useless!

It has recently come to my attention that some of you think I'm very slightly biased when it comes to everything written by the Andrews (cereal box blurb included) this series. I have no idea why. Maybe because some of you are weird and kinda sorta silly? Yeah, that's probably it. Anyway, the answer to the question you didn't ask is: yes. Yes, I can sometimes put the hysterical, harebrained fangirl in me away, not be blinded by the Andrews' Failproof Halo (AFH™), AND show some tiny little bit of sense when it comes to this series. Sometimes.



I know, right? I really crack my little self up sometimes.

Okay, where were we? Oh yes, I can actually be critical of this glorious piece of awesomeness series. I kid you not. Take the first part of this book, for example: I don't like it very much. Yep, that's right. You think I'm full of crap? What if I told you that if it were for the first half of this book alone, I would have given it a 3-star rating? I kid you not {shocked silence ensues} I'm fully expecting to burn in Crappy Authors Hell (CAH™) for showing such lack of respect and reverence to the Andrews Gods, but I didn't come with built-in bullshitting at birth, and could not NOT confess this ugliest of ugly sins. And that is the awful truth, my Lovely Decapods. My name is Sarah the Ungrateful Andrews Worshiper (StUAW™) and I failed to hysterically fangirl about this book as a whole, as was expected of me.



His Furriness is not know for his lenience, but a crustacean can hope, right? Right.

But. And this is a big BUT here. A VERY BIG BUT.

After the meh-first-half-that-wasn't-too-bad-and-had-some-great-scenes-but-still-wasn't-as-good-as-it-should-and-could-have-been came Mishmar. And Jester Park. And Daddy Dearest. And FtP™ (view spoiler) And everything was right in the world again. And the book earned its no-longer-counting-stars rating.

» QED.

» And stuff.

» Bye now.

PS: maybe by the time I reread this book for the 100th time I'll write an actual review for it. Patience is a virtue, my Little Barnacles, patience is a virtue. Sometimes.



Previous rerereread: July 2015.

Previous rating: 5
New rating: 15
. Obviously.

I hereby declare all reviews for this series to be utterly superfluous and completely unnecessary.

Two possibilities here:
1/ You have read this series and therefore LOVE it and therefore know why all reviews are utterly superfluous and completely unnecessary.
2/ You haven't read this series and therefore lead an empty, sad, meaningless life and therefore shouldn’t even be allowed to keep breathing on Goodreads.


►► Kate Daniels, the best that ever was, the best that ever will be.

PS: (view spoiler)(view spoiler)



Book 1: Magic Bites ★★★★★
Book 2: Magic Burns ★★★★★
Book 3: Magic Strikes ★★★★★
Book 4: Magic Bleeds ★★★★★
Book 5: Magic Slays ★★★★★
Book 6: Magic Rises ★★★★★
Book 8: Magic Shifts ★★★★★
Book 9: Magic Binds ★★★★★
Book 10: Magic Triumphs ★★★★
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Quotes ✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) Liked

Ilona Andrews
“Maybe I should add some graffiti to spice it up. For a good time call the Consort. Beast Lord eats your food and turns into a lion in his sleep. Mahon has hemorrhoids. Boudas do it better. Warning, paranoid attack jaguar on the prowl…”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

Ilona Andrews
“Desandra shrugged her shoulders. "Hey, Kate? Have you thought of walking up to Hugh and telling him that he's got the biggest dick ever?" She spread her arms to the size of a baseball bat.
"No, you think it would work?" I asked.
"It's worth a try. May be he'll be so happy you noticed his pork sword, he'll forget all about trying to kill us."
Pork sword. Kill me now. "I'll think about it."
Ascanio began patting his clothes.
"What?" Derek growled.
"Looking for something to take notes with.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

Ilona Andrews
“Quick, Derek, it's your chance to shine," Ascanio said.
Derek gave him a withering look.
"Desandra is a mother, Robert is married, Kate's affianced, and I'm an old soul. You're the closest thing to a virgin we've got. Get on with growing some flowing locks.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

Ilona Andrews
“Sit your ass down, Don Juanabe," Derek said.
"Don Juanabe?" Ascanio pulled out his swords.
"Don Juan Wannabe," Derek explained. "See I shortened it. If you still don't get it, I'll write it down for you after the fight."
"You've maxed out your wit quota for the night," Ascanio said.
"I'm just getting started."
"Be careful, you might sprain something in your brain.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

Ilona Andrews
“Fortune favors the brave," I told her. It also kills the stupid, but I decided to keep that fact to myself.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

Ilona Andrews
“I mourn my sword, but that’s alright. Grandmother gave me another one.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

Ilona Andrews
“Now remember, Kate." Barabas leaned over to me, grinning. "You are the Consort. Be the Consort." He stretched "be" into a three-syllable word. "Think like a-"

"Open the door or I'll punch you right in the face," I growled.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

Ilona Andrews
“What the hell is this?” Desandra asked
“This is Cuddles. She's a mammoth donkey.”
Derek grinned, leaning on the fence. “Do you have any self-respect left?”
“Nope.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

Ilona Andrews
“Your sword is made out of your grandmother’s bones?”
“Okay, I see how it sounds weird when you say it in that tone of voice”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks


Reading Progress

June 26, 2014 – Shelved (Kindle Edition)
June 26, 2014 – Shelved as: to-read (Kindle Edition)
June 26, 2014 – Shelved as: urban-fantasy (Kindle Edition)
June 26, 2014 – Shelved as: favourite-series (Kindle Edition)
June 26, 2014 – Shelved as: kindle (Kindle Edition)
June 26, 2014 – Shelved as: cool-kick-ass-chick... (Kindle Edition)
July 28, 2014 –
0.0% "Arrrgghhhh!!! Only a few hours left before Magic Breaks is released!!!" (Hardcover Edition)
July 29, 2014 – Started Reading (Kindle Edition)
July 29, 2014 –
9.0% ""The Consort refers to me as her nanny occasionally, and I find that term uniquely accurate. I would put one of those hideous child leashes on her if I could, except I’m reasonably sure she would cut my arm off." I just love Barabas!" (Kindle Edition)
July 29, 2014 – Shelved as: kate-daniels (Kindle Edition)
July 30, 2014 –
33.0% "When I grow up I want to be Kate Daniels." (Kindle Edition)
July 30, 2014 –
40.0% "The blood ward flashed with brilliant red light, the magic crackling like thunder. Hugh flew back ten feet and hit the stairway leading to the upper floor. The back of his head bounced off the steps. He slid down and didn’t move. Ha! Serves you right! Behind me Robert said, his voice completely deadpan, “Oh my.” \n \n Ha! Knock yourself out Hugh d'Ambray!" (Kindle Edition)
July 31, 2014 –
72.0% "Semiramis!!" (Kindle Edition)
July 31, 2014 – Finished Reading (Kindle Edition)
October 8, 2014 – Shelved as: 2014 (Kindle Edition)
October 25, 2014 – Shelved as: absolute-favourites (Kindle Edition)
January 23, 2015 – Shelved as: ilona-gordon-i-reve... (Kindle Edition)
January 25, 2015 – Shelved as: rawrrr (Kindle Edition)
March 9, 2015 – Shelved
March 9, 2015 – Shelved as: urban-fantasy
March 9, 2015 – Shelved as: cool-kick-ass-chicks-harem
March 9, 2015 – Shelved as: home-library
March 9, 2015 – Shelved as: favourite-series
March 9, 2015 – Shelved as: absolute-favourites
March 9, 2015 – Shelved as: kate-daniels
March 9, 2015 – Shelved as: ilona-gordon-i-revere-you-as-gods
March 9, 2015 – Shelved as: br-2015
March 9, 2015 – Shelved as: rawrrr
March 13, 2015 – Shelved as: poof-gone-harem (Kindle Edition)
March 13, 2015 – Shelved as: poof-gone-harem
May 3, 2015 – Shelved as: blood-and-gore-and-... (Kindle Edition)
May 3, 2015 – Shelved as: blood-and-gore-and-violence-oh-my
July 10, 2015 – Shelved as: to-read
July 28, 2015 – Started Reading
July 28, 2015 –
1.0% "No time to lose! No time to lose! Magic Shifts is coming!\n \n "
July 29, 2015 –
25.0% "“Hey, Kate? Have you thought of walking up to Hugh and telling him that he’s got the biggest dick ever?” She spread her arms to the size of a baseball bat. “No, you think it would work?” “It’s worth a try. Maybe he’ll be so happy you noticed his pork sword, he’ll forget all about trying to kill us.” Pork sword. Kill me now.\n \n BAHAHAHAHA! I love you Desandra!!!\n \n "
July 31, 2015 – Shelved as: 2015
July 31, 2015 – Finished Reading
August 3, 2015 – Shelved as: rr-2015
January 31, 2016 – Shelved as: the-awesome-bunch (Kindle Edition)
January 31, 2016 – Shelved as: the-awesome-bunch
August 8, 2016 – Started Reading (Kindle Edition)
August 8, 2016 – Shelved as: br-2016
August 10, 2016 – Finished Reading (Kindle Edition)
August 11, 2016 – Shelved as: 2016
August 11, 2016 – Shelved as: rr-2016
November 25, 2017 – Shelved as: let-s-dance-the-nig... (Kindle Edition)
November 25, 2017 – Shelved as: let-s-dance-the-night-away
March 26, 2018 – Shelved as: diversity-is-slight... (Kindle Edition)
March 26, 2018 – Shelved as: diversity-is-slightly-scrumptious
April 9, 2018 – Started Reading
April 11, 2018 – Shelved as: rr-2018
April 11, 2018 – Finished Reading
December 14, 2018 – Shelved as: 2018

Comments Showing 1-11 of 11 (11 new)

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Joyce you're on a roll rereading Kate Daniels!! I should jump in your buddy reads for the series sometime. :D


✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) You definitely should Kathleen! It is, after all, the best, most amazing series EVER!^^


Trish Have I mentioned that it was a mistake to be done with all 8 books so soon? I can hardly wait for #9 now!!!


Orient Awesome as always :)))))))


✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) Trish wrote: "Have I mentioned that it was a mistake to be done with all 8 books so soon? I can hardly wait for #9 now!!!"

You should read the novellas and short stories in the series, that would keep you busy until Magic Binds is released!:P


✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) Orient wrote: "Awesome as always :)))))))"

Thanks, Orient!:D


Trish ✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) wrote: "Trish wrote: "Have I mentioned that it was a mistake to be done with all 8 books so soon? I can hardly wait for #9 now!!!"

You should read the novellas and short stories in the series, that would ..."


Brad has already come up with another plan. He is drowning me in other books and series (like he history/time travel books I'm currently reading).


✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) Trish wrote: "✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) wrote: "Trish wrote: "Have I mentioned that it was a mistake to be done with all 8 books so soon? I can hardly wait for #9 now!!!"

Y..."


Brad obviously has despicable book taste. Why read history/time travel books when you could be reading Kate Daniels? *eyeroll*


Trish Because he knows I LOVE history books (and actually, I recommended the books to HIM, he just chose the time). ;P


message 10: by Conor (new)

Conor And this is a big BUT here. A VERY BIG BUT.

You've got Sir Mix A Lot's interest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reTx5...

Also: Is novelty 80's rap objectively the greatest musical genre? Given the inconclusive evidence about Beethoven's feelings on big buts the answer is obviously yes.

Also nice review.


✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) Conor wrote: " And this is a big BUT here. A VERY BIG BUT.

You've got Sir Mix A Lot's interest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reTx5...

Also: Is novelty 80's rap objectively the greatest musical genre? Gi..."


Hahaha. I love your musical references, Connor! We obviously share the same impeccable taste when it comes to music. I personally think Beethoven is overrated. His hyped-up pieces are nothing compared to the sheer brilliance of Sir Mix A Lot's simple yet profound compositions.

Thanks!:D


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