Manny's Reviews > Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes by Mother Goose
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Peter Jackson's Mother Goose (part 3), conclusion

[Alarums and excursions. Enter IMELDA STAUNTON as THE OLD WOMAN WHO LIVED IN A SHOE, followed by her many CHILDREN. She is distraught and speaks in a British regional accent]

OLD WOMAN: Aw naw! I dawn't knaw whut to dew! Children, arre yew all there? Let me see: Fred, Susan, Jeremy... aw naw!!!!

[The camera whips round, then zooms in on the top of a huge oak, where we can see something white. Enter an evil ORC]

ORC: Rock a bye baby. Har, har, har!

[He begins to shake the tree. Branches fall off. The BABY wakes up and cries hysterically]

OLD WOMAN: Dew summat!

[Enter JACK, a hunky dark-haired dwarf, and JILL, a hot elf-babe]

JACK: Don't worry ma'am! I can save your son! Now, if I can get to the top of the hill fast enough...

[He mounts his GIANT WAR-SQUIRREL and starts leaping up the hill. When they reach the top, they make a death-defying bound into the tree]

ORC: When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. Har, har, har!!!!

[He gives the tree a final shake. In a wild action sequence that lasts about fifteen minutes, JACK, the BABY and the GIANT WAR-SQUIRREL fall from branch to branch, fight the ORC, and are finally dashed to pieces at the bottom]

JILL: [holding the lifeless JACK and weeping bitter tears] He's broken his crown. Why does it hurt so much?

SIR IAN MCKELLEN: Because it's been written for the 16 to 24 Asian demographic.
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Reading Progress

Started Reading
January 1, 1963 – Finished Reading
December 30, 2014 – Shelved

Comments Showing 1-12 of 12 (12 new)

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message 1: by Carmen (new)

Carmen Um... I don't remember that one.

Manny But the next generation of viewers will!

message 3: by Horza (new)

Horza Sir, I represent Hollywood Film Conglomerate Studios, USA. How much are we paying you for this script and the next six franchise installments?

Manny Horza, I believe in this project on artistic grounds, so I'm willing to be reasonable. I'll be quite happy with three million dollars and five percent of the gross.

message 5: by James (new)

James Barker The giant war squirrel needs its own spin-off films. Resurrected like a Nutkin Phoenix it will avenge Imelda Staunton's accent, probably by involving Zoe Wanamaker.

message 6: by Manny (last edited Dec 30, 2014 02:07AM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

Manny James wrote: "The giant war squirrel needs its own spin-off films. Resurrected like a Nutkin Phoenix it will avenge Imelda Staunton's accent, probably by involving Zoe Wanamaker."

James, this is an excellent idea, and I think it can be realized by judiciously combining elements of the Tolkienverse, the Beatrix-Potterverse, the Marvelverse and the Stieg-Larssonverse. Squirrel Nutkin is bitten by a radioactive descendant of Ungoliant and when she wakes up discovers that she has superpowers, which include being Swedish and bisexual. In The Squirrel with the Dragon Tattoo (original Swedish title: "Män som Hatar Ekorrar"), she uses her nerd skills to defeat Smaug and gain control of the Lonely Mountain's incredible wealth. The bit we have just seen is from The Squirrel that Played with Fire, the squirrel POV version of Mother Goose 3. She's resurrected at the beginning of The Squirrel that Kicked the Hornet's Nest, where she manages to hack into the Barad-dûr's network and engineer Sauron's downfall.

I have done my best to stay true to the original conception of all four series and respect the authors' wishes. What do you think?

message 7: by James (new)

James Barker Faultless, Manny! I love Nutkin's super powers. The world would be a better place if we were all Swedish bisexual squirrels.

Manny In all modesty, I think it makes more sense than the original. For example, you can see why she has a dragon tattoo.

message 9: by James (new)

James Barker No need for modesty. You have brought it together admirably.

I like the twist that she has part shares in a furry tattoo parlour. But I don't like the sound of her business partner, the flying squirrel of Gothenburg. He may be a gifted body artiste but there is more than glass between the snow and the roses.

Manny Maybe we can explore those themes in volumes 4, 5, 6 and 7. Luckily I do not smoke, so I may live long enough to finish the job.

message 11: by Stian (last edited Dec 30, 2014 07:18AM) (new)

Stian This is the funniest thing I've read all day, and that says a lot since I've been reading The Fabric of the Cosmos!

message 12: by Manny (last edited Dec 30, 2014 07:15AM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

Manny Peter Jackson 1 - The Cosmos 0.

I don't think Brian Greene or I can take any of the credit...

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