Alice's Reviews > Two Years, No Rain

Two Years, No Rain by Shawn Klomparens
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Jul 10, 2010

it was ok
bookshelves: 2010, literary, romance
Read from July 10 to 16, 2010

** spoiler alert ** I'm afraid I cannot recommend this book to make it the next bestseller. But then, I don't really like bestsellers, either.

Among this book's shortcomings are that it feels like all of the characters, save our main guy, are merely backdrop and scenery, filling roles so that the protagonist can reach his conclusion the way he needs to. We have Quirky Love Interest, Bitchy Ex-Wife, Harried Sister married to PTSD Sufferer (with Going-to-College Junior and Manic Pixie Teenage Girl for children), Lazy Slob Co-Worker, Douchebag Ex-Co-Worker (maybe he was supposed to be charming and likeable, but I thought he was slime), Asshole Boss, Nagging Mother, Sports Fan Husband of Love Interest . . . You get the idea. The world was populated with caricatures rather than characters.

Most of the dialogue was fine, except where Quirky Love Interest was concerned. Her dialogue was choppy and confusing and strange. I tried to picture it in a British accent, because that was how the character was supposed to speak, and it didn't help. She sounded halting and unsure and girlish, no matter how I tried to look at it. It didn't fit with the rest of her character at all.

Worst of all, I felt like the main character existed in a world where consequences didn't exist, unless they didn't matter. He suffers from a potassium deficiency after his personal trainer tells him it's okay to leave bananas out of his prescribed health shakes which taste awful, because, he says, he doesn't like bananas. Considering that the guy at Gold's Gym knew enough to tell me to eat bananas or take a potassium supplement when I signed up, I had to question the intelligence of the fictional personal trainer, and the sanity of everyone who had recommended this idiot who didn't know you need potassium when you exercise.

Other than the stupidity of the personal trainer (and that's not really the protagonist's fault, is it?), there is not a single consequence in this whole book. Employment contracts are broken, and warnings from spouses are ignored with no repercussions. Hell, he goes to Hong Kong with said married woman, people KNOW what's going on, and does he hear a single bad word about it from his boss who's obsessed with keeping his image clean? Not a peep, yet it's the boss's fault that the protagonist wants to defect to work as a weather man again, somehow.

If you want to escape to a fantasy world where adult actions have no consequences, everything turns out okay no matter what you decide, and the only trouble within a relationship is that Quirky Love Interest is being a twit, and it'll all be okay when she gets over herself, by all means, pick this up. I'll be over here, sorely disappointed.
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07/16/2010 page 271
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