Kiki's Reviews > Cruel Beauty

Cruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge
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did not like it
bookshelves: put-it-in-the-freezer, books-to-use-as-weapons, lolwut, lost-the-will-to-live, choking-noises, ya

Honest to god, I don't know why I'm kidding myself about this book. I'm probably not fooling any of you. I'm never going to finish it, because what I read was terrible and what I read was over half of it, and it was so bad that even though I'd gotten entrenched that far into it I still couldn't force myself to turn another solitary page.

What this book wants you to know:

1. Nothing

This book will not impact your life in any way. And I mean any way: it won't even entertain you. It's like the eleventh song on a techno album. Bland as shit. If you like your porridge sugarless, then by all means, knock yourself out. But this book and its parchment sky and breasts on a platter can honestly just stay the hell away from me.

It's at its worst when it tries to be witty; when it tries to convince you that the male lead is quirky and sexy and not just a series of really painful cringes just waiting to happen. This one time, I was on the train, and it was packed - like, shoulder-to-shoulder. My stomach was feeling weird and I let one go, and it might have been silent, but it was fucking deadly. It was like God's eleventh plague had descended on that train car. It was like the gates of hell had opened and let out the stench of the rotting damned as Charon ferried them to and fro across the Acheron. I honestly was surprised that no one called the cops with accusations of bioterrorism. And the girl standing beside me, who was looking down at her phone, just stiffened, and the people talking in front of me went quiet. I stared at my shoes, and I swear to high heaven, I have never prayed before. I have never fucking prayed before, but in that moment I was begging for a miracle.

Disperse, I begged. Please, everyone get off at the next stop. Please, let the air dissipate, or at least let everyone blame it on the dude standing next to me who is very pointedly staring out the window and trying not to touch me with his elbow.

That's not as embarrassing as this book. Seriously, I'd rather have everyone on the train think I just shit my pants than drag my eyes across another speck of Ignifex's agonizing "wit". The dude is about as entertaining as that graaaaaaaah sound your stomach makes before you ruin a bunch of tourists' day.

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Detox, ILY.
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Reading Progress

November 16, 2014 – Shelved
November 16, 2014 – Shelved as: to-read
May 20, 2015 – Shelved as: on-hold
July 6, 2015 – Shelved as: to-read
July 6, 2015 – Shelved as: gave-the-fuck-up
July 6, 2015 – Shelved as: books-to-use-as-weapons
July 6, 2015 – Shelved as: lolwut
July 6, 2015 – Shelved as: lost-the-will-to-live
July 6, 2015 – Shelved as: choking-noises
July 6, 2015 – Shelved as: ya
November 6, 2015 – Shelved as: put-it-in-the-freezer

Comments Showing 1-24 of 24 (24 new)

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Camilla The ending to this book is so meh, imo


Cillian Camilla wrote: "The ending to this book is so meh, imo"

Agreed.

Kira, what are your thoughts on this one? Not feeling it?


message 3: by Kiki (new) - rated it 1 star

Kiki Tsunami wrote: "Camilla wrote: "The ending to this book is so meh, imo"

Agreed.

Kira, what are your thoughts on this one? Not feeling it?"


I fell out with it, picked up something else, and now I can't find it. Maybe it's under my bed. I don't know. I don't think I even care. It was super super meh.


Dayna There have been mixed reviews for this one..... What are your opinions?


message 6: by Kiki (new) - rated it 1 star

Kiki Maggie*Unicorn Girl* wrote: "That bad for you?"

Godawful.


La Coccinelle Wow. I didn't think it was that bad. Maybe I just cut it too much slack because it was a fairytale retelling. Mind you, compared to the fairytale retelling I'm reading at the moment, it's a freaking masterpiece.


message 8: by Ain (new) - rated it 1 star

Ain Omg your review made me laugh so hard. Yeah, this book was so painful to read. I DNF this book @ 44%. None of the main characters were mildly interesting. I hated everyone and I wished all of them died by the end of the book. I wonder what the publisher was drinking when they decided to publish this book.


message 9: by Kay (new) - added it

Kay Thanks Kiki for the funny review. I had a roughy day and needed the laugh. I was actually about to read this next, but I took the book back to the library. Guess I made the right choice.


Sidney Book was pretty bad


Sidney Loved the cover though and it's description of what I was about to read seemed good enough but it lied to me...


Lenna Unicorn Omg! That one part of the review with the fart just about killed me! So damn funny! But I agree. I like the idea and concepts of the weird world, but it kind of falls apart. I just wrote my review and threw it as is because I didn't even want to try and think about what it was trying to say! Anyway, thanks for the laugh!


message 13: by Gaby (new) - rated it 2 stars

Gaby Finally! Someone understands me!! I hate being the only one to hates a loved book


Skylar THANK YOU FOR SPITTING THE TRUTH


message 15: by kazerniel (new)

kazerniel that metaphor is delightful :D


Nicko (The Cover Hoarder) XD The train incident made me laugh so hard XD


message 17: by Aadini (new) - added it

Aadini Adithan hahahhaha how colourful - the train part was


Tanja I really really enjoyed the book.. and still I laughed so much at your review! :) well done, I would say


sofia (sam willows) This is the best example ever


❤️ELAINE❤️ the book does resemble a fart .


Heather totally cracked up reading this review!! hilarious! :D I didn't like the book either!


message 22: by Angel (new)

Angel Omg I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying.


message 23: by Angrytuna (new) - added it

Angrytuna This review has to be one of my favorites! I personally skipped to the end and it was...bloody confusing.


message 24: by Kerry (new) - rated it 1 star

Kerry Fleming this review is better written than the book itself


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