Jess's Reviews > Splintered

Splintered by A.G. Howard
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
17389678
's review

really liked it

"I would give up all my powers to have you in my arms”


There were hypes. There were comparisons. And then someone said “Morpheus reminds me of the Darkling”, and they just sold it to me.

Splintered is an absolutely mesmerising twist on the classic Alice in Wonderland tale. The thing is, when an author tries their hand at morphing a classic tale, it often goes to hell. This grotesque tale literally went and subsequently ruled over all their asses. Splintered transformed a little child’s fairytale of choice into something that Tim Burton would die to adapt (and I would be right there, begging for a front row seat). Convoluted rhymes are lies wrapped in lies, the creatures are Frankenstein-esque manifestations, and the urge to survive is primitive, raw and carnivorous.

Alyssa is unlike your typical protagonist. She’s hearing bugs, her mother is deemed mentally insane, and her bffl/potential bf is spoken for and moving to London. See, here’s the thing. Half of me likes Alyssa. Half of me wants to find my favourite pancake pan and give her a good whack. Here’s a clue about life, Al:

It doesn’t revolve around pitiful Jeb


Must we be reminded, in every passing second, how much Alyssa adores the fuck out of Jeb. I was so close, so close to giving this a 5. But then I remembered. What on earth is wrong with me.

You see, if we’re drawing Shadow and Bone parallels here then Jeb…Jeb’s your Mal. Mal and I don’t have the best audience/character relationship. Here’s the thing: I could not, for the life of me, ever, ever empathise with Mal. I just detested him. Jeb or Mal, as I like to call him, is your typical protagonist’s best friend. Childhood friend. As in this figurine who assumes that he can just dictate said protagonist’s life. Jeb was insufferable as a character. If anything, I would have happily knitted him a straitjacket.

"Stop humanising the guy, Al!”

"…you can’t think straight when he’s around.”

"Fix. Her. Now”


Right Jebby, because your girl (no wait, I’m sorry, Alyssa is Jeb’s "skater girl”. Clean up on aisle 9 is all I can say) can’t make decisions on her own, is that how it is now?! Unbelievable! I suppose this is his characterisation, but please, oh please, if Jeb and Alyssa are endgame then perhaps I shall have to do an à la Bradley Cooper.

Before I do anything else, let’s address some weird shit.

"I smell the raspberry on his hot breath”


Let’s back up here for a moment. I flipped backwards, and then I flipped forwards. Said raspberries were never mentioned again. Then I considered their location: the skate park. Where you skate. So why, pray tell, does Jeb have raspberry scented breath? I would hardly think that he was eating a punnet before he went and saved his girl. Where did the raspberry come from?!

Here’s the second fault: profanities and slang. If there is one thing that saps the authenticity out of a book like the 45 degree weather does to my skin, it’s ridiculous substitutes for expletives. No, I don’t believe I say the word "fark”, nor do I intend to. Every time I read a YA book that tries to polish the teenage vocabulary (I do mean you Sweet Evil), I feel like I’ve got to spend the subsequent days swearing to make up for those sad, sad characters. They’re missing out.

"son of a bug”
“bug snot”
“gentleroach”


Spare me, please.

And not to mention, I know Morpheus is British, and we, the lovely audience, must be reminded of his delightful accent every once so often, but please. I’ll take normal English to tell me that. There is no need for "love to become "luv”. I’m sure I can work it out for myself.

Now, let’s talk Morpheus—clearly the only reason I’m here for. I loved Morpheus. He is everything in a character that could possibly draw me in (does that say a lot? Ha!). Morpheus exudes a glorious mystery, and oozes that little bit of sexiness. There’s a thin line between being suave and sure of yourself before it falls into “just an asshole” territory. Morpheus falls into the former, and he knows it. I’ve found solace in his character (after the debacle of The Darkling). Guess who said that fancy little declaration of love that begins this review? If there’s one character that should persuade you to give this jacked-up portrayal of Alice in Wonderland a go, it’s Morpheus.

I loved it, overall! Could have loved less Jeb, but beggars can’t be choosers. I’m onto the next one, and I want Morpheus.

PS. I know what you’re thinking. Could Jeb have a name any less weird. Well trust me, his full name isn’t any better.
12 likes · flag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read Splintered.
Sign In »

Reading Progress

July 18, 2014 – Shelved
July 18, 2014 – Shelved as: to-read
July 21, 2014 – Started Reading
July 21, 2014 –
page 68
18.33% " "Garnet's her birthstone. You're wearing her birthday on your lip" . \n \n Taking this one slowly. I call this, "the exam read". As in, this is the book I turn to in a desperate fit of procrastination, and also to sooth the mind before the under 4 hours of sleep that I intend to have. Exams, my friend, exams."
July 21, 2014 –
page 182
45.5% "I'm getting some real Mal vibes from you Jeb. And well, Mal and I don't get along--at all. \n \n In other news, one exam down, six to go."
July 22, 2014 –
page 226
60.92% "Please tell me that Jeb's characterisation is intentional. Please. Can someone bulldoze him? Is that an option?"
July 25, 2014 –
page 301
81.13% "How can I survive Jeb. I've decided to liken him to the plague. A real nuisance with no cure."
July 26, 2014 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-19 of 19 (19 new)

dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Sandee (new)

Sandee great review! and hilarious too. :)
i have this on my tbr for so long it's not even funny anymore. LOL

i really need to clean up my bookshelf. I have to go on a book buying ban. LOL


Jess Sandee (The Whimsical Reader) wrote: "great review! and hilarious too. :)
i have this on my tbr for so long it's not even funny anymore. LOL

i really need to clean up my bookshelf. I have to go on a book buying ban. LOL"


Thank you!

I feel you Sandee. I'm having the same problem. I've got piles and piles stacked up that I'm just ignoring. I must exercise control LOL


message 3: by Sandee (new)

Sandee true. i'm gonna make it a goal to TRY and read them. But if you have like good recs, let me know! :)


Jess Sandee (The Whimsical Reader) wrote: "true. i'm gonna make it a goal to TRY and read them. But if you have like good recs, let me know! :)"

Have you read the Raven Boys? Cause that just makes my heart pour out and I have to scope it back in every time hahaha


message 5: by Sandee (new)

Sandee Nah I haven't but I do have it in my iBooks. Don't have the paperback. How good is it? :)


Jess Sandee (The Whimsical Reader) wrote: "Nah I haven't but I do have it in my iBooks. Don't have the paperback. How good is it? :)"

Let's just say, I've never read a romance that got to the second book w/out any form of physicality and yet ship them out of my mind. Plus the whole fantasy element is amazingly well researched and the writing is phenomenally lyrical :p


message 7: by Sandee (new)

Sandee ooohh. that does sound great! i just need to finish some arc and the host before I get to it. :)


Natalia Read the next book, Unhinged, you will love it. Morpheus is absolutely magnificent there, and funny, and sexy.


Jess Natalia wrote: "Read the next book, Unhinged, you will love it. Morpheus is absolutely magnificent there, and funny, and sexy."

I started it and never marked it LOL Morpheus has instilled life in me. He's love arc is the last hope I have for YA love triangles because they've failed me over and over again. There is just something real magnetic about him!


Sarah Love your review. I really enjoyed the book too, and am eager to start the next one.
Morpheus all the way! He's incredibly attractive and mesmerizing. Jeb pales so much in comparison. I never liked him and thought he came off as a boring, desperate guy who was just trying to save his own sorry ass.


message 11: by Jess (new) - rated it 4 stars

Jess Sarah wrote: "Love your review. I really enjoyed the book too, and am eager to start the next one.
Morpheus all the way! He's incredibly attractive and mesmerizing. Jeb pales so much in comparison. I never like..."


Thank you, Sarah! I hope you enjoy the next one x
Oh Jeb...you're on the mark with desperate!


Vanessa Princessa That was hilarious! You made my day! And let`s not start me on Morpheus...


message 13: by Jess (new) - rated it 4 stars

Jess Nessy wrote: "That was hilarious! You made my day! And let`s not start me on Morpheus..."

Aw, thanks love! Morpheus truly is one of a kind.


Melissa (Ever So Mela) We have a Darkling here? Say no more. I'm sold.


message 15: by Jess (new) - rated it 4 stars

Jess Melissa wrote: "We have a Darkling here? Say no more. I'm sold."

YOU NEED THIS. Morpheus is not quite as diabolical, but he's manipulative and I LOVE IT. And if you love a good Darkling then read Exquisite Captive, Mel! It's an interesting read, that one.


Melissa (Ever So Mela) Eek!! Well I feel giddy. I have both on my shelf. Those will be two I'll be reading sooner. Since I couldn't get my Darkling in Shadow and Bone I plan on getting him here.


Brittain *Needs a Nap and a Drink* Awesome review! This book is coming up on a buddy read and this just got me even more excited for it.


message 18: by Jess (new) - rated it 4 stars

Jess Melissa wrote: "Eek!! Well I feel giddy. I have both on my shelf. Those will be two I'll be reading sooner. Since I couldn't get my Darkling in Shadow and Bone I plan on getting him here."

ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY (being tortured that is because nothing is definite. Oh the joys of pain.)


message 19: by Jess (new) - rated it 4 stars

Jess Brittain wrote: "Awesome review! This book is coming up on a buddy read and this just got me even more excited for it."

I can't wait for you to devour this. It'll have you frustrated but stick with it!


back to top