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First off, I just want to say that this was a very well researched book and I believe it has a lot of good insight into why often many people divorceFirst off, I just want to say that this was a very well researched book and I believe it has a lot of good insight into why often many people divorce or stay married unhappily. That being said, I completely understand why a lot of people who would read this book would not like it. It is a very frank look, an honest look at how we look at ourselves, and many people out there are not relationship material and siting this out can have a backlash from people who have troubles with love frequently, often not because of they don't want a relationship, but because they struggle with a lot of problems, be it anxiety, depression, personality disorders, or other mental disorders and many who just struggle with a myriad of health problems and/or low self esteem. I can see why many people might take offense to this book, but this book is not without hope or without help. I, myself, struggle with bipolar disorder and know that when it comes to finding a stable mate that the odds are against me, simply because of my own personal problems, but that does not mean, and even the author of this book CLEARLY states in the book, that you are forever doomed because of your problems. It is about how you act and react to your partner and situations therein the relationship that determine whether or not your relationship can work out. None of us are perfect, he says so himself, and we all carry baggage. Some of us just have more than others. You have to be supportive in a relationship. You have to care about your partner and their feelings and make an effort to work things out. Relationships take work and that's with any relationship you have, be it romantic or familial or friendship. None of us can change our pasts, nor can we always change our characteristics (not all of us come from loving, securely bonded homes; nearly half of us have anxious or avoidant bonds with our familial roots), but that does not mean we can't make ourselves better with what we can do. We have to be brave enough in relationships to know when we have to act. If anything at all, this helped me realize the patterns of mistakes I have made in previous relationships. Sex is a good thing and means a lot, but it also shouldn't mean everything, just like so many other characteristics in any romantic relationship. Being able to spot red flags in potential mates ahead of time is a godsend (and when I say "red flags", I mean like characteristics like "possessive", "controlling", "abusive", "apathetic", "verbally abusive", "angry", etc. Your obvious relationship killers, which are not always easy to spot right away, especially with guys who are good liars). Using your friends/counterparts to help spot these ahead of time is a great idea, seeing in how we all often get lost when we are within the relationship (so long as it isn't like an interrogation).
There is no easy way to find a mate, no quick fixes, but many of the traits Tashiro mentions in his book (agreeableness, novelty seeking, attachment type) are very good starting points.
My only complaint about this book is that the author uses the study from the 1990's about how 1 in 2 marriages ends in divorce. That study that was done then was not a good study, as it did it not accurately depict the real picture of divorce in America. It didn't count the people in the relationships right from the start, because it didn't show who got divorced then remarried and divorced again. That study was not at all done well. So even though Tashiro says that only 30% of us end up with happy marriages, I honestly think it's a little higher than that. Maybe by 8%. Not a drastic difference, I'm sure, but I get what he was saying....more