Lost for words. The best so far - if only for this line:
“It has nothing to do with weakness,” said Professor Lupin sharply, as though he had read Harr
Lost for words. The best so far - if only for this line:
“It has nothing to do with weakness,” said Professor Lupin sharply, as though he had read Harry’s mind. “The dementors affect you worse than the others because there are horrors in your past that the others don’t have.”
This is Edith Eger's second book, after her groundbreaking and earth-shattering memoir The Choice. Her first book seamlesWow. This book is phenomenal.
This is Edith Eger's second book, after her groundbreaking and earth-shattering memoir The Choice. Her first book seamlessly chronicled her life story, interspersed with deeply insightful anecdotes from her psychological practice. Here she bestows some of the many pearls of wisdom she's gleaned from a life fraught with difficulties, through which she ultimately discovered powerful principles to choose joy in the face of suffering. This is her message to the next generation; her gift to the world of the 21st century, a time at which we are more acutely aware than ever of the suffering condition of humanity.
Her lessons ring true and carry weight. This is not your run-of-the-mill self-help book. If you're looking for quick fixes, seeking to change yourself or others, look elsewhere. I remember seeing a book not too long ago in a library called "You Can Be Amazing" - go read that instead.
But if, like me, you're not convinced by such platitudes and can't deny the suffering of life, do yourself a favour and listen to what Dr Eger has to say. She'll teach you to do away with your "buts" - no more "I have suffered, but others have it worse..." and she'll rid you of your "shoulds" - no more "I should be grateful for the good things in my life".
Perhaps it's her Hungarian realism that resonates with me, but I imagine it will resonate with most humans who inhabit this baffling and mysterious world. She's been my great teacher these past months, when I faced suffering so insurmountable that I didn't think I'd find a way through. She taught me that it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes: her philosophy from her clinical practice is "in order to heal, you need to give yourself permission to feel". She never once plays down the suffering of others, even though she has seen the worst of humanity as a survivor of Auschwitz. She testifies that we all experience loss, and that there is no hierarchy of pain. In her own words,"my pain is not worth more than yours".
She'll teach you to accept that you were victimised, as we all are at times in our lives, but that you don't have to choose to define yourself as a victim. You can choose how you respond, and can choose to embrace the fullness of life, without denying the suffering that you have experienced. She says "I will grieve my parents' and grandparents' murders until my dying breath, and I will live my life to the fullest until my dying breath". She has taught me what it means to be human - to be messy, made up of countless seemingly irreconcilable bits and pieces that just don't look like they'll fit together. But in the end, we see that all this complexity is what makes each human so unique and valuable. There will never be another person like you.
One of the thoughts that used to, and admittedly sometimes still does, drive me into depression is this - "no one will ever fully understand me". Like I said, Eger is Hungarian, so she doesn't gloss over this messy reality of human life. No one will ever fully understand you, but that's okay. Everyone you love will pass away one day, but that's okay. You can choose to be your own closest friend. More than anything, this is the greatest gift Dr Eger has given me: she has empowered me to be my own closest friend. I don't need to tell myself that I'm worthless anymore; I can choose to fall in love with myself, appreciating the many fantastic qualities I have. In her own words, "Fall in love with yourself - it's not narcissistic!" I trust her on this, and I feel all the better for living as though it's true.
I can't tell you what a blessing this fantastic lady has been in my life at a time when I needed it the most. She's given me such an empowering perspective about my perfectionism, my guilt and shame and my judgmentalism etc etc. She's taught me that even though there is something missing within me, I can still be whole, and although people will come and go, I can be my own closest friend. Thank you, Edith....more
I’m not going to bother writing a detailed plot synopsis, or analysing the text itself, because that’s not how I **spoiler alert** I needed this book.
I’m not going to bother writing a detailed plot synopsis, or analysing the text itself, because that’s not how I experienced this book. Instead, let me paint a vivid picture of my experience with this book.
I went into this book super depressed, feeling lonely and pretty darn hopeless.
I came out of it shedding tears of gratitude, comforted by the familiar, but lately foreign, sensation of inner peace and connectedness.
Through his narration, Haig does an incredible job building deep compassion in the reader for the tormented protagonist, Nora Seed. Nora's experience is your experience; the reader shares her highs and her lows.
Nora is stuck. At the age of 35, she finds herself living alone, in a dead-end job in a dead-end town and with no close friends or family for company. She feels isolated and stuck.
They say that bad things come in threes. As a physicist I outright refute that statistic as an old wives’ tale, but it does seem to be one of those sayings that proves anecdotally true. For Nora, it feels as though her whole life comes tumbling down all at once like a house of cards; in the space of 24 hours, her cat dies, her brother seemingly disowns her, she loses her job and she is dropped by her one piano student, the only activity in her life that gave her a sense of fulfilment. It all gets too much for her and she can’t see a way forward in her life. She a moment of desperation, she decides to end her life.
She wakes up to find that, frustratingly, she still exists. She had hoped that taking her life would cure her of existence; a belief that I once held too, however untrue. She discovers that she is in a limbo space of sorts - The Midnight Library. In the library, every book offers Nora the chance to enter an alternate life that she could have lived if she had made different decisions in her “root” life. Reluctantly she starts searching for the perfect life.
To cut to the chase, since I’m not too interested in writing a plot synopsis here, after exploring an endless number of alternate lives, Nora realised that everything she had in her root life was already enough. She didn’t need an infinity of lives, because she already possessed within herself the ability to touch an infinite number of other lives. What we all crave most deeply is that connection of heart we experience with other people when we touch one another’s lives. It is so simple, yet so hard to attain in today’s world; even more so in the midst of a global pandemic.
This book hit very close to home as I recently lost a dear friend to suicide. As I was preparing to share a tribute at the celebration of his life after his passing, I asked myself what I could possibly say to describe such a remarkable man. In the end, I realised that what I appreciated most deeply about him was not the status he attained, nor the money he earned, nor the property he accumulated; in the end, I could only describe his life like this: “Many small acts of kindness over time, with a big and loving heart”.
The resounding message of this book is that life is about connection. No amount of wealth, status or property can replace the connection-shaped hole that our culture bores into us. We can lose so much of our mind’s time to distraction and regret; distracted by comparing our inner world to others’ external world - which social media does little to help - and regretting the path that we’ve taken in life without knowing how many lives we’ve touched along the way.
It’s no wonder that so many of us struggle with depression, anxiety and feelings of loneliness and despair. We aren’t made for this world, to be consumers or virtual avatars; we were made for something much greater. In the words of a great man, we were made to be “In the world, but not of the world”.
“But I could have told you, [Nora] This world was never meant for one As beautiful as you" ~ “Vincent” by Don McLean
You’re not crazy; it’s just that this world calls crazy what it cannot understand.
Mr Haig, you've done it again - I sincerely thank you for having the courage to write with such honesty and compassion....more
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