I have been reading a lot of memoir and have developed many opinions on the genre. And, unfortunately, pretty much all of them say this is not worthI have been reading a lot of memoir and have developed many opinions on the genre. And, unfortunately, pretty much all of them say this is not worth reading unless you are a truly devoted fan. While it started off well and provided plenty of nostalgia, it moves rather quickly into nonstop descriptions of logistics. Once Andrews marries director Blake Edwards, their lives are a tumultuous and chaotic whirlwind, constantly moving from Los Angeles to London to Switzerland and back again. It made me tired just to listen to all of it. Each movie or project is listed and cataloged, and as years pass there is less detail and it feels more like a list. It is awfully nice to listen to Andrews' voice, but there isn't much there there, and I actually felt like I knew far too much about the family by the end of it, as everyone's crises are laid out in detail. (And there are so many crises! I am not kidding when I said this book made me tired.)...more
It has been a real joy to see more nonbinary authors sharing their stories and expanding our ideas about gender and trans identity this year. Kobabe'sIt has been a real joy to see more nonbinary authors sharing their stories and expanding our ideas about gender and trans identity this year. Kobabe's graphic memoir is so effective at explaining how eir experiences with gender from childhood through adulthood were complex and hard to pin down, a slow process of discovery. E also explores asexuality as well, which can further complicate both gender and sexual identity. We are still in the beginnings of having nonbinary people tell their own stories, so it's not too surprising that in this wave we have a lot of memoir. I did not mind it at all, and Kobabe is adept at putting eir emotions and stories in pictures to heighten the experience.
Sometimes I read a memoir and think, "This person needs more distance from their story to tell it effectively," but I never thought that about GENDER QUEER. Kobabe's strength here is keeping you in a feeling of the present, a feeling of change and discovery, and when we leave em at the end of the book, we don't have to feel like everything is now figured out and settled. We know e is on a journey that may take em to a new understanding of emself and that is a beautiful thing.
If you aren't familiar with nonbinary people, who are a vast group with a spectrum of identities, there is much to learn here. Even as someone who has many nonbinary friends, I gained a new respect here for nontraditional pronouns. Most people I know use they/them and I admit I have felt somewhat reluctant to adopt more unusual pronouns even though I strongly believe you should always respect a person's identity and pronouns. After reading Kobabe's story about finding e/em/eir pronouns (also known as Spivak pronouns) I could shake off my discomfort and embrace a broader set of pronouns....more
You cannot walk into this book knowing what to expect. Its premise is unusual enough that all you can do is wonder how it will play out. There areYou cannot walk into this book knowing what to expect. Its premise is unusual enough that all you can do is wonder how it will play out. There are lots of books about sexual assault now that #metoo has been going on long enough that we accept women's stories. It is important to believe women, but #metoo has reached a limit so far when it comes to what we do after that. After we believe a woman, then what? Here Vanasco grapples with that question when she decides to reopen contact with "Mark," who used to be one of her closest friends when they were teenagers, until he raped her when they were 19.
What is truly interesting about this book is how open Vanasco is about the process. We follow her through her conversations with friends, her partner, her therapist as she talks about what she wants to do with this project. Much of the book is about her transcriptions of conversations with Mark and going back over them to process what they both say. When it comes to its structure and point of view, it's a fascinating and unique work of memoir, documenting practically in real time what happens.
On the other hand, following Vanasco through this as it happens means that we deal with some of the shortcomings of memoirs that don't involve a lot of distance or time. This means we don't get a fully processed story, it keeps us in Vanasco's current head, which is a blessing and a curse. Often I desperately wanted to urge her to a conclusion, and sometimes she would get there and sometimes she wouldn't.
As you listen to the transcripts, I suspect most readers will feel like I do (and like Vanasco herself does): frustrated. Vanasco is constantly working to make her friend/rapist feel comfortable and at ease. Some of this is because the project requires him to be involved and she wants his participation. Some of this is because when she first approaches the project she thinks of it as much more about their friendship and the loss of it than about the rape. As frustrating as it is, it is also familiar. And Vanasco herself points it out over and over again. The focus on the friendship is a way to distance the rape itself, which Vanasco hasn't fully dealt with for a variety of reasons. By the end we can see her starting to finally get angry, even if it's just a hint of anger, and it's often misdirected at other things instead of the rape itself.
This book requires readers to grapple with the fact that there are rapists everywhere. If we all know people who have been raped, statistically we must all know several rapists. And yet we have not grappled as a society with what to do with rapists. We often can't even consider the concept of forgiveness or rehabilitation. (To be fair, this is often because there aren't even any consequences for rapists, so the entire process is stalled.) Mark is a relatively normal person. He is also somewhat unusual because he is willing to admit openly to what happened. He will sometimes minimize details or obscure memories, but he admits to the worst of it several times. His life is also in a state of suspended animation, it seems like committing the rape has had serious consequences on how he views himself and how he interacts with the world. On the one hand, we would say "This isn't about him, it's about his victim." And yet, with so much of Vanasco's narrative, the ways she also defined herself and minimized the assault, it's curious that we don't get into how Mark got to the point that he committed the rape or how he responded to it. Vanasco never presses him on this, and since getting to hear from a rapist so openly is so unusual, it feels like a missing piece. Even if it makes sense that it's missing.
With all that said, this is a book I will not stop thinking about any time soon. For victims of rape and sexual assault who are worried about the subject matter, the rape is described in detail though it is not a violent one. Other women's rapes are also described. And rape is the primary topic, so please approach with caution. The unusual structure, the meditative nature of it reminded me of another book I really loved this year, a novel on the same subject: WOMEN TALKING by Miriam Toews.
I did the audio of this book and while I liked that they had two readers for the transcribed sections, I did not like either reader much at all. Their tone just never felt right to me....more
It may be a little problematic, but this is what I look for in the ideal celebrity memoir: Drama, juicy stories, humor, and authenticity. I know IIt may be a little problematic, but this is what I look for in the ideal celebrity memoir: Drama, juicy stories, humor, and authenticity. I know I shouldn't want the juicy stories and I am never mad at the people who do not like to share them. It's totally their right! It is probably the smarter way to go! But let's be honest, as a reader you always want to see behind the scenes. You want some dirt.
I really wasn't expecting a memoir by Elton John to deliver the Ideal Celebrity Memoir so thoroughly. I suppose this is partly because his image has softened over the years. Now we think of him as that nice man who's the same age as our parents who wrote the Lion King songs. Even though I knew that he was quite the raucous rock star back in the day, I guess I figured that now that he was older looking back we would get a nice, sanitized version of it all. I was wrong.
It is hard to make clear just how much Elton John has lived through. He became famous in the early 70's and has continuously been touring and releasing music and generally partaking in celebrity culture ever since. It's more than 40 years. The longer you go in the book, the more it hits you. All the people he knew and worked with, all the people who are dead now who were his friends and peers, all the changes of music into disco and punk and rap while he still sticks around. In that sense alone, it would be very rewarding to follow someone for such a long time.
And, bizarrely, this book feels warm and conversational, open and honest. It is so good I assume it must be ghostwritten. If you listen to the audio, it just feels like you have sat down for a very long chat together. But even with a ghostwriter, there's a real openness here that not a lot of celebrity memoirs have. There's a real willingness to share his own personal defects and flaws. (And they are MANY. Even after he becomes sober you sometimes wonder how anyone can tolerate him and then you remember that you are currently in the middle of being charmed by him at this very moment.)
If you watched the movie, you'll find the book is imminently more nuanced. They barely seem like the same story. The movie oversimplifies all the beats of his life while here they get pretty fully rounded out. John Reid and his mother become full people rather than two-dimensional villains. (Though they're still pretty villainous much of the time.) There's regular appearances from Rod Stewart, Freddie Mercury, John Lennon, Gianni Versace, and many more. It is so packed full of celebrities I can't really express it accurately.
And for fans, you won't just get all the highs and lows of the fame-and-sobriety memoir, you also get a lot about music and songwriting. Lots about his process gets dripped in along the way, how he feels about his music, what he loves and hates, almost every album gets mentioned. I really was surprised how much this won me over.
In the audiobook, John himself reads the prologue and epilogue, the rest is done brilliantly by Taron Egerton (who played him in Rocketman) who really understands how to keep his voice and tone varied and fresh and throws in some real laughter now and then....more
Technically this is a memoir and much of it recounts JVN's life, but it feels almost as much like a self-help/inspirational book, too. JVN's goal hereTechnically this is a memoir and much of it recounts JVN's life, but it feels almost as much like a self-help/inspirational book, too. JVN's goal here is not just to show who he is but to help other people with trauma heal. It's a lovely goal, though it makes for a bit of a muddled book structurally speaking. But I suspect that won't be an issue for his fans. He reads the audiobook himself, and is quite charming....more
This is a memoir that plays with structure, that recognizes implicitly that this is a book people will sit down and read, and that understands theThis is a memoir that plays with structure, that recognizes implicitly that this is a book people will sit down and read, and that understands the world and the record it is coming into. It is a world where we still don't really recognize that domestic abuse takes place in queer relationships, we don't recognize abuse as anything except physical harm from a man acting on a woman. Machado knows she is facing an uphill climb, especially since abuse memoirs have an inherent problem of explaining to readers who haven't been in the cycle of abuse why you didn't leave.
It's a daunting task, but Machado faces it by going outside of the normal memoir framework. She acknowledges that writing about queer abuse is almost nonexistent. She sets out her research on queer abuse and fits her own relationship within that framework. She puts the reader in her own shoes, writing in 2nd person so "you" follow along in her place. She breaks it down into small bits, relating her experience through a different lens every few pages. She presents the entire story within the tropes of fairy tales and folklore, binding a rarely told story to many familiar ones.
It is not a traditional memoir and reading it doesn't give you a traditional narrative experience, but it is affecting and powerful. Sometimes Machado's narrative choices frustrated me, she would end a section right at a moment of high conflict when I just wanted to know, "But then what? What did you say? How did she respond? How did this actually play out?" So there are frustrations that go with avoiding a traditional narrative, but eventually I had those gaps filled in. Viewing the book as a whole you see everything you need to see. It is brutal and sad and Machado does her best to show you why she was vulnerable and why she acted the way she did. The section that follows a Choose Your Own Adventure style of storytelling is unexpectedly affecting, maybe the most impactful part of the book, making the traps clear, anticipating the reader's responses. Machado is often at her best when she dives into these unusual structures. Her willingness to pull back and place her story in a different context may give you a bit of reading whiplash, but at the end you can pile it all up to see the way it makes a whole work.
Some readers may struggle with a book that only really works when all the pieces are in place, but generally Machado is friendly and understanding, speaking to you in a way to keep you engaged. But it does require you to really consider all of it over again when it's concluded instead of taking it piece by piece....more
A pretty standard celebrity memoir. Moore is mostly not interested in sharing juicy details but focusing on her own personal struggle. She has aA pretty standard celebrity memoir. Moore is mostly not interested in sharing juicy details but focusing on her own personal struggle. She has a strong through line from her tumultuous childhood through her fulfilled adulthood in the present. She isn't very interested in saying anything bad about other celebrities, everything about her ex-husband Bruce Willis is quite measured. (They are still close.) There's not much about craft, though she walks us through much of the peak of her career, and like me you may have forgotten just how horrible the media treated her though I quickly remembered.
Doesn't feel overly ghostwritten, simple and straightforward prose. Her read brings something to it, since you get her patented scratchy voice to accompany the story....more
You know when a book involves religion that I am going to start my review with a caveat: my experience with this book was incredibly specific to myYou know when a book involves religion that I am going to start my review with a caveat: my experience with this book was incredibly specific to my own history, brought up in a conservative patriarchal religion that I eventually left after a difficult internal struggle. It was probably the biggest thing that ever happened to me but it was an incredibly lonely and isolating experience. Even so many years later when I've had the opportunity to talk to many people with similar experiences, I don't always find we have much in common. It can be a very vast spectrum. I certainly would not have expected to relate to the experience of Megan Phelps-Roper, as I am very familiar with the abhorrent activities of the Westboro Baptist Church. And yet, I cannot think of any other book I have read or story I have heard that hit me so hard. I cried. A lot. I was often overcome with emotion and memories of my own pain. That Phelps-Roper is able to do this is a testament to how thoughtful and clear this book is, far beyond what I could have imagined.
Even if you haven't had this kind of experience, I think Phelps-Roper expertly walks the line of giving you a full, complete picture of her life both inside and outside of the church. This is something not many people are able to do, they cannot portray a place and culture with empathy after they leave it behind, but she remains clear-eyed. She can describe abuse and mistreatment but she also describes everyone, even her grandfather Fred Phelps, WBC's leader and the man behind so many of their awful policies, with deep affection and care. As much as you want to villainize the members of WBC, Phelps-Roper insists on portraying them as the people she grew up loving and still loves. Her journey out of the church is little by little and then all at once (mine was also like that) and because WBC is so extreme, nearly every reader will be relieved as she starts to question and reject their teachings. I also related deeply to her search after leaving WBC for a new personal belief system, another truly difficult and lonely experience.
That she is able to write about these experiences with such insight and thought only 7 years later is astounding. Often in memoir people try to tell a traumatic story like this too early before they can really see it. There are occasional glimpses of this but just whispers, and she wisely keeps those out of the spotlight.
One of the most affecting books I've ever read, and one of the few books that can really explain an extreme religion. A good companion to Leah Remini's TROUBLEMAKER, less funny but more fulfilling.
A note for queer readers: this book contains many many many many uses of the f-word. So many. ...more
I really wish I could have been around when this memoir originally came out. Because what you'd expect from a memoir written by a giant of theI really wish I could have been around when this memoir originally came out. Because what you'd expect from a memoir written by a giant of the American stage and what you get in this memoir are definitely not the same. But the thing is, I am not sure that's bad!
If you want to read this to learn more about where Williams gets his characters from, how he writes, what themes and messages he's trying to get across in his plays, how his personal life is portrayed in his plays, etc etc etc you will get none of that. NONE.
Still, there is some real joy to be found in this kind of loose, rambly, gives-no-****s memoir. It is especially noteworthy that Williams is so open and unashamed about his sex life at a time when most gay men in public life were closeted. Williams would very much like you to know who he did sleep with and who he didn't, often he would like you to know how many times. He is not graphic, but he does like you to know just who he kept around for companionship and who was good for sex. He casually talks about cruising New York looking for sex. It is amazing, I have never read anything like it.
If you like gossip you will get very little. While clearly Williams has had lovers whose names we would recognize, he refuses to share them. There are a lot of pseudonyms. He loves to tell you which actors have been best in his work. But while I'm sure he has several biting opinions, he mostly keeps the criticism to himself. (Unless it's critics, in that case he has plenty.) He can tell you when each play opened and closed, which theaters it was in, how the critics received it, but mostly that's all you will get about much of his work.
Mostly this book feels like you are sitting next to Williams, who is probably on some kind of substances, and letting him go on. (He is quite open about his substance abuse.) It often lacks direction. It often lacks style. But there's something about the looseness of it that is its own strange pleasure, even if it goes on for much longer than you expected....more
A poignant memoir about finding love and moving on. Locke is a fantastic writer, able to keep you involved and engaged with warm, lush prose. She isA poignant memoir about finding love and moving on. Locke is a fantastic writer, able to keep you involved and engaged with warm, lush prose. She is particularly good at painting a picture of Sicily or a plate of pasta. You can feel the sun, smell the dishes, and get fully enwrapped in the warmth and love here. A bit of a weepy at first, but in the second half of the book Locke writes in more detail about her life as a widow and her growing relationship with her mother-in-law and it really surprised me how much she kept me enrapt....more
The subtitle of this memoir (A Memoir of Fumbling Towards Adulthood) is appropriate and they should have left it there. Rannells confines his storyThe subtitle of this memoir (A Memoir of Fumbling Towards Adulthood) is appropriate and they should have left it there. Rannells confines his story almost entirely from when he was around 19 to 22. If you are looking for a midwest-kid-moves-to-the-big-city-to-follow-his-dream book, that is what you will get! If you are looking for a celeb-spills-all-about-fame book, you will be disappointed as the book ends just as Rannells books his first Broadway gig. Fans will probably enjoy it. It's a good gift for theater kids. But it's not a fit for folks who like to dive into big, messy, gushy memoir or who want a ton of humor....more
Sometimes I will say with a little negativity that a book is "Trans 101" but the honest truth is that we need Trans 101 sometimes. There are still aSometimes I will say with a little negativity that a book is "Trans 101" but the honest truth is that we need Trans 101 sometimes. There are still a lot of people in the world who have never met an out trans person, who have uninformed and bigoted ideas about them. And for those people, we need some accessible, relatable Trans 101 stories. It isn't even bad if some of them are by cis people, because presenting that cis lens and showing by example when to speak up and when it's not about you can be helpful for someone who's just getting started.
Knox's book is a solid entry in the Trans 101 genre. While Knox herself, a cis woman, is the center of the story, she does so many things right that a lot of cis people get wrong. She does not deadname. She only misgenders when she is discussing misgendering. She sees her wife and daughter as two beautiful, whole women. She also reels when each of them comes out and talks through the experience as a spouse and parent while still making it clear that this is more about the trans person than it is about their cis friends and family.
This is the kind of book I'd recommend for people looking to educate friends and family about trans issues and to help them understand the role of cis family and allies. For those more deeply involved in the LGBTQ+ community, it will indeed feel like Trans 101, but a good tool to have for the right audience....more
A story that needs to be told and one that needs to be heard. However, as a work of memoir it is mostly content to stay on the surface. Often IA story that needs to be told and one that needs to be heard. However, as a work of memoir it is mostly content to stay on the surface. Often I wondered how something made Habib feel, how she made a decision, what an experience was like and was left without much insight....more
Right away, Jacob Tobia wants the reader to know that this is not a Trans 101 book. It is not going to be your Acceptable Trans Narrative, and theyRight away, Jacob Tobia wants the reader to know that this is not a Trans 101 book. It is not going to be your Acceptable Trans Narrative, and they are also going to make it clear to you just how much damage we are doing as a society by only allowing one Acceptable Trans Narrative. I knew immediately I was in good hands. I also noticed right away that Tobia uses inclusive language as much as possible. It's incredibly rare for Tobia to talk about just "trans people" instead they will almost always say something like "trans and gendernonconforming people" or "trans and genderqueer and gender fluid and nonbinary and two spirit and gendernonconforming people" and it made my heart happy. Writing about trans people tends to reinforce the gender binary much of the time and Tobia is determined to crack that wide open.
This is a lovely, simple memoir focusing almost entirely on Tobia's life through a gender lens. Tobia is only 27 at the time of writing the book and it only covers their life through college. There's a lot to be said for the way Tobia limits the book and keeps it focused. But I do think it's a good thing for readers to know going in, the subtitle does important work. If you like memoirs with a friendly voice, that treat you like a trusted confidant, this is a good pick for you.
The book isn't too heavy on queer suffering, but it does have discrimination against queer people and gender nonconforming people as its primary focus, so it is not exactly happy all the time. There is not much in the way of violence, but there is a lot of emotional trauma and a warning for suicidal ideation. It's also notable that Tobia refers to themself with he/him pronouns for the vast majority of the book, which could be difficult for some readers. (It is tricky as a reader, because this means you default to thinking of Tobia as "he" even though you know all about their identity, as their shift in pronouns comes almost at the very end of the book.) Tobia mostly balances this out with their unique charm and dazzle. The audio in particular lets them really shine.
I kept wondering why my library seemed so obsessed with this book, always a pile of copies, only to realize upon finally reading it that the author is from here! It was the first time I have read a book set in the Triangle in NC since moving here so that was a nice little bonus....more
This book is like if James Herriot was in Madagascar rather than the British countryside. It is very interesting from a conservation point of view,This book is like if James Herriot was in Madagascar rather than the British countryside. It is very interesting from a conservation point of view, lots of adventures with animals. It is also a real curiosity because despite being written in the 90's it feels like it could have been written 100 years ago. It is rollicking in that way that travel writing rarely is anymore and Durrell clearly cares deeply about his mission.
You can let this book sweep you away with its charms (it is quite charming and funny) but at some point it will inevitably sour. Durrell writes about the Malagasy people without even a hint of concern about the fact that he is from a white country that colonized and enslaved people just like the Malagasy for hundreds of years, and that has portrayed the people of the African continent as godless savages for even longer. It would have taken just a little bit of thought to avoid these pitfalls. Durrell is mostly respectful and delighted by the people he encounters, but when he goes wrong it can go awfully wrong. Much of his frustration, as a conservationist, is directed more towards the governments that know better but don't care, rather than the people themselves, he is close but he is not quite there.
The audio reader (it has just been recorded as an audiobook for the first time) is perfectly suited to the material....more
Goodreads ate my review, so apologies at this likely inferior second attempt.
If you are curious about Mayor Pete as a candidate and want to know moreGoodreads ate my review, so apologies at this likely inferior second attempt.
If you are curious about Mayor Pete as a candidate and want to know more about how he approaches governing, this is a very useful book. If you'd like some idea of how he defines and sees himself, you will not get a whole lot, even though much of the book is supposedly devoted to his life rather than his political work. This really is more of a memoir than a politics book, but it succeeds much more as a politics book than as a memoir. Buttigieg clearly wants to write something important and literary, but while his prose is more than competent, he lacks the kind of self-awareness that's critical to make a memoir actually work.
We're used to this kind of approach to politics books. People don't want to give us the full story, they want to give us a particular version of themselves. What Mayor Pete doesn't want you to focus on are the things people find the most interesting about him: his age and his sexual orientation. He sees these as not really all that important. He thinks it's much more important that you see him as efficient, data-driven, innovative, and Midwestern. Very Midwestern. While there are elements of the governing sections that are certainly interesting, a lot of it remains anecdotal and on the surface. (Especially for anything divisive or controversial.) He wants to present to you this Regular Guy with his morning runs and his dog and his mortgage. And okay, yes, but also he went to Harvard and Oxford and he often seems to want to brush over that part of himself. (He certainly doesn't mention how he paid for any of it. Money is always discussed in the vaguest of terms, except for that $400 mortgage and the "savings" he used to fund his early campaigns.) It's not always clear that he knows exactly what his story is and what people take away from it.
This is particularly true when you consider that Buttigieg almost entirely ignores his sexuality until about 70% of the way through the book. And sure, if you don't want to get into whatever happened in your 20's with dating and romance, fine, but given the circumstances it's particularly strange to gloss over it the way he does. He joined the military during Don't Ask Don't Tell! He was in office in Indiana in a very public position when the state passed anti-gay legislation! These must have been difficult, complex situations and yet he doesn't address them! It appears that the legislation played a role in his decision to come out, but it's all left very muddled. And when we do finally dive into this part of his story, it is quite vague, of the general I-am-just-the-same-as-everyone-else-love-is-love variety.
Despite my frustrations, this is better than your garden variety politician book. It's just that it could have been much, much better with a little extra vulnerability (the Obama's are very good examples of how to thread this needle--some may also say I could extend this statement not just to the book but to his whole campaign but I'll leave that to your personal judgment)....more
A thoroughly enjoyable memoir in essays that hits a perfect middle ground between the fluffy celeb/influencer memoir and the serious essays onA thoroughly enjoyable memoir in essays that hits a perfect middle ground between the fluffy celeb/influencer memoir and the serious essays on important topics. It's really impressive how Young is able to do both. The book is enjoyable but not afraid to tackle serious issues in detail and with clarity, Young's voice is unique and hilarious and poignant.
The depth he gives to issues of race, but even more than that, issues of masculinity is some of the best writing on the subject that I've seen. Have been a long-time fan of Very Smart Brothas but sometimes you wonder how a short form writer will translate to a larger work: he did it well. There isn't a weak essay in the bunch, they move generally in a linear fashion, moving topic by topic lets him dive deeper into issues than he could in a traditional style, and keeps good momentum. I was always interested and always happy to listen....more
I read BEST FRIENDS right after REAL FRIENDS and I was a little skeptical that it would be as good, but it delivers. While the story is moreI read BEST FRIENDS right after REAL FRIENDS and I was a little skeptical that it would be as good, but it delivers. While the story is more condensed, once again there's all kinds of different aspects of friendships and the strange unwritten rules of older children. The characters from the previous book are mostly still there, and the dynamics are not all that different, but Shannon herself grows up a lot as she starts to recognize more and more how her place in "the group" is holding her back and causing her pain.
Her anxiety and mental health are addressed more directly here, but still in ways kids can process and relate to.
I cannot figure out what this book wants to be. I found it utterly baffling, which really frustrated me because there is a real underrepresentation ofI cannot figure out what this book wants to be. I found it utterly baffling, which really frustrated me because there is a real underrepresentation of poverty and working-class life in modern fiction and nonfiction. I am a single parent, I was briefly on public assistance, worked multiple jobs, and was threatened with eviction. My situation was not as dire as Land's but it was close enough to give me a look at the precarious world of being poor and the ways that life tries its best to keep you there.
The book begins during a period where Land is homeless after leaving her abusive boyfriend, but the bulk of the book takes place a couple of years later, during about a year where Land is on her own, trying to get by on the minimal pay of a house cleaner. This was the strongest portion of the book, as Land sets the stage and makes the realities of the work and the actual take-home pay clear. Yet while there are these parts of her life that Land illustrates clearly for the reader, other things she chooses to write about in the book are, honestly, baffling. It's hard to write about it because I know that everyone in difficult financial situations copes differently. I'm sure some people would look at my habits during my hard years and find me irresponsible. But I ultimately realized it's not about judging Land's choices when she was in that moment, it's about her message later as she wrote the book.
"Things have a way of falling into place," Land writes near the end of the book, at which point my mouth dropped open. On the one hand, Land has pretty much had things fall into place by the end. But it is not the "you can do this by yourself" power and independence of earlier chapters, which is an experience I remember having so keenly, that still stays in me now, that I wanted more of. Instead it is a "follow your dreams and it'll all be great" perspective. Deciding to follow your dreams is not going to get you out of poverty 99% of the time, and seeing Land's dreamy inspirational feelings near the end of the book undercuts all that we've just seen her go through.
Land also spends a good portion of the book writing about the homes she cleans and I was so confused about why she was spending so much time, in a book that was nominally about the struggles of poverty, reflecting on how being rich doesn't make people happy.
There were things that rang very true to my experience, the anger I used to feel looking at couples who both worked who could split their rent instead of having to pay it all on their own, who could have someone to pass a crying baby off to when they needed a break, who didn't have to take on the extra work I did. But these end up being moments of insight and honesty that get lost in the whole. It isn't clear what exactly Land is trying to tell us. Her messages are inconsistent. She talks about the punishing cycle of poverty but then seems to magically transcend it. The writing could have made this clearer, and it could have made the book stronger, but ultimately it didn't do anything to enhance my experience with and connection to Land's life....more
Sometimes you read a piece of personal nonfiction and learn a whole bunch of new things. But sometimes you also change the way you look at the worldSometimes you read a piece of personal nonfiction and learn a whole bunch of new things. But sometimes you also change the way you look at the world and other people. This is one of those books. My views on mental health have been shaped mostly by Anxiety and Depression and how they've impacted me and many people in my life. I haven't given Schizophrenia a lot of thought for many reasons, and as I read this book it seemed like Wang hit every single one of them. All the ways in which we have pushed it to the side as a thing that does not happen to regular people, all the ways in which we try to hide it, all the ways we dress it up as something from a scary movie.
Wang is so impressive here. The personal pieces of these essays are moving and vivid, but she also brings a rigorous research to it, explaining DSM definitions and types of psychotropic drugs with clarity. She gives us not just her story but a larger societal context. She comes at schizophrenia from multiple angles, so by the time we are done it feels like we have performed an exhaustive study with her.
It is not an uplifting book, but it is not depressing either. It is rooted in understanding and empathy. Wang is not afraid to look at the most difficult and troubling elements of schizophrenia, for those who have the condition and those who love and care for them, and to consider everyone with real empathy.
I did this on audio, which I enjoyed quite a lot....more
Let's just start with all the ways in which I have specific, subjective opinions about this book. I hate the true crime trend. I specifically hate theLet's just start with all the ways in which I have specific, subjective opinions about this book. I hate the true crime trend. I specifically hate the fandoms that have grown up around true crime. For me, it is exploitative and disrespectful, it turns real problems and pain into entertainment, and it does little to take on the very real issues of violence, poverty, policing, and bias in our criminal justice system even though all of these things are central to the real world of crime and punishment. If that is also you, this book may look interesting to you the way it did to me. Because I think it's time for a real examination of why and how our culture is obsessed with true crime. But if you feel the way I do, it's very possible the book will hit you the way it hit me and not be what you wanted.
This is not really the book's fault. But I assumed that I would be a good audience for this book. It turns out I am not. This book is not for me. And that's fine! It did not make me actively angry the way a lot of true crime does, it is attempting to analyze the unhealthy obsessions people (women in particular) have with true crime. But for a reader like me it feels like it has started a journey only to get off a few stops in, leaving all the real juicy stuff just sitting there untouched.
I suspect that the audience for this book is the actual lovers of true crime who are ready to be more thoughtful about their obsessions. The book has stories of four women interspersed with some commentary and stories of Monroe herself and her obsessions. The main issue I have with this structure is the difference between Monroe and her subjects. The women in her stories go to extremes, like EXTREME extremes. It's too easy to separate the typical behaviors of Monroe and women like her from the women in these stories. The conclusions she wants to draw about why women become obsessed don't quite fit these other stories that are writ so large that it's easy to say, "Yeah but that person is obviously dealing with some real issues whereas I would never do that."
Still, Monroe does start to make some real criticism of the culture that has sprung up around true crime obsessives and why women in particular are drawn to it. She really has the right ideas and the right themes, she just lets the other women's stories dominate the narrative. And, if you're a reader like me, she doesn't seem willing to see it all through.
I realized near the end of the book that the only way this book would please me is if it were a full on indictment of this culture, and it clearly isn't ready to be that. It wants to map out the roots of these obsessions, the ways it can help women feel control in their lives, without condemning it. She seems to want her readers to consider their own feelings and see how they can be more critical without going any farther.
Structurally I think there's a start here but only a start. Still, I think this book will probably appeal to a lot of people. And the ideal book in my mind probably wouldn't appeal to very many people at all! Because I am a curmudgeon who is not reliable for objective reviews of anything true crime related and that's just how it is. ...more
I have been in therapy a few times, but mostly I'm fascinated by the concept of therapy. That this book gave me the opportunity to see a little moreI have been in therapy a few times, but mostly I'm fascinated by the concept of therapy. That this book gave me the opportunity to see a little more of how therapists think, what they do, and how they see their patients was a huge incentive. And I did learn a lot of that! The combination of Gottlieb's work as a therapist and her work as a patient is not fully successful, but more than that, by the end of it instead of feeling more interested and inspired about therapy I felt a little turned off by it, definitely not the reaction I was expecting.
Some of this is the inevitable outcome of seeing behind the curtain. Seeing therapists as human can destroy your trust in therapy (Gottlieb deals with this herself, at some length, after she makes the mistake of googling her new therapist). It is not that they can't be real people, but therapy often requires very compartmentalized relationships between therapist and patient. Getting to know your therapist socially could destroy your relationship. So if you're actively in therapy, I'm not sure this book would be a great choice for you.
The longer the book went on, the more I started to feel bad about how much I saw about Gottlieb's patients. I understand that she's created personas for these patients and that I'm not just being given carte blanche to real people's deepest secrets, but I still felt like I was intruding and seeing things I shouldn't see. It turns out I have a lot of respect for the confidentiality that goes with therapy and it felt like it was being violated, even though it's likely Gottlieb took pains not to do that.
Gottlieb is committed to not holding back on her own flaws and failings, something that can totally derail a memoir like this one. (I've seen it plenty of times.) This is a plus, and I think it really helps the story. I think the failings are mostly built inside of her narrative arcs. Some of these are very satisfying (the terminally ill newlywed and the Hollywood writer patients are both captivating and full), some of them don't quite feel fully fleshed out (the young alcoholic and the despairing older woman), and Gottlieb's own arc is less of an arc and more of a constant zig-zagging. The arcs that work well show us the steps along the way, where the person started, where they ended, and all kinds of small movements forwards and backwards towards progress.
Gottlieb doesn't do this with her own story, unfortunately. She spends an awfully long time on her life before getting into psychotherapy (it's her 3rd or even 4th career) laying groundwork that's not really necessary or relevant to the story she is there to tell. Gottlieb has just been dumped, suddenly and unceremoniously, by the man she was planning to marry and she is almost unable to function. It is, of course, not entirely about the boyfriend, though it will be a long time (and a lot of therapy) before Gottlieb is willing to admit this to herself. Eventually Gottlieb lets herself get to the meat of this story, and sometimes the way she hides information from us only to spring on us when she realizes through her therapy that it's relevant can work quite well. But sometimes Gottlieb gets a little lost in her own story, sometimes she works too hard to tie it into her work as a therapist, sometimes she wants things tied up in nice little bows when it's not the destination but the journey that is most satisfying. Gottlieb's own progress seems to come kind of out of nowhere. We see her grapple with one thing in particular (her stalled writing career) but otherwise the work she's doing on herself to listen to her therapist and incorporate what she's learned into her life gets little to no attention and the book suffers for it. Gottlieb is a little too interested in her new therapist, clearly, but the book is a little too interested in him, too. I would have trimmed a good 100 pages off of this and asked for 20 or so more on the real heart of Gottlieb's story.
I still enjoyed what I learned about therapy and I'm impressed by Gottlieb's vulnerability. This could be a good pick for a book club where people are willing to be open about their own experiences, but I worry that it could devolve into people nitpicking the actions of the patients and Gottlieb herself, so proceed with caution....more
It is amazing to me how much Jacob fits into this book, how much it manages to contain, and how much it says not just about Jacob herself but aboutIt is amazing to me how much Jacob fits into this book, how much it manages to contain, and how much it says not just about Jacob herself but about the present moment we live in. This is not just a book about raising a precocious biracial child in a world that treats his two parents very differently, that is just an entry point for Jacob to examine all the different parts of her life where these difficult issues have come up.
The parental anxiety factor here is high and I felt it really deeply. My kids are close to the age of Jacob's son, and while they don't have his particular precocious awareness of the world, even if your child doesn't ask you these questions directly you still have to think about how to have conversations with your kids about things your parents may have never talked about with you.
Jacob jumps through time to her own childhood in mostly-white Albuquerque: the colorism of her Indian relatives, her own lack of awareness and built-in biases; her adulthood in Brooklyn: the fears of 9/11, her frustration with her family's desire that she marry a certain kind of Indian man, her work as a writer, and parenthood. There are all kinds of small stories but they meld together to make something really meaningful and resonant. The slow pace of writing and publishing means we still don't have many books that look at the anxieties of the Trump era, Jacob's does it so effectively, capturing her own fears, the often-unusual worries of her son, and the contrast between those and her white husband's family.
I sped through this in one tearful sitting. I really enjoyed her previous novel and I admit to being a little hesitant about the style of this one. But after a few pages of getting used to it, I was quickly drawn in and found that the simplicity of the style made such a stark contrast to the complexity of the emotions Jacob taps into that it worked for me really, really well. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that this is a book where you need to just trust. Even though I'd seen excerpts, it is the whole of it all together that really makes it work....more
An interesting and excellent use of graphic form in the growing graphic nonfiction genre. Krug goes back through her family's history to learn whatAn interesting and excellent use of graphic form in the growing graphic nonfiction genre. Krug goes back through her family's history to learn what they did and who they were during WWII. She is ready to both condemn and embrace, she goes in as a fully empathetic person and her clear-eyed honesty is powerful. It is impossible to read this book and not see the ways in which Germany's reckoning with their past is something the US has not done, it is also clear that their reckoning is still limited, that they can acknowledge collective wrong but struggle to condemn individual wrong. That everyone's stories have been tidied up. It is hard to read this and not worry about our future as a country and a world as fascist regimes and ideas are growing again, the ways in which we all have not reckoned with our individual and collective wrongs.
When a book like Robinson's debut performs as well as it does, the tendency is to get another one out ASAP, sure enough this one came out only twoWhen a book like Robinson's debut performs as well as it does, the tendency is to get another one out ASAP, sure enough this one came out only two years later. It's not quite as good for reasons that aren't entirely Robinson's fault. One major one being that Robinson's career and visibility is pretty different than it was when she wrote her first book, and books by celebrities after massive success aren't always quite as heavy on charm as the ones before. But Robinson isn't afraid to put it all out there, especially in matters of money and career, and I expect a lot of millennials will find a lot to relate to here. (Just not the part where you become friends with Julia Roberts.)
I liked doing this on audio, which is my preferred way to read celebrity memoir. But the extra bonus of doing this book on audio is that Robinson will sometimes go off script and give you a little tangent and a big chuckle. (This goes to its biggest extreme in the "addendum" where her boyfriend also appears and the two of them rehash their early meetings and just generally make fun of each other, it's cute.) The only hitch is that this made me remember that a lot of what I like about Robinson is her spontaneity and charm and when she's on script, that doesn't always shine through as much as it could. ...more
I was reminded recently when hearing Guy on a podcast that I've been meaning to read this book and while I am not very familiar with him, II was reminded recently when hearing Guy on a podcast that I've been meaning to read this book and while I am not very familiar with him, I immediately became a fan. The world of celebrity/comedian essay/memoir books is growing and while there are several very strong entries, they can also be a bit of a mess. But Guy's book carves out its own unique space, examining many of the central moments in his life through pop culture, and has a distinctive voice that makes it a real joy. I loved his ridiculously obscure references, his long tangents, his breakdowns of plots and lyrics. I also loved listening to him read it all with gusto and fearlessness.
While some pieces of the book work better than others, there is no real dud, an unusual feat for a book like this with a tricky concept. I particularly enjoyed the chapter on Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate (can we please get a feminist revisiting of that movie? it's clearly long overdue). Guy isn't just someone who knows a lot of pop culture. He's SMART. He is aware of who he is in a broader societal context and he's happy to break down all the reasons why his gayness, his fatness, etc are judged through a lens of a white patriarchy.
If you are coming to this books for celebrity gossip, there's not a lot, just a chapter or so at the end. I think that's for the best. This book, like so many others, gets much more boring when Guy gets moderately famous. (No one really handles this well, the closest I've seen a book to getting it right is Retta's memoir, which actually seems to get how bonkers it is to be famous and instead of treating it like just the way things are is continually stopping to look around and consider WTF is all this?) Luckily we mostly get Guy's earlier life, his struggles with denial over his sexuality, his difficulty finding a place he fit, discovering comedy, working out his family relationships. I particularly adored the chapters on his hometown.
Highly recommend the audio. I was always very happy to turn this on and hear Guy's enthusiastic commentary in my ears....more
I waited a long time to read this because I don't really read political memoirs, but ultimately I succumbed to the opportunity to have a little bit ofI waited a long time to read this because I don't really read political memoirs, but ultimately I succumbed to the opportunity to have a little bit of Michelle in my ears. It was much easier for me to opt in to audio and get that extra sensory hit of familiarity and nostalgia that a lot of us now feel.
I did not expect her to go deep into the decisions and emotions of being First Lady, and she didn't. But it does impact the book because the first section before the presidency feels much more open. The 8 years in the White House feel guarded and vague, like looking in through a pane of frosted glass. She wants to do a few things in this section (focus on her own initiatives, illustrate some of what it feels like to be a regular person occupying such a historical and overwhelming space) but we lose some of the person. The previous portions of the book opened her up to us in a way that I don't think we ever got before. Even if a lot of the stories are familiar, even if we know the broad strokes, it's relaxing to see Michelle this way and I really enjoyed all the pre-presidential parts. ...more
You have probably only heard of this book because of the movie based on it, which is in theaters now. And you may be wondering if you should read theYou have probably only heard of this book because of the movie based on it, which is in theaters now. And you may be wondering if you should read the book first and I am happy to answer that question for you. This is one of those rare situations where the movie is a strong adaptation and you probably do not need to read the book first. In fact, I think seeing the movie first is just fine.
There will certainly be those who have already seen the movie and now wonder if they should read the book. Here is what you need to know. The movie is quite faithful, but what Israel the writer spends maybe two pages on the movie will spend a half hour on because Israel tends to skip over the actual action. If what really got you in the film is the relationship between Lee and Jack, that is the one place where the film takes some liberties, while Jack is a real person and we learn more about him in the book, their relationship is far from the center of the story, more of a footnote.
It is a sad movie and it is also a sad book but the book is less sad because the book is really Israel finally getting to tell everyone, "Look how marvelous these letters were, they really were my best writing."
Israel doesn't gloss over her faults and flaws, though she relegates them to a sentence or paragraph where the movie lets them actually sit with you. She isn't writing this book as a vanity project of any kind. But she will devote as much space to how she composed letters from Dorothy Parker as she does to a rather complex criminal scheme. She doesn't get into frame of mind, she doesn't talk about feeling guilty or worried all that much. She just takes us through it beat by beat... except for when she's talking about writing the letters themselves. And clearly this is, in her mind, the apex of her writing career. And, honestly, she's very good at it.
It's a slim, quick read and I quite liked Israel even if I found much of what she did horrifying. She's a real character, a truly unusual person, and quite a brave one. The people she spends the most time on are Louise Brooks, Noel Coward, Lillian Hellman, and Dorothy Parker. If you are a person who enjoys those writers, who enjoys dry wit, and who enjoys deep pettiness, you will likely enjoy this book quite a lot. ...more
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