Elaine Pagels is clearly more comfortable addressing her chosen field of study than she is writing about her own personal struggles. While she outlineElaine Pagels is clearly more comfortable addressing her chosen field of study than she is writing about her own personal struggles. While she outlines the horrific tragedies of losing her young son and husband within a year of each other, she never does a deep dive into her agony and any ramifications it may have had on her own religious experience or faith.
To say it's "A Personal Story" is only partially true. She gives us the physical details but, unlike most successful memoir, there's too much "telling" and too little "showing." We understand the events and can imagine their devastation, but that's all we can do is imagine because Pagels keeps the reader at arm's length. We are not drawn into her raw emotion on a deep, personal level. We are moved because of our own empathy and not because she strips herself bare and invites us in.
We learn nothing of the childhoods of the two children she adopted and suddenly we're at the end of the book with a lengthy, scholarly discussion on reframing the gospel narrative. The question of Why Religion? never quite dovetails with her own journey.
She writes: "My own experience of the 'nightmare'--the agony of feeling isolated, vulnerable, and terrified--has has shown that only awareness of that sense of interconnection restores, equanimity, even joy."
So this is what Pagels tells us, but she never shows us what that isolation, vulnerability, terror and joy look or feel like. I think fans of Pagels earlier work (The Gnostic Gospels, for example) will love this book. Others, who are looking for a memoir along the lines of Mary Karr's Lit, Jeannette Walls, The Glass Castle or, more recently Tara Westover's Educated and Julie Barton's Dog Medicine will be sorely disappointed....more
Imperfect Birds is an imperfect book, but that’s okay. I forgive Anne Lamott just about anything, since I’m nuts about her and I know she pours her guImperfect Birds is an imperfect book, but that’s okay. I forgive Anne Lamott just about anything, since I’m nuts about her and I know she pours her guts, heart and soul into her writing. Because of that, though, this work of fiction sometimes gets a little crazy and overwrought.
The story is about 17-year-old Rosie spiraling out of control, and the parents who are clueless then horrified, careless then vigilant, and rarely on the same proverbial page.
Even though Rosie is not very likeable, my heart breaks for her as I put myself in her shoes… back in high school, struggling to fit in, secret and inappropriate crushes, getting into trouble with my friends, pushing the limits. At that age so many of us are striving for independence and individuality while, paradoxically, we’re mortified if we don’t fit in. Rosie thinks she’s so smart and so grown up when she’s really just a dumb, spoiled kid.
As the mother of my own 17-year-old daughter, I feel this mother’s angst, understand her denial, but sometimes want to shake her and tell her to wake up. I do empathize with her because there certainly are times when I find myself unprepared and in despair as a parent. That said, Elizabeth, the mother in the book is way too worried about rocking the boat with her teenage daughter and way too concerned about being her friend. Thank goodness she has healthy grownup friends and a husband who is slightly wiser and stricter than she is to support her before she goes down the tubes and takes Rosie with her.
Anne Lamott’s strongest and most successful books are her memoirs (Operating Instructions, Bird by Bird, Traveling Mercies, Plan B, Grace Eventually), filled with brutal honesty and a candid sharing of her spiritual journey. Those who’ve read them feel they know Annie and her son, Sam. In Imperfect Birds, Lamott strives to weave in a spiritual plot through Elizabeth’s friend Rae (a weaver!) and her involvement in a community church, but that piece of the story seems contrived. Rosie gets a summer job there. The church is on the scene with candlelight vigils after tragedies. The wise pastor is there with sage advice for Elizabeth. It just didn’t ring true to me.
The point in the book is that we are all imperfect but allow each other, character flaws and all, into our the sacred spaces of our hearts. I love the metaphor. I just wish I liked these people a little more. They are the 12-step textbook example of insanity: doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. That’s one of the things that makes the book a little crazy but it’s also one of the things that ultimately makes it work as a cautionary tale. And it is that—a big, red, blaring warning for families and entire communities as our youth continue to medicate themselves into oblivion to escape the reality of their lives.
An Inconvenient Wife, although more complicated, is reminiscent of Kate Chopin's The Awakening. Megan Chance's heroine, Lucy Carleton dares to have luAn Inconvenient Wife, although more complicated, is reminiscent of Kate Chopin's The Awakening. Megan Chance's heroine, Lucy Carleton dares to have lusty desires and creative passions in 1895 New York, much to the dismay of her husband, father and society friends. They all think she's lost her mind--and as was in vogue for that repressed era, a woman's psychological problems were assumed to be caused by her reproductive system. Despite consulting doctor after doctor for help, Lucy's husband could not find anyone to "fix" his wife. In addition to daring to have emotions, Lucy had not conceived a child in four years of marriage and, naturally, this was considered to be her fault.
The Carleton's find their way to Dr. Victor Seth, a modern thinking physician who treats Lucy through hypnosis and "electrical stimulation," which brings her to a pleasurable relief she didn't know existed. Although Lucy begins to feel better, her husband isn't sold on Dr. Seth and still can't fathom why his wife is not the compliant, frigid, cookie cutter society girl he thought he had married. Afterall, men could go elsewhere for lust, they certainly didn't want that in a wife.
From the get-go, it's easy to dislike and distrust Lucy's husband. It's more difficult to know whether or not we should trust Dr. Seth's motives. And ultimately, we may find ourselves wondering about Lucy's own integrity. Is she strictly under Dr. Seth's control or is she simply behaving in the way of a strong, independent spirit?
As a 21st-century woman who makes her own choices and whose marriage is a partnership, I feel sorry for Lucy and shudder that hers would be any woman's plight. An Inconvenient Wife serves as a reminder that women in our culture have come a long way, baby, in a relatively short period of time.
It occurs to me, though, that there are plenty of women around the world who are still constrained by their own cultural mores--figuratively and perhaps even literally bound by husbands, fathers and extreme religions that would rather sentence them to death or otherwise persecute them for daring to desire personal or creative fulfillment. In that context, perhaps Megan Chance's novel is a more modern tale than it first appears.
When the going got tough... Laura Munson decided not to play the victim. Instead, she was determined NOT to suffer, even when her husband--and the fatWhen the going got tough... Laura Munson decided not to play the victim. Instead, she was determined NOT to suffer, even when her husband--and the father of her two children--told her he wasn't sure he still loved her. Her response was something akin to "keep calm, carry on," partly because she simply didn't buy it. He was in the midst of financial losses and business woes and she was a convenient target for his angst. Some may have accused Ms. Munson of being in denial; instead, it seems she knew her husband well enough, and loved him fiercely enough, to ask him this question: "What can we do to give you the distance you need without damaging the family?"
Ms. Munson's graceful resolve not to suffer, theoretically, can be applied to ANY situation, not just to a marital crisis. She vowed not to become a ranting and raving shrew--even on nights where her husband slept at the office without calling home. Even when he went off fishing with buddies for days at a time. Even when he sat sullen and speechless at the dinner table. Even when he disappointed their kids on the Fourth of July.
It's not that she wasn't in pain. She was. But she wasn't going to let that pain define her and she wasn't going to be a doormat. Ms. Munson had recently recovered from a lengthy grieving process following her father's death. She didn't want to return to those depths. Sure, she had sleepless nights, angry conversations in her head, and plenty of doubts. Instead of indulging them, she took care of herself, enjoying time with her children, cooking and canning, leaning on female friends for strength, riding her horse, and taking solace in writing--her life's calling.
Reading this book is like getting generous advice from a therapist or an older, wiser woman. Ms. Munson has an easy, conversational style. She tackles serious issues head on, but she also knows when to lighten up. Besides the so-called "self help" aspect of this book, this memoir spins a compelling true tale of a life challenge met with aplomb. It reads like a long, heartfelt letter from a friend. ...more
Unless, a novel by Pulitzer Prize winner (for The Stone Diaries which I've just ordered!) Carol Shields was published in 2002, the year before her deaUnless, a novel by Pulitzer Prize winner (for The Stone Diaries which I've just ordered!) Carol Shields was published in 2002, the year before her death from cancer. Somehow, I missed this author until a friend recently (and thankfully) lent me her copy of Unless which, even at almost 10-years-old, is as contemporary and astute as anything written today. Isn't that kind of relevance over time one of the characteristics of a truly great story?
Things are going swimmingly for Reta Winters until a crisis with her eldest child interferes. With rare eloquence, Shields gives voice to Reta’s doubts, fears and love for her family. While trying to navigate her role as a mother, Reta also is nurturing her latest novel. Her profound compassion and feelings of confusion about Reta's own life help her more fully develop her fictional characters—whose lives she then must defend to a quirky new editor.
Perhaps the core exploration of Shields’ book is the concept of “goodness.” Without giving away key elements of the plot, let’s just say that Reta tries to discern what goodness means to her, to her forlorn daughter and to the world. One might say that goodness translates to love; without sacrificing literary values for sentimentality, love is at the heart of Unless. ...more
The Escape Artist is astonishingly frank in its illustration of mental illness and realistic about the shortcomings of treatment and the unpredictabilThe Escape Artist is astonishingly frank in its illustration of mental illness and realistic about the shortcomings of treatment and the unpredictability of mental health. The dysfunction in Fremont's family is a powerful reminder of how "secrets keep us sick." The authors parents, Jewish Holocaust survivors pretending to be Roman Catholics, are such victims of their own trauma that they can't begin to meet the emotional needs of their daughters. As in so many maladjusted families where mental illness and/or addiction are present, everything revolves around the sickest person, while others suffer the resulting neglect.
Early on, Fremont divulges that she has been disinherited by her family, which begs the question as to whether this is a memoir of revenge. It's certainly a "tell all" when it comes to the author's sister and, although Fremont is fairly open about her own depression and anxiety, she lacks a certain vulnerability that's necessary for me to completely empathize. And, other than Fremont's explanation that they are sisters after all, bonded by blood and family, I couldn't grasp why the author kept reconciling when her sister had so blatantly and frequently abused her. That said, I kept turning the pages...
The author clearly is adept at storytelling and her prose flows easily. But another place this memoir breaks down for me is the lack of explanation of how the author's sister, who is painted as extremely mentally ill, managed to even earn a high school diploma, let alone attend a Seven Sisters college and ultimately become an M.D. with a speciality in -- surprise! -- psychiatry. Having personal knowledge of situations with much milder illness, it's hard to fathom how highly functioning the sister could be when she was so violent and tormented much of the time. I got a bit stuck on this and, for me, it put a bit of a ding in the book's credibility.
There were a few other missing pieces for me and a bit too much "telling" when I wanted more "showing." For instance, Fremont tells us the sister gets along well with colleagues at the hospital, but I'd have liked a few scenes that illustrated that to contrast the irrational behavior she exhibited with her family. While she talks about it, Fremont, holds back on her own passion. She goes from having tame crushes on some women friends and eventually realizes she is a lesbian, but there's not really an emotional catharsis, and then suddenly she has a partner. I also would've liked a little more about the fact both Fremont and her sister are gay. That seems unusual enough to warrant more than casual mention. And how did the parents react? What were their feelings about homosexuality?
The Escape Artist is a fascinating read in many ways, but it left me with enough unanswered questions to be slightly frustrating in the end....more
Jim Beaver’s raw and beautiful memoir, at its core, is a love story. The author generously shares a year in his life—a year that would cause many of uJim Beaver’s raw and beautiful memoir, at its core, is a love story. The author generously shares a year in his life—a year that would cause many of us to pull the covers over our heads and not emerge for a long, long time. The story begins with news of his wife Cecily’s shocking Stage IV cancer--just months after the couple’s toddler Maddie is diagnosed with autism.
The saga begins in the form of a nightly email to a growing list of family and friends, apprising them of Cecily’s status. But Beaver’s missives quickly move from medical updates to bravely honest accounts of his disbelief, anger, terror, guilt, grief and, most of all, love. The story is engaging and authentic as Beaver prays for a cure, loses his soul mate, becomes a single parent to Maddie and, somehow, manages to pepper it all with a warm, self-deprecating humor.
Don’t be put off by the subject of death—there is nothing maudlin about this book. Life’s That Way is far more about living, loving, friendship and honor. Beaver graciously takes us on the journey with him and, though we share in his profound loss, we also get to share in the hope that follows. ...more
Lovely coming of age tale set in the south, where racial tensions still run deep. Young Jason Lee transforms from a boy to a young man and is judged bLovely coming of age tale set in the south, where racial tensions still run deep. Young Jason Lee transforms from a boy to a young man and is judged by townsfolk because his best friend is black. Jason Lee's birthright sets the stage for his ability to stand up to bigotry: His father marched in Montgomery and Selma. Sadly, Jason Lee never knew the father who died in Vietnam before he was born. He's compelled to learn about his principled dad and to live in a way that would make him proud.
There are challenges at every turn, as his mother's grief finally catches up with her and Jason Lee fends for himself alongside his uncle, a mentally-disabled Vietnam vet. When lack of supervision and poor judgment collide, Jason Lee unwittingly invites trouble and some dark truths lead to tragedy.
Sometimes charming, at times alarming, The Clock of Life illustrates the good, the bad and the ugly of small town, southern culture. The author deftly brings the novel's setting and characters to life through rich, colloquial dialogue and the lingering historical backdrop of one of our nation's most turbulent times.
Laura Munson’s lovely debut novel, Willa’s Grove, invites us into the friendship between four women of a certain age who come together for a week of cLaura Munson’s lovely debut novel, Willa’s Grove, invites us into the friendship between four women of a certain age who come together for a week of companionship, support and soul searching in hopes of answering the question: “So Now What?”
Recently widowed Willa is the catalyst for the gathering as each woman finds herself at a crossroads either personally or professionally. In one way or another, they are all lost or have lost some part of themselves, none more than their hostess, who is grieving and about to lose the beloved Montana home that has been in her late husband’s family for generations.
Montana itself is not only the backdrop for Willa’s Grove, but is at the very heart of the novel. Munson has gift for establishing a visceral setting which draws us right into the quaking aspens, the rush of the river, the gentle slope of the butte. We feel the ground shake from a buffalo stampede, smell the fragrance of dried sage, taste morels foraged in the woods, hear the song of a bluebird, and feel the silky velvet of a mare's warm neck. This square mile of Montana is both Willa’s passion and her albatross. Munson’s love letter to the place tugs on us, engendering both empathy for Willa’s dilemma and a wee bit of envy that we aren’t tromping through it all alongside her.
Munson cleverly divides the women’s week together into individual days. Having lived in this wild and natural space for decades, Willa knows Montana will work its healing magic. She may be saying goodbye to the property’s sacred spaces, but as she treks through her land with these friends, one by one, day by day, they open up to one another, confessing both secrets and dreams, and admonish each other to stop saying “Sorry!”
So Now What? I’ll not spill the beans on each woman’s resolve as their week together reaches its crescendo. I will say, if you have a group of what I call “heart friends,” or if you long for the support and intimacy of strong female friendships, you will likely find pieces of yourself and your own crew in one or more of these richly drawn characters. You’ll be rooting for them and wondering what their So Now What? looks like once their seven days together are over. You might also feel just a little homesick for a certain corner of Montana....more
Doesn’t matter if you’re military or civilian, gay or straight, The Pink Marine is inspiration for anyone who’s ever felt like an outsider, kept a bigDoesn’t matter if you’re military or civilian, gay or straight, The Pink Marine is inspiration for anyone who’s ever felt like an outsider, kept a big secret, or feared they wouldn’t measure up. Greg Cope White’s honesty, grit and humor march the reader through the challenging mental, physical and emotional hurdles of a closeted, gay man at Marine boot camp at a time when homosexuals were banned from military duty. There’d be hell to pay if he were found out and, although the specter of that dogs him, we see this young recruit develop self-confidence, maturity and competence as both a Marine and as a man, thanks in part to the steadfast support of his dedicated and supportive friend, Dale, a fellow recruit.
White’s relatable and visceral style takes us into the squad bay, the communal showers, the firing range and the parade deck. We hear every drill instructor’s profanity-laden command, taste the barely-edible slop in the mess hall, and feel the intensity of excruciating shin splints. More so, we sense White’s poignant roller coaster of self-doubt, trepidation, pride, relief and triumph as he honorably evolves into one of “the few, the proud, the Marines.” The Pink Marine is a moving story for a modern time, with an historic nod to how far our military has come in the struggle for gay rights. ...more
Eire's memoir is utterly enchanting. His elegant and lively tales bring 1950s Havana to life. From boys-will-be-boys shenanigans involving lizards andEire's memoir is utterly enchanting. His elegant and lively tales bring 1950s Havana to life. From boys-will-be-boys shenanigans involving lizards and fireworks, to a young man's hopes, dreams and darkest fears, a young Carlos quickly makes his way into the reader's heart.
Havana sparkles brightly in Eire's hands, a living-color Disneyland--colorful, sunny, glamorous and exciting--but turns grimly dark and threatening in Castro's shadow.
The book features quite a cast of quirky characters, not the least of whom is Carlos' father, who believes he was once French royalty. The poignancy of Eire's prose will cause that heart to break more than once as Castro moves in and family life begins to unravel.
Ultimately, yes, Waiting for Snow in Havana reveals the age-old triumph of the human spirit. But fear not, this triumph is no cliche. It is a fresh, moving and dynamic read which moves us to laughter and tears, despair and hope, awakening all of our senses, but mostly awakening our heart. ...more
Tara Westover's memoir, Educated, is a bold and brave rendering of a remarkable story. She reveals some ugly and, for many readers, unimaginable truthTara Westover's memoir, Educated, is a bold and brave rendering of a remarkable story. She reveals some ugly and, for many readers, unimaginable truths about her upbringing in an isolated, fundamentalist family.
This is is a different type of coming of age story. Despite her home life and the brainwashings of an undiagnosed mentally ill father, Westover somehow knew she had a higher calling and heeded it, leaving the fold for what would eventually become a distinguished academic career. It's no straight line, though and, like many of us, she has to stagger around a bit emotionally before finding her solid center and standing up for herself in the face of a sick family system that turned a blind eye to horrific abuses and neglect. She tells this gripping tale authentically and viscerally, taking the reader into her family's home on the mountain where we can see, feel, hear and smell the realities of this particular tale of dysfunction.
While the abuses were many--physical, emotional, spiritual--and there was extraordinary neglect in terms of health care and education, the perpetrators were still, after all, her family and Westover's capacity to love them anyway and move beyond shame is phenomenal....more
I've long been an Ann Patchett fan and this book didn't disappoint. As a writer it was fun to have the "story inside the story" look at certain aspectI've long been an Ann Patchett fan and this book didn't disappoint. As a writer it was fun to have the "story inside the story" look at certain aspects of the publishing industry--author, agent, editor, etc. But the heart of Commonwealth is centered in family, connecting, dissolving, loving, living, dying... each member coming to terms with loss and disappointment in his or her own way, and carving out the life that suits them.
Beginning with the baptism of main character Franny, Patchett weaves a saga that is human and relatable. The characters are flawed, making bad choices that run the gamut from choosing an unsuitable lover, to arson, to spilling family secrets, to general underachieving, but most of the time they are pretty likable and we want to forgive their shortcomings, blaming the circumstances on broken homes and a couple of self-involved, somewhat negligent parents.
The siblings--full and step--must cope early in their lives with divorce and an unexpected family tragedy. Despite geography and grief, they manage to have each other's backs and seem to forgive and empathize more easily than you might expect. All in all a satisfying read about an American family that's typical in many ways. ...more
Fast paced plot; compelling, flawed but sympathetic main character; intrigue and travel! Bohjalian expertly expresses the soul of his protagonist, CasFast paced plot; compelling, flawed but sympathetic main character; intrigue and travel! Bohjalian expertly expresses the soul of his protagonist, Cassie, who is the driving force in this novel. We question with her, try to remember with her, drink with her, and fly with her. Despite finding herself in the midst of an international incident, Cassie’s story moves along at a logical — considering the circumstances — trajectory. In the final chapters, however, there is first a huge jump (across the Grand Canyon) to a conclusion that strains credibility; and second, another shocking twist that leaves us at once asking, “What the heck?” and then, ”Why didn’t I see this coming!?” By the time we’ve sighed once and rolled our eyes, we remember this is exactly what we want in a thriller. ...more
Maybe it's folly to review one of the most revered books of a generation, one that rightfully garnered a Pulitzer Prize for author Philip Roth. When RMaybe it's folly to review one of the most revered books of a generation, one that rightfully garnered a Pulitzer Prize for author Philip Roth. When Roth died in May, I was compelled to read this book, which I'd missed while in the throes of raising a family. I remember feeling über sophisticated and grown up when reading Goodbye Columbus as a teen (Premarital sex! Diaphragms!). I'd need to read it again to see if it's still relatable today, but I'm confident in the relevance of American Pastoral.
Despite a publication date of more than 20 years ago, Roth's masterpiece is as worthy today as ever as people continue to seek purpose, validation and connection in a world that is bombarded with disruption. From class struggles to race to religion to teen (and adult) angst, Roth's tour de force hones in on love, hopes and dreams; heartbreak, insecurity and fear.
The Levov (rhymes with love) family saga is mostly set against a 1960s suburban backdrop where Vietnam has set off a war at home between a teenage girl and her parents, the athletic, golden boy, dutiful son of a Jewish, Newark factory owner and the beauty queen daughter of a Roman Catholic plumber. After weaving a thorough and impressive illustration of the characters, leading up to the young Levov family's notoriety in the historic, posh and bucolic village of Old Rimrock, Roth's--and the Levov's--devastating story unfolds in the aftermath of a violent, cataclysmic event perpetrated by a girl who's gone full-on terrorist.
The tale could just as easily be set anywhere in the America of today with our present global, social, cultural and political concerns. Consider the anger of people who are marginalized, impoverished, discriminated against, unfairly incarcerated... What is the result of fanaticism? What are any of us capable of when pushed to the limit? What are our children capable of?
The looming specter of (an unnamed) mental illness applies today as well, along with the accompanying questions, "Was she crazy? Was she sick? Could we have stopped her? Did we cause this?"
Grief and shock run through every chapter of American Pastoral, but the words are stunningly gifted to us and the scenarios are often close to home. We keep turning the page, reading through the lens of our own "American pastorals," the idylls we've imagined for our own lives, until we come to the end and wonder, in light of such astonishing loss, how people find a way to go on.
Sue Monk Kidd (Secret Life of Bees, The Mermaid Chair) partnered with her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor, on this memoir with excellent results. It's a genSue Monk Kidd (Secret Life of Bees, The Mermaid Chair) partnered with her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor, on this memoir with excellent results. It's a gentle, thoughtful story woven around two South Carolina women and their trips to Greece and France. I say gentle because there's not the obvious dysfunction or shocking parental neglect found in tales of outrageous upbringings by Augusten Burroughs or Jeannette Walls. Rather, Sue and Ann set forth on their journey together as a friendly-enough mother-daughter pair, but they keep their emotional distance, each not quite ready to divulge their deepest, darkest fears and longings to the other.
Ann is miserable because she's been rejected by the grad school program on which she'd pinned her hopes. Sue anguishes over turning fifty and a burning desire to write fiction. Sue's on the brink of a Joseph Campbell "find your bliss" breakthrough, while Ann is stuck in "now what?" Meant to be a joyful time celebrating Ann's college graduation, the two walk on egg shells, dancing around their deepest thoughts, their most personal dreams. At first.
Eventually the ancient, sacred spirits of the Goddess Athena and the Virgin Mary (in the form of numerous Black Madonnas) work their enchanting, mystical charms and the mother and daughter find their way to the intimacies of the heart.
The book, filled with lovely metaphors and rich with symbolism, is part travelogue, part spiritual guide, part love story. If you've ever desired a deeper knowing and closer bond with a mother or daughter (or both!), you can't help but be moved and inspired by Traveling With Pomegranates. And if you loved Secret Life of Bees, one of the bonuses of this book is that you get the backstory on the development of that wonderful novel. ...more
Honest, heartbreaking and, ultimately, redemptive, Unbearable Lightness is the most accurate and poignant portrayal I've read of the devastation causeHonest, heartbreaking and, ultimately, redemptive, Unbearable Lightness is the most accurate and poignant portrayal I've read of the devastation caused by an eating disorder.
There are a lot of books illustrating people's "drunkalogs", experiences in treatment and subsequent sobriety (or continuing addiction). Augusten Burroughs' Dry and James Frey's A Million Little Pieces come to mind. For me, de Rossi has crafted the anorexic, bulimic, compulsive over-eater gold standard, although where Burroughs laces his pain with humor, de Rossi reveals one shocking, gut-wrenching, jaw-dropping tale after another--restricting herself to 300 calories a day, maniacally exercising, bingeing & purging. At her sickest, the Ally McBeal and Arrested Development star weighed a mere 82 pounds.
De Rossi makes the point that anyone recovering from an eating disorder knows--if you're an alcoholic you must stop drinking... but for food addicts, not eating is not an option. It is tricky. Just like alcoholism, eating disorders are sneaky little demons that can quickly ruin your health, career and relationships. She also proves that even someone we perceive as drop dead gorgeous, successful and famous can still feel like they are unworthy of love...like they are fooling everyone, that they really aren't talented or attractive or worthy and will soon be found out
One thing fueling de Rossi's disease was her terror that her homosexuality would become public in Hollywood and she would be shunned, shamed and banned from the business. People in recovery know that "secrets keep us sick" so it's no surprise that the energy spent on masking the very essence of one's self would manifest itself in starvation.
There is a happy ending and most people already know it: de Rossi is now healthy and happily married to Ellen Degeneres. Still, it's about the journey and this one is well worth reading. It's not only a cautionary tale and indictment on our perfection-obsessed, movie star culture, but it's a beautifully spun confession of a sad, sick girl who turns her life around and proves it's possible to be loved and, more importantly, to love one's self. ...more
I was half prepared not to get much out of this book, thinking Annie was just cranking out another one at the behest of her publisher... using the horI was half prepared not to get much out of this book, thinking Annie was just cranking out another one at the behest of her publisher... using the horrific Sandy Hook school shooting as a jumping off point. After all, I thought, what can she say that she already hasn't said? I was wrong.
Maybe some of the themes are recycled, but no one can spin a story of redemption and restoration like Anne Lamott. No writer is better at finding hope, if not meaning, in the yuck that life throws at us. One reason I think she's so good at it is that she doesn't sugarcoat that yuck. She's not one to pretend that life is all hearts and flowers and lollipops. But she knows her redeemer lives and somehow, without being in the least bit Bible thumping or holy rolling or Jesus freakish, she dishes out the most lovely tidbits--pieces of wisdom that go far beyond the glib to the positively useful, even crucial, for surviving in a world where bad stuff happens all the time. She speaks of being ill-prepared as a child: nobody told us it was going to be this way. Indeed! Or else, they told us how rotten and unfair life could be but gave us no tools with which to meet the challenge. "We are raised to be bright and shiny," she writes, "but there is meaning in the acceptance of our dusky and dappled side, and also in defiance."
Stitches, like the equally useful and charming Help, Thanks, Wow that preceded it, is like a little toolbox. There's no hammer, but there are gentle little widgets that open things (hearts and minds, mostly) and help us fix our brokenness, to repair a crack here and soothe a wound there, at least in part, enough to put one foot in front of the other. Instead of tools, though, the metaphor is stitches, like the kind we use to patch together a quilt or darn an old sock. "You have to keep taking the next necessary stitch, and the next one, and the next," Annie writes. "Without stitches, you just have rags. And we are not rags." ...more
This is an early novel (1989) of Anne Lamott's and it is a complete joy. They always say to write what you know and the reader gets the sense that, alThis is an early novel (1989) of Anne Lamott's and it is a complete joy. They always say to write what you know and the reader gets the sense that, although this is a work of fiction, Lamott has an extreme empathy for Nanny--likely born of personal experience.
Funny, heartbreaking and heart warming, young Nanny Goodman grows up in the sixties across the bay from San Francisco amidst quirky adults with some pretty grown up problems: alcholism, depression, separation, infidelity, unplanned pregnancy, and a general discontent with life. There's not much opportunity for childhood innocence here as Nanny's brother turns to drugs and the adults in her life become too consumed with their own pain and drama to protect her from the harsh realities of life. Still, at the core, Nanny knows she is loved despite living eye-high in dysfunction. Really, isn't that the most important thing for a girl to know?
I am a huge Anne Lamott fan. I adore everything she's written, but I love some more than others. I have always thought her honest, self-effacing, memoirs (Operating Instructions, Bird by Bird, Traveling Mercies, Plan B and Grace Eventually) and are stronger (because they are so brutally honest?) than her fiction. All New People is the exception. I think it's her best novel.
I love a quirky heroine, and Eleanor Oliphant is one of the best. Gail Honeyman does a beautiful job of changing our opinion of a prickly Eleanor who I love a quirky heroine, and Eleanor Oliphant is one of the best. Gail Honeyman does a beautiful job of changing our opinion of a prickly Eleanor who lacks self awareness and is just plain annoying. The author adeptly opens up her character with both humor and empathy until we not only have compassion for Eleanor but begin to love her and root for her. A great reminder that behind most every one of us is a backstory that we can't possibly know at first meeting. ...more
Clever, entertaining novel that doesn't take itself too seriously. Revare sets his fictional characters and situations in the very real Manhattan, KanClever, entertaining novel that doesn't take itself too seriously. Revare sets his fictional characters and situations in the very real Manhattan, Kansas--The Little Apple--quite a leap from protagonist Carl Krauthammer's previous residence in The Big Apple. Or is it? Even though Carl leaves the cut-throat business world (and a wife to match) to pursue his dream of writing fiction under the tutelage of a much-revered author, he finds that life on The Plains, whether is business or academia, can be just as duplicitous, conniving and self-serving as anything Wall Street dishes up. Sharp witted dialog and a likeable hero guide us through storylines that may seem a bit implausible, but are really pretty close to some of the "truth is stranger than fiction" stuff that regularly pops up on the internet or in the news. I particularly enjoyed the "lactivists"--a radical, La Leche League-type group--and the ripped-from-today's headlines desire (or dread) of authors whose books are selected for Oprah's Reading Club. ...more
The Imperfectionists is an entertaining look at those schlogging away at a Rome-based international daily newspaper. From cub reporters, obit writers The Imperfectionists is an entertaining look at those schlogging away at a Rome-based international daily newspaper. From cub reporters, obit writers and those manning the copy desk, to a savvy editor and the eccentric family who owns the newspaper over the course of three generations, author Tom Rachman reveals his--and his characters'--love/hate relationship with the paper and the news business in general.
Rachman devotes each chapter to one of the imperfect people in this newspaper world. Most of them are ex-pats and misfits in one way or another. Many of their tales are sad (lost loves and lonely hearts), humiliating (the financial officer duped in a most compromisingly personal way), and downright hilarious (the foreign correspondent who is a parasitic, self-centered, narcissist who'll do anything for a scoop).
These vignettes are set against the backdrop of the news of the day like the president's position in the polls or bombings in Baghdad. Historical sidebars detail the rise and fall of this once-grand enterprise. The newspaper holds everyone together. From its exciting, innovative start as a great idea in the 1950s, to its ultimate inability to keep up with the times--2007 and still no website!--to the painful reality that family-run newspapers on a large scale are pretty much a thing of the past, Rachman writes the obituary of a newspaper and a foreshadowing of the death of an industry.
Another cautionary tale for parents and spouses--be present, nurture those you love--because life and relationships can be very fragile.
Sometimes wheAnother cautionary tale for parents and spouses--be present, nurture those you love--because life and relationships can be very fragile.
Sometimes when wounded people get together the damage multiplies. These wounded characters are mostly sympathetic, although occasionally aggravating in their self-centeredness and carelessness. Still, it's easy to see how boredom, dissatisfaction and grief can drive wedges and isolate us from things that require vigilance.
Told half from a mother's point of view and half from her teenage daughter's, strong dialogue, narrative and attention to detail reveal these characters' pain, confusion and loneliness. As a mother I wanted to shake this mom out of her malaise and fast. At the same time, I could see how her system of denial was working for her and had to ask myself, "What am I missing when I should be paying attention?"
This novel also reaffirms that being a teenager in today's world can be dangerous and scary business. Truly a page turner. Extra points for being set in a lovely neighborhood on Chicago's North side!...more
Lily Casey Smith was a tough broad, a real-life cowgirl. She liked hot horses and fast cars, and was fearless in her convictions, never backing down fLily Casey Smith was a tough broad, a real-life cowgirl. She liked hot horses and fast cars, and was fearless in her convictions, never backing down from an argument, even brandishing a pearl-handled .22 when necessary. Lily's life story unfolds from her ranching childhood in West Texas. There's one calamity after another as she makes an unfortunate first marriage, finds a teaching job at a polygamist compound, drives a taxi fashioned from an old hearse, and raises her family on an Arizona ranch.
Lily was quite a character and her temperament and behavior as a mother help to explain at least some of the mental issues that plagued Walls' mother, Rose Mary. As a prequel to The Glass Castle, Half Broke Horses introduces us to Walls' parents and tells the story of their courtship, showing Walls' father Rex was well into his alcoholism even before the wedding.
Despite the hard truths and sometimes unflattering picture Walls paints of her grandmother and parents, it is obvious she has great affection--and even some admiration--for all of them. If you loved Jeannette Wall's brilliant memoir, The Glass Castle, this book is a MUST. Walls calls Half Broke Horses a "true life novel." She takes on the persona of Lily Casey Smith, telling her grandmother's story in the first person. In Walls' skillful hand, Lily's words and persona are bigger than life. ...more
I love Frank Lloyd Wright's work, but if T.C. Boyle's account of Wright's personal life is accurate, the genius architect was no prize in the husband/I love Frank Lloyd Wright's work, but if T.C. Boyle's account of Wright's personal life is accurate, the genius architect was no prize in the husband/lover department. This kind of historical fiction is fun, taking real life people and situations and bringing them to life with imagined intimate conversations and pretend private thoughts.
The scope of this juicy book is quite wide--painting Wright's four major loves over several decades against the backdrop of his Spring Green, Wisconsin masterpiece Taliesin. Wright's controlling treatment of his architectural interns and domestic staff is just a small step removed from slavery as he often doesn't meet the payroll and requires extreme hours and loyalty. He breezes in and out of these women's lives and beds with little concern for their emotional or financial needs, and pretty much ignores his children. Once they attach themselves to Wright, each of these women sacrifices something--dignity, sanity, children, and privacy as the media hounds these couples in a fashion worthy of today's paparazzi.
The Women is charmingly and thoroughly narrated by a fictional Japanese architect who studied for years under Wright and compromised his own heart along the way. Many believe the tragic Mamah Borthwick was Wright's one true love, but based on Boyle's illustration of an egotistcal Wright I'd guess his heart belonged merely to himself and to his work....more
This well-crafted novel by Garth Stein covers familiar territory—love and loss, betrayal and redemption—but mostly it’s a rather unconventional relatiThis well-crafted novel by Garth Stein covers familiar territory—love and loss, betrayal and redemption—but mostly it’s a rather unconventional relationship story.
If you hear the story’s narrator is a dog named Enzo, please don’t run for the hills. It’s unconventional…and it’s the most compelling part of the story. The dog is loyal and wise. He is discerning about who is trustworthy and who is not. He is protective of racecar driver Denny, and Denny’s wife and daughter.
Don’t let the thread of automobile racing put you off if you’re not a Formula 1 or NASCAR fan. The racing provides an interesting metaphor for navigating life’s twists and turns and it’s not overused. I admit I was skeptical going in, but The Art of Racing in the Rain was recommended by readers I trust and they did not lead me astray. I knew from the first page that I would love this book. At the same time I was afraid that it might be painful. It is, but it’s worth it. The Art of Racing in the Rain ultimately is more heartwarming than heart wrenching, but go fetch a few tissues just in case.
I am amazed and impressed when a writer has the courage to tell ugly truths. Jeannette Walls' memoir is a jaw dropper--the true story of extreme parenI am amazed and impressed when a writer has the courage to tell ugly truths. Jeannette Walls' memoir is a jaw dropper--the true story of extreme parental neglect and emotional (at times, physical) abuse.
The fact that no family, neighbor or social service agency ever removed Walls and her siblings from their home is staggering and scary. How many others are out there being reared in abject poverty and hunger in homes that should be bulldozed? How many others have alcoholic and mentally ill parents who are not equipped in any way to raise them?
This is not a simple story of a poor family struggling to make ends meet. This is a story of two very sick parents whose only struggles were to satisfy their own desires: alcohol and delusions of grandeur for the father; art and extreme selfishness for the mother. Although the story makes no mention of diagnoses of mental illness for Mr. and Mrs. Walls, it is clear that they both were very, very ill. They shouldn't have had the privilege of having children and, although their parenting "skills" were horrendous, I'm glad they were parents. Otherwise, Jeannette wouldn't be around to tell her story, one that even in its most painful moments, is a tale of determination and spirit that could not be crushed. The world needs truth-tellers and Jeannette Walls tells her painful story with grace that reveals an underlying affection for parents many of us would have hated. ...more
While the Mad Men were smoking and boozing and womanizing in New York, another culture of harassment was simmering in the South of the early 1960s. ThWhile the Mad Men were smoking and boozing and womanizing in New York, another culture of harassment was simmering in the South of the early 1960s. The Help beautifully gives voice to black domestics who were treated as sub-human by the white society women who employed them. They were paid a pittance, with no overtime, for doing all the cooking, all the cleaning (including constant silver polishing) and all the child rearing--usually six days and week and holidays, to boot. They could change children's diapers but they weren't allowed to use the family bathroom.
The "help" in this book had no voice--and had no idea they could have one--until one gutsy gal broke ranks with her country club, Junior League, Ole Miss friends and began to chronicle the relationships between white women and their black maids.
Kathryn Stockett's brilliant prose transports the reader straight into the kitchens and lives of the women on both sides of these relationships. Her characters evoke an array of emotions, including empathy, pity, admiration and disgust.
The race discussion continues in our country today. In the context of world history, it's important to recognize that it wasn't all that long ago that the conversation first began in earnest. It's even more important to be reminded why the conversation must continue until there is true equality and understanding among the races.
This book made me cry in despair at times, but ultimately made me laugh and cheer at the small victories within. Each of the three main characters is a strong woman--none of them perfect, but all three with admirable qualities and a resilience that somehow I know endured in the years following the book's conclusion. ...more
Kabul Beauty School unveils some of the ugly truth about the treatment of women in Afghanistan. Even in a post-Taliban Kabul, Afghan women are subjugaKabul Beauty School unveils some of the ugly truth about the treatment of women in Afghanistan. Even in a post-Taliban Kabul, Afghan women are subjugated by a patriarchal society that has robbed them of individuality and any semblance of control over their lives. Parents arrange marriages for daughters with men who beat them. If a woman leaves, she forfeits her children to her husband. Many are resigned to a life of misery and control.
Michigan hairdresser Deborah Rodriguez defies most Afghan conventions to open a beauty school in Kabul. Cut, color and perms are the least of what the women learn. They become empowered not only by their ability to bring money home during tough economic times, but also by the affirmation and nurture that comes when women embrace the intimacies of female friendship. Debbie delivers some of the sweetest moments in her memoir when she gives the reader behind-the-scenes glimpses of hairdressers and students teasing one another about sex, dancing provocatively together behind closed doors and even, at one point, having a water fight outside the salon.
Then there’s the bitter reality: beatings, disappearances, drugs, warfare and centuries of oppression. Debbie crosses the line more than once in her efforts to bring dignity and liberation to Afghan women. Sometimes her efforts seem fruitless and her actions not very smart, but everything she does is powered by passion. Her honest accounts of her missteps provide valuable information about the vast difference between our culture and theirs, as well as the various cultural ethnicities that co-exist (not-so-peacefully) in Afghanistan. Woven throughout the beauty school’s story is Debbie’s own relationship journey which, itself, has been fraught with challenges.
Whether it’s fiction like Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns or non-fiction like Debbie Rodriguez’s memoir*, it seems vitally important today to read stories that enlighten us about life in the places we hear about on the news. Kabul Beauty School isn’t the most literary book you’ll ever read but it’s an honest, compelling page-turner that will both lift your spirits and break your heart. The story seems to end abruptly, but perhaps that’s how things end in Kabul.
*If you’ve read this and like it, you might also like Lipstick Jihad: A Memoir of Growing up Iranian in America and American in Iran, by Azedah Moaveni. ...more
Interesting premise: The Cheyenne tribe agrees to be assimilated into the white man's world and the U.SWomen and Natives Lose... But Novel is a Winner
Interesting premise: The Cheyenne tribe agrees to be assimilated into the white man's world and the U.S. government agrees to take horses in exchange for fertile, marriageable white women. The first group of volunteers includes May Dodd, whose fictional journals unfold in Jim Fergus's novel.
May is a woman who's about a hundred years ahead of her time. Espousing women's lib ideas in the so-called Wild West of 1875, May shocks her new native husband and his tribesman by plunging in with the fellows on their morning swim and busting into the evening sweat lodge. She has a big heart for even the most unpleasant of her "sisters" in the assimilation project and she doesn't see what the big deal is about racial differences between the natives and the whites. May is open minded and pragmatic and is affectionate and respectful, if not deferential, to her new husband, who seems to appreciate her as well.
May will go to any lengths to protect her loved ones, even if it means standing up to brutal savages or armed soldiers of the U.S. Army. Like May, the novel itself leaves a legacy of interesting social issues: a) A caution, perhaps, against trying to interfere with cultures and customs that we don't understand; b) A reminder of the despicable way Native Americans have been treated at the hands of our government; and c) A parallel to how women are still treated as chattel and/or sperm receptacles in too much of the world even in the 21st Century. That said, we also see how far U.S. women have come in terms of acceptance of their ideas, their passions and whom they are allowed to love. ...more
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