THE BABYSITTERS COVEN is one of those books that I was hotly anticipating for fall. The tongue-in-cheek title and gorgeous cover made me feel so hopeful that what I was going to get was going to be a cross between my childhood favorite, The Babysitters Club, with a dash of The Craft, and a heavy dollop of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I didn't get that, and maybe part of that is on me for having unrealistically high expectations, but part of that is definitely on the book.
First, even though this book is set in high school, it felt so immature it almost feels like a middle grade novel. There was also an element of being "out of touch." I never felt like I was reading about a bunch of teenagers. It felt like reading about a mom pretending to be a sanitized version of what they imagined a teenager was like from watching The Disney Channel all day.
Second, the magic and world-building is a bit of a mess. THE BABYSITTERS COVEN skates that fine line between a book that wants to be taken at face value and an homage/parody. The magic spells seemed cool, but the execution of them was kind of lame. And then the fact that the book basically used the plot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to explain how magic worked in this universe felt totally lazy. Don't use other universes that did you one better as a crutch to hold up your own shoddy world-building; it will just remind me that better stories exist out there than yours.
Third, the babysitting club element had a nice hook, but didn't really capture that responsibility and closeness that made the original Babysitters Club series so compelling. The girls in the original BCC were mature for their age and had a lot of interesting hobbies. The girls in this BCC aren't as invested in their jobs, are actually pretty immature, and engage in girl on girl hate. I was very disappointed. The only thing they have in common with the original BCC is that they're a club of girls who occasionally babysit and they like to create "themed" outfits, like Claudia from the original BCC did, but after a while their "themed" outfits started to seem too precious and contrived and annoying.
I'm pretty disappointed by how much I didn't like this upon finishing. THE BABYSITTERS COVEN was one of my biggest anticipated reads and ended up becoming one of my biggest disappointments. Maybe it would be good for a preteen girl who enjoys the Disney Channel, but it wasn't great for me.
Thanks to the publisher for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review!
I love Gothic horror and the fact that this is set in a creepy boarding school in Patagonia with Argentinian characters seemed like a slam dunk. I'm sad that it wasn't, because I was really, really looking forward to this book and was so sure that it would be good. Here's the problem, though: good writing is like a carrot on a stick. You want to withhold enough information to keep the reader interested and make them think that they have a chance at catching the carrot; but if you hold the carrot too far away and don't reveal enough information, the reader will be bored and confused and will wander away in search of something more interesting.
The plot of this story is very difficult to explain. There are two timelines (I think, although both appear to be happening concurrently), with two narrators. One is a young teacher named Mavi, the other is a mysterious crystal being named Angel. There's a curse on the school. There's a student missing. Something creepy is happening. And don't worry, the book will keep reminding you how creepy it is; even when it isn't.
I found the timeline really confusing and the storyline was really disorganized. I kept waiting for things to click into place, but that never happened. I know people harangue authors for info-dumps, but I would actually prefer a well-written info-dump if it was interesting to keeping the reader totally in the dark. I love the cover for this book and I thought the atmosphere of this book was really well done, with regard to the arctic setting and the dilapidated mansion, and I really wanted to love it for being infused with South American folklore, but the pacing and story were just totes off.
Your mileage may vary with this one, and if this ends up being one of your top books for fall, more power to you. I guess it depends on how you feel about going into a book totally cold and-- based on other reviews I saw-- not getting to find out anything until the end. A similar book to this is HOUSE OF LEAVES, which I also couldn't get into. So if you like HOUSE OF LEAVES, you will probably like THE TENTH GIRL. I have so many other ARCs that I'd rather read than spending anymore time with this one, so I'm sorry to say I'm ghosting THE TENTH GIRL and leaving it on unread.
Thanks to the publisher for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review!
NOT EVEN BONES was one of the more disturbing YA books I've ever read, but I really enjoyed the tight storyline and strong female heroine. Even though there were parts that made me straight-up cringe, I couldn't help but applaud it for being daring and taking risks in a genre that's basically stagnated, with everyone trying to outrace each other to write the next over-hyped Sarah J. Maas clone. If you like SJM, that's on you, but I can't stand those stock footage fantasy novels. Adventure, please!
ONLY ASHES REMAIN begins where NOT EVEN BONES left off. Nita has just come in contact with the person who sold her out and caused her to be tortured/almost eaten. She still bears the wounds-- physical and psychological-- of that interaction, and is eager for revenge. However, her betrayer has ties to a secret organization that holds lots of power in the unnatural community, and her new zannie friend (a creature that feeds off pain) has a dark history that's about to return with a vengeance.
This is not as dark or as brutal as its prequel, and there's a lot more running around. There's still suspense, but it didn't have the high stakes of the previous book. On the other hand, we get to meet some cool new characters, like a kelpie named Adair and a ghoul named Diana, as well as some INHUP agents and Nita's mom returning to act like the savage meanie she is. I think I liked the prequel more than this one in terms of plot and pacing, as this book definitely suffered from a mild case of second book syndrome. You can feel the sequel-baiting.
That said, I enjoyed ONLY ASHES REMAIN because it's got unique world-building, morally-grey characters, conspiracies upon conspiracies, and some pretty solid writing. I'd recommend this urban fantasy series to anyone who likes grimdark or wants to read about more female characters who don't always think about looking pretty or acting sweet. The diverse cast and doomed romance are just an added bonus, especially since they're both basically villains cast in the role of reluctant heroes. YAS.
Thanks to the publisher for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review!
When this book was announced, everyone was like, "Woohoo! Vampires are back!" And I was sitting there in the corner, swathed in black and clutching a glass of wine, thinking to myself, "Fools! For some of us, vampires never left." You see, I love vampire stories and always have. For many, TWILIGHT was the "gateway book" into vampire fiction, but I'd been reading L.J. Smith's Night World and Bram Stoker's Dracula and Amelia Atwater-Rhodes's Den of Shadows years before it came out; Lost Boys was my favorite movie, and I was trying (but failing) to cultivate Anne Rice, as I much-preferred the chunkier books of Chelsea Quinn Yarbro with their dense historic montages, and entire paragraphs that are odes to food and fashion as written by someone with a deep and undying passion for history. So, in short, I freaking love vampires. I want you to keep that in mind, that this review is being written by someone who is obsessed and has been for a while. It is important.
THE BEAUTIFUL is about a girl named Celine who lives in a convent with a bunch of other girls in 19th century New Orleans. A beautiful terror is stalking the city, killing innocent girls. Celine is laboring under a "dark" secret that she must keep hidden at all costs. There's a secret society of beautiful people who are more than they seem. Everything is beautiful, even death-- because for some, it is not the end. *evil laughter*
(Seriously, why haven't I been hired on as a blurb-writer, yet?)
I don't want to go too deep in to the plot for spoilers' sake, but there's a love triangle between a mysterious, possibly supernatural boy and a police officer. The "attraction" between both is suspect, as Celine goes from hating both these boys to finding them charming basically overnight. There's a secret society that ends up welcoming Celine and she finds herself the obsession of a depraved and self-absorbed evil guy who likes to wax on and on about how powerful and artistic he is in his first person interludes, which had me rolling my eyes a little. Not much happens-- there's fancy dresses and some murders, but between that there's a whole lot of nothing and Celine's "dark secret" is actually kind of horrible (and not in a good way), and I honestly don't understand why it was such a big deal or why she felt so guilty about it. Celine is such a passive heroine and I really didn't like her.
Oh-- and the book with no resolution. Because there's a sequel.
Here's my person issue with Renee Ahdieh: all of her book summaries sound amazing. She writes books that, without picking them up and going only by the summary, sound exactly like the types of books I want to read. A retelling of Arabian Nights? YES. A retelling of the Ballad of Mulan? YES. A vampire story set in New Orleans and laced with Gothic elements? YES YES YES. But then I pick them up, and each time, like Boo Boo the fool from Yogi Bear, I end up finding myself betrayed all over again as I encounter not awesomeness, but very empty, pretty writing that is too busy being mired in its own overwrought nature to move the plot along; cardboard characters; and plots that literally take 400+ pages to accomplish what could have been done in 250. WHY.
The biggest problem that I personally have with THE BEAUTIFUL is that it is a conglomeration of elements that appear to be borrowed or inspired by vampire stories that already did it better, and it still isn't a good book. The hero's name, for example, is Bastien Saint Germain and I did wonder if that was taken from or inspired by the alchemist, Count of St. Germain, especially since Sebastian's uncle is actually a count. He was a fascinating historical figure who made all sorts of weird claims, like that he was actually 500 years old. You might think that would make him ripe for being incorporated into a vampire myth, and you would be right, only Chelsea Quinn Yarbro-- that author I mentioned earlier-- actually already did that, with her Saint-Germain series.
The concept of angsty and flamboyant vampires living it up in New Orleans is also not new or novel, as that was done by Anne Rice with her Vampire Chronicles series-- which then set the mode for ceaseless imitations and fanfic (despite Rice's "no fanfic" policy), especially in the 2000s, when Interview with a Vampire was made into a movie with Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise, and everyone suddenly decided that a vampire was a nobody unless he or she spoke with a French accent and wore a ruffled and very expensive cravat. Another similarity is that Anne Rice's hero is named "Lestat de Lioncourt" and the paranormal entourage Celine encounters in THE BEAUTIFUL is called "The Court of Lions."
You also can't look at that cover and tell me that it isn't trying-- either actively or subconsciously-- to capitalize on the nostalgia and the branding of the TWILIGHT books. The black/white/red color scheme, the font choices, and the central photograph set against the black cover are all very reminiscent of the Twilight series' cover art, as well as several paranormal copycats that rose to prominence at the peak of the YA paranormal craze.
To clarify, I'm not rating low because of these similarities, but because if the author was reading and researching into all these different worlds to write her own vampire book and still managed to write something that was mediocre and uninspired, that is 100% on her. What I think Renee Ahdieh was trying to do was to write a book that would appeal not just to her YA audience, but also to vampire fans who would notice all of these vampire references and clap their hands in excitement at each bat-winged Easter egg. That, if that is what she was trying to do, is not a bad tactic in principle and it really could have worked if this book had actually been what I, as a vampire fan, look for in fiction.
I have no problem with books that were inspired by something else and have Easter eggs and clever winks and nods to their original sources if they do a good job and pay proper homage to what they're inspired by. That technique was precisely what made READY PLAYER ONE so popular. It was greater than the sum of its parts, but each individual part was also special on its own. Authors also should read, and actively, in the genres they want to write because it teaches them not just what they should do, but also what they shouldn't do. I've read books that were clearly inspired by other books but managed to do them better, case in point: Pippa DaCosta's Messenger Chronicles, clearly inspired by the paranormal science-fiction books of the 1960s and 70s, only with a strong female protagonist instead of an outmoded white guy with questionable morality.
No, I'm rating low because this could have been the READY PLAYER ONE for vampire lovers, and it ended up being a tired, washed out imitation. That's a crying shame.
If you are new to vampire fiction or like Renee Ahdieh's, um, unique writing style, then you will probably really enjoy this book. She has a pretty devoted fanbase and must be doing something right, even if I personally can't appreciate it. But if you are a veteran of books in the vampire genre and were hoping for something new or homage-worthy, or have been burned by Ahdieh's books in the past as I was and hoping that maybe she'd changed her tune, you should probably save yourself the disappointment and avoid this book.
Thanks to the publisher for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review!
Whoa. That was the most addictive, fast-paced fun I've had in a while. Ever since I finished Ilona Andrews's Hidden Legacy series, I've been trying to find the next Big Thing to fill the paranormal void in my life. When I saw SHADES OF WICKED pop up as the deal of the day, replete with a sexy vampire hero who's basically a salacious playboy of the nth degree, I thought that might be it.
Ian is a master vampire who spends a lot of his time slutting it up or hanging out in brothels - that's actually where the heroine finds him in the beginning of the book, wearing a ringmaster's jacket and nothing else. Our heroine is named Veritas and she's also a vampire, but she's the face of the law and intent on using Ian as bait to capture a very evil demon who she has her own personal history with. As it turns out, Ian has a bone to reckon with this demon himself, and ends up as an unwilling pawn to help her catch him.
The sexual tension between these two is totally off the charts, and even though they come from opposite sides of the law and have about one hundred reasons to hate each other, they're more similar than either of them realize because of their dark and tortured pasts. I honestly didn't think that SHADES OF WICKED would get so dark, but some of the big reveals about Ian and Veritas hit hard. That was a pleasant surprise, settling in for just another paranormal romance and ending up with something deep. And speaking of deep, brace yourself for some of the hottest vampire sex ever.
I almost feel that SHADES OF WICKED shouldn't work, because despite the darker elements (and there are many), there is also a lot of humor, including some spiffy one-liners that actually made me laugh, and comic relief coming in the form of a fluffy flying demon dog. I didn't realize that I needed a fluffy flying demon dog in my life until reading this book, but I do. I do. Rather than dragging the book down, the inconsistent tone actually worked and made the pages just fly by. SHADES OF WICKED is my first book by this author, but it won't be my last - it's everything I love about the paranormal romance genre, wrapped up in a tidy package and tied off with a crimson bow.
The idea of a romance between an incubus and a vampire while their people were at war was so appealing. I just got Kindle Unlimited, and I've been availing myself of all the dark romance my smutty heart desires, and this was one of the romances that's been at the top of my list for a while. Incubi and vampires have been at war for a while, but now Matthew, a man who previously believed himself to be an ordinary vampire, is a key player in the sinister machinations of the incubus and succubus army.
Tarrick is a lord general in the incubi army, and Matthew's captor. The beginning of this book was so hot and I had high hopes that it would be like Ariana Nash's Silk & Steel series, which I love so much. It kind of fell apart, though, since there are lots of dull scenes interspersed with some pretty abusive sex. I'm not one to shy away from toxic romances but it has to work. Tarrick just came across as super smarmy and gross.
I'm giving this 1.5 stars because the writing was okay and I think this might work for people who like those skeevy heroes who enjoy being called "master" and throwing their power around to overcompensate for masculine inferiority complexes. I would probably rate this higher if I forced myself through it but at the moment, I can't be bothered, and if a book isn't good enough to see to the end, that's on the book.
When I was a young teen, I used to go on this website called Quizilla. In many ways, it was a lot like a cross between Wattpad and BuzzFeed's quiz section, only since this was during the early 2000s, people were writing self-insert fics w/ Gerard Way and My Chemical Romance instead of Harry Styles and One Direction or BTS, and instead of Twilight, it was Louis and Lestat from Interview with the Vampire and they all spoke in butchered French. If vampires and emo boys weren't your cup of tea, no problem, you could read anime fanfic, anime-inspired fic, take quizzes, or read original fiction with titles like Lust for a Young Girl's Blood; Help I'm a Girl in an All-Boys' Boarding School; or Would an Angel, a Demon, or Vampire Fall for You?
Quizilla is now defunct but my memories of it are not, and I'm always delighted when I come across a story that captures the zeitgeist of my Quizilla days. I was thinking, while reading THE KISS OF DEATH, that I'd never read a reverse-harem story, but that's not quite true. In my Quizilla Days, there was a veritable pantheon of fratty immortal cadres falling for human girls.
THE KISS OF DEATH stars Sienna, a human girl putting herself for college while working at a bar. She also has a jerk boyfriend named Aaron (Aaron is such a jerk name). On her first day of classes, she runs into not one, not two, but three hot guys in all her classes (hi, obligatory nod to TWILIGHT) and then they all show up coincidentally at her job later, where they all leave her really big tips. It turns out that these guys - Sam, Luke, and Nick - are Samyaza, Lucifer, and Sataniel, demons who are looking for her because their enemies, the angels, are looking for her, too. Because Sienna isn't a human girl, after all. She's a Muse, with the power to manipulate aether, the substance that souls are made of, and that borders and gates the many worlds. And people want her - or want her dead.
So, yes, it's a little bit Mary Sue-ish. A little bit. Normally this is something that bothers me, but I honestly loved it here. It's pure escapist fantasy. Sienna has cool powers, magic art skills, and a whole harem of immortal hot guys who treat her nicely and are willing to die for her. What really saves this story is the smart writing and the science and philosophy the author imbues the story with. Hadley really tries to make this more than just romance with plot, and it's damned creative.
It's also... well, some might say it's blasphemous. If you thought the movie Dogma (1999) was funny, you'll be fine, but that should be your litmus test. Can you stomach the thought of angels and, yes, even Jesus, being the bad guys? I look at Christian theology the way most Christians probably look at Greek mythology, in that I'm like, "Oh, how interesting, how dramatic, how antiquated - I'd like to learn more about this maybe, and read some books about it, but I would never believe in this." I thought the book was great, but I noticed some religious people in the reviews weren't happy with the content. So if you are very religious, and can't laugh at your doctrines, maybe you should stay away.
I honestly can't remember the last time I had such mindless fun reading something. THE KISS OF DEATH was so compulsively readable that I finished it in just over a day, even though it's long. I'm new to the burgeoning reverse-harem craze happening on Goodreads, and I don't think I'll be a stranger from now on. Not if this book is any indication of what I've been missing out on.
I loved THE COMPANION so much that I immediately set out to buy the next book in the series after finishing it. How could I not? THE COMPANION had everything I love in a vampire romance novel: it was dark, it was erotic, the hero and the heroine were likable and intelligent and had great chemistry. It was amazing.
THE HUNGER is a very different beast.
The hero, John, is a spy for England investigating Napoleon Bonaprte's activities in France. The heroine, Beatrix, is a vampire who has grown weary with her life. We meet Beatrix in The COMPANION as well, but she is much more vibrant there than here. In backstories, we learn that she was basically Asharti's adoptive sister, and that their guardian was a vampire named Stephan who traversed the boundary between guardian and lover.
John is very jaded with women and thinks they're all a bunch of simpering tricksters, but is attracted to Beatrix despite himself. Beatrix finds his defiance bemusing, and sees him as a human enigma. They don't have the deep connection that the two leads of the previous book had; theirs is a physical attraction that inexplicably morphs into love when it's convenient for the plot.
There were some good portions in this book. I liked Beatrix's flashback scenes, and that scene when John is thrown on a prison boat was good. As with the previous book, the male lead is sexually abused and tortured by Asharti, which gives this vampire novel more of a horror flavor than many of its contemporary brethren. Some of the abuse scenes are very graphic. There's a final confrontation scene that's pretty dramatic, and was the only time I actually felt anxious for the characters.
I'm sorry to say that I didn't much care for THE HUNGER as a whole. I found myself skimming large swaths of it, wishing I were reading something else. It was much, much longer than it needed to be. There were definitely times when I was asking myself when it was going to end. I'm more intrigued by the sequel, THE BURNING, which no longer appears to be sold in the Kindle store. It's the only book in the series that isn't available for individual sale, and I wondered if maybe that racy and gritty summary had something to do with it. I hope not, since that's what made me want it in the first place.
Unless THE BURNING is published again, I think I might just stop at book two.
The best thing in the world is when you find an author who really resonates with you. For me, Jennifer Armintrout is that author. It's like she peered into my mind, saw the checklist detailing everything I love to see in fiction, and then immediately set out to write a fleet of books that have every single one of those delicious tropes that I love so much.
I kickedstarted my Jenny Trout Experience with THE TURNING, which is a dark vampire erotica with an evil villain, vampires who actually behave like vampires, and enough horror to put the romance elements in their place. QUEENE OF LIGHT is a fantasy story about faeries and court intrigue, with high stakes coups and betrayals and yes, also doomed romance. How could the author write two totally different styles of books and have them both be so different, and yet so good? I have no idea, and yet she did it again with AMERICAN VAMPIRE.
AMERICAN VAMPIRE is a totally different book from her two other series done under this name. For starters, it is a standalone, which will come as a relief to those of you who want to read a good book without committing to a long-term relationship. This book is the perfect one-night stand for the impatient reader. The tone is also different. It's got a small town horror vibe reminding me of American Gothic, and it's really creepy.
Graf is a vampire who's on his way to a racy orgy party at the home of his sire. He gets lost en route, and finds himself in a small town that looks to be abandoned. When he goes into a gas station, however, he ends up finding a cowering girl and a monster. The girl is our heroine, Jessa, and the monster is this powerful and evil entity that's been holding the town in thrall for five years. Nobody's been able to get in or out in all that time, and the townsfolk have started to get kind of, well, crazy.
One thing I really liked about this book is how imperfect the narrators are. Graf is not a nice man and is a bit of a psychotic playboy who's used to getting his way. Jessa is also morally grey. She's an adulteress and has a slew of emotional issues and personal baggage. That said, neither of them are truly Bad People, and they have some pretty intense character arcs that transform them over the course of the novel as they slowly start to fall for each other despite knowing that they shouldn't.
The backdrop of horror is also really well done. It reminds me of Stephen King's older stories, the ones that took place in a small town hiding a big evil, like NEEDFUL THINGS or IT. In fact, the monster in this book is actually called "It" by the townsfolk (although nothing like Stephen King's IT), which made me wonder if that was maybe done in homage to the King of Horror himself. The way the townsfolk - and Jess and Graf - were trapped in the town gave this book a desperate, claustrophobic vibe that had me frantically turning pages, and Armintrout doesn't skimp on the gore.
If you're into horror novels with romance (or romance novels with horror), and want to read a vampire story that has an unusual plot and an even more unusual romance, you should definitely read AMERICAN VAMPIRE. I went in not expecting much and ended up being totally surprised.
Have you ever read a book that's so good that you can literally feel the book slump you're going to get after finishing it settling in for the long haul? That was me, with THE TURNING. Everyone who follows me knows that I love vampire books that are dark and twisted, with moral ambiguity, weird sex, and tons of gore. I'm not sure why it's so hard for people to write good, dark vampire fiction, but it is, and they're the exception to the rule.
THE TURNING is everything I love in a vampire novel and checks all the boxes. The heroine, Carrie, is a doctor, and is killed on the job by an evil vampire who shows up in the ER. He leaves her for dead - only he accidentally ends up transforming her. And being the naive goody-goody she is, she spends a few days in denial before going to an online forum for help that nearly gets her killed.
Instead of dying a second time, she ends up meeting another vampire who actually wants to help her. This vampire is Nathan, who is part of the Voluntary Vampire Extermination Movement, a group of vampire police who make sure that their population stays small and that rule-breakers are punished (kind of like a less lame version of TWILIGHT's Volturi). Unfortunately, the vampire who turned Carrie - Cyrus - is at the top of their list, and Nathan has a personal bone to pick with them, as they share an original sire, who is also very evil.
Unfortunately, when you are turned, you have something called a "blood tie" with your sire that creates a very close emotional and physical bond, and despite knowing objectively that Cyrus is evil, Carrie can't really resist him as much as she'd like, and ends up making a very foolish deal that puts her right in his poisonous clutches. Emotionally devastated by her betrayal of Nathan and caught between two fractious and very different sides, it seems like there's no easy resolution in sight.
And there isn't, because nothing about this book is easy.
Reading the reviews for this book on Amazon is bound to turn people away, because they appear to have been written by people who can't stomach dark fiction. That's fine, but it's also not who this book is for, and therefore doesn't really give a good representation of this book's overall quality or what it's even about. Carrie is a fantastic protagonist and very flawed and real, and she also delivers some great one-liners that actually had me giggling. THE TURNING is aware that it's a book in a genre that's fatigued by tropes, and makes a few tongue-in-fang remarks about vampires.
Normally I'm not into love triangles, but this one was SO GOOD, and it was never fully clear which of the two Carrie might end up with. Cyrus is such a fantastic villain (despite his name), and definitely one of the most memorable. There are some truly cinematic displays of horror in this book. Nathan was also the perfect tormented good guy, and he's never so good that you find yourself rolling your eyes; his flaws made him more human (so to speak), and in a way, more endearing.
I'm honestly surprised this series hasn't been made into a TV show? It's better than True Blood, in my opinion, and is so action-packed and heavy on the drama that it would be perfect for HBO. I'm making it my mission to ensure that this book winds up in the hands of all my fellow vampire-lovers, and it probably wouldn't hurt to mention that this book is only $1.99 on Kindle right now.
P.S. This book is written by Jenny Trout, and not the similarly named Jennifer Armentrout with an "e." When searching this book, just remember - it's Armintrout, and the "i" stands for iconic.
There are two types of people in this world: those who like vampires, and those who like werewolves. I've always been a vampire gal, but there's something intriguing about shape-shifters and that blurring of the line between humanity and beast. That's why I was excited to find THE DEVOURERS in the Kindle store, a book about rakshasa, or man-eaters/shape-shifters, in India. The cover was gorgeous, the summary was intriguing, and it promised to be dark and fantastical - plus, it's non-Western fantasy, and I want to try and support that, because there is not enough of that.
THE DEVOURERS was everything I thought it would be and more. Don't be fooled by the three star rating. Three stars means I liked it but probably wouldn't reread it because it has some flaws. Even so, it's worth the first read. It has Interview with a Vampire vibes from the Gothic beginning, when a college professor named Alok is approached by an attractive young stranger claiming to be "half-werewolf." He tells Alok a story that ensnares him like the first hit of an addictive drug, and Alok is desperate to meet again.
There are several characters in this book. Alok and the stranger are the foundation for the story, and the bookends that hold all the stories-within-stories together. Within the stranger's tale are many other characters, including a Muslim woman named Cyrah, a Norse shape-shifter who calls himself Fenrir, a French shape-shifter named Gevaudan, and the son of a forest demigoddess named Izrail. Even though the book is relatively short, it has an epic feel, and each story builds into the other. Sexuality and gender expression are also very fluid, which makes sense because of how these werewolves digest their victims (including their souls), and also because it seems like time would erode a lot of the hang-ups that anyone would have about sexuality and gender, anyway. I liked that a lot.
If this book has a flaw, it is that it is hard to read. The POV switches can be confusing, and even though the writing is gorgeous and it mostly works, it can be confusing at times. I think people who have trouble paying attention might have trouble following who's talking. The pacing is also uneven. Most of the story was amazing - that beginning, tho - but the middle is a major slog.
Anyone who's looking for something dark and different and who enjoys paranormal fantasy would enjoy THE DEVOURERS. It's got Indian and Muslim characters, LGBT+ characters, and a really strong and fascinating female character who has some of the best lines in this book. The story-telling and writing are reminiscent of Tanith Lee, who is one of my all time favorites. I'd love to see this author write a follow-up about vampires, or some other well-known monster with a twist.
A few years ago, Halle put most of her books on sale and I went on a buying spree. Karina Halle has a big cult following and I wanted to experience the edgy blend of horror and romance that she's become known for with books like Experiment in Terror and The Artists. What I'm quickly finding is that she's very hit or miss. Some of her books are very well done, and others are... not.
I was side-eying this book from the get-go with its slightly judgey sounding disclaimer in the blurb:
"A note about this book: Donners of the Dead is set in 1851 – couples were often thrust into marriage together with short courtships, racism was widespread and not overly frowned upon, and women had little to no rights. What wouldn't fly in today's day and age was unfortunately the norm back then - it is worth keeping that in mind when reading this book."
Like, I get the need for disclaimers if you're going to emulate a bodice-ripper from the days of yore. Whenever you're writing about a different era in which bad things happened to women and minorities, it can be uncomfortable - at best.
That said, there were nuances, even back then, and the words you used with certain people varied. It is pretty gross to see the love interest in this book casually deride the heroine for being half-Native, calling her pine nut, and, I think, "Injun." The others in their treasure-hunting party were certainly happy to fling the word "Injun" around like racist confetti. Which, on the one hand, okay, they are working class and ignorant, so it fits. But it felt gratuitous and, well, forced.
The plot of this book is pretty creative. Eve is hired on as a tracker to look for treasure when she and her party encounter a bunch of zombies influenced by the Wendigo myth. The execution was lacking. There's a lot of gore, but the horror lacks subtlety. Eve is a helpless heroine, shrieking, flinching, and constantly looking to Jake in a way that's reminiscent of Kagome's catch-phrase, "Go get 'em, Inuyasha!" Like, girl, take some responsibility and at least put some value on your damn life?
I did not like Jake at all, and the historical context seemed limited to homespun, casual racism in dialogue, and an overuse of the words "I reckon." I was hoping for Dawn of the Dead meets Rosemary Rogers, and instead I got... not that. If you're looking for a Western romp, just read Rosemary Rogers instead. Jake McGraw can only dream of being Steve Morgan when he grows up.
THE SILVER KISS was TWILIGHT for the 90s set. Simon the vampire is ancient, gloomy, and obsessive. Zoe is precocious, alienated, and old-fashioned in a way that doesn't really feel realistic for a teenage girl. There are differences, of course. TWILIGHT is more of a traditional love story with vampirism thrown in for lols, whereas THE SILVER KISS stays truer to its horror roots and has a grittiness to it that the Mormon housewife-penned TWILIGHT lacks (drugs, suicide, rape, death, etc.). Even so, the similarities are hard to ignore and it is difficult to say with certainty that there was no way Meyer didn't read or hear about this book and feel inspired by it.
THE SILVER KISS is a surprisingly powerful story in how it handles its difficult themes. Death is terrifying and inescapable, and many, many books have been inspired by the cruel and beautiful concept of mortality. Without it, we would stagnate, or fester. Knowing life will end is what, for many of us, keeps everything flowing into motion. Simon, on the other hand, just exists. The years bleed into one another until they have almost no meaning. His only purpose in life is to destroy the evil vampire who turned him, and Zoe is just a footnote, a curiosity - a girl who is touched by death as much as he is, but also just as removed.
Simon was a pretty great character. Because he is more predatory, it's ironically less creepy than if he were portrayed as an ordinary romantic love interest who just happens to be a vampire (the way Edward was in TWILIGHT). His life as a homeless drifter feels much less romantic than someone who is rich and blessed with a family to socialize with whenever they need to go on the run or hunt. His desperation for contact makes his fascination with Zoe seem slightly more realistic (although there was a moment in this book that rivaled Edward's watching Bella sleep; Simon pees on Zoe's house to mark his territory). Zoe took a while longer for me to warm up to her, but her grief over her mother's terminal cancer explains a lot of her odd behaviors and her apparent coldness. It also explains why vampirism holds an appeal for her; she knows better than most that life is finite.
I'm a romantic at heart and a sucker for happy endings (although I am one of those people who believes that not all romance novelsneed to have happy endings, which is apparently very ~controversial~ in the romance community), but sometimes happy endings just aren't very realistic and are damaging to the integrity of the story. TWILIGHT ends with Bella becoming a vampire; it's about cheating death, a love that literally transcends time. On the other hand, you have books like TUCK EVERLASTING, where the romance can't feasibly work and the book ends accordingly.
Perhaps as a nod to its similarities to TWILIGHT, the rerelease has a red, black, and white cover with Gothic font that looks like it could belong in the series. That's the edition I read, although I like this one a lot better. My edition also came with two short stories. One was a prologue to THE SILVER KISS and was called The Summer of Love. The other was an epilogue and was called The Christmas Cat. I did not really care for either story. Summer of Love was good, but the climax of the story is a cat death, and I've already read two other books this week where the cat dies, so that just felt needlessly depressing. Christmas Cat was super cheesy, and felt like an excuse to bring Simon back. I was also disappointed that the cat wasn't her mother, who said that she would like to be brought back as a cat. That felt like a lost opportunity to explore - sacrificed for teen love, because of course.
THE SILVER KISS is one of the earlier teen vampire romances so I think it's a good book to read if you're interested in going back to basics or want to read something more hard-core than TWILIGHT. It hasn't aged that badly and features many themes that are still relevant today. Check it out.
Cut to a woman sitting alone in a darkened room with a glass of wine. There is a book on the table before her. The book is on fire. She is laughing. She is crying. Despair is everywhere.
What even is this book? Oh my God, it sounded amazing. A hero with supernatural powers? An angel-vampire hero? Um, yes. Yes, yes, and yes. It sounded as fanfictiony as all get-out. Let me plop a quarter in my "mentioned Quizilla in a review again" jar and tell you about this fic I used to read called "Would an Angel, a Demon, or a Vampire Fall for You?" by user: icemakesyoumelt. This book was about a human girl ("you") who was courted, harem anime style, by three guys who all wanted her because, well, because! Anyway, then Satan came to destroy the earth and spoil the fun (except JK, because Satan was hot too, and was even a chaotic evil love interest for those of you into that sort of thing), and you got to fill out survey questions throughout the fic to find out who you would end up with at the end of each chapter.
But no, ASCENSION was all kinds of bad. The heroine was so backwards, she made Bella Swan look like a women's studies professor at a liberal arts college. The whole beginning of the book consists of her 1) being a jealous bitch to her sister for having a husband and being pregnant, to the point where she's fighting back angry tears and acting curt instead of congratulatory because 2) despite having a good job and a decent life and being attractive and privileged AF life is meaningless if you're alone and your womb is empty boo-hoo-hoo, and 3) the last guy she was with, she apparently went Rogue on, X-Men style, on account of the superpowers she also isn't interested in/grateful for.
I'm sorry, but WHAT on a bun is that? Are you kidding me? I'm supposed to root for this bitch?
I was initially excited because a therapist heroine who is tall (6'0"!) was exciting for me, a tall women with a psychology background, but the emotional whingeing and the whole Black Dagger Brotherhood vibe this book was projecting really didn't work for me, multiverse theory or no.
Wowowow, that was really good! This is the Harlequin manga that I like. TWILIGHT VOWS isn't just a Harlequin romance, it's a Harlequin roman Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || Amazon || Pinterest
Wowowow, that was really good! This is the Harlequin manga that I like. TWILIGHT VOWS isn't just a Harlequin romance, it's a Harlequin romance about vampires. It's also the first of these books that I've actually read in novel format. Maggie Shayne writes these deliciously trashy vampire novels that kind of remind me of L.J. Smith's Night World series, only for adults. When I saw this on Netgalley, I made a choked-up squee sound because when I was in my early twenties, I thought Maggie Shayne was the shit. In manga form? Oh man, I couldn't wait.
Rachel was almost murdered by her greedy, evil relatives when she was a child. She was saved by a mysterious man who brought her back to the kindly Irish people who raised her. Now a grown anthropology student, Rachel has returned to Ireland to study the myth of the O'Rourke vampires who, according to local legend, lived at the Dante Castle at the edge of the village.
Reading this manga made me remember how much I loved the books when I first read them. Donovan, the hero, isn't a bad guy. He's one of those old-fashioned, brooding vampires who has courtly manners but feels lonely, and yes, he has a bit of the ol' guardian angel syndrome that's common in paranormal romance. He also says some truly romantic things to the heroine, especially towards the end.
The romance has a lot of angst, but it's balanced out by some odd humor. There are some especially funny moments in here with the hero's bat demons. They are pretty cute, even though they're kind of evil. Overall, though, I would say the tone is gloomy and wistful. I found myself enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would, because I have always preferred my vampires to be either morose or homicidal (or both). But no, this is a great adaptation of a romance series I really enjoyed.
Thanks to Netgalley/the publisher for the review copy!
Several of my friends recommended this book to me and it's free in the Kindle store, so downloading this book and checking it out seemed li Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || Amazon || Pinterest
Several of my friends recommended this book to me and it's free in the Kindle store, so downloading this book and checking it out seemed like a pretty low risk to take, especially with such ringing endorsements in its favor. BEYOND THE VEIL is about a woman named "Muse," who works with metals. She's also half human and half demon, with command over fire and the ability to "read" blades if her blood is spilled and has a long history of abuse where her powers were exploited like a cheap parlor trick.
I thought the world-building in this book was really great. DaCosta creates this fairly complex hierarchy of power among demon kind, with princes being at the top and mongrels like Muse being at the bottom. The descriptions of how she channeled her powers were also interesting, and I liked how her confidence grew as the book went on and she learned that all the bad things she'd been told about herself were basically big fat lies.
Once Muse learns the truth about herself, she realizes that there's good reasons for other demons to want to kill her - including the demon who took her from her cruel and abusive master, and has been her lover for several years. There's a bit of a love triangle between Akil and Stefan, but I thought it was done well, and served to underscore Muse's confusion as she tries to figure out which of them is telling the truth.
If you're a fan of Ilona Andrew's books, I feel like you'll probably like DaCosta. Their writing styles seem similar, and they both seem fond of complex and interesting worlds featuring kick-butt protagonists. I'd give this a higher rating, but I couldn't quite get into it the way I wanted to. There weren't any real flaws, or anything, but it did feel like sometimes the pacing would be off, and I actually set this book aside for a little while until I could get back into it again. I do like this author a lot so far, though - at least based on what I've seen - and I'd check out her other works.
I gave FIRST GRAVE ON THE RIGHT a mostly positive review in spite of myself because I did like the mystery elements and I thought the antihero love interest, Reyes, was intriguing. My hope was that the author would realize that the childish sense of humor of the main character was dragging down the tone of the book and it would disappear in later books. After reading SECOND GRAVE ON THE LEFT, I'm no longer inclined to give the author the benefit of the doubt. If anything, Charley became even more childish in this book, and the mystery element of the first book - the thing I liked the most - was entirely overshadowed by the creepy "fated-to-be-mated" insta-love between Charley and Reyes. Like I care.
I'm also not super happy with Reyes's character arc. I don't understand why he likes Charley so much. It's kind of weird that he abandoned all of his plans just because she glows brightly. Is he a moth? Also, I'm all for obsessive love interests, but something about Reyes starts to seem a bit... well, smarmy. I don't like his "I know so much more than you but can't tell you anything for your own good" spiel, even though in Charley's case, that's probably true.
The publisher gave me all the books in this series for free in exchange for my honest opinion, but after this book, I'm thinking I might call it quits at book two. I'll check out the summaries and the spoiler reviews of the other books in the series to see if continuing might be worth it, but to be honest after this book I'm kind of sick of Charley and her "OMG! So random!" sense of humor. Naw.
Thanks to Netgalley/the publisher for the review copy!
I might be rating this higher because I'm sick with the flu and my brain isn't working at peak capacity, but even so, I didn't fall in love with this book the way all my friends did. I'd heard mostly good things about the Charley Davidson series, but I always hesitate when I see a romance that's tagged as "humor" because it's been my experience that what most people find funny, I find lame. Case in point, WALLBANGER, which was just sad.
In terms of tone, FIRST GRAVE ON THE RIGHT is kind of like the Stephanie Plum series or Meg Cabot's Mediator series. Charley Davidson is the human embodiment of the grim reaper. As a result, she can see dead people - lots of dead people. To them, she appears to glow like a Stephenie Meyer vampire in full sunlight, and that's because her body is the portal to the afterworld. They have to fly through her to move on.
Still with me? Okay. So her father and uncle are both cops and in her free time (read: when she's not playing the role of de facto River Styx), she works as a PI. Do her supernatural powers help her in her work? Maybe. Do people mistrust her for knowing more than she should? But of course.
Her latest case involves a whole bunch of missing kids, a crime syndicate, and human trafficking. People who were close to solving the case on their own merit, without supernatural help, are turning up dead in droves. Naturally, they're quick to offer their help to Charley, because conveniently enough, their lack of closure over the case is what's in part keeping them from moving on. Pretty soon, people are trying to off Charley too, but she has something that the other people working on the case don't: a supernatural guardian angel who likes to mind-f*ck her in the shower when he's not saving her ass. She calls the sexual smoky presence the Big Bad, but doesn't really seem worried about this otherworldly force in her life, which is funny because I kept thinking of that quote from Harry Potter: "Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain."
ANYWAY, I made it to the end of this book and it did entertain me, in between bouts of coughing, vomiting, and sneezing (woohoo). But I didn't really care for it as much as I have other paranormal romances. I think the humor actually worked against this book, to be honest. When you have a book about rape, child abuse, trafficking, and murder, trying to make it snarky and sarcastic and "cute" kind of seems grossly tone-deaf and insensitive. There's gallows humor and then there's "dude, have some proper gravitas, please" and I feel like this book falls into the latter category.
Thanks to Netgalley/the publisher for the review copy!
Remember when the Anita Blake series was good, back when she wasn't the Special Snowflake Queen of Sex'n'Superpowers™? (Seriously, have you Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || Amazon || Pinterest
Remember when the Anita Blake series was good, back when she wasn't the Special Snowflake Queen of Sex'n'Superpowers™? (Seriously, have you read the new books? How is her vagina not permanently on fire from all that friction? Also, girl has more special moves than freaking Ditto.) Remember how the series was edgy and erotic and did not condescend to its female audience? Remember how Anita used to kick ass? Remember when there were just TWO love interests and not an entire Siouxie and the Banshees concert-worth of Gothic rejects in frilly shirts suffering from existential crises? Ilona Andrews remembers. Enter Kate Daniels.
Ilona Andrews has a huuuuuuge cult following. I got indoctrinated almost two years ago with the Hidden Legacy series (BURN FOR ME was the book that got me back into urban fantasy). After speeding through the rest of the series like a cocaine addict burning through their stash, crying ecstatically over the series' rumored (and now confirmed continuation), and frantically working my way through the rest of the Esteemed Ilona Andrews Hoard
™, I finally found my way to reading the much-hyped and very intimidating Kate Daniels series. This series has freaking fans with a capital F.
It's a little scary, because I was looking at the publication date and this book came out when I was still in high school. Despite being over ten years old, though, the book still feels fresh. Part of that is because it hasn't become dated like a lot of other older PNRs. This is because in Kate Daniel's world, magic and technology are in conflict (they short each other out), and currently magic is at its zenith, so technology has yielded to swords, horses, leylines, and magical abilities. Holy father, Batman.
Kate has decided to seek revenge for the murder of her Guardian, using her own magical powers and her trusty sword as tools. But revenge isn't simple. The murderer has covered their tracks well, and worse yet - they also appear to be responsible for the serial killings of several shape-shifters, humans, and vampires in the area. What seemed like a simple goal befitting the most basic of heroes' journey plots suddenly becomes a supernatural Gordian knot riddled with sexy shape-shifters and necromancers (oh my). Andrews doesn't hold back on the gore, either. This book packs a mean body count, and you, the reader, are sitting right in the Splash Zone. (And that ain't water.)
So, my Completely Unbiased and Possibly Unwelcome Opinion
™ on this book is... that it was good but not great. People were telling me that this series is much better than Hidden Legacy (OMFG)
, and maybe that's true for the later books in the series, but honestly, BURN FOR ME has a much stronger hook. And as fun as Kate Daniels is, she doesn't have the emotional depth and aching humanity that made Nevada such a treat (and made her gradual transformation over the course of the three books that much more addictive and investing, as a result). She tosses off some good one-liners, but I don't really understand what makes her tick. She's a stiletto heel in human form: pretty, sharp, but not very empathetic or intriguing. Also, Curran is no Rogan (don't @ me). There, I said it.
Still, I'm curious to see where the books go from here.
If there's one thing I love, it's Harlequin romance novels. Most of them are contemporary in nature so when I saw that Gena Showalter's Lords of the Underworld series had not only been adapted to manga but were also on sale, I bought books I and II. Apparently the actual novels are very erotic so it was hilarious to see how tame they were in these comic books, which did not contain that much more mature content than your typical shoujo manga for older girls (think Ceres: Celestial Legend or Black Bird). Even though the heroine was a Sue of the highest caliber, and the world-building was questionable at best, I devoured the first book. It was bad, but in a really fun way. Like Charmed.
I did not like the second book quite as much. The first book had a lot more action in it. This book was angstier, focusing more on the relationship between the hero and the heroine. Since they have a major case of insta-love, this was not that interesting to me. Especially since they're pledging to die for one another by the end of the book. I've already read the original Romeo and Juliet. Subsequent retellings of it pale by comparison.
That said, the art style is pretty okay and I liked the story enough that I'm kind of curious to see what the original novel (which I haven't read) is like with all the sex scenes and violence left in. The mangaka left an amusing after note, cautioning about the "passionate love scenes," and adding, "I almost want to tell girls younger than junior high kids to wait until they're adults to read this." Lol, why don't you leave that up to the parents, though? Seriously, what is the age demographic these Harlequin manga are targeting? Because in the U.S. at least, I don't think anyone quite knows and I always see these in the clearance sections of my local comic book stores (lucky for me, haha).
I've read a Harlequin adaptation by Earithen before and I didn't like it. The book in question was called THE BLACKMAIL MARRIAGE. It was a case of bad story, bad art, bad execution. When I saw LORDS OF THE UNDERWORLD on Amazon for 99-cents, my reaction was one of skepticism. I'd heard of Gena Showalter's series, but had written it off as being too cheesy. Plus, the adaptation was being done by Earithen.
...But on the other hand, it was only 99-cents.
So, after reading this book, it looks like I may have been wrong about both Earithen and Gena Showalter. The art in this is leagues better than the art in THE BLACKMAIL MARRIAGE and I enjoyed the cracktastic trashiness of the story so much that I'm seriously considering hunting down and reading the actual Lords of the Underworld novels now.
Ashlyn is a psychic at a paranormal institute in Budapest for work. She decides to miss her flight, however, when she hears two people talking about a tower where angels live. She goes to the tower to plead to the angels to take away her power and instead meets a large, sexy man with a sword who threatens her.
This girl, Ashlyn, not having a self-preservation bone in her body, hunts him down and clings to him, demanding that he take her with him. Because he's hot and he literally quiets the voices. Surprising himself, he does, and she sees that he has a whole bunch of other large, hot men who also reside with him. All of these men are thousands of years old, and figures from Greek mythology. Originally they were guardians of the gods, but after committing an act of treachery, they were punished by being forced to house demons of various types within their bodies (wrath, lust, violence, etc.).
They are being hunted by people called, appropriately enough, Hunters and are not convinced that Ashlyn isn't bait. So she's imprisoned in this castle with demon-possessed hunks, and the hero, Maddox, can't decide whether he wants to destroy her or have his way with her or both, because his demon is the demon of wanton violence, and once started, he won't stop until satisfied.
Writing all this out like this makes me realize how cheesy this story sounds. I'm already side-eying the mythology a bit. It's a little of Pandora's box, a little of the Four Horsemen, and a little of the Seven Deadly Sins, with a slapdash of Kresley Cole's Immortals After Dark. Both of these authors seem to treat their paranormal romances like a communal stew where you can just dump whatever into the pot and hope it tastes good. It honestly kind of reminds me of a Quizilla story I read back in the day called "Would an Angel, a Demon, or a Vampire Fall for You?" I believe the author of it named herself "icemakesyoumelt." It was a really bad story in which "you" were the name character and it was written in second person. I guess it just goes to show that no matter what age you are, or which medium you choose to consume your stories, we always fall for the same old trash.
One of my favorite comedies is called Dogma(1999). It's a sorely unappreciated movie, and practically nobody I've talked to has heard of it - something that shocks me, given that its cast list is basically the "best of" list of the 90s from a wide variety of genres: Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Janeane Garofalo, Alan Rickman, Jay and Silent Bob, Salma Hayek, Chris Rock, and Alanis Morissette, who, incidentally, plays God Herself. I bet you are thinking to yourself that you know why this movie isn't very popular, and if you read the synopsis and saw this quote from the summary, "An abortion clinic worker with a special heritage is enlisted to prevent two angels from reentering Heaven and thus undoing the fabric of the universe," you're probably getting an even better idea. It's a movie that takes the piss not just out of Christians, but out of the bible and theology themselves, pointing out the hypocrisy, cruelty, and callousness that are sometimes done in the name of religion and even God.
Why am I bringing this up? Because it's a damn good movie and you should watch it, and also because it shares many themes with this book. I mean, apart from the obvious angels connection and the whole "bringing about the apocalypse" thing. You see, ANGELFALL is about the apocalypse. Angels have invaded Earth, and rather than being divine, fluffy-winged creatures of mercy, they are wreaking havoc and wrath upon humanity, destroying cities, killing humans, killing each other, and using our world as a turf war for internal politics that have nothing to do with faith or piety and everything to do with power.
Penryn, the heroine, is one of the humans. While out with her mother, who is probably schizophrenic, and her younger disabled sister who uses a wheelchair, they witness an angel getting his wings cut off. Moved by mercy to intervene, Penryn attacks the other angels, and as a result her sister is taken. Her mother flees, and Penryn is left alone with the angel... Raffe. Left with no other choice, they bond together. Raffe, to get his wings back. Penryn, to get her sister back. They have a common enemy: the other angels. But they are also wary and suspicious of one another, as well.
Their partnership is weird and awkward as they navigate the Bay Area (holla!). It reminds me a bit of The Walking Dead in terms of how gritty and realistic it feels. Penryn is a survivalist, and does what needs to be done to stay alive. Unlike 99% of so-called strong heroines, though, she isn't arrogant. She's confident, but she also has moments of fear or insecurity that make her relatable. I liked that the author actually had a reason for her physical prowess, rather than her just taking instantly to ass-kicking and wielding a sword, and I liked the slow developing sexual tension between her and Raffe.
But what makes this even better is that this is a book - written for girls - that does not hold back on unpleasantness. This book is dark. It has themes that are mature and complex and controversial. It is edgy. I couldn't put it down. I was originally going to use this book for my Halloween-themed romance challenge for the post-apocalyptic challenge and ended up going with UNDER THE NEVER SKY, and man. Apples and oranges. Apples and oranges. That book was stupid. This book is original and amazing and well-written and you just need to read it and see for yourself. I can almost forgive the author for destroying the city of San Francisco if this is what comes out of the rubble.
This is the one romance book that many men have deigned to pick up, even if just to look at the cover and sneer, and is frequently used as the scapegoat example to bemoan the romance genre as a whole as being a tasteless wonderland for idiots without brain cells, i.e. women. Because, as you might have noticed, anything that is marketed exclusively to women is frequently condemned by the "general populace" (i.e. men) as being without taste, merit, or worth. E.g. romance.
My feelings about TWILIGHT could be mapped out as a series of complex dips and rises. I've always been really into vampires and remember seeing this book on Amazon back in 2006 - you know, back in the days when it only sold books and CDs - while looking for books about vampires to ask my mom to buy for me. Intrigued by the promise of dark romance, I clicked to read the Kindle sample and was a little surprised when the opening paragraph featured not vampires but some privileged bitch in an eyelet lace blouse whining about how she was exiling herself to one of the most beautiful places in the world as punishment.
I remember thinking, "Wow, this is dumb. Nobody is going to read this."
And that is why I am not a marketing executive.
When the book became ridiculously popular, I was curious. Because I was a teenager, and if there's a demographic that's demonized more than women it's probably teenagers (e.g. teenagers are sheep, etc.). My mom bought me the book from Costco, of all places, and with no small amount of skepticism, I settled in to read. I actually stayed up until 3AM that night to finish it, and ended up getting only a couple of hours of sleep for the classes I was taking the next day. It was good. There wasn't a lot of action, but in a way that was kind of comforting. Bella was one of the first heroines that I really identified with - she was quiet and studious and socially awkward. She enjoyed reading and not just in that token way that makes her not like other girls; she wrote an essay on the misogyny in Shakespeare (a topic that I, myself, explored in one of my college essays). I also liked the fact that she seemed both jaded and naive; something that I, as a "world-weary" eighteen-year-old strongly related to. I burned through the second and third books (also purchased at Costco, thanks, Mom), and then noped out of the fourth book when I found out that there were things like baby soulmates, sex scenes involving pillow-eating, and weird science that involved giving vampires venom in place of bodily fluids and, for some reason, a different number of chromosomes that just so happened to equal that of the pineapple. (Let's all just take a moment to sit back and imagine a pineapple with fangs.)
My point here is that TWILIGHT was easy to read and featured a generic heroine who had a quiet personality that didn't make me feel like I wasn't enough. After all, she was ordinary and got a GQ vampire boyfriend. Maybe that meant that being ordinary was okay. Many YA novels stress the quirkiness or the glory of their heroines, but I liked the idea of a "plain Jane." It was also my gateway novel to classic literature. I made my mom buy me copies of all the books Bella read or mentioned, which was how I ended up reading a slew of classics like JANE EYRE, WUTHERING HEIGHTS, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, and SENSE AND SENSIBILITY that year. For fun. I know, right?
Then the movies came out and Kristen Stewart became the much-mocked star with her dead eyes and Robert Pattinson the questionable hero with his scoffing interviews and scruffy appearance. I wasn't happy with the casting choices and did not see the movie, but other people did. Many other people did. Suddenly the movie - and the merchandise - were everywhere and so were the fans. My god, honestly if anything put me off this book it was probably the fans. Especially the ones who tore forums apart with their vicious arguments over the battle that will go down in history long after everything else has crumbled to dust: Edward vs. Jacob? I found myself growing embittered against the book that I had previously enjoyed, and suddenly I could see all the problems with it that I had previously ignored. The relationship is toxic. Bella lacks agency. Grand sweeping gestures of "love" are expressed in the form of mortal peril. TWILIGHT also ushered in a whole new era of copycats, as everyone tried to write TWILIGHT with angels (FALLEN, HUSH HUSH), TWILIGHT with werewolves (SHIVER), and TWILIGHT with faeries (WICKED LOVELY or THE IRON KING).
I decided to read this ten years later for a Halloween-themed romance challenge, and also to see how my perspective on the book changed with time. It is hilarious to me that Bella, with her limited experiences at the ripe old age of seventeen, sounds at many times like a weary Mormon housewife, speaking about her father the way one might express frustration about a husband (creepy), and about her mother as a child. She claims ignorance to social practices, and yet gives herself the advice that a Mom might, and lectures her friends about being rude or irresponsible. Also, who says "Holy Crow!" unironically who isn't either eighty years old or Mormon? Exactly.
Edward is also significantly less attractive to me this time around. I think maybe it's because he smacks of the patriarchal, with his constant talking down to her as one might a child, and his sly winks about her being so young while seeming old, if you know what I mean, hurr hurr. That's a little creepy. All the claims about their relationship being unequal are valid; he is so much older than her that he has so much knowledge and experience and resources that she can never really aspire to be on equal footing. The relationship is skewed in his favor and he is, by his own admission, a master manipulator. It's also very creepy that he watches her sleep and knew without asking where she kept her house key. I'm still not over that. Even as a teen, I was kind of like, "Um, hey wait."
I also never noticed that... um, Edward's taste in fashion is kind of bad? In fact, he dresses kind of like a sleazy 70s actor. I have receipts. Go through some of my status updates for the book and see what pics I paired with them. All that he's missing is a Ron Jeremy mustache. I guess this could also potentially tie into the whole "30-year-old mom" vibe if Bella is actually modeled of Stephenie Meyer and she's using Edward as a template for all of the heartthrob leading actors in movies that she watched growing up, which probably were from the 70s or 80s and probably featured questionable fashion choices like ivory turtlenecks and beige colored leather jackets.
I do think that TWILIGHT changed the young adult and romance genres for the better, in that it showed people that things ladies like can not only enter mainstream pop culture, but also become raging successes that empower women not just to seek out and enjoy their own entertainment, but also to go out and create their own. I could say a lot of things here about some of those paranormal YA copycats and how I feel about P2P fanfiction that is repackaged as original fiction but this review is already getting pretty long, so let's save that for another day. Part of the reason it's so hated is because dudes had to confront the fact that a movie for women had entered their "safe space." There was no room in this world for them; the narrative was not about them. There aren't any guns or lasers in TWILIGHT and the "action" doesn't happen until the last 100 pages (unless you count vampire baseball or near-car accidents). It's an entirely character-driven romance between a female teenager and a vampire, and about how their relationship develops over 4.75 books (I'm counting that BREE book as .5 and MIDNIGHT SUN as .25, since it was never released). People love to demonize romance, and I still get comments from individuals telling me how stupid they think the books I read are, but honestly, TWILIGHT, like all romances, was just about escapism and having fun.
This is going to be one of those reviews where I share an unpopular opinion that is probably going to make people mad at me, but here we go. Spoiler: I didn't like the book. Isn't that crazy? You'd think I would, because it was supposed to be so dark and so sexy, and dark and sexy are, like, my bread and butter. Plus, it's based on an arranged marriage between two people who hate each other, which is basically my most favorite thing. So really, the fact that the author managed to take three of my favorite things and make me hate the book is, well... almost a talent. No, seriously. That's like making me hate bubble tea or avocados or romance novels. Good for you. Gold star.
Here's the thing, this is a book written for people who like fanfiction-style writing. The heroine, Molly, is a Mary Sue of the highest caliber. She has super special eyes, is a half-demon, and the most important thing about her is that she's a gold star virgin who has managed to capture the eye of the demon prince, Tensley (which kind of sounds like the name of one of those electronica/indie artists the teens are listening to. Halsey and Tensley, coming to an Outside Lands festival near you). The writing reminded me, actually, of this other really bad demon fic I read back in the early 2000s when Quizilla was the Wattpad of the day (I'm old, yo). Did I read it? Hell yes. But even fourteen year old me acknowledged that it was trash.
As for Tensley, the most important thing about him is that he's an incubus who is oozing sex appeal from every orifice. The ladies, they can't stay away. He has a side OW, so you can get a sneak preview of how hot he is without sullying the purity of the heroine. Plus, it serves as a juxtaposition to how mean slutty ladies have sex versus gold star virgins (answer: demurely but hornily). He's also a self-absorbed jerk, but in the fanfiction world, that means "confidence" (but only if you're male; if you're female, it means you're a mean slutty lady, AKA an "OW"). I rolled my eyes at his dirty talk, and of course the heroine is great at sex and the hero is blown away by the magic sanctity of her vag.
I skimmed pretty heavily, so I honestly don't really have the faintest idea what this book is about beyond the whole prophesized to become a demon wife thing, and the fact that there was an oral sex scene at 69% of the Kindle edition (if that was intentional, that actually makes me like you a little more, R. Scarlett - it shows you have a sense of humor, which I always appreciate). I don't think there was much more beyond that, TBH, apart from the many references to designer shoes and the fact that demons are born with half a heart and will be destroyed if they grow a whole one by falling in love, which I think is supposed to add a whole new level of angst to the story, but actually made me think of another forbidden love story between demons that I like much better, i.e. Little Nicky.
I guess this was a "thing" on Wattpad, and I honestly can't see why. I'm not saying that to be mean. I've read a lot of fated-to-be-mated books, and this one ticks all the usual boxes. It's unfortunate, because I was actually really hoping to like this one. Oh, well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It isn't often that a book successfully puts you off from the author's note in the beginning of the book, but TOUCH A DARK WOLF manages this with terrifying finesse when the author announces with a satisfaction you can literally feel emanating from the page: "the Chosen were the descendants of King Solomon and his seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines from many nationalities that scattered to the ends of the earth upon his death."
You see, apparently in the original, the heroine was a Mary Sue of the Bella Swan variety who had this magical blood that everyone wanted - especially supernatural baddies with teeth. Originally, they were called "Elan," but now they are called the "Chosen," and turning this blood-lustiness into a religious food fight between heaven and hell "adds fullness to the story and comes so much closer to the tale I wanted to tell."
Which I literally have no idea how to respond to...except by writing this review.
Erin Morgan is a nurse at a clinic called Sno-Med. Sno-Med gives free blood testings to people and seems like a great place...in the same way that the Bates Motel seems like a "family friendly" venue if you catch my drift. Erin realizes something off when a raging stereotype of a Middle Eastern despot comes in for a blood transfusion for his "cancer" and she finds four dead bodies in a room with full transfusion bags hanging over their exsanguinated corpses. Her boss, a raging stereotype of a designer-clad sleaze-bag named Cinatas, tries to attack her with a morphine needle but she escapes.
While on the run, she spends a lot of time in her car. And at one point, she opens her eyes to find a naked man on her car who, if the cover is any indication, apparently looks like Chris Sarandon. Chris Sarandon is an angelic type of being called a Blood Hunter who has been bitten by a demon ("Tsara") and therefore damned (i.e. turned into a vampiric werewolf). And since Erin is one of the Chosen, that means he craves her blood the way Edward craved a late-night Bella snack. But of course, that would be giving in to the forces of actual hell, which - I KID YOU NOT - is ruled by a creature named Heldon. THE RULER OF HELL IS NAMED HELDON.
Erin and her angel-werewolf-vampire decide to confront Cinatas and Sno-Med with the help of a Suspicious Police Officer, a good doctor (i.e. not an agent of Satan), and a druid. You see, Sno-Med is hosting an expo with free blood tests which is really an excuse to test people for that Blood of Solomon BS to turn them into demon chow. Oh, and the best part is, while Googling this, there's a BIG REVEAL that Cinatas is "Satanic" spelled backwards and "Sno-Med" is "Demons" spelled backwards, like it's SOME GIANT TWIST that they were evil all along. I couldn't help thinking of that "Nilbog! That's goblin spelled backwards!" line from Troll 2. And then I realized that this book is basically the romance novel equivalent of Troll 2, by which I mean it's so awful that it would be unwatchable if it weren't trying so earnestly hard, with such bad timing, that it's almost comedic.
I thought PRINCE OF NIGHT was bad, with its vampires-are-actually-aliens-who-can-only-impregnate-virgins-and-all-males-of-the-species-are-violent-rapebabies plotline (no, I am 100% serious, seriously check out my review for that sh*t and rake in the lulz), but I think this was way worse. The hero has the emotional maturity of a frat boy and one of his reasons for why they should be intimate is literally "we're already intimate in my head, so why not for real tho" which is the logic you might expect for a 12-year-old boy. She also leaves him alone on a couch for five seconds and he immediately finds the porn channel, and the fake porn dialogue is more convincing than the actual porn dialogue in this book. (The sex scenes are terrible by the way, and if I could go another twenty years without encountering "the very wet heart of her desire" again, I would be very pleased.) There's also this totally cringe-worthy scene where the heroine basically goes along with pretending that the hero is mentally retarded to avoid that aforementioned police officer's suspicions. Add to that the fact that the hero is an angel-vampire-werewolf who hunts vampires and demons and werewolves who are apparently the denizens of some guy or girl named Heldon who is ruler of Hell, and the villain literally being named "Satanic" spelled backwards, and you have yourself one hell of a mess. This was awful, and also hilarious, but I can't in any honesty rate this any higher than a 1*. Sorry.
P.S. If you find yourself feeling morbidly curious, it's currently free in the Kindle store.
Isn't the hero supposed to be blonde? I'm sorry, but one of my pet-peeves is when the cover model bears zero resemblance to the hero and heroine as they're described in the novel. I know it's cool and smoky, and the dude is hot and all, but come on. At least try.
Moving on from Cover Aesthetics 101, KISS OF STEEL is one of those books that aspires to be a little of everything. It's a steampunk novel set in Victorian-era England, only this is a world with vampires and werewolves (oh my), with vampires, naturally, seizing power and forcing many poor humans to resort to using blood as currency. Vampirism exists on a spectrum, first as a plague, then as vampires, and then, in late stages, as violent blood-mad zombies that must be put down as if they were rabid animals.
The heroine, Honoria, was once a part of the glittering upper-class, but when her father was killed, she was forced to take to the streets in order to protect her younger siblings. Now, having reached the bottoms of her shallow pockets, she's forced to turn to one of the local crime lords for help, a vampire named Blade.
I thought the world-building in this book was pretty well-done. McMaster created a pretty terrifying one, filled with squalor and desperation and darkness. You could almost picture the fog-misted blood dispensaries and hear the creep of feet on cobblestones. For the most part, I also liked the romance, although the sexual tension was actually sexier than the actual sex scenes. I'm not really a fan of the phrase "lush pearl," and thought there were actually too many sex scenes towards the end, which seemed to serve an excuse to explain the rushed love between the hero and heroine.
Vickers was a great villain and I'm sad that he wasn't utilized more in the book. This is virtually the only thing that bothers me about some "dark" romances and that's when the books forget to be dark after squeezing in an under-developed love story that makes the story unnaturally fluffy. The beginning of KISS OF STEEL was so promising and even though it wasn't a bad book, I still felt cheated because I thought I was going to get something amazing and ended up with something that was just okay.
KISS OF STEEL passed the time, but it won't be topping any of my favorites lists. That said, if you're tired of cutesy, angsty vampires, this series will probably appeal to you. These guys (and girls) bite.
Fantasy stories often have magic potions that are made up of the body parts of living creatures, even in Harry Potter, where bits of unicor Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || Amazon || Pinterest
Fantasy stories often have magic potions that are made up of the body parts of living creatures, even in Harry Potter, where bits of unicorn can be put into potions or wands - but where do those parts come from? NOT EVEN BONES explores that grim and unsavory concept in the form of Nita and her family, dealers in the magical black market, selling magical body parts to collectors, perverts, and criminals. Nita enjoys her work, with a blood-thirsty joy that's reminiscent of Kerri Maniscalo's heroine, Audrey Rose, in STALKING JACK THE RIPPER. NOT EVEN BONES is a much better book, however, with tight plotting, morally grey characters, and a grim world and setting that at times seems almost too dark to be YA.
The summary for this book is vague and a little misleading. It isn't really like Dexter, except for the whole cutting up dead bodies thing, and I haven't read anything by Schwab to completion, but - unpopular opinion time - what I did read by her seemed pretty bland and fanfictiony, in that way that all Tumblr-popular writers seem to have. NOT EVEN BONES is set in our world, which came as a surprise to me at first because the summary made me think this was going to be high fantasy. There are magical creatures and everyone knows they exist, and governments are in disagreement about how many rights they should have and what should be done about them.
The heroine is Latina and the "hero"is Burmese/Thai. Most of this book is set in South America, which will be a pleasant surprise to those of you who often find yourselves complaining about the Western bias in fantasy settings. The characters actually swear instead of saying those made-up swear words that sound so stupid in everything that isn't Firefly, including dropping a few F-bombs. The story, as I said, is DARK. Graphic torture scenes, and discussions of incredibly unsavory topics like organ and body-part harvesting, eugenics, and abuse in virtually all forms. I'm pretty hard to shock, but this book made even me think, "I'm going to need a thousand hugs when this is over."
I'm honestly shocked this book didn't make more of a splash when it came out, since it's virtually everything readers have been asking for every time they criticize YA fantasy for being what it is.
Warning: ends on a mean mother of a cliffhanger.
Thanks to Netgalley/the publisher for the review copy!
Some of my friends really loved this one and a couple of them seemed to hate it. In typical contrarian fashion, I fell smack-dab in the middle. Amy Harmon was a name that was mentioned to me many times, both for her YA fantasy novel and her new adult romances. THE LAW OF MOSES starts off with several chapters of info dumping as we get to know the hero and heroine, Georgia and Moses. Georgia lives on a farm, and is the daughter of people who use horses for physical and emotional therapy for troubled teens and kids. Moses was the son of a crack addict and was found abandoned in a laundromat. Georgia is attracted to Moses and goes manic pixie dream girl on his ass, and he manic pixie dream boys her right on back with his supernatural painting that turns out to be tied into an ability to communicate psychically with the dead.
While reading this book, I kept thinking about how it was reminding me of something that I'd read a while ago, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it until a few hours ago, when I was reading horror lists on Goodreads and happened across Dean Koontz's ODD THOMAS, and thought to myself, "Yes, that's what this is reminding me of! A manic but star-crossed love story with a boy who can speak to the dead? Oh, yeah, bring on the pain." And there is pain; the author straight-up warns you from the beginning of the book that this story isn't going to be all sunshine and roses. She wasn't wrong.
I liked the author's writing style but there were still a number of embarrassing typos that revealed this author's self-published origins ("knickers" instead of "nickers" to refer to a sound a horse makes), and thought that she kind of had a wallowing sense of poetry that hearkens back to my Sarah Dessen days, when I thought that being self-absorbed and full of angst made you cool and interesting. I think I would have loved this book a lot more when I was fourteen, chowing down on angst the way I did Taco Bell or Starbucks frappuccinos. I did think that the pacing was off (the beginning was tedious and sometimes there were chunks of the story I had to skim because it was just one of the characters pontificating on their woes). I also didn't really feel much of a connection between Moses and Georgia. Georgia was irritating and Moses was kind of a jerk. I didn't understand the obsession, there.
THE LAW OF MOSES is definitely creative, and in a genre where many of the titles feel like derivatives of the last big hit, I appreciated that. I also appreciated the writing and the author's ability to emotionally manipulate her readers with devastating events. It might have hit harder if I'd liked the characters more and if they'd been better fleshed out, but I still think that Harmon is an author to watch and I look forward to reading the other books of hers that I have waiting on my Kindle.
This author's Lux series is basically what launched her from quiet indie author cult status to mainstream publication fame. A lot of my friends enjoy both her young adult paranormal romances and her contemporary new adult romances, so I was curious to pick something of hers up and see if I liked it. After picking up THE DARKEST STAR as an ARC, I'm no longer quite as curious. If this book is representative of her other works, we have some problems.
THE DARKEST STAR is basically like if you took the plot of TWILIGHT and injected it with more violence and sex, and tried to instill a bit of superficial commentary about illegal immigration and ICE through the use of aliens, a la District 9. Evie is an Ordinary High School Girl™ who lives in a world where aliens, called "Luxen," have made contact. They are called Luxen because they have magic light powers and usually that just makes them Groin-Meltingly Hot™ but sometimes if they are evil, they zap humans' eyeballs out.
Evie meets the Luxen while out with her Token Lesbian Friend™ and they go to the forbidden alien night club to meet her best friend's girlfriend, who is also a Luxen. It's super obvious that this is what she is, so I had a HI-larious moment later when Evie finds this out and is shocked. Anyway, that's when she meets the Pecs-and-Abs™ love interest, Luc, who is basically Edward Cullen with even more personal space issues. Also, he can read minds and finds Evie so fascinating. His personality can be summed up in one word: abs. In two words? Low-riding jeans. "Wait, Nenia," you're saying, "that's not a personality." Correct, friend. Because he doesn't have one - unless you consider being a possessive, lamely sarcastic alphahole a personality, in which case, that is his.
At Evie's school, the Luxen sit at their own Groin-Meltingly Hot™ cafeteria table, but unfortunately an evil Luxen is going around zapping humans' eyeballs out. This causes the kids to wantonly discriminate against the Luxen students against their school and say that they should basically be deported. One of Evie's ex-friends is the ringleader for this movement and Evie thinks she is so lame, but doesn't really do anything to stop her except saying, "Hey, not cool." Evie's ex-best-friend responds the way all bigots do - by flipping the verbal middle finger and then spending all night posting on message boards about how much they admire President Trump. In a word: Evie does jack shit. Unless you count agonizing over whether to bang or not to bang Pecs-and-Abs™, in which case she does that thing. Many, many times! But he's an evil alien, oh noes! But oh, she's not a bigot.
The story continues with a vain attempt at a mystery subplot, with Evie discovering that she's not an Ordinary High School Girl™ after all (what a shock! a young adult paranormal romance where the heroine *isn't* ordinary?), Luc trying to figure out who the evil Luxen who's zapping out humans' eyeballs is while also Hiding Potentially Existential Crisis-Causing Information from the Heroine for the Heroine's Own Good™ while also mooning over his Pure and Long Lost First Love™, much to Evie's admiration and jealousy (guys who moon over dead girls are so romantic - oh wait).
There are a lot of similarities to TWILIGHT, between the mind-reading and the evil human-hunting Luxen who wants to kill the heroine, the popular Luxen table at the school, and the way that Evie gets involved with Luc's whole "immortal" family (except they're not exactly his family, just friends and associates - so actually maybe they are his family after all, but in the Italian mob sense). Evie was especially unlikable as a heroine because she had no personality. I heard the heroine in the original Lux series was a book blogger, but this heroine has no interests and nothing about her was interesting. I also thought the twist about her was super lame and a cheap excuse to legitimize Insta Love™.
I feel like this book tried to do many things, and it did almost all of them badly.
Thanks to Netgalley/the publisher for the review copy!
Look at that cover - oh my God, the pose, the costumes, the cheese. This is what I live for, as a reviewer of vintage romance novels. Bad romance covers are a key part of the Old Skool Experience™. That said, once I got over the low resolution Photoshop job and what is either a B-movie vampire wearing a Target Halloween costume or an innovative male stripper wearing a pair of armpit tassels, I noticed the small blurb at the top that said, "A breathtaking vampire romance in the tradition of LINDA LAEL MILLER." Once I stopped giggling over the (I'm assuming) unintentional pun of "breathtaking" to refer to a vampire romance, I was like, "Wait, why does Linda Lael Miller sound so familiar?"
...Oh wait, I remember. She's that lady who wrote FOREVER AND THE NIGHT: the romance novel that has the dubious honor of being one of the worst vampire novels I ever read, due to "Anglo-Saxon" sex words, eyelid-licking, and Nazi costumes.
And this book is written "in the tradition" of... that.
To PRINCE OF THE NIGHT's credit, it isn't quite that cringe-worthy, but it's still pretty bad. What makes this sad, is that the book actually has a really great start. Cordelia is an upstanding young English miss. She's escorting her pregnant cousin, Mary, and her maid Ellen, to this reclusive Italian estate called the Three Fountains - allegedly a long-forgotten home owned by her father. When she gets there, she's shocked to find out that the estate - which is really more of a sprawling mansion - already has an owner, the Count of Albion.
Right away, things are super suspicious. There are several murders, which may or may not have to do with the Second Italian War of Independence; the Count has a number of young boys as servants, avoids being in their company, won't eat the food, and makes a creepy comment about Cordelia being a virgin; and, oh yes, the two Austrian soldiers who escorted Mary and Cordelia to the castle from the inn seem super suspicious of everyone - especially Cordelia - and nobody takes her suspicious seriously, except for the Count's sinister and elderly maid.
As I said, the beginning is great, and has that claustrophobic, gothic vibe I've grown to love, and pays a brilliant homage to the original Dracula novel written by Bram Stoker. All that changes when Cordelia finally acknowledges her attraction to Dakon (Count Albion), which in my opinion happens much too quickly, and things start getting weird as Jasmine Cresswell starts playing around with the vampire mythology in order to make it her own.
First of all, the vampires in this world come from outer-space. That's right. They are aliens.
Second of all, they can only impregnate virgins.
"It's true, then? The count must drink human blood in order to live?" "Only at ... certain times," Anna said. "For years he has tried to make do with the blood of young boys, but there is no substitute for the blood of a female virgin where my master is concerned." "The blood of men and women is the same - " "No, signorina, it cannot be, and the blood of virgins seems more potent than any other. His people have discovered that they can only produce offspring if their female partners are virgin" (250).
Third of all, all vampire offspring created with humans are male because the coupling is so violent.
"It seems so strange. In your own world, girls must presumably have been born in equal numbers with boys, so what is it about joining with human females that causes only boys to be born?" For a moment, Dakon didn't respond. "Our scientists have concluded that the violence inherent in the act of mating with a human determines that the offspring of the union will always be male," he said. His voice was harsh, and he obviously disliked reminding her of the brutal reality of his nature (302).
Vampires apparently go through this mating frenzy where they lose control to the point of rape. They can also kill by tearing the throat of the person they're mating with. So how do you get a girl?
"Perhaps they have not examined the situation from the correct point of view," Cordelia said. "But it seems to me that if you insure that the mating between a Vam-pyr and a human female is not violent, then the child resulting from that union will be a girl" (302).
So, need a boy child? Use your human wife ill. Need a girl child? Love her tender.
You know what makes this even more disturbing, though? When Dakon and Cordelia (inevitably) have a child - and of course it's a girl - and show her to her vampire grandfather, he's shocked.
ZArymp (lol) shook his head in bewilderment. "Vampire babies are always boys. For four thousand years, no Vam-pyr has ever fathered a female child" (377).
What the flipping-frick. That's got terrifying implications. For FOUR THOUSAND YEARS, vampires have been gleefully and violently ill-using humans, and nobody took a moment to stop and think, "Hmm, maybe we should be subverting the violence that's inherent in the system?" Nobody?
The sex scenes are all pretty terrible, too. Vampires were, historically, an interesting and "safe" allegory of earthly sexuality without totally offending Victorian sensibilities. Cresswell really takes the phallic imagery of a vampire's fangs and runs with it.
His sacs burst instantly, sending mating fluid streaming into the tiny openings he had made in Cordelia's throat. His whole body pulsed with the power of her blood, and her body thrummed with the erotic impact of his mating fluid (370).