Full Disclosure: I never read a synopsis for this before I decided I had to read it. Full Disclosure 2.0: I 100% wanted this book as soon as I saw the cover . . . but I also 100% didn’t want it because of the cover. Tell Me Lies (from the cover alone) was a story that could have either gone really well for me . . . or gone terribly bad. Luckily . . . . .
“I know what I know. Lust and love erase ethical parameters, and that’s just the way it is.”
Yes please. Even Mitchell could get on board with a “romance” book like this.
If you enjoy reading the darker side of love à la The Rules of Attraction, Tell Me Lies is a book you don’t want to miss. Told in alternating chapters by Lucy and Stephen, this is the story of a clinically depressed girl who fell in love with a narcissistic sociopath. It’s not very fast paced and there’s not a whole lot of action, but somehow it was still completely un-put-down-able.
Readers will be pleased to know that the pink elephant in the room is addressed and that the author doesn’t try to play dumb when it comes to the title. . . . .
But since I am super young and definitely not a person who has Tango in the Night on vinyl, I had a couple of different songs playing the loop in my head. Classics from The Biebs and Brit Brit . . . .
Okay, for serious I am super old but I did totally think of those other lyrics as well.
4 Stars because there was a lil' something something extra added (that I won't spoil here) I found to be absolutely unecessary.
Oh and NetGalley, you can go ahead and decline my pending request for this one. The pornbrarian hooked me up....more
“My husband did not mean to kill Annie Doyle, but the lying tramp deserved it.”
^^^That line right there had me like . . . .
I mean let’s be honest. I don’t care if the tramp deserved it – or if she was a tramp – or if the husband did or didn’t mean to kill her. I just appreciate any time someone is dead and I am given an early copy to read. As mentioned a time or a thousand before, I have a bit of old lady brain so I knew I had read Liz Nugent before, but I couldn’t remember what and I didn’t bother looking it up because I thought I had enjoyed her previously. Turns out I was right because this is the author of Unraveling Oliver. Go brain! You is smart sometimes!
Anyway, I didn’t bother looking her up before starting and it turns out I didn’t even have to because once I started reading I remembered who she was and what I had read before. I love an author whose voice is so distinct that you can recognize it without a Google search.
The story here is about that tramp chick above who gets whacked by dear ol’ hubs. It tells the who, when, why and how – and all by the 30% point which had me a little dubious. But then I remembered that it was Liz Nugent writing the story, so the thriller aspect was just the peel of the onion and the remaining 70% would be all the stinky deliciousness contained in the other layers. If you didn’t like Oliver, there’s a good chance you probably won’t like Lydia or Andrew or Laurence either. But if you did????? Oh such good times in a story that reminds us all that . . . .
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley! ...more
“You can’t get in trouble for thinking things. Because if you could, wouldn’t everyone in the world be in jail?”
I knew NOTHING about this book before requesting it from the library other than the title. That was enough for me. It popped up on the “recommended to you” front page of the website and I assumed it would be some sort of mystery/psychological thriller since it didn’t have a nekkid feller on the cover (because apparently those are pretty much the only two types of books I request). Having now read it, is it wrong that I would lean toward putting this on the romance shelf????
Oh stuff it, God Warrior.
The book even says . . . .
“What love story ends in a police station interview room?”
“You’d be surprised.”
(^^^^That was probably the point where I realized this was going to receive many of the Starzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.)
Our Little Secret is the story of what takes place during the hours while Angela is being interrogated regarding a missing person. As Angela states . . . .
“I’m telling this like it’s the beginning of a love story; I’m catering to your needs as a listener. But we both know that’s not where the narrative’s heading, right? I mean, it’s bound to get much darker – why else would I be telling it in a police interview room?”
And no I haven’t been dabbling in all the meth I like in my fiction when I say it reads like a romance – because it does. Angela tells the story of how she met HP, and their friendship and eventually their love . . . and then some other stuff and things . . . .
I got so wrapped up in Angela and HP’s story that I completely forgot that someone was missing and I wasn’t reading a romance. And even better? I didn’t care if the big reveal was done with bells and whistles, or straightforward and simple, or a complete red herring – I was able to sit back and just enjoy the ride. Bonus: For those who aren’t fans of the wibbly wobbly timeline, this one doesn’t have it. It’s simply Angela telling her story from past to present with no timehops.
Thanks for the rec, pornbrary! You never steer me wrong. ...more
EDIT: Because it was this book's birthday yesterday and when a book finally gets released that will EASILY make your Best of 2018 list, you float it . . . .
Oh Mr. Joy, how I’ve missed you.
Perhaps the most ironic thing of all when it comes to this author is his name. If you were ever curious where the “Black As Mitchell’s Heart” moniker came from – David Joy’s stories are about as bleak as one brain could ever conjure. As my Bookwife stated over on her review, we pretty much have a Google Alert set for anything new in David Joy’s world, up to and including I now read what he tells me to (thanks again for turning me on to Larry Brown). We most definitely were in full-fledged “This Is America and We Want It Now” mode while waiting to be approved for The Line That Held Us and I am so happy to say that once again David Joy delivered the misery in spades – just the way I like it.
The story here is pretty simple – Darl Moody has been chasing after a dream buck for ages and has tracked him down to Coon Coward’s private property. What ol’ Coon don’t know won’t hurt him, though, so Darl waits until he’s out of town and sets about in the wee hours to do some poaching. The only thing he wasn’t expecting? Carol Brewer to be doing some poaching of his own – digging ginseng to be exact. Rather than face the crazy which is Carol's brother Dwayne, Darl does the only other thing he can think of – enlist his best friend Calvin’s help and bury the body . . . .
That might possibly be the best thing about David Joy’s books. You know there is not going to be a happy ending or that the characters will magically escape the superbadawful they have set themselves up for. I love how his stories are all different, but touch on similar themes of love, loyalty, family, friendship and religion (in the most shuddery way possible). He blurs the lines between what is right and what is wrong effortlessly. Not to mention, he really makes you feel like you are truly in the heart of the south . . . .
When it comes to hick lit, he’s the bees knees. Every Star.
Many thanks to NetGalley for approving me for this one before I stormed your offices!...more
“Cat and mouse, cat and mouse, but which is the cat and which is the mouse?”
In an effort to prove I read everything wrong – even the stuff I like – I’m giving The Woman in the Window the full monty of Stars while the majority of my friends experienced “meh” . . . .
Credit goes to debra and Trudi and Melissa and Liz and Deanna and Diane S whose mediocre ratings helped lower my expectations. (Now that I’m done I can go read all of your reviews.) Credit to myself for putting my name on the looooooooong wait list and then nearly forgetting all about this one until it was due to be returned. Braintrust. I is one.
Here’s what I knew before starting: The Woman in the Window was going to be about . . . . you guessed it, a woman in the window. Said woman was housebound for some reason and also liked more than her fair share of the drinky drinky. Same woman would see “something” from her window – or maybe not. And almost everyone thought it was too long and slow-going for their liking.
Now that I’m finished and have read the blurb, I’m actually quite surprised to see it not being compared to The Girl on the Train because really? Not only was this kinda like The Girl on the Train, but it was EXACTLY what I was hoping The Girl on the Train would be like. I am quite pleased, however, to see proper credit given to A.J. Finn’s inspiration . . . . .
I think that is why this one worked so well for me. I am a Hitchcock superfan. Please don’t get that twisted to think I wrote some thesis analyzing his works or know the answer to every trivia question about him. I appreciate Hitchcock the same as I appreciate a book – for the entertainment value it provides me. As a kid I was raised on Hitchcock classics (as an adult I’ve discovered some of the books/stories his films were based on) and they are my go-to films of choice even if I’ve seen them a thousand times. The Woman in the Window succeeds in bringing little snippets of so many of Hitchcock’s films together seamlessly. From the obvious selection . . . . .
Which is brilliantly the one mentioned the least by our leading lady, Anna. To the selection that is applicable in so many cases of an “unreliable narrator” . . . .
To the twists and turns that serve as an homage to . . . .
A reader who isn’t a fan of Hitchcock might easily miss out on some “inside info.” Or they might just think it’s slow because it’s definitely not a roller coaster full of twists and turns. For me, though, it was the perfect mystery. Not only due to the Hitchcockian shout-outs, but also because Anna was a phenomenal unreliable narrator. Bonus was she even had a sense of humor about how fucked up she was . . . .
“I’m running on fumes. Grape fumes.”
It also didn’t bother me one bit to know what was coming. Some things were foreseeable because they were events that followed their movie inspirations and some were just things that an avid mystery-thriller reader is going to pick up on. For those of you who think I’m full of shit when I say I tend to be able to guess what’s going on when it comes to mystery/thrillers here are some REAL SPOILERS SO PLEASE DON’T CLICK THEM IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE SPOILED:
Once again, thanks to all for making me go into this with no hopes at all. It obviously worked out great : ) ["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>...more
The gin joint is the “High-Ho” in Belleville, Delaware. The she is Polly. When Polly meets Adam they both claim to be simply passing through town. Somehow they both end up working at the High-Ho. She as a waitress/he as a short order cook. Their attraction to each other is impossible to hide. Who they each truly are appears to be easier to conceal. Someone is pulling a long con. But who?
“Maybe everybody lies, all the time.”
This was noirtastic!!! It’s definitely a story where the less said the better, so save yourself from spoilers. Also be prepared for some characters you will find truly TURRRRRRRIBLE. I won’t blame anyone from wanting to shy away or feeling like they need to put this one down, but if you stick it out to the end EVERYTHING comes together. Mitchell says that disclaimer doesn’t even make any sense to him because he thought this about Sunburn . . . .
Laura Lippman is a new-to-me author. I'll definitely be checking out more of her stuff in the future.
Many thanks to my favorite curmudgeon for being my book fairy on this one and saving me from the endless library wait list!...more
Oh my glob how much do I love books like these. I know, I know . . . .
Guess what? I don’t really care.
Meet Imogene . . . .
She also has a pretty severe case of arrested development . . . .
Imogene spent her high school days dreaming about leaving her ho-hum, middleclass life behind in order to attend a prestigious boarding school. When offered a job as a teaching apprentice at Vandenberg School for Boys after college, she jumps at the chance. What follows is the story of Imogene’s tenure at said school and her various interpersonal relationships – one in particular that readers won’t soon forget . . . .
“This was a bad habit of mine, falling in love.”
When this sucker popped up on my feed from St. Martin’s Press I knew I had to get my hands on a copy. Luckily, ARCs were available for request over on NetGalley and trust me when I say I clicked that button so quick smoke was probably flying off my fingertips. As a mother, believe me when I say if I ever even got a hint that one of their teachers was trying to have an inappropriate relationship with them I’d press charges so quick their head would spin and I’d probably wind up in jail for kicking all of the ass while waiting for the cops to get there. But when it comes to a work of fiction????
I can’t help myself. I love reading about the taboo. And this one? What a debut! The combination of Imogene’s age in relation to the students, her position of authority not necessarily being that authoritative, her lack of self-awareness/ability to interact with others and the smarm which was Kip all amounted to some serious . . . . .
And I just couldn’t help but feel sorry for Imogene at times while simultaneously cringing at her behavior.
Oh, and I can’t forget to mention that cover . . . .
Recommended to all y’all weirdos. You know who you are.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!...more
RELEASE DATE 5/8/18! If you enjoy reading about truly awful humans, you don't want to miss out on meeting Mike.
“I must be cruel only to be kind / Thus bad begins and worse remains behind.”
When I saw my friend Michelle’s review comparing this to one of my favorites, I went and requested it immediately. I spent the next 24 hours waiting with bated breath to see if I would be approved an early copy while simultaneously trying to lower my expectations. I mean, really, there can only be one You (well, actually there are two and supposedly another in the works and also a television program, but you know what I mean). Ever since Kepnes released her little sleeper and everyone’s favorite psycho book boyfriend into the world others have been trying to follow in her twisted footsteps – and I keep reading them. At this point I figured the comparison is similar to everything being “the next Gone Girl” and once I received my copy I was prepared for disappointment and would deal with Michelle accordingly if I hated it . . . .
Ha! I keeeeed. Don’t be scared, Michelle.
So what was the end result?????
This really is maybe the next You - with one difference: you won’t fall in love with Mike and it’s crystal clear throughout the story that he won’t be getting a happily-ever-after. The story here is of Mike and Verity. Theirs is a classic love story – they met at university and were together for seven years while each became quite the success in their respective industry. Unfortunately Mike engaged in an indiscretion of sorts while living abroad for work. That was when Verity stopped returning his calls and e-mails. Mike is not deterred, however, and knows he can win Verity back once he returns to London. He has the job, the house, the money – all that’s missing is the girl. And so what if she’s engaged to someone else and has invited Mike to the wedding. Mike knows the whole thing is a ruse – a game they play. After all, how can two people who Crave each other so much ever stand to be apart?
Mad props to Araminta Hall for going balls to the wall when it came to Mike. There was not one sentence where I didn’t believe I was in the mind of an absolute nutter. Again, I didn’t “love” Mike like I loved Joe, but boy did I appreciate his crazy effing perspective on things . . . .
Oh, one other note. PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE keep the cover with the eagle on it and ditch that other ugly AF one : )
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!...more
This book doesn’t come out until Summer of 2018, which really sucks - - - FOR ALL OF YOU!!!! Did you fall for that?????
In all seriousness, when I made a placeholder This Is America, I Want It Now “review” it was more like me channeling my inner Oprah and putting this out into the universe à la The Secret in hopes of winning the Goodreads Giveaway. When I received an e-mail from St. Martin’s Press offering me an advanced copy …. well, y’all probably heard me screaming across the entire planet. Then when it came I did really assholey super nice things like rub it in my friend’s face share my joy . . . .
Mitchell was happy to see me take a leap off the porn wagon and had much excite about our potentially stabby windfall as well . . . .
I was so excited I didn’t even remember to update my status that I was reading it. Since I never put it down until I was finished, there wasn’t much point. *shrug*
Being as Baby Teeth doesn’t come out for another seven months, I’m a little hamstrung when it comes to doing much more than singing its praises. To be honest, I’m not even sure if I’m supposed to be posting a review, but since I didn’t receive any blatant instructions not to, I will wait for my cease and desist letter before taking this down : )
The synopsis here is straightforward. Hanna loves Daddy. Hanna does not love Mommy. In fact, things would be perfect if Mommy wasn’t in the picture at all.
Now, before you even start naysaying about how this story has been told before I need you to kindly STFU. Even Mark Twain said, “There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.” So yes, simply put this story has been told before . . . .
And before that . . . .
And even before that back in the olde days of yore by a dude named Longfellow . . . .
“There was a little girl, Who had a little curl, Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, She was very good indeed, But when she was bad she was horrid.”
I’m telling you it doesn’t matter. Obviously if you didn’t like any of those stories you should probably save your dollars and refrain from buying this one. Zoje Stage is quite the wordsmith, but I don’t think she has a magic wand that will make you like things you normally hate . . . (But maybe Marie-Anne does????) If you did enjoy those others, Baby Teeth will be a sure winner. And there is a fresh take here because Hanna isn’t a cookie cutter of those other children. Neither is her mother. I’d love to say more, but I’m pretty sure my next communication from St. Martin’s Press would go a little summin like . . . .
What I am going to do is break BEND (just bending please don’t send me that cease and desist) the rules and give you just a taste of an edited snippet in order to hopefully not piss off the powers that be of what Baby Teeth has to offer (and please remember, that I did receive an ARC, so this may change – but I hope it doesn’t) . . . .
Hanna giggled and kept writing. When she was ready, she held up her masterpiece.
‘Fuck Mommy. She is week and stupid.’
“… By the way, you used the wrong spelling – it’s w-e-A-k.”
One final note: You may be wondering why I haven’t talked about “Daddy” more. Here’s what I have to say to him . . . .
I’m going to go ahead and leave it at that before all the words start shooting out of my fingers. I’ll be breaking BENDING – JUST BENDING my own rule come summertime-summertime-sum-sum-summertime and floating this review in order to make sure it is on everyone’s radar. Then all you fellow weirdos have to go get a copy, read it and come back so we can talk about Hanna and Mommy under spoilsie code because I have sooooooo many things I want to barf out all over here about my thoughts and feelz.
Endless thanks goes to Jordan at St. Martin’s Press for this opportunity. I don’t know how a debut author convinces a major publishing house to go all in like it appears you guys are doing for this little story, but I think you hit the jackpot. Congrats in advance, you picked a good ‘un.
Have you SEEN this synopsis?????
Dear Zoje Stage: This is America, I want it now ; )
Even though I have books that I read SIX STINKING WEEKS AGO and have still not reviewed, I’m bumping this one to the top. Mainly in hopes that I can get Spongebob’s voice out of my brain singing this on a loop . . . .
If you have children whose brains you have allowed to rot in front of the television like me (#motheroftheyear), you should be able to relate. And I’m really sorry for the earworm I’ve just passed on.
Meet Paul. He’s been married to Mia for nearly 10 years now. He’s a hardworking guy who brings home the bacon so the missus can stay home and raise their two boys. He drives a new Ford Flex to show that he “support[s] America while demonstrating that [his] ego does not require a fancy sports car.” He’s pretty old school and might fancy himself to be a bit like this fella . . . .
Paul has decided to whisk Mia away for a weekend alone at their lake house . . . .
“Let’s make today the best day ever.”
He has everything planned. All the way down to the playlist he’ll have going in the background during their car ride featuring some of the most romantic songs ever written. Stuff like this . . . .
And this . . . .
Ummmm, that’s not really a romantic song, bud, but lots of people have made the same mistake.
And this . . . . .
Uhhh, Paul????? You okay there?????
And also this . . . .
Ha! Just kidding. I just threw that one in there for shits and giggles.
Paul and Mia might relate to Taylor Swift’s “The Story of Us” – that’s why they need this most perfect day to reconnect. And if you like sociopaths you might need it too because Paul?????
Best Day Ever gets rounded down for having the nerve to have the disclaimer “A Psychological Thriller” thrown on to the end of its title. If you are looking for something “thrilling” that puts you on the edge of your seat, you need to look elsewhere because this isn’t it. There aren’t any twists and turns you won’t see coming and there are no bells and whistles added on. It doesn’t need all that because Paul is everything a nutcase is supposed to be and Kaira Rouda never allows him to break character. If you’re going to write a guy like Paul, you have to commit or it fails. Rouda has done an exceptional job writing a real trainwreck of a fella that, if you’re like me, you won’t be able to put down until his story is finished. ...more
I am now so far behind in reviewing that all of my read-but-not-yet-reviewed selections can't fit on my home page. Bonus this go 'round is somehow I didn’t even manage to mark this one down as something I was reading at all (#failure).
But wait, you ain’t seen NUTTIN’ yet. Not only have I never read Dexter, but I have never seen an episode of the highly acclaimed television series either . . . .
Yeah yeah yeah . . . .
Since I am so late to this party, this won’t be much of a review (so unusual for me, right?). Instead, it will probably read like a love letter to my Darling, Dreamy Dexter . . . .
Boy is THAT an understatement!!!
In case you too have recently emerged from cave dwelling and now mingle with the masses, the story here is of Dexter Morgan. His day job is in the forensics department with the Miami police force (specialty blood splatter - come to momma), but it’s what he does off the clock that makes things real interesting . . . .
“What are you?” Father Donovan whispered. “The beginning,” I said. “And the end. Meet your Unmaker, Father.”
Some of you might be thinking “not a man of the cloth?!?!?!” To which I say OH YES A MAN OF THE CLOTH. See, this is one of those priests that you sometimes see on the nightly news who totally had it coming to him. Such is the case with all of Dexter’s victims. You see, a superbadawful happened to Dexter when he was a wee little boy. When the Morgan family took lil’ Dex in as a foster child, pops Harry realized pretty early on that there was something off about the boy . . . .
“I’ve been expecting this. What happened to you when you were a little kid has shaped you . . . But you can channel it. Control it. Choose – . . . choose what …. or who … you kill . . . There are plenty of people who deserve it, Dex.”
So that’s it. Dexter solves crimes by day and rids Florida of human waste by night. He’s my lobster because . . . . .
We’re in love and we’re going to get married. You’re all invited to the wedding. Hopefully there won’t be a hurricane in the middle of the ceremony . . . .
THIS is what that waste of time The Girl on the Train should have been. At least as far as the unreliable narrator goes. Meet Rachel I mean Anna. Thirteen years ago a superbadawful happened to someone she loved that she hasn’t been able to get over. When by coincidence she witnesses the person from her past get in a car vs. motorbike accident she knows karma is finally working in her favor and it’s her chance to ruin someone’s life. If only she didn’t have the distraction of her job to keep her from focusing 100% on the task at hand . . . .
Not to mention how hard it’s getting to avoid her neighbor lady Old Mrs. Peat . . . .
Or that just when she thinks things are progressing quite nicely with Liam here comes his dang grandma . . . .
And that bitch Carla . . . .
Plus WTF is up with her apartment?!?!?!?!
If you like reading about awful people and can occasionally suspend disbelief in order to enjoy a quality “Lifetime Nutter Movie of the Week” type of story, Safe With Me might be right up your alley....more
Allow me to introduce you to my new boyfriend, Lester Ballard . . . .
Ha! Just kidding. There’s apparently even a limit to how weird I like ‘em. However, just in case you think Mitchell and I are slipping, please note that this title was added to the TBR once we discovered it was about a necrophile, which is basically our literary equivalent to . . . .
As I said before, the story here is about a man named Lester Ballard . . . .
“A child of God much like yourself perhaps.”
^ That simple little phrase might end up being one of the most thought-provoking ones I’ll ever read.
Much like other experiences with Cormac McCarthy, we readers are kind of plunked down in the middle of the goings on. With right at 200 pages, you don’t get a lot of Lester’s history. You know his mother left when he was a boy and that his father hung himself. Child of God picks up as Lester’s family home is being auctioned off – complete with the old noose still swinging in the background. To say things go downhill for Lester from there would be the understatement of the century because by Part II . . . .
The more you get into the story, the more you get acquainted with Lester’s neighbor, the dumpkeeper, and his bevy of female children and you get to meet some of Lester’s gal pals as well. Let’s just leave it with those girls are . . . .
If you don’t enjoy McCarthy’s style of writing, the shock and awe factor won’t be enough to turn you into a fan because it is still sparse and he is still allergic to quotation marks. Really, even if you do enjoy McCarthy’s style of writing, the sheer amount of shock and awe factor contained in this one might turn your stomach and turn you away from picking up his stuff in the future. As for me? I have to say McCarthy did a pretty freaking stellar job writing Lester Ballard, since I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him at times. I'm also haunted by the question that begs to be answered – was the man born a monster or was it man who turned him into a monster?
I’d normally be inclined to give this one 3 Stars but I’m going ahead and rounding it up to 4 simply for the fact that McCarthy is so ready to embrace the muses and go wherever they lead him – no matter how vile the subject matter. ...more
On Thursday morning I rushed to the library as soon as it opened in order to retrieve a reserved copy of my most anticipated book of 2017. Upon finishing that one Friday afternoon, I was at a loss for what to read next. She Rides Shotgun (best title ever) was on what seemed to be an eternal hold at the porny library, but for whatever reason (*cough* kismet *cough*) I decided to roll the dice and check availability at the “fancy” library as well. And then? Well, then I got smacked right in the face with what turned out to be the sleeper of the year. I started reading it at work (shhhhh, keep that on the DL), got home and put my “going to Wal-Mart clothes” (a/k/a jammies) on and didn’t put it down until I was done. When I finished I had one thing to say . . . .
She Rides Shotgun is the story of Nate, a man who is set to be released from prison after serving time for armed robbery. Days before Nate’s freedom, he’s presented an offer he can’t shouldn’t refuse from the local Alt-Right Movement skinheads, the Aryan Steel. However, Nate isn’t exactly what you’d call a team player, so refuse he does – which leads to a “greenlight” being put on not only him, but also on his ex and his 11 year old daughter . . . .
“You think you can turn this around? Hell, you’re already dead. You’re a goddamn zombie walking.”
When Nate discovers his ex (and her new husband) have already been brutally murdered, it’s up to him to save the little girl, and an unlikely partnership is formed while attempting to remove the marker from their heads . . . .
“I’ll be back. Something goes wrong, you run.”
“I won’t leave you.”
“Fuck that noise. You’ll run.”
Which eventually leads to me really channeling my inner-Mitchell and being willing to declare ol’ Nate dysfunctional father-of-the-year . . . .
“He was all she had and so he was all that mattered. And maybe she was all he had anymore, and maybe that meant she mattered.”
If She Rides Shotgun was food, I would have looked pretty much like this while reading it . . . .
Although I’m married to a huge movie buff, I’m (obviously) more of a reader. I had a very rare experience with She Rides Shotgun . . . . .
This sucker played out like a film in my head. That means there was not one break in character where they did something I didn’t think that character would do, or went someplace I didn’t think they would go, or said something I didn’t think they would say. And they were so three-dimensional that the actors cast themselves in the roles. I’m not one who wants to make the sexy with Charlie Hunnam, but he was the only person I ever imagined as Nate. Same goes for Eleven Millie Bobby Brown as Polly, and Michael Rooker as Crazy Craig, and Danny Trejo as Boxer, and John Cho as Park and Tommy Lee Jones as Sheriff Houser and on and on and on and on. Jordan Harper, I’m telling you, if this was a movie my husband would watch the shit out of it. He tried to claim he might even be interested in reading the book, but that’s just crazy talk and even Mitchell said so. As for my feelings for you? Well . . . . .
You might want to go ahead and get a preemptive restraining order in case you aren’t already working on your next novel. Mitchell and I aren’t really well-known for our patience. Or you can take us up on our offer and stay in our dungeon guest room. We’re all for making sure new authors find the following they deserve . . . .
Just ask Adam Howe. We let him out every now and again. Sometimes long enough for him to even be the one who finally wears us down and makes us pick up a new release - like what happened here.
“All children grow up, or they die, or both. All children, except one.”
Before I begin, I have something I need to ask Christina Henry . . . . .
I’d say Lost Boy was highly anticipated by me, but that would be a lie because I had no clue about its existence until the Goodreads “Recommended To You” feature finally got one right and popped this up on my feed. I luuuuuuuurved Alice, but passed on Red Queen because homie don’t do series, yo. When I saw Lost Boy was a retelling of Peter Pan from HOOK’S perspective, I was all over it. I mean, who doesn’t want to get to know this guy better????
WARNING: Typical Kelly aside fast approaching. Click away now or forever hold your peace. Still here? SUCKERS! Okay, so as a kid I was terrified of Peter Pan. I mean, for realz, dude was a straight up kidnapper FFS. I never believed he was a child, I always thought he was a little person or had some disease no one else knew about where he never looked older or something. As I got older and learned more about the church stranger danger, I also figured he was probably a pedophile. Not to mention the fact that (at least in the Disney version) he was a ginger, which would totally explain the fascination with Captain Hook . . . .
If you are like me and figured Peter was a supercreeper, all I have to say is . . . . .
While Lost Boy has tidbits of the original story . . . .
It doesn’t necessarily head “straight on ‘til morning,” but rather goes a bit sideways instead . . . .
“This isn’t a wonderful place for boys to play and have adventures and stay young for always. It’s a killing place, and we’re all just soldiers in Peter’s war.”
Action, adventure and stabby. OH MY! Easily my favorite read so far in 2017. Every star. Even the second one to the right.
P.S. Look at me getting my timing perfect on this read. I say really idiotic things (shocking, I know) like “I don't really read fantasy” and then pick this up. So stupid. But yay me. Now give me a participation medal : )
The Collector is the story of a man named Frederick – a bit of an odd duck and a collector of butterflies – who, upon winning a rather large pool of money, decides to collect and observe a new specimen – the lovely Miranda.
Here’s yet another book that’s been on my TBR for an eternity that I never bothered to read. I have, however, read/watched many of the stories that were inspired by this 60+ year old tale and I’m sure many of you have as well. The theme has become a fairly common one . . . .
And it tends to be a winner for me – the most recent example I can think of being The Butterfly Garden. So why the “meh” reaction to this original? Unfortunately it can all be blamed on Miranda . . . .
Yeah, she was the worst. I would have never been interested in her viewpoint to begin with, but to make her an insufferable asshole was just the icing on the cake. The magic in The Collector is held by Frederick alone – changing the narrator for the middle portion of the story made the wheels fall off a bit for me. That ending saved things, though . . . . .
That awkward moment when you’re about to fangirl all over a book that nearly everyone else will probably hate and you know you might get trolled AGAIN (because once wasn’t e-freakin’-nuff) about enjoying reading a book about a pedophile (and this time dude really is a pedophile) . . . .
You’re probably asking yourself . . .
“What’s it about?”
Well, let’s just have Rebekah speak for herself, shall we?
“It’s about a one-time famous writer who finds herself unable to write. So she starts writing letters to Arthur Weeman, pretending to be a thirteen-year-old-girl and through these letters she deals with something bad that happened to her when she was almost thirteen and . . .”
Sounds like a real page turner, huh? Also probably sounds like Rebekah is some seriously damaged goods and you should feel sorry for her, right? I’m not exactly sure how many people would agree with the first statement. For me it was, but I am a super fan of all things dark and grisly – especially when those things somehow manage to end up being black comedy brilliance. As for the second statement? Nope . . . .
And good lord did I love reading everything about her. From her morning ritual . . . .
To an unlikely friendship/nurse’s aide position/roommate status with an elderly woman who often times chose to hang out with her other friends . . . .
To a voyeuristic obsession with a famous director . . . .
(Yes, she sees EXACTLY what you would expect to see Woody Allen Arthur Weeman doing when he thinks no one is looking.)
At this point if you aren’t real familiar with me you might be asking . . .
That would be an affirmative. It’s hard to ignore writing that jumps off the page at you like this one has, though . . . .
“In the end we Y.G.s don’t grow up to be over-the-hill Lolitas – sexless and worn and fat with child – we simply turn into the very thing that had once lusted after us.
Lolita in the end becomes Humbert Humbert.
And I had turned my back on Alice to find myself seeing things through Arthur Weeman’s eyes. I, like all Y.G.s everywhere, had become, to my shock and horror, nothing more than a little dirty old man.”
This is currently on ONE friend’s TBR. I’d prefer to keep it that way because I wouldn’t expect anyone else to enjoy it anyway and I’ll flat out say there’s at least one person out there who will get automatically defriended if all of a sudden they choose to read this book no one has ever heard of, but that would be soooooo easy to hate review.
As for the friend who put it on my radar? I’m eternally grateful to you, HFK, and I’ll gladly chip in for any therapy you might need since you started this with the idea it would be a light chick-lit type of read like Bridget Jones’ Diary only to discover something very different.
And to you, Jennifer Belle, I think I'm in love . . . .
“If you love someone, set them free. What a load of bollocks.”
Never in the history of my Goodreads membership has a book been recommended to me so many times by friends. Of course, me being me with somewhat of a history of wrongreading, that made me a little wary of rolling the dice. Buuuuuuuut, I did and I can now tell you all that . . . .
I will not admit to being wrong because I was having a perfectly okay time while I was reading. I was also thrilled to see what I thought was a spoiler really didn’t end up being a spoiler at all. And I’m telling you IF YOU GET SPOILED ON THE ENDING IT WILL RUIN EVERYTHING. Okay, maybe not everything because as I said it’s a pretty decent read, but those last couple of pages bumped this from 3 ½ to 4 Stars made me say . . . . .
If you have a friend with a big mouth, you should seriously consider blocking their dumbass right now before you have to cut them.
Alright, about the book. Per usual with this genre not a lot can be said, but let’s start with the title and then let the book speak for itself. Who the eff came up with the bright idea of adding “A Suspenseful Psychological Thriller” to the top of every page? I’m telling you everything was going swimmingly for me when it came to my enjoyment until once in awhile that tagline would catch my eye and I would think “this is neither suspenseful nor psychologically thrilling to me – I must be reading it wrong.”
So if I didn’t find this suspenseful or thrilling like every page promised me, what was it about???? Well . . . .
“Thirty-four-year-old woman walks into a bar and is sweet-talked by the man of her dreams, who turns out to be her new boss.”
But that’s not all. Bossman is also married and wifey befriends the assistant . . . .
Stuff and things then happen that lead everyone to the conclusion that . . . .
“Everyone’s life is probably a mess of secrets and lies when you boil them right down.”
Leading me to fall for a character everyone else probably won’t like very much, but tough titties for them. She was awesome . . .
“Maybe you should cut your distractions by not fucking your fat receptionist.”
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! (Please spare me your “fat shaming” commentary until you volunteer to have your husband cheat on you and prove you will stay high when they go low.)
If you follow my reviews you’ll know my brain failed me once again as somehow I put myself on the library waiting list for this selection and failed to make any kind of bookmark to remind myself why. I vaguely remember some sort of list about “characters you love to hate,” but I’ll be damned if I can find the sumbitch now. Why wouldn’t I save that????? Those are my favorite characters! The only thing I can think is it must have been a short list and I’d already read the other choices (again, I sorta remember You being on it, but at this point my brain is my worst enemy so it probably just made that up so I’ll spend eternity wondering what other gems I missed).
Anyway, long story long I ended up getting notified that my turn had come around for What Was She Thinking? (Notes On A Scandal) the day after being denied Alyssa Nutting’s latest contribution to the literary world. Normally I’m quick to shrug moments like those off and chalk it up on my frequent flyer list of denials, but this time my reaction was a bit more dramatic. It started like this . . . .
And escalated from there . . .
The timing of What Was She Thinking ended up being pretty amazing since I first fell in love with Nutting thanks to the little trip she took me on to a town called Tampa and maybe the cure to bring me out of my downward spiral of rejection when I discovered the plot for this book appeared to be another teacher/student tryst . . . .
What I didn’t know was the second half of this book’s title was apropos as we would not be hearing things from Sheba the teacher’s perspective, but rather . . . .
From a fellow teacher named Barbara.
If you’re thinking of reading this for the shock and awe that comes with the details of an illicit affair, keep on keeping on (or just go get Tampa) because you will be sorely disappointed. On the other hand, if you enjoy the contributions to the world by an unreliable narrator, Barbara will have you delighted that she chose to ask herself . . . .
“Who else will help her, if I don’t.”
Gold star indeed!
Still not convinced you want to waste your precious reading time on this one? Go check out the movie. Apparently it was nominated for allllllllllll the Oscars a few years ago....more
EverythingGIRL You Want Me To Be (name change courtesy of Ron 2.0 because really this is one of those times where it actually might be “the next Gone Girl” or Girl on the Train or some such GIRL story) already has people talking. And for good reason.
Have you ever read a Megan Abbott or some similar author/story about an awful teenage girl and think to yourself “man, I wish someone would just kill that little be-atch?” If so, this is the book for you because the MC gets offed in the second chapter! That made Mitchell and me look a lil’ like this . . . .
The story here is about Hattie (soon to be dead Hattie YIPPEEEEEE!) and how she met the love of her life on the magical intertubes . . . .
In this case maybe more of an accidental Humbert Humbert. You see, Hattie’s virtual flame becomes a red hot inferno of reality once Hattie puts two-and-two together and realizes she’s been making the sext with her English teacher. Good ol’ teach attempts to put the kibosh on things (mainly so his wife doesn’t catch wind of what he’s really been “working” on in his home office every night), but Hattie isn’t on board with that plan . . .
(^^^But with less rabbit boiling.)
I know what you’re thinking. You already know who did it and what’s the point in reading this and it’s another stupid ass thriller that won’t thrill you at all and wordswordswordswords. Normally I’d agree with you because I bat about .300 when it comes to finding thrillers that meet my standards. And this one isn’t perfect. Without spoiling things I’ll tell you the book had a very clear ending point for me and I was all . . . . .
It was the ending that made the most sense/the one you would declare you saw coming, but it was done in an absolutely delicious manner. But then there were more pages. Shelby (who gets credit for strong-arming me into all of my recent NetGalley requests – especially this one because Atria is well aware of the fact that I read everything wrong and never approves me so I wasn’t even going to waste the effort of clicking the button), Jan and Michelle all flipped their wigs over this one and gave it the full monty of Stars. Y’all know I’m horrible so I’m sticking at 4 rather than 5 due to the (in my opinion unnecessary) additional twists and turns. But we’re talking a solid 4 Stars. Mindy Mejia did an excellent job of writing three very distinct narrators. And Hattie??????
“I’m good at being what people want me to be. Watch me . . . You’ll see.”
She was indeed everything girl I wanted her to be.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley! ...more
“Let’s not call Fig a stalker just yet. You just met her.”
I didn’t ask for a lot this Christmas . . . .
However, since life is unfair I didn’t get any of those things. Instead I got Bad Mommy released on Christmas Day rather than some time in 2017. And for that I say, Tarryn Fisher . . . .
Okay, so THIS is the Tarryn Fisher book I’ve been waiting for. If you follow my reviews, you know I’m a little obsessed with kind of a fan of Ms. Fisher . . . . but at the same time I’ve been a bit disappointed by most of her books. I kept buying them, though, hoping she’d come through with the guilty pleasure-shoveling popcorn in my face story I knew was in her. Bad Mommy was that story.
Meet Fig . . . .
“All of the Lululemon bitches and their coconut water could go to hell.”
I was on board with Fig pretty much from the start . . . . .
She was delightfully fucked up in and totally in denial regarding the fact that . . . .
Especially when it came to the other female lead in our tale . . . .
Oh Jolene . . . .
“She wears things that make the other mothers look, you know? Leather pants, a Nirvana T-shirt underneath a blazer, more bracelets than I’ve ever seen anyone else pile onto their wrist.”
In other words . . . . .
Now, I’ve said a time or two before that Tarryn Fisher has made a habit of writing herself in her stories. Many other authors do this as well, but they generally tend to make my reading experience less enjoyable by doing so. Buuuuuuuuuuut it’s different when Tarryn does it because . . . . .
Anywho, Fig moves next door to Jolene and her husband – for reasons . . . .
“You’re buying a house to be close to a child you think has the soul of your miscarried baby.”
But I’m telling you by the time you get to the end of the book you’ll pretty much have forgotten about that effing kid ‘cause the crazy will take you errrrrrrrrrywhere. You think you’re signing up for a bunch of . . . .
Or a Single White Female rip off, but right when you’re thinking your own quest of finding the perfect gray knee-length cardigan and wedge-heeled booties might be crossing the line to Mean Girl territory . . . .
You start reading about pops of teal and the perfect placement of a “Thug Life” cookbook on Jolene’s countertop that makes you start to question just who is stalking whom . . .
(^^^^Sluttiest chicken ever cooked.)
Bought with my own money because Santa only left me coal.
In case you haven’t seen me brag about it before are unaware, I work a couple of blocks away from this beauty . . . .
(^^^^That’s just the parking garage.)
So I can go check out books conveniently during my lunch hour. (There’s also the porny library up in the ‘burbs that gives me the hookup on all of my . . . . scientific research projects.) Since Fall has finally fallen and the temps are no longer in the bazillions I’ve taken it upon myself to walk down to the ol’ bibliotech a time or two – and since I’m a farking crack addict I now have FIFTEEN physical books checked out in addition to a bunch of e-copies and eleventy thousand galleys. Added bonus, since I suck at reviewing I have actually read a few of these already but keep getting distracted by squirrels the convenience of Kindle notes rather than the inconvenience of post-it notes so now I’m all like . . . .
Basically what all that amounts to is you should expect an even shittier review than I generally puke out.
Okay, so do you ever have a lifetime phase where you are kind of like this . . . .
And then you take a new job in your company and for the first time in 10 years you are supposed to interact with others and it is extremely people-y and you just want to scream . . . .
But you’re trying to pretend you’re almost normal and that would totally blow your cover and so you bottle up all of your annoyance until you get home and then you flip out on your husband about shit like . . . .
And then you finally come to the conclusion that you need to give yourself a time out.
If the above has ever happened to you I highly suggest reading a book that confirms . . . .
In order to feel better about yourself. Little Childrenseriously delivered. We’re talking affairs and secret internet fetishes and a real over-achieving PITA supermom you want to punch in the throat and a child molester. It probably goes without saying these were all Mitchell’s type of people. A solid 4 Stars that worked so well it took me almost a whole month to get back to my typical approach to life . . . .
Even my friend Deanna liked this one and she is pretty much the nicest person ever so now you know you don’t have to be a total psychopath like me in order to enjoy it : ) ...more
Ummmmm, hi and welcome to the worst review in the history of Goodreads . . . .
I know what you’re thinking: “How is this different from all of your other reviews?????” (See trolls, I do the work so you don’t have to. Now stay the hell away from my Elizabeth Is Missing review. Your children are probably mortified and want to ban you from social media for your bad behavior.)
Unlike all of my other bad reviews, this time I think I actually read the book right. And therein lies the rub. You see, I went in to this completely blind based on Jennifer’s 5 Star rating. I didn’t read her review, I didn’t even read the book blurb, I just immediately went to my library’s website and put myself on the wait list.
So I could tell you if you liked Book X or the writing styles of Author Y, this is almost sure to be up your alley, but even that would be too much and you might get an inkling of what kind of story you were going to be reading and that’s not okay. You need to know NOTHING in order to fully appreciate this slow roller.
The only thing I can say to maybe convince one or two of you to pick this up? I’m giving it all the stars. Y’all know I’m a greedy heifer when it comes to handing out 5s. In case you don’t know me but are now seeing my reviews and updates incessantly due to the new upgrade (HI STRANGERS!!!), here’s a breakdown for you. All Is Not Forgotten is my 155th book of the year. Out of those 155 books I’ve handed out SIX 5s to non-smutty books (smexytimes stories are rated on an entirely different type of scale that I can't even explain). Like I said – greedy . . . and also heifer.
Now get outta here and get to your library, you crazy kids!
BUMP FOR RELEASE DATE TODAAAAAAAAAAY (8/9). I'VE READ A HANDFUL OF 5 STAR BOOKS THIS YEAR, BUT THIS ONE WON'T LET ME FORGET ABOUT IT. IT DESERVES TO BBUMP FOR RELEASE DATE TODAAAAAAAAAAY (8/9). I'VE READ A HANDFUL OF 5 STAR BOOKS THIS YEAR, BUT THIS ONE WON'T LET ME FORGET ABOUT IT. IT DESERVES TO BE A BESTSELLER AND MS. GREENWOOD DESERVES MANY KUDOS FOR BEING BALLSY ENOUGH TO WRITE A STORY THAT DIDN'T JUST PUSH THE ENVELOPE, IT RIPPED THE DAMN THING TO SHREDS.
“I loved her the first time I saw her and I still do.”
“Love at first sight, huh? How old was she?”
Hey remember Joe from a couple years ago and how you knew you really shouldn’t like him because he was like a psycho stalker with stabby tendencies, but then you fell in love with him anyway??? Well, allow me to introduce you to Kellen. He’s a "pedophile" and my favorite leading male so far this year (and this is book #100 for 2016 so that’s saying something) . . .
Let me backtrack a second. All the Ugly and Wonderful Things (perfect title is perfect) is the story of Wavy, the daughter of not a real Mother-of-the-Year nominee. See Wavy’s momma Val is a meth head. Her paranoia of choice? Brainwashing her daughter from the time she was three that nothing is safe, physical touch can infect you and EVERY other human is dirty. Wavy’s daddy Liam tries to help out whenever he can by sending groceries and stuff up to the main house, but he mainly stays at a distance in order to run the family business – a meth lab. He also spends his free time snorting his product as well as smacking bitches around and dabbling in an unlimited amount of strange vajay, but that’s beside the point.
It should go without saying that Wavy’s life was in no way, shape or form “normal.” She had a brief reprieve when she was taken away from her mother, but then stuff and things happened which brought her back home – and this time (at the ripe ol’ age of 8) she got the joy of raising her mother’s new baby. Enter Kellen. He’s spent time in the pokey and looks like a grizzly bear, but most importantly he recognizes when a kid has been dealt the shit end of the stick at life. Since no one else is around to look after Wavy, Kellen takes it upon himself to do so. He makes sure the groceries get bought, takes her to and from school and gives her a safe place to hang out (the garage he works at) when things suck for her more than usual. Wavy and Kellen fill a void in each other’s lives. She loves him and he loves her back . . . and as the years go by so does this love . . .
“The girl looked . . . up at the man with sparkling eyes. He looked nervous and happy. They were not father and daughter. Romance. For better or worse.”
Obviously this is not a book for everyone. You really have to be able to separate what your real-life reaction would be and fully embrace Wavy and Kellen’s world – in the 80s, living in the sticks in a drug den, surrounded by criminals, drug addicts, rapists, you name it, with no one to trust but each other and a slow roller of a relationship that evolves over time with a leading male who knows his feelings are wrong, but is willing to do anything to make it right . . .
“There’s nothing wrong with me buying her a ring. She’s my girl.”
“Yeah, except for the part where you’re a pedophile.”
All the Ugly and Wonderful Things (again, perfect title is perfect) doesn’t pussyfoot around the giant pink elephant in the room. In fact, it does the opposite by presenting statements like the above over and over lest the reader forget that this love story is taboo. Kudos to you, Ms. Greenwood, you get all the stars. If you’re adventurous enough to give this a shot, you might find yourself blown away by this powerful little story too. If you’re not???
Ha! Kidding. I don’t blame anyone for recognizing this isn’t their cuppa. Just don’t troll me, please : )
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review and physical ARC to follow provided by the publisher. Endless thanks to both for giving me the opportunity to read something different from ANYTHING I have ever read before.
This was a buddy read for Alissa’s birthday. In honor of this national holiday, Steve, EDIT: Ron 2.0 because he FINALLY added the damn thing(who is such a fail he doesn't even have it marked as TBR yet),Shelby and myself commenced a buddy read.
Or your meth pipes. Tomato tomahto.
I can't wait to see what everyone else thought! Except Ron. Please note I think you will hate this and if you try to poop on my parade I will send these little bitches to your house and they will cut you . . . .
EDIT #2 (AND FINAL BEFORE I BUMP THIS SUMBITCH ON RELEASE DATE)
Our merry band of freaks has grown exponentially from the start of this buddy-up. Sandra and Sh3lly and Christopher and Ginger and Jess all plan on shortlisting this too. Like I’ve said before . . .
A couple of weeks ago my feed blew up with a whole lotta posts that looked a little something like this . . .
So, allow me a minute to address the pink elephant in the room and then we’ll get on with the show:
It didn’t take long to figure out that this was another case of an author responding to a “negative” review (negative used VERY loosely here since from what I’ve seen it was a pretty average rating/review that caused the kerfuffle) and getting a poopton of backlash for it. Since this is MY review space, here’s what I think: I think every reader is entitled to their opinion – ESPECIALLY when it comes to posting on a SOCIAL MEDIA site. As I’ve said ‘til I’m blue in the face, anyone who thinks they’re something to write home about for being a “Goodreads Famous” reviewer should have their head examined.
Yes, there are reviewers here who have huge followings, but unknown/little known authors probably only sell a handful more books due to those reviews. In addition, the authors who lose their shit on a STRANGER’S review space in the vast wasteland which is the interwebs are most likely never going to be the next J.K. Rowling when it comes to booksales to begin with. And you know what else? Depending on the reviewer I might be MORE inclined to read their 1 Star choices over their 5 Stars. If you’re on Goodreads more than a minute you’ll notice that some reviewers love EVERYTHING, some hate everything and some mix things up. You’ll also notice 1 Star reviews/5 Star reviews populate months or sometimes even years in advance of a book actually being released. That’s why the average user rating system means diddly shit when it comes to most hardcore users choosing a book. Same goes for 1 Star “retaliatory” reviews. A reviewer’s space/rating is whatever they personally want to put there (up to the point where it breaks Goodreads’ TOS which I’m not even going to bother addressing since I would still like to be allowed to play in this sandbox). Something that doesn’t work AT ALL, though? Publishers who demand no less than 3 Star reviews be posted . . .
Obviously all of the superbadawful is what put this book on my radar. I figured since I’ve now read like at least 20 pornos I am officially an expert and should read this one as well. Also by some miracle I was gifted this by a book fairy you would NEVER expect . . .
Once I started looking into reviews of people who actually had read (or at least started to read) Quinn, I noticed a lot of people were “offended” by either the leading male or the plot in general. That’s what’s great about books - what works for one reader might not work for another and since I pretty much get offended by nothing it didn’t take more than a gander at that cover for me to check out the blurb . . .
What did I find? Mafia princess – mercenary for hire – secrets of the past – things that may not be as they appear AND smexy times?????
So let’s address a few issues other readers had. As far as the leading male - yes, he started out as a pig who made a habit of picking up broads at the local watering hole by saying things like this . . .
Not a direct quote, but nothing is left to the imagination that this guy is NOT the guy who is interested in more than a wham bam thanky mam. But to his defense???
“Why do women do this shit? I’m honest and upfront with each and every one of them, telling them every damn time if we tango, it’s only for one night and nothing more. It can never be anything more.”
And a bazillion people were all . . .
Who stopped reading right then and there. Guess what? That’s totally cool and I wish I had the ability to not finish books when I know I’m not going to like them. Unfortunately I’m nuts and haven’t been able to figure out how to do so. Since I have no ability to DNF – and since this was a romance which translates to “home of the tired trope” I realized that Quinn was being presented as the worst of the worst so when he met his female lead her magic vagina would melt his horny heart and he would fall in instaluuuuuuuuurv with her. I was right. Yay me! I is so smart sumtimes.
Which leads us to complaint numero dos – “dubious consent.” (This is a wee spoilery, so run away if you’re scurrrred.) Our two MCs end up sharing a sleeping bag for reasons and since the leading male is such a manwhore who is used to waking with a hot piece of snatch in his bed his fingers start doing some talking before he’s fully awake/aware of exactly who he’s trying to tickle the ol’ ivories with. The leading lady is DIGGING it and is all . . . .
PERSONALLY, I didn’t have any issue with that scene. The same with the contents of the leading lady’s bag. A woman who is supposedly going to get picked up in a few days in order to start her new life might well in fact pack her . . .
Uhhhhhhhh, electric ear cleaner rather than leave it behind in her old life. My only disappointment was that they didn’t use it – but there’s always book 2, right?
I start out reading everything NA/romance/erotica thinking it will be 3 Stars and rate the majority of them that way. Quinn is no exception. The cover was hot, the plot was much more existent than tons of other selections in this genre, the sex was sexy, and the dialogue was humorous . . .
I knew all men were not created equal, but this? Holy hell . . . The size of his penis is not normal . . . I squint my eyes for a close-up . . .
“Would you like to measure it?”
(Seriously, I did giggle a few times while reading this.)
Even the cliffhanger didn’t totally piss me off and I would be interested in reading the second in the series in order to see where the story goes. Bottom line is different strokes for different folks and I wanted this dude to stroke me. As for all of the other stuff that went down? My friend Heather K summed it up best.
File this under ask and you shall receive. What can I say????
Ha! That's a lie. I'm a total dick. Buuuuuuuuuut, I'm an honest total dick and not only will I provide thousands of gifs my real opinion once I read this bad boy, but honestly I wanna hump the guy on the cover and me likey the stabby stabby combined with the porno so YAY RAH SISBOOMBAH. #thanksbookfairy ["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>...more
A week ago I decided I wanted to read one motorcycle romance. This review is for my fifth of the week. Indeed once you fall into the porno trap it is nearly impossible to pull yourself back up. Not to mention it’s sticky. Oh so very sticky.
If you aren’t familiar with how these types of series work, it’s pretty simple. Each book follows a different member of the club and the woman he will commence to banging. The focus of this story was the MC President – Picnic . . .
“I had no idea why they called him that and I sure as heck hadn’t asked. He was the least picnicky person I’d ever met in my life.”
Apparently when most people hear the words “Motorcycle Club President” they picture something kinda like this . . .
Unfortunately my brain hates me so my silver fox looked more like this . . .
Even when I tried to fight it and think of someone who better matched Picnic’s description the best I could come up with was Senior from Orange County Choppers. If you don’t know who that is, he basically looks like this . . .
Luckily for me Joanna Wylde included a pretty damn good plot to distract me from my inability to cast characters. As I said, Picnic is the Reapers’ President. London is an owner of a cleaning company that has contracts with some of the club’s businesses. Picnic wants to do the shibbity dibbity with her. However, London has bigger concerns - mainly raising her young cousin who doesn’t have a history of making the best decisions. Picnic is nothing if not persistent, though, and continues trying to wear London down . . .
“Stop bitching and let me fuck you.”
I’m sure plenty will find Picnic to be a grade-A asshole (I don’t understand why people who don’t like badboy alpha males would ever choose to pick up a story like this in the first place), but he cracked me up and most definitely met his match with London . . .
“Are you fucked in the head? You’re so fucking stupid I could strangle you. Don’t know exactly what we’re doing here just yet, but it’s not just sex.”
“Right, and I suppose you’re planning to be true and faithful? I don’t buy it. You’re a known man-whore. Also, you ever call me stupid again and I’ll dump paint stripper on your bike. That isn’t a threat it’s a promise.”
Not everything was fun and games, though, and soon London and the Reapers found themselves dealing with some serious bad guys . . .
No, like REALLY bad guys . . .
Out of the 5 of these books I read this week, this was probably the best as far as story, but Motorcycle Man wins for the male lead sploosh factor. The only real problem I had with Reaper's Property was the highspeed timeline. I appreciate a story that doesn’t drag, but this whole thing took place in only one week and it was just a little too instalovey for my liking. That being said, the loving was hot like lava and . . . .
Mmmmmmm. Soooooo very vulgar.
As of now I’m moving on from the motorcycle porn, but I’m still up for suggestions. To the new followers I’ve gained this week, I won’t blame you if you dump me once I start reading my regular schizophrenic variety of stories. If you don’t already follow her, you should all follow Val. She reads lots of dirty books and homegirl is HI.LAR.IOUS. To my old friends and followers, thanks for tagging along on this crazy ride. . .
This is the Reapers President's story. In order to prove that there is most definitely ZERO SHAME in my game, here's what a motorcycle club president looks like in my head . . . .
Yep. I would bang the hell out of him. Somewhere my husband is screaming "WHY WOULD YOU POST SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON THE INTERNET?!?!?!?!?!" My apologies, husband. You should know by now I'm an over-sharer.
Also, it's pretty obvious someone is going to have to break my fingers before I will stop downloading these books from the library. I'm sure there are plenty who will volunteer as tribute for that task so get in line and I'll pick one of you at random....more
If you follow me, you’ll know I put out a “gimmegimme” for a motorcycle book recommendation after watching the new television series Outsiders. Basically, I wanted to drink wine out of a box and read a book starring this guy . . . .
Mrs. Joseph was the first to reply and boy did she provide a good one. The basics of the story are as follows: Tyra quit her old job and has been in hot pursuit of a new one. She also decided she needed to let a little of her inner freak out and bangs a motorcycle dude the night before she starts her new gig. When she shows up for her first day on the job things don’t go quite as planned when she is greeted by new boss, Tack . . .
“I do not work with bitches who’ve had my dick in their mouth.”
Offended by him yet? Good. Get the eff outta here ‘cause he’s mine anyway. Tack is all of the following . . .
“Coarse, vulgar, uncouth . . . rude.”
And I was singing “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” because that’s exactly what I was hoping for. As I said in my plea for porn, to quote the late and great Aaliyah “sometimes I’m goody goody, but right now I’m naughty naughty” . . .
I was looking for a leading male who was exactly the way Tack described himself . . .
“I ain’t no choir boy.”
Nope, but he sho ‘nuff made me say Hallelujah a time or twelve. Holy hizzle . . .
I started this book not giving any shits if Tack was a chauvinist or womanizer or criminal or whatever else could be awful. I don’t get offended easily and I sure as hell wasn’t going to allow myself to get offended by a character who very easily could have been written as offensive on purpose. Imagine my delight when I found out not only was the Chaos motorcycle club different from the stereotype . . .
“We don’t transport drugs. We don’t offer enforcement. We don’t sell tail. We don’t sell guns. We build cars and sell auto supplies.”
But Tack was different than the stereotype as well . . .
“You take my hand again like you did that night, I’ll guide you through the nightmare. We’ll make it to the other side and I promise, along the way, you’ll enjoy the ride.”
This was one hell of a ride. Kristen Ashley, you are my official hotline bling . . .
I’m withholding the final star because Motorcycle Man did get a weeeeee bit long in the tooth when it came to the make up/break up B.S. (seriously, just STFU and bang him ya dumbass ‘cause he’s smokin’ hot) and because I have high hopes that things will just keep getting better (I’ve already got the first in the Chaos series cued up and ready to go). Now who’s ready for some of my sloppy seconds with Tack????
Mrs. Joseph assures me this mechanical journal will teach me all about the complexities of the modern internal combustion engine . . .
OMG this was so much fun I again want to dance my feelings!!!!
“‘This time it’s personal.’
‘Jeezus! Could you be any more of a cliché?’
‘Yes I could.’”
The Red Mohawk is a book for lovers of the cheesy horror story. It has all of the ingredients to become an instant cult classic. To begin with, you have the most redneckognized tow in all of ‘Murica – “B Movie Hell.” This place is so white trash it even allowed its naming rights to be purchased!
The cast of characters rotates around the local whorehouse making for some extra raunchy good times that also brought back fond memories from my childhood and the first verboten film I ever sneaky-watched . . .
Next, add in a crazed, masked psychopath . . .
as well as . . .
Supergirl????? Yeah, Supergirl. Just go with it.
Don’t forget to mix in the most godawfully bad wonderful soundtrack I’ve ever seen . . .
and watch the body count start mounting. Oh, and make sure stop by the local diner for a bite to eat . . .
I mean, you have keep up your strength when it comes to running from bad guys, right???
Just don’t use the restroom. It’s been through . . . uhhhhhh . . . some stuff.
If you’re looking for some campy quality good times, The Red Mohawk is the book for you. So gross, so funny, so surprising that it actually contained quite a decent plot. Many thanks to Sh3lly for recruiting weirdos like myself, Shelby and Edward for this whacky buddy read.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley! ...more
That’s what I tell my boys all the time. I hope they turn out just as friendly and loyal to their momma as Norman did.
Is there anyone even on the planet who hasn’t at least heard of Psycho before? What can I say that you don’t already know? Well, I can confirm that this book is short at roughly 200 pages. Due to its brevity, I can also say not a paragraph is wasted on filler. Every scene that occurs does so for a reason. What else? Ah yes, the writing. If I hadn’t already been privy to the fact this was an oldie by a goodie, I would have never guess this story to be 50+ years old. The subject matter as well as use of graphic language is not something I’m accustomed to when reading books that are a bit long in the tooth. Bloch had zero fear when tackling the taboo, that’s for sure. If you’re someone with a bit of a . . . dark sense of humor like me, you might even find yourself getting a morbid chuckle or two . . .
“No sense crying over spilt milk, though. Even if it hadn’t been milk.”
As is the case with me and most things dubbed “horror” I wouldn’t put Psycho in that category. Instead I’d call it a riveting page-turner of a suspense. One that I’d highly recommend to all.
If you’re not interested in the book, but rather the film I ask you – WHAT THE F*&^ ARE YOU DOING ON A BOOKNERD SITE?!?!?!? Nah, just kidding. The differences in the translation from page to screen lie almost exclusively in the casting. As my friend Ed called out in his review, the book version Norman Bates was a fella who was a bit festively plump – proving that the casting of this guy . . .
was spot on if the remake had been done a few years later. Poor Vince. Remember when he was a real looker????
(Well, not compared to Jeff Goldblum, but he wasn’t anything to chuck a rock at)
The only other Hitchcockian magic? Tweaking the following line into one of the most quotable of all times . . .
“I think perhaps all of us go a little crazy at times.”
and creating another use for chocolate syrup ; ) ...more
“War, my friends, is a thing of beauty. Those as says otherwise are losing.”
If George R.R. Martin wrote young adult stories, they’d probably end up a little something like Prince of Thorns. In the first four pages the reader is exposed to raping and pillaging and beheadings . . .
The Prince of Thorns is Prince Jorg – a boy who watched his mother and younger brother get murdered and who was pretty much left for dead by his father, the King. Jorg had other plans, however . . . .
“I swallowed darkness, and darkness swallowed me.”
Rather than dying he took to the road, where he learned from the Brothers how to survive – and how to kill . . .
“The stink of death comes in many flavours, but I like to think I recognize the Reaper in all his guises.”
It is now time for Jorg to return home, to face the demons that haunt him, and to reclaim his right to the throne . . .
“This is where it starts. When they write the legend, this will be the first page.”
Is it wrong to maybe want a rapey 14-year old Prince to be your book boyfriend? If so, then it’s definitely NOT ME who feels that way. It’s Mitchell. I loved this book. Talk about a change of freaking pace from the usual Mary Sue and her insta-loving self. Not only was Prince of Thorns filled with characters I should have hated (but of course ended up loving), it was action-packed from the first page to the last and even included a twist that made me all . . . .
I liked this so much I’m going to read the second book in the series – and I NEVER read the second book in the series. I just have to see what Jorg gets up to next. The only complaint I really have is the back-and-forth timeline. I think this story could have been told with a prologue in the present time, then a flashback to four years prior, and continued from there until it was back in the present again. (Of course, that’s most likely because I personally think the wonky timeline thing is too overused.)
Alright, so there’s my big swoony review. On the flipside, please note that a ton of my GR friends 1 Starred this sucker. If you are a freak like Mitchell and myself jump right in. If not? Don’t blame me when you hate it. And also, I’m not sure how this puppy is categorized most places, but my library has it shelved as both YA and Fantasy. Don’t let young children read this. Not only is it not appropriate, but . . . .
(^^^^Ha! That ought to earn me some friends.) ...more