Statistics Humor Quotes

Quotes tagged as "statistics-humor" (showing 1-7 of 7)
Carrie Fisher
“Statistics say that a range of mental disorders affects more than one in four Americans in any given year. That means millions of Americans are totally batshit.
but having perused the various tests available that they use to determine whether you're manic depressive. OCD, schizo-affective, schizophrenic, or whatever, I'm surprised the number is that low. So I have gone through a bunch of the available tests, and I've taken questions from each of them, and assembled my own psychological evaluation screening which I thought I'd share with you.
So, here are some of the things that they ask to determine if you're mentally disordered
1. In the last week, have you been feeling irritable?
2. In the last week, have you gained a little weight?
3. In the last week, have you felt like not talking to people?
4. Do you no longer get as much pleasure doing certain things as you used to?
5. In the last week, have you felt fatigued?
6. Do you think about sex a lot?
If you don't say yes to any of these questions either you're lying, or you don't speak English, or you're illiterate, in which case, I have the distinct impression that I may have lost you a few chapters ago.”
Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking

Criss Jami
“How easy it is for so many of us today to be undoubtedly full of information yet fully deprived of accurate information.”
Criss Jami, Healology

Gloria Steinem
“Flo especially took me in hand. When I felt I had to prove the existence of discrimination with statistics, for instance, she pulled me aside. 'If you're lying in the ditch with a truck on your ankle,' she said patiently, 'you don't send someone to the library to find out how much the truck weighs. You get it off!”
Gloria Steinem, My Life on the Road

George Canning
“I can prove anything by statistics
except the truth.”
George Canning

“Statistics are like pajamas. Once you get in, there is no going back. ~ Rajpoot”
Rajpoot

“Statistics is like a big fat girl ~ an elephant in the boots.”
Rajpoot

Lindsey Fitzharris
“His most famous (and possibly apocryphal) mishap involved an operation during which he worked so rapidly that he took off three of his assistant's fingers and, while switching blades, slashed a spectator's coat. Both the assistant and the patient died later of gangrene, and the unfortunate bystander expired on the spot from fright. It is the only surgery in history said to have had a 300 percent fatality rate.”
Lindsey Fitzharris