Marriage Humor Quotes

“A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it.”
― Pawan Mishra, Coinman: An Untold Conspiracy

“To see a man’s true colours, tell him that you don’t plan on having sex with him. To see a woman’s true colours, tell her that you don’t plan on marrying her.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“The groom should not see you in the dress just before the wedding, that’s bad luck. You know what’s worst luck? Is getting married, itself. I’ve read studies. It’s like 2 out of 3 of those end in divorce, sometimes more. 3 out of 2, some.”
― Hank Moody

“We got married: society's solution to loneliness, lust and laundry.”
― Luke Rhinehart, The Dice Man

“Most of a husband’s life is spent in doing research on his wife.”
― Pawan Mishra, Coinman: An Untold Conspiracy

“Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.”
― David Sedaris

“If Miss Beresford had not been in such a hurry to marry a poor country clergyman, there was no knowing what she might not have become. But Dixon was too loyal to desert her in her affliction and downfall (alias her married life).”
― Elizabeth Gaskell, North and South

“While you’re singing something romantic, I can’t get the lyrics to ‘Love and Marriage’ out of my head, and that tune always reminds me of the jingle from Jeopardy.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly,

“Marriage is a necessary evil”
― Amit Abraham

“I like my mimosas like I like my men...transparent.”
― Tayari Jones, An American Marriage

“No two dogs are alike. And yet, all dogs have something in common that makes them dogs, and makes them different from cats. The same goes for men and women. The trouble starts when cats don't realize that dogs are different. Dogs think differently, and perceive the world differently, than cats do. I'm a dog. You're a cat. And a dog knows better what it's like to be a dog than a cat does.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends: Honest Relationship Advice for Women

“He never quarreled with his wife, but he never talked to her;--he never had time to talk, he was so taken up with speaking.”
― Anthony Trollope, The Warden

“Marriage is the Rubik's Cube of the 21st Century - something young people are fascinated with but have no idea how to do.”
― Stewart Stafford

“I love my wife and sons.

But I have thought about abandoning them.

Because single mothers are heroes.
And what kind of man would I be to get in the way of a woman becoming a hero?

The best way for me to fight the Patriarchy is to stop being a patriarch.”
― Lou Perez, That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore: On the Death and Rebirth of Comedy

“Marriage is a blast. Like a bomb.”
― Julieanne O'Connor, Spelling It Out for Your Man

“She is the keeper of my heart, my soul, my dick and balls.”
― A.K. Kuykendall

“People who say they do not regret anything in their life, for the next birth too should get the very same wife.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Death is not the end of life; Life partner is the end of life”
― Dr.P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar

“Husband-wife relation is like a titanic watch, looks for the exact time to drown you”
― Dr.P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar

“They say that you're not the same person once you get married on your wedding day. On your wedding night, however, you're definitely not feeling yourself anymore.”
― Stewart Stafford

“Don’t worry too much about losing your friends. They will dissipate after marriage anyway.”
― Anoir Ou-Chad

“Marriage is made in Heaven. "...till death do you part." So is divorce.”
― Brian Spellman, We have our difference in common 2.

“Marriage is like an exam - it has all types of 'Means' - fair and unfair and you pass or fail or even reappear but many a times you earn many 'degrees' of pleasure, pain or mental torture and finally you pass into the other world to be reborn and admitted back to 'PLAY SCHOOL'
Why marry at all.”
― Amit Abraham

“It had been a beautiful night and she loved him more than ever in the morning. "If it weren't real love," David told her, "if it were only physical, it wouldn't be that way."

Claudia, who was only eighteen and who did not know very much about love, had the greatest respect for her husband's superior knowledge of sex. Not that he'd ever led a wild life, or run around, but he'd read a great many books on the subject and knew as much as a doctor.”
― Rose Franken, Claudia

“My politically charged coming-of-age story Voices in the Forest brings the futility of the bygone Croatian marriages to the fore. If the pretty but obtuse image of Fairy of Velebit personifies the Queen of Croatia, it would be better for Croats to dethrone her and put equally beautiful but the shrewd image of Zsa Zsa Gabor in her place. It would give Croatia a new angle how to manage her future marriages while still sexy and in demand. Remember, every marriage a box of diamonds and a house.”
― Vinko Vrbanic

“We eat in silence, listening to the rain. Both of us look forlornly at the bar, thinking that we shouldn’t, we mustn’t. On the other hand, we could simply pass out drunk here and maybe they’d take us to jail. There are beds in jail. Soap. New people to meet.”
― Ben Marcus, Notes from the Fog: Stories

“Chaos broke out. Screams and shouts resounded through the entire house. The fighting drove them to the back yard. One raced here and the other there, still raising their voices at one another. My parents continued to fight stronger, louder, and with greater intensity. This fight was worse than any in a long while.

As hostility raced, clouds gathered over head and rumbled with them. In the heated moment, my father clenched his fist and hit the tall Texas pine next to him. My mother prayed silently: "Lord, help me to know what to do.l" And just as their anger rose to its highest level, something unimaginable happened.

A bolt of lightning struck the tree that stood between my parents. Bark flew from its side and hit my father in the head. Smoke drifted upward as the two jumped in fear and confusion. With deafened ears, they closed their mouths, walked inside, and remained married for fifty-two years.”
― Tina Samples, Wounded Women of the Bible: Finding Hope When Life Hurts

“By getting married you divorce yourself”
― Tamerlan Kuzgov

“Marriage is a beautiful thing, not a thing of convenience. It's partnership, mutual respect and being yourself or someone better with ur better half.
It's not about babies or one to exercise authority in order to boost his or her ego and quench her or his inferiority complex. Marriage is not about meeting up. If u r not happy in marriage ,you are not yet married and by the way not everyone should marry. And yes Marriage is a bed of roses. Not a bed of thorns.”
― Gugu mofokeng

“Man marries himself if he never wants to be married.”
― Tamerlan Kuzgov