Quotes About Humorous

Quotes tagged as "humorous" (showing 61-90 of 1,994)
J.R. Ward
“If sex were food, Rhage would haven been morbidly obese.”
J.R. Ward, Dark Lover

John Kennedy Toole
“I mingle with my peers or no one, and since I have no peers, I mingle with no one.”
John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces

Kresley Cole
“Please put your penises away, gentlemen. Dinner is procured. By a woman.”
Kresley Cole, Pleasure of a Dark Prince

Gabriel García Márquez
“He soon acquired the forlorn look that one sees in vegetarians.”
Gabriel García Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude

Kim Harrison
“I was cold, hungry, and in a hole in the ground. But at least I had my elven porn, damnit!”
Kim Harrison, Black Magic Sanction

Jeaniene Frost
“I doubt you’ve ever been forced to nonstop bang a woman hyped up on the undead voodoo version of Spanish fly, have you?”
His chuckle was soft. “Can’t say that I have, Kitten.”
“Yeah, well, consider me an original.”
This time, when his lips brushed across my skin, it lasted more than a moment.
“I always have.”
Jeaniene Frost, This Side of the Grave

Morgan Matson
“It was like there was an elephant in the room. An elephant that expected us to have sex.”
Morgan Matson, Amy & Roger's Epic Detour

Terry Pratchett
“-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?
-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.”
Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

Rachel Hawkins
“We're going to the Underworld," Izzy said. She bounced a little as she said it, her eyes bright and her tone implying that "the Underworld" was akin to "Candy Land.”
Rachel Hawkins, Spell Bound

Tessa Dare
“I'm infatuated with you, I cannot deny it. Physically speaking, you're a very attractive man. But I don't like you, the vast majority of the time. So far as I can gather, you behave abominably in public and are only marginally better in private. I only find you remotely tolerable when you're kissing me.”
Tessa Dare, One Dance with a Duke

J.K. Rowling
“Merlin's pants!”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Jessica Verday
“I de­ci­ded right then and the­re to ma­ke a snic­ker­do­od­le per­fu­me to we­ar, so that one day he wo­uld sniff me li­ke that.”
Jessica Verday, The Hollow

Ilona Andrews
“Andrea: "....I think a dog is a great idea. I just never pictured you with a mutant poodle.”
Kate: “He isn’t a poodle. He’s a Doberman mix."
Andrea: “Aha. Keep telling yourself that.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

Chris Kyle
“The joke was that President Bush only declared war when Starbucks was hit. You can mess with the U.N. all you want, but when you start interfering with the right to get caffeinated, someone has to pay.”
Chris Kyle, American Sniper: The Autobiography of the Most Lethal Sniper in U.S. Military History

“Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.”
Carroll Bryant

Jerry Seinfeld
“I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.”
Jerry Seinfeld

Kiersten White
“Jack might look my age, but he was like a little kid on a sugar high --- in need of a good spanking. --- Good heavens, that sounded creepy.”
Kiersten White, Supernaturally

“She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's teenage years lasted well into their fifties.”
Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

Victor Borge
“One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.”
Victor Borge

Rachel Hawkins
“face touchage"
"Sulky McSulkerton”
Rachel Hawkins, Demonglass

Chuck Klosterman
“Perhaps we humans are still in command, and perhaps there really will be a conventional robot war in the not-so-distant future. If so, let's roll. I'm ready. My toaster will never be the boss of me. Get ready to make me some Pop-Tarts, bitch.”
Chuck Klosterman

“Valkyrie walked to the back door, which hadn't been closed properly, shut it and locked it. There was now a baby in the house, after all. She couldn't take the chance that a wild animal might wander in and make off with Alice, like those dingoes in Australia. She was probably being unfair to both dingoes and Australia, but she couldn't risk it. Locked doors kept the dingoes out, and that's all there was to it, even if she didn't know what a dingo actually was. She took out her phone, searched the Internet, found a picture of a baby dingo and now she really wanted a baby dingo for a pet.”
Derek Landy, Death Bringer

Libba Bray
“Hold up. How do you accidentally have sex with somebody?” Adina scoffed. “Is she all, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see your penis there’?”
Libba Bray, Beauty Queens

Masashi Kishimoto
“A smile is the best way to get oneself out of a tight spot, even if it is a fake one. Surprisingly enough, everyone takes it at face value. I read that in a book."

"If you keep staring at me, I'll hit you."

"I only became part of your team recently when I replaced Sasuke, so I don't know everything that's going on. I don't really understand people either. But even I can tell that Naruto really loves you. Naruto's been shouldering that promise for a long time...I think he means to shoulder it for the rest of his life. I don't know what you said to him, but it's just like what's been done to me - it feels like a curse. Sasuke causes Naruto pain, but I think you do too."

"Sasuke is only helping spread his darkness across the world. Letting him live will only sow the seeds of another war. He's just another criminal now. Sasuke lost all hope of coming back when his group, Akatsuki, attacked our village. Your fellow Konoha shinobi would never accept him now. Sakura's not stupid, either. She understands the position he's put us all in. That's why she came out here, to tell you herself.”
Masashi Kishimoto

“He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.”
Carroll Bryant

Jonathan Safran Foer
“This is the sixty-nine," I told him, presenting the magazine in front of him. I put my fingers -- two of them -- on the action, so that he would not overlook it. "Why is it dubbed sixty-nine?" he asked, because he is a person hot on fire with curiosity. "It was invented in 1969. My friend Gregory knows a friend of the nephew of the inventor." "What did people do before 1969?" "Merely blowjobs and masticating box, but never in chorus.”
Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

Holly Black
“Kiss my ass Rath Roiben Rye”
Holly Black, Tithe

Christopher Moore
Christopher Moore

“Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she'd been on. The last PROPER date. Did fighting side by side with Saracen Rue count as a date? They ended up snuggling under the moonlight, drenched in gore and pieces of brain - so it had PROBABLY been a date. If it wasn't, it was certainly a fun time had by all. Well, not ALL. But she and Saracen had sure had a blast.”
Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

Jane Austen
“Those who do not complain are never pitied.”
Jane Austen

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