Humor Quotes

Quotes tagged as "humor" Showing 181-210 of 35,403
Terry Pratchett
“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”
Terry Pratchett

Christopher Paolini
“Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention.”
Christopher Paolini

Cassandra Clare
“It's not gray," Clary felt compelled to point out. "It's green."
"If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood," said Jace.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Cassandra Clare
“I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me."
"It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

Rick Riordan
“Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."
"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
"A god named Fred?”
Rick Riordan

Terry Pratchett
“In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.”
Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

Cassandra Clare
“I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."
"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Eoin Colfer
“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”
Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

Mae West
“I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.”
Mae West

Cassandra Clare
“You're an idiot."
"I've never claimed to be otherwise.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Cassandra Clare
“A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Dorothy Parker
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
Dorothy Parker

Orson Welles
“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.”
Orson Welles

Dr. Seuss
“I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!”
Dr. Seuss, Horton Hatches the Egg

Karen Marie Moning
“I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style,park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with. Case in point, those darned Harry Potter movies. That was so not what that part-Veela-chick, Fleur Delacour, looked like.”
Karen Marie Moning, Darkfever

Suzanne Collins
“I'm going to wake Peeta," I say.
"No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."
Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice.
His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!"
Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again.”
Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

Oscar Wilde
“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Lemony Snicket
“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”
Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

George Bernard Shaw
“Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.”
George Bernard Shaw

George Carlin
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
George Carlin

Nikolai Gogol
“The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.”
Nikolai V. Gogol

Oscar Wilde
“I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”
Oscar Wilde

Robert Frost
“Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.”
Robert Frost

Cassandra Clare
“Jace shook his blond head in exasperation.
"You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?”
Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

Terry Pratchett
“DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.”
Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

J.K. Rowling
“Ginny!" said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. "Haven't I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain?”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Phyllis Diller
“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”
Phyllis Diller

Cassandra Clare
“My rapier wit hides my inner pain.”
Cassandra Clare

John Green
“Headline?" he asked.
"'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said.
"'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said.
"'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.”
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Steve Martin
“Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.”
Steve Martin