Quotes About Humor

Quotes tagged as "humor" (showing 151-180 of 3,000)
Bill Watterson
“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”
Bill Watterson

J.K. Rowling
“He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy...”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Rick Riordan
“The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."
"It was probably important to her.”
Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters

Becca Fitzpatrick
“You possess other people's...bodies."

He accepted that statement with a nod.

"Do you want to possess my body?"

"I want to do a lot of things to your body, but that's not one of them.”
Becca Fitzpatrick, Hush, Hush

Will Rogers
“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
Will Rogers

Groucho Marx
“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
Groucho Marx

Tamora Pierce
“Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.”
Tamora Pierce, Melting Stones

Cassandra Clare
“So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?"
"You could say that."
"Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
"I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever.”
Cassandra Clare

Jay McInerney
“The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.”
Jay McInerney, The Last of the Savages

Dr. Seuss
“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
Dr. Seuss

George Carlin
“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
George Carlin

Mo Willems
“If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.”
Mo Willems, Goldilocks and the Three Dinosaurs

Madonna
“I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.”
Madonna

Arthur C. Clarke
“I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.”
Arthur C. Clarke

Cassandra Clare
“Your friend's poetry is terrible," he said.
Clary blinked, caught momentarily off guard. "What?"
"I said his poetry was terrible. It sounds like he ate a dictionary and started vomiting up words at random.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Cassandra Clare
“I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

Jeaniene Frost
“I'm saying that I'm a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you're okay with that, because it's who I am, and you're what I need.”
Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

Rick Riordan
“Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.”
Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth

Dorothy Parker
“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
Dorothy Parker

Voltaire
“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.”
Voltaire

Rick Riordan
“In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day.”
Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse

George Carlin
“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
George Carlin

Bette Midler
“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
Bette Midler

Douglas Adams
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Dr. Seuss
“From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!”
Dr. Seuss, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

Douglas Adams
“Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Cassandra Clare
“It's not gray," Clary felt compelled to point out. "It's green."
"If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood," said Jace.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Christopher Paolini
“Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention.”
Christopher Paolini

Cassandra Clare
“Must you go? I was rather hoping you'd stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must."

"I'll stay," Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. "I can minister angelically."

"None too convincingly. And you're not as pretty to look at as Tessa is," Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow.

"How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared the experience to gazing at the radiance of the sun."

Jem still had his eyes closed. "If they mean it gives you a headache, they aren't wrong.”
Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel

Charles M. Schulz
“What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?”
Charles M. Schulz

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