Humor Quotes

Quotes tagged as "humor" (showing 91-120 of 3,000)
Winston S. Churchill
“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
Winston S. Churchill

Oscar Wilde
“I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.”
Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

Veronica Roth
“I have something I need to tell you," he says. I run my fingers along the tendons in his hands and look back at him. "I might be in love with you." He smiles a little. "I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though."
"That's sensible of you," I say, smiling too. "We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."
I feel his laughter against my side, his nose sliding along my jaw, his lips pressing my ear.
"Maybe I'm already sure," he says, "and I just don't want to frighten you."
I laugh a little. "Then you should know better."
"Fine," he says. "Then I love you.”
Veronica Roth, Divergent

Rick Riordan
“Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.”
Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

Terry Pratchett
“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.”
Terry Pratchett

George Burns
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
George Burns

Douglas Adams
“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”
Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

J.K. Rowling
“Don't talk to me."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to fix that in my memory for ever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret...”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Rick Riordan
“Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart.”
Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse

J.K. Rowling
“Why are they all staring?" demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students.
"Don’t let it worry you," said Ron. "It’s me. I’m extremely famous.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Cassandra Clare
“You guessed? You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed me."
"I was ninety percent sure."
"I see," Clary said. There must have been something in her voice, because he turned to look at her. Her hand cracked across his face, a slap that rocked him back on his heels. He put his hands on his cheek, more in surprise than pain.
"What the hell was that for?"
"The other ten percent.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Richelle Mead
“I’d said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass.”
Richelle Mead, Blood Promise

Nicholas Sparks
“Mom says it's because she has PMS.
Do you even know what that means?
"I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome”
Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

Cassandra Clare
“Investigation?" Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names."
"Good idea," said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

John Green
“Some people have lives; some people have music.”
John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson

Lewis Carroll
“Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Charles Dickens
“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”
Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

Richelle Mead
“Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies.”
Richelle Mead, Vampire Academy

Stephanie Klein
“Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.”
Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty

Cassandra Clare
“What's this?" he demanded, looking from Clary to his companions, as if they might know what she was doing there.
"It's a girl," Jace said,recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Dr. Seuss
“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”
Dr. Seuss

Lemony Snicket
“I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.”
Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril

Douglas Adams
“The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

James Patterson
“Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.”
James Patterson, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

A.A. Milne
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Lemony Snicket
“If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.”
Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

J.K. Rowling
“How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley.
George's fingers groped for the side of his head.
"Saintlike," he murmured.
"What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?"
"Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Steven Wright
“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
Steven Wright

Cassandra Clare
“Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie. (Jace Wayland)”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Cassandra Clare
“Mom. I have something to tell you. I’m undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I’m here to tell you that undead are just like you and me … well, okay. Possibly more like me than you.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

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