Grammar Humor Quotes

Quotes tagged as "grammar-humor" Showing 1-30 of 37
Tina Fey
“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.”
Tina Fey, Bossypants

Rainbow Rowell
“I might not use capital letters. But I would definitely use an apostrophe…and probably a period. I’m a huge fan of punctuation.”
Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor & Park

Jodi Picoult
“Frankly, I wonder who Frank was, and why he has an adverb all to himself.”
Jodi Picoult, House Rules

Douglas Adams
“And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Lynne Truss
“Thurber was asked by a correspondent: "Why did you have a comma in the sentence, 'After dinner, the men went into the living-room'?" And his answer was probably one of the loveliest things ever said about punctuation. "This particular comma," Thurber explained, "was Ross's way of giving the men time to push back their chairs and stand up.”
Lynne Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation

Jasper Fforde
“Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom.”
Jasper Fforde, One of Our Thursdays Is Missing

Russell Brand
“And while we're on the subject of ducks, which we plainly are, the story, 'The Ugly Duckling' ought be banned as the central character wasn't a duckling or he wouldn't have grown up into a swan. He was a cygnet.”
Russell Brand, My Booky Wook

Gertrude Stein
“I really do not know that anything has ever been more exciting than diagramming sentences.”
Gertrude Stein, Lectures in America

Martha Brockenbrough
“There's a fine line between funny and annoying – and it's exactly the width of a quotation mark.”
Martha Brockenbrough

Gavin Extence
“Although I don't use it nearly so much anymore, I've decided, five years down the line, that Mr. Treadstone's verdict on 'kind of' was kind of unjust. Obviously, this phrase can be redundant or reductive, or just plain stupid in some sentences, but not in all sentences. I wouldn't, for example, use a sentence like 'Antarctica is kind of cold', or 'Hitler was kind of evil'. But sometimes, things aren't black and white. And sometimes 'kind of' expresses this better than any other phrase. For example, when I tell you that my mother was kind of peculiar, I can think of no better way of putting this.”
Gavin Extence, The Universe Versus Alex Woods

Lex Martin
“The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.”
Lex Martin, Dearest Clementine

John Green
“Once I start thinking about splitting the skin apart, I literally cannot not do it. I apologize for the double negative, but it’s a real double negative of a situation, a bind from which negating the negation is truly the only escape.”
John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Mary Norris
“Whom" may indeed be on the way out, but so is Venice, and we still like to go there.”
Mary Norris, Between You & Me: Confessions of a Comma Queen

Helene Hanff
“I fail to see why you did not understand that groceryman, he did not call it 'ground ground nuts,' he called it ground ground-nuts which is the only really SENSible thing to call it. Peanuts grow in the GROUND and are therefore GROUND-nuts, and after you take them out of the ground you grind them up and you have ground ground-nuts, which is a much more accurate name than peanut butter, you just don't understand English.”
Helene Hanff, 84, Charing Cross Road

“The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.”
Martin Lex

Kevin Ansbro
“I am nothing if not misanthropic," declared Sebastian.
"I think you mean philanthropic," said Henry.
"God, you are so perdantic."
"That would be pedantic."
"See! You're even perdantic about the word perdantic.”
Kevin Ansbro, The Fish That Climbed a Tree

“If your a fly, fly away”
Connor Smith

Ruadhán J. McElroy
“Those who can, do; those who can't, teach; those who can't teach, police grammar on the Internet.”
Ruadhán J. McElroy

R. Curtis Venture
“Despite centuries of English literature, the most famous split infinitive in all of history comes from Star Trek.”
R. Curtis Venture

Victoria Clayton
“Cordelia glared at me. 'I expect if someone strapped you to table an swung an axe over your naked quivering flesh like The Pit and the Pendulum, you'd be correcting his grammar'.”
Victoria Clayton, Clouds among the Stars

Amor Towles
“I sutured split infinitives and hoisted dangling modifiers and wore out the seam of my best flannel skirt.”
Amor Towles

C.S. Lewis
“It is high time we turned to Grammar now," said Doctor Cornelius, in a loud voice. "Will your Royal Highness be pleased to open Pulverulentus Siccus at the fourth page of his 'Grammatical Garden or the Arbour of Accidence pleasantlie open'd to Tender Wits?”
C.S. Lewis, Prince Caspian

Nanette L. Avery
“Punctuation marks are like road signs; without them we just may get lost...”
Nanette L. Avery

Nanette L. Avery
“Even though being a good speller has lost its ranking in school, we can hope there is one group of artisans that still finds spelling important…the tattoo artist”
Nanette L. Avery

Camilo José Cela
“No es lo mismo estar dormido que estar durmiendo, de la misma manera que no es lo mismo estar jodido que estar jodiendo.
-- En respuesta al senador y mosén Lluis María Xirinacs que le recriminaba estar dormido en su escaño del senado. --”
Camilo José Cela

Jasper Fforde
“Take the first had had and that that in the book by way of example," explained Lady Cavendish. "You would have thought that that first had had had had good occasion to be seen as had, had you not? Had had had approval but had had had not; equally it is true to say that that that that had had approval but that that other that that had not.”
Jasper Fforde, The Well of Lost Plots

Mark Forsyth
“I’ve been too fucking busy, and vice versa.”
Mark Forsyth, The Elements of Eloquence: How to Turn the Perfect English Phrase

Mick Herron
“Yes yes yes, we'll get the grammar police onto her first thing. Do they have actual powers of arrest, do you think? Or will they just hang her from the nearest participle?”
Mick Herron, London Rules

Nanette L. Avery
“Use exclamation points sparingly, you don’t want to give someone a heart attack!”
Nanette L. Avery

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