British Humour Quotes

Quotes tagged as "british-humour" Showing 1-15 of 15
John Cleese
“And now for something completely different . . . ”
John Cleese

Jasper Fforde
“They’d never get here in time. It’s easy. A lobotomized monkey could do it.” “And where are we going to find a lobotomized monkey at this time of night?”
Jasper Fforde, The Eyre Affair

Candice Carty-Williams
“My eyes must spend at least fifty per cent of any given day rolled to the back of my head.”
Candice Carty-Williams, Queenie

Terry Pratchett
“What the hell. If you had to go, why not go with style?”
Terry Pratchett, Good Omens

Umberto Eco
“And this? Aldhelm of Malmesbury. Listen to this page: 'Primitus pantorum procerum poematorum pio potissimum paternoque presertim privilegio panegiricum poemataque passim prosatori sub polo promulgatas.' ... The words all begin with the same letter!"

"The men of my islands are all a bit mad," William said proudly.”
Umberto Eco, The Name of the Rose

Mick Herron
“Catherine said, "There's something I don't get."

Ho waited.

"You're telling us you've got friends?”
Mick Herron, Slow Horses

Michelle Franklin
“She deigned to asked me how ice queens reproduce. I grinned, and her mother looked horrified.
“We procreate by way of ice cubes, of course. We put them in our nests and let them incubate for the period of about four months, and when the temperature is right, we put them out to roost and let them flake off into billions of snowflakes, rather like tadpoles breaking in droves from their eggs. And that, child,” I said, with a simulacrum of glee, “is how winter is born.”
“Does it hurt?”
“No more than the approach of Monday does to most of the world. It is a natural process, you understand, but it is dreadful hard work.”
Michelle Franklin

Will Advise
“Nothing is
Everything else
is not.”
Will Advise

Zadie Smith
“The whole plan's so high on the cheese factor it's practically Stilton”
Zadie Smith

Ana Claudia Antunes
“What did the soup say to the tea plate?
"You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours.”
Ana Claudia Antunes

Kingsley Amis
“He put a fresh sheet in and, after spending a few moments wishing he were doing something quite different, typed:

Gregory: But this is really qutie farcical.

Like all the other lines of dialogue he had so far evolved, it struck him as not only in need of instant replacement, but as requiring a longish paragraph of negative stage direction in the faint hope of getting it said ordinarily, and not ordinarily in inverted commas, either. Experimentally, he typed:

(Say this without raising your chin or opening your eyes wide or tilting your face or putting on that look of vague affront you use when you think you are "underlining the emergence of a new balance of forces in the scheme of the action" like the producer told you or letting your mind focus more than you can help on sentences like "Mr. Recktham managed to breathe some life into the wooden and conventional part of Gregory" or putting any more expression into it than as if you were reading aloud something you thought was pretty boring (and not as if you were doing an imitation of someone on a stage reading aloud something he thought was pretty boring, either) or hesitating before or after "quite" or saying "fusskle" instead of "farcical".)

Breathing heavily, Bowen now x-ed out his original line of dialogue and typed:

Gregory: You're just pulling my leg.”
Kingsley Amis, I Like it Here

Will Advise
Will Advise, Nothing is here...: soliD Amateur quoetry

Will Advise
“Youir're doing this wrong.”
Will Advise

Angela Thirkell
“If there is one pleasure on earth which surpasses all others, it is leaving a play before the end. I might perhaps except the joy of taking tickets for a play, dining well, sitting on after dinner, and finally not going at all. That, of course, is very heaven.”
Angela Thirkell, High Rising

Elizabeth Fair
“Mrs. Woodfidley was inviting the guests to assemble for drinks, which were being handed out by Mr. Woodfidley and Garson from a long table in the bay window. The bottles and glasses had been visible from the first and their serried ranks must have drawn longing glances from more persons than herself - it would have been so much easier to sing and talk if even a single drink had been given one at the start of the party. But now she had guessed that the party was organized in set figures, like a formal country dance, and that the delay in serving drinks must be due to this plan. The figure in which drinks were consumed had just begun; it would succeeded by another after a fixed interval of time, and therefore she had better make sure of a drink before the music changed.”
Elizabeth Fair, A Winter Away