Joanne Kabaliisa
asked:
My name is Joan, am 35yrs old for all these years I have been living in fear and I think it's the reason why at 35 am still living with my parents. I think I have fear in me how do I come out of this and what am I supposed to do? am really confused and scared. Thanks
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David Lynch
We are all scared. Every last one of us experience it daily. Look at my avatar - I'm obviously petrified!
There are two kinds of people: those who feel fear and stop in their tracks, and those who feel fear and keep going. The good news is, you can switch to the 2nd kind of person by learning that fear does not equal a stop sign. Fear can also equal excitement.
One of my favorite quotes is "Mastering fear doesn't mean getting rid of the butterflies in your stomach. It means teaching them to fly in formation."
There are two kinds of people: those who feel fear and stop in their tracks, and those who feel fear and keep going. The good news is, you can switch to the 2nd kind of person by learning that fear does not equal a stop sign. Fear can also equal excitement.
One of my favorite quotes is "Mastering fear doesn't mean getting rid of the butterflies in your stomach. It means teaching them to fly in formation."
Kirsten Mickelwait
Joan, I haven't yet read Gilbert's book, but I think a better choice for you might be one of Brene Brown's books. Try "Daring Greatly." We all struggle with fear to some extent. Good luck to you.
Marlenne
Hey Joan. Really sorry to know you are going thru such paralizing fear. I have been in that position but sometimes something happens and we change. I am now following my dreams! There is nothing to be scared about. Just do what you want to do, it will stop being scary I promise! You have to trust in yourself, you are capable of many wonderful things! Take the plunge, the sooner you start, the faster it goes away :) If you have a job start by getting a small apartment in your city. Not too far and not too close from your parents. And start doing small things out of your comfort zone. Always wanted to go to the gym or take photography classes? Do it :) and take other people's advice. Try a therapist and get some books
Elizabeth
Elizabeth Gilbert still gives us an important message in Big Magic. Listen. Listen to what your life/inspiration/curiosity is telling you, not the negative voice in your head. Because inspiration and curiosity can shape your life. And perhaps, offer you a life you will want to embrace with your heart.
Kristin
Hope you are finding peace and hope, Joan. I'd also like to recommend the book "Carry On, Warrior" by Glennon Doyle Melton. Sending lots of good wishes and love your way.
Laura
One of the stories in Big Magic is about an author, Clive James, who experiences a colossal failure that gives him fear of failing again. He comes out of the fear by painting bicycles for his own children and children in the neighborhood. Doing something every day for someone else really does help one overcome fear. Volunteer someplace - a public library, a school, food pantry, be a docent, etc. Give of yourself and the world opens up.
Aasheekaa Bathija
Joanne,
What is it that scares you? And what is it that's holding you back?
You've taken the big brave step of acknowledging that you have fear. You are self-aware enough to notice this, and that's great.
But now, you must move on from this acknowledgement.
Ask yourself what and why. Honor that fear. Dont dismiss it. Speak to yourself with positive words. Tell yourself "okay, I have fear and that's okay. It doesn't have to get n the way. Its just a fleeting emotion."
Acknowledge the fear and then let it go. Take deep breathes and with each exhale, breathe out the fear. Start with that! Good luck!
What is it that scares you? And what is it that's holding you back?
You've taken the big brave step of acknowledging that you have fear. You are self-aware enough to notice this, and that's great.
But now, you must move on from this acknowledgement.
Ask yourself what and why. Honor that fear. Dont dismiss it. Speak to yourself with positive words. Tell yourself "okay, I have fear and that's okay. It doesn't have to get n the way. Its just a fleeting emotion."
Acknowledge the fear and then let it go. Take deep breathes and with each exhale, breathe out the fear. Start with that! Good luck!
Cecile
There's an old book that might be useful: Feel the Fear and do it anyway, by Susan Jeffers.
William Johnson
Gilbert's book is excellent but addresses the fear of writing and exposing yourself to an audience, but I do not believe it would help you that much as your fear is deeper. The best book on overcoming fear that I have read is "Life Unlocked" By Pillay. It is somewhat technical in explanation of the modality of fear, but it provides practical techniques to overcome fear.
Teresa Belcher
I didn't stop being afraid until I was 40, don't worry it will stop.
Bronwyn
Gilbert's book focuses on working with creativity and the ideas that prompt it, but she does have an interesting chapter on fear. Although it isn't directly tied into how you deal with your specific fears there are excerpts that I think are lovely and could be broadened to something like this. It's not catered to anxiety disorders (if that's what you're dealing with) but you may pull some inspiration from that chapter.
Rochelle
If you are working, talk with a financial planner to help you put together a budget to figure out how you can afford to move out and live on your own. Then, give yourself and your friends a date and find a place to live and ask them to help you move. Pay them with pizza and sodas once you have moved in. Let your parents know how much you appreciate their love and support over the years and also that you will see them regularly--that this is an adventure to you and you appreciate their support. Set up a regular time to visit them, and at first, don't let them talk you into staying the night. Say goodnight. They and you will eventually get used to the new reality, and will come to enjoy the fact that you are each able to enjoy the new found freedom that comes with this new phase in your life!
Jeri Allison
Baby steps Joan!
Tina Lashley
we are all fearful of something. God bless you
Cheryl
Joanne practice mindfulness! Find an MBSR group near you and quell your fear of going and go. It's life changing. <3 I also recommend Kristin Neff's book self Compassion.
Anna-maria Camp houin
Joan, also google Brain Spotting and locate a therapist in your area. I'm a mental health therapist and have experienced this therapy myself. I am amazed at the effectiveness. I just attended an advanced training and observed multiple sessions where other therapists volunteered to be a client and participated in a session facilitated by David Grand, the founder of Brain Spotting. It was phenomenal! They all had various issues and those were either greatly diminished or eliminated. Prayers and positive thoughts going your way!
Joanne Kabaliisa
Hi Kirsten,
Thank you for your reply and advice, am really grateful.
May I know the title of Brene Brown's book?
Thanks.
Thank you for your reply and advice, am really grateful.
May I know the title of Brene Brown's book?
Thanks.
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