Barbara Rhine
Barbara Rhine asked:

Have you ever had experiences like the one Solnit describes in Chapter One, when a (wealthy white) man can't even hear that she is the author of the book he is describing?

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Shelley Diamond yes, many times. For instance, I was on the Board of Directors of a non-profit. When I would offer suggestions, there would be a silence. Often in the same meeting, a man would offer the same suggestion and the response would be "That's a great idea". They could not seem to "hear" the idea if it came from a woman. I observed this happening when other women spoke up as well...
Cindy C Yes, went to a reddit gathering, got into a conversation with a guy about science fiction. 2 mins in, I knew he read very little science fiction but he clearly wanted to explain many things to me. I told him that he really didn't want to get a debate about science fiction with me. He, a white male, took one look at me, an Asian female, and presumed that I couldn't possibly know more than him and began a combative tirade.

I proceeded to trounce him on the topic in front of his peers. I still marvel at his arrogance---he hadn't read much science fiction, but he was convinced based on the color of his skin and his gender that he was a better, smarter human being and therefore invincible.

There are other instances, but that one is my favorite.
Susan Yes, I encountered this frequently when I was the most junior person around the table at formal meetings. I would make a suggestion, one of the men would look slightly offended that I had dared to speak, then parrot word-for-word what I had just said. Then the other men would nod sagely.

It reminded me of a "Punch" cartoon of a group of men, and one woman, around a meeting room table. One of the men is saying, "That's an excellent suggestion, Miss Jones. Perhaps one of the men would like to make it?"
Rebecca I've also had experiences similar to Shelley's. What's even more thought provoking for me is the internalized oppression we, as women, take on. I have heard great suggestions made by women and completely disregarded by her female colleagues until those ideas are validated by a man.
Meghan Wilson I have had the exact same experience that Shelley explains so many times. I went to school for engineering so I was always in math and science classes, mostly with men. In study groups or meetings with my peers, if I suggested something or made a comment all I could hear was crickets, then after 5 seconds of blank stares everyone would just continue the conversation and within minutes a man would make the same comment I had just made and people would totally acknowledge it as a "great idea." I even tried to treat it as a social experiment. To try and get a response from my make peers I would talk loudly, try to ask questions instead of make comments, I even tried to make myself look more "bookish" with glasses to see if the response would be different. It seriously never was. It's a very strange experience. It's like being invisible purely because you have breasts.
Elise (I don't feel that this problem is race exclusive or wealth related, it's a male/female thing. I've taken this stuff from men of various races and income levels!) My favourite was a the male friend who, while checking out the new undercabinet lighting I had just added in my kitchen, proceeded to explain to me how it's done based on a youtube video he had watched. He's standing there flipping the switch back and forth on a project I had already successfully completed, and he's telling me step by step what I already knew and did!
Clearly, a woman who actually does the work can't possibly know as much about it as a man who watches a youtube video! This would be funny if it was an isolated incident, but it's just the norm.
Christina Two really egregious ones spring to mind.

In my university trigonometry class, a classmate who didn't even understand what an inverse element was decided to appoint himself my (unneeded and unasked for) tutor. He was condescending enough that the instructor apologized for his behavior during a break. Needless to say, he was so ignorant, that not only did he not grasp his own lack of mathematics knowledge, but he had no clue how offensive he was being.

Years later, an engineer explained to me in all seriousness that there were only three colors: red, green and blue. Because, that's all the human eye can see, of course. Apparently this guy slept through the electromagnetic segment of his college physics course, since he was telling me that apart from the red, green and blue wavelengths, the rest of the electromagnetic spectrum segment that we call visible light was really non-existent. I pointed out that there are species that have four color vision, but that was blithely ignored.
Ubiquitousbastard So many times that I can't even articulate them all here. It doesn't help that I'm often several years younger than such individuals and and somewhat attractive. I often get a hefty dose of patronizing tones with my being shut out.
Joyce Yes I have had this same thing happen many times. I notice that it also happens away from work and in interactions with male family members where I make a suggestion, they ignore me and try their methods. Then act like they just thought of what I said and when it works they take credit. Of course they act like I am crazy, they didn't hear me suggest that when I call them on it!
I had a conversation with my transgender son. He told me that buying a car (or anything now but especially cars) is so much easier now that he looks outside like his inner self. Seems car dealers are more perceptive and give him better deals now.
Steph In my second year of grad school, I gave a presentation to my research group on the use of pH sensitive probes for early corrosion detection. There were no reactions to the subject, few (if any) questions, and the meeting continued with the next presenter. About a year later, my male counterpart (who joined the group at the same time as I had) gave a similar group presentation on the exact same subject. There was a flood of questions, and suddenly we had our group research focus!

It could be argued that his presentation skills were better than mine, the papers he sighted were more reliable, or our knowledge of the subject was stronger at the time of the second presentation. However, the complete lack of interest in the subject until the second presentation tells me that no one was paying attention when I presented the topic or they didn't trust my assessment of its possibilities as a viable research path. Considering that we both had similar academic backgrounds, I can only assume that our differing genders play a role in how we were perceived.
Bill Selective attention is an interesting phenomenon. I had similar experiences on a board of all women. It was very hard to find a space to say anything, I was generally ignored and mostly gave up. Now as I am entering "maturity ? " I am experiencing increasing invisibility in social situations of predominantly younger groups. I am pretty sure it is not a global phenomenon but more likely a western cultural issue. I would be interested on thoughts.
DanisBib I've had the same experience as Shelley and it even went so far that there wasn't just complete silence for a few seconds but that I was told the idea was stupid. Then several days later a male colleague offered the same idea and suddenly it was great.
Julia Waters I explained what was going on with a wonky compact shelving unit to the head of an education collections department I volunteered for. I said it loudly and twice, but when a teen guy said the same thing later, the director told him "Good idea!" and gave him credit for fixing it. The guy even looked guilty, because he knew I'd said the same thing...but he didn't correct the director or acknowledge what I'd said.
Andrew You do realise that some people (especially, as in the case described by Solnit, an older person) have problems hearing because we are hard of hearing? Yes, there are patronising sexist bastards who ignore women but being deaf does not justify being accused of being one.
Helen O. Turner Yes, and I have never forgotten how hurt I felt. I took as an elective My sophomore year at East Carolina University, a Speech class. Each of us had to give a Speech one to two times a week.The professor graded very strictly. . She rarely gave only Vs or Ds.I was surprised, but I earned an A on every speech I gave,except one .In the middle of the quarter,she assigned a Speech to be graded by the class as a whole,and she graded us also The entire class graded me with D,,and my professor gave me a grade of an A. Because my class grade was so low as compared to my teachers grade of an A for me,I felt they thought I knew the teacher. I did not. I didn't, even sleek to her, except in class discussions .That same speech,the class members earned As and Bs when graded by the class,and Ds and Fs when graded by the teacher. This was not a male female thing. I feel the whole class was jealous of the grades I was earning.
Helen Turner
Joseph Carrabis I've had similar experiences from both males and females, all of which I assumed were some form of bigotry or prejudice. I've been in situations where male professors referenced papers I'd authored or co-authored and assumed a relative had written them. Several business situations where territory was being protected. The business situations were most often males although there was one female, again protecting territory, and I finally said in front of everyone present, "You haven't read anything in this field in what, 20-25 years? You do know your opinions are all out of date, don't you?" There were a few more women from my younger days in business (the 1980s), perhaps because women were openly taking on more business authority and may have felt a need to behave in certain ways. Three women, I remember, called me out in front of my peers and I returned the compliment with examples and data. As Don Henley once said, "Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge."
Mary Ellen I will have to keep up-to-date on this one!
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