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The bottom line is that connecting is everything when it comes to communication.
I know I’ve connected when I sense: EXTRA EFFORT—people go the extra mile UNSOLICITED APPRECIATION—they say positive things UNGUARDED OPENNESS—they demonstrate trust INCREASED COMMUNICATION—they express themselves more readily ENJOYABLE EXPERIENCES—they feel good about what they’re doing EMOTIONAL BONDEDNESS—they display a connection on an emotional level POSITIVE ENERGY—their emotional “batteries” are charged by being together GROWING SYNERGY—their effectiveness is greater than the sum of the contributions UNCONDITIONAL LOVE—they are accepting without reservation
Even if connecting with others isn’t something you’re good at today, you can learn how to do it and become better tomorrow.
I’ll teach you the five principles that are foundational for understanding how to connect with people.
five practices that anyone can do to connect with others—regardless of age, experience, or natural ability.
how can you make your words count? How can you really communicate with others?
It’s not enough just to work hard. It’s not enough to do a great job. To be successful, you need to learn how to really communicate with others.
if you want to succeed, you must learn how to connect with others.
level—one-on-one, in groups, and with an audience—
Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them.
“The number one criteria for advancement and promotion for professionals is an ability to communicate effectively.” — HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW
presidents exhibit five qualities that enable them to achieve things that others don’t: vision, pragmatism, consensus building, charisma, and trustworthiness.
communication skills depend on? Connecting!
“If I went back to college again, I’d concentrate on two areas: learning to write and to speak before an audience. Nothing in life is more important than the ability to communicate effectively.” —GERALD FORD
whenever she went to a meeting, there was always a connection time planned before it started, with food and drinks provided so that people could get to know one another. It changed her perspective.
When you connect with others, you position yourself to make the most of your skills and talents.
People whom I saw connect with others had better relationships, experienced less conflict, and got more things done than those who didn’t connect.
God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.
What do you do when you’re frustrated or you fail? Most people either crash, cope, or change.
coping isn’t moving forward. It’s static and inherently defensive in nature. It’s reactive. Merely coping doesn’t help anyone accomplish anything.
To communicate effectively and to lead others, you have to take initiative.
There are times in life when you realize there are things you cannot do. In those moments, you decide either to accept it or to fight for it.
I wanted the courage and energy and skills to make the changes needed to go the distance. I wanted to become a connector able to have a positive influence on the lives of others. I wanted to learn to connect with anyone at any time.
Connecting with others may not be a matter of life or death for most of us, but it often is a matter of success or failure.
the ultimate throttle on growth for any great company is not markets, or technology, or competition, or products. It is the one thing above all others—the ability to get and keep enough of the right people.”
The ability to connect with others begins with understanding the value of people.
Here are a few of his findings:11 HIGH ACHIEVERS AVERAGE ACHIEVERS LOW ACHIEVERS Care About People as Well as Profits Concentrate on Production Are Preoccupied with Their Own Security View Subordinates Optimistically Focus More on Their Own Status Show a Basic Distrust of Subordinates Seek Advice from Those Under Them Are Reluctant to Seek Advice from Those Under Them Don’t Seek Advice Listen Well to Everyone Listen Only to Superiors Avoid Communication and Rely on Policy Manuals
Yes, people are people. And wherever you find them, they desire to connect with others!
first to help you learn the principles behind connecting with others, by: Focusing on others Expanding your connecting vocabulary beyond just words Marshalling your energy for connecting Gaining insight in how great connectors connect.
acquire the practical skills of connection: Finding common ground Making your communication simple Capturing people’s interest Inspiring them, and Being authentic.
Talk more about the other person and less about yourself. Prepare two or three questions you can ask someone before a meeting or social gathering.
Carlos made the same mistake as others who don’t connect: they see themselves as the center of the conversation.
self-centered teachers seem to share a common philosophy: Ram it in—jam it in, Students’ heads are hollow. Cram it in—slam it in, There is more to follow.
This is someone who understands success. I like him. But there’s more to it than that—he really understands me. He knows what I believe. He understands what I’m thinking. He knows what I feel. He can help me. I would love to be his friend. I already feel like he’s my friend. That speaker was Zig Ziglar.
“If you will first help people get what they want, they will help you get what you want.”
I was trying to get ahead by correcting others when I should have been trying to connect with others.
Maturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others. Immature people don’t see things from someone else’s point of view. They rarely concern themselves with what’s best for others. In many ways, they act like small children.
Maturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others.
you’ll find that it rings true: If I like it, it’s mine. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine. If I can take it from you, it’s mine. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine. If it looks like it’s mine, it’s mine. If I saw it first, it’s mine. If I can see it, it’s mine. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine. If I want it, it’s mine. If I need it, it’s mine (yes, I know the difference between “want” and “need”!). If I say it’s mine, it’s mine. If you don’t stop me from playing with it,
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Maturity does not always come with age; sometimes age comes alone.
I see my purpose as adding value to others.
To add value to others, one must first value others.
To succeed in life, we must learn to work with and through others. One person working alone cannot accomplish much.
“No matter how much work you can do, no matter how engaging your personality may be, you will not advance far in business if you cannot work through others.”
“You can talk till you are blue in the face, but people know in their gut if you really care about them.”
“We aren’t in the coffee business, serving people. We’re in the people business, serving coffee.”
“You have to have a service heart. You have to be prepared to serve the needs of those people you come into contact with. At all times it is to look at what it is the customer wants. It’s not what I want, or what Peter wants, it’s the person paying the dollars who is keeping us all going.”15 In other words, you have to remember that it’s all about others. That’s what it takes to succeed.
“DO YOU CARE FOR ME?”
“You can’t make the other fellow feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that he is a nobody.”
“If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.”
