The Magic of Revenge (Emerald Lakes, #3)

by Britt Andrews

“Princess, you scared the fuck out of me. My asshole has been quivering for days—in fear. Not arousal. Fuck. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like not having my man-gina clenched up tighter than a bull’s asshole in the height of fly season.”

My heart was beating wildly, my palms sweaty, and suddenly all I could think about was Mom’s spaghetti. Gods dammit, Saige. Focus! Now is not the time for Eminem references.

“You’re mine, Goldie girl. I’d slay a thousand dragons with demon riders before allowing one burning ember to touch your porcelain skin. Anything you desire will be yours. And if that means I have to share you with four other men who love you as fiercely as I do, then I accept that completely. I’d yank the fucking moon from the sky and personally deliver it to your hands if you wanted it.”

All I knew in that moment was that if I didn't get my hands on him in two seconds, my vagina was going to detach herself from my body and do the job her damn self.

Now, let me kiss you some more before I go tuck you into bed between your Fischers.”

I never knew if it was because Sloane had the asshole affliction himself that it made it easier for him to detect fellow assholes, but he was a beast at picking them out.

"You made me a blanket fort. This is the best day ever," she squealed. "This is not a blanket fort. This is a fuck nest. The nest in which I'm going to ravish you for hours on end," I grumbled, crossing my arms.

"Master has given Faris a sock. Faris is a free mage!" he said, in a surprisingly spot-on impression.

Bette fanned herself when I met her gaze. “What?” she snapped. “There’s so much big peen energy in this teeny, tiny hallway right now it’s practically choking me!”

Let me drink and then I’m going to go take a shower and swing my cock around. Thank you, Firefly. You’ve given me a body, a voice, and a real-life cock that I plan to wield as a weapon. A flesh sword. A man—”

‘Finally, a steed worthy of a warrior! Guard your baguettes, messieurs!’ Napoleon screamed and I laughed.

Hey… Kai?” The man in question squatted down near Bram’s head. “What is it?” “Put some fuckin’ clothes on before you poke my eye out.”

I heard Kai saying something about the seventh hottest thing he'd ever seen.

"I swear to the stars, Roger, that had better be one of your cucumbers poking me in the ass, or we're going to have issues," I gritted as I parked my bike on the street. "Oh don't get your panties in a bunch, my boy. It was actually an eggplant," he said as he hopped off the back of my bike.

"You're a strange dude, you know that?" I asked, and Roger smiled and shrugged. "Normal is boring. Why be like everybody else when you can be yourself?"

Sometimes you don't know the depths of your heart until it's cracked and the truth leaks out from within.

I also kind of liked his shaved legs look but I wasn’t telling him that.

There went my ovaries tossing eggs out like confetti.

Faris grabbed his chest over his heart and swooned dramatically. Though, I had no doubts that he was being dead ass serious. The crazier the shit was that came out of my mouth, the more he seemed to fall in love with me.

“What? You have a lap that would turn Santa into an envious little elf. There’s a lot of ass space here. Don’t be stingy, it’s rude.”

If you act like butt asses, I'll give you titty twisters," she threatened, and Faris and I both covered our nipples in horror.

I opened my mouth to say we weren't together but Faris blurted out, "It's still pretty new, but Bram's my best friend." And he slipped his hand into mine and squeezed. Aww, he thinks I'm his best friend? My heart really liked that,

"I think it's a pretty good name, honestly. Probably the second best one I've ever been called," he told her conspiratorially. "What's the best one then?" Annie questioned, her brown eyes sparkling. "Ah, well, that'd be Dad."

"Fuuuuck, that's like... I don't know, the eighth hottest thing I've ever seen," Kai growled.

"You smell better than mac and cheese," Faris whispered,