Committed

by Elizabeth Gilbert

even though the gap has narrowed, the Marriage Benefit Imbalance persists. Given that this is the case, we must pause here for a moment to consider the mystifying question of why—when marriage has been shown again and again to be disproportionately disadvantageous to them—so many women still long for it so deeply. You could argue that maybe women just haven’t read the statistics, but I don’t think the question is that simple. There’s something else going on here about women and marriage—something deeper, something more emotional, something that a mere public service campaign (DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU ARE AT LEAST THIRTY YEARS OLD AND ECONOMICALLY SOLVENT!!!) is unlikely to change or to shape. Puzzled by this paradox, I brought up the question by e-mail with some friends of mine back in the States—female friends whom I knew were longing to find husbands. Their deep craving for matrimony was something I had never personally experienced and therefore could never really understand, but now I wanted to see it through their eyes. “What’s this all about?” I asked. I got some thoughtful answers, and some funny answers. One woman composed a long meditation on her desire to find a man who might become, as she elegantly put it, “the co-witness I have always longed for in life.” Another friend said that she wanted to raise a family with somebody “if only to have babies. I want to finally use these giant breasts of mine for their intended purpose.” But women can build partnerships ...