Follow the River (River of Rain, #1)

by C.E. Ricci

This is the hardest part about being bisexual. Girls are never this hard to figure out, contrary to what straight men might think. All I have to do is flash my dimples and a heated smolder, and poof…their panties are gone. It’s practically magic. But with dudes, it’s like trying to teach a monkey advanced statistics. In Spanish.

“Go fuck yourself, Lennox.” He smirks, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why don’t you do it yourself, Grady?”

“I never asked to be your enemy. I don’t have to be. You made it this way.”

“You told me to suck your dick. I got us a private place to make it happen.” I shrug, baiting him. “Go ahead, baby. Whip it out for me. I’d love to see how many inches I’ve got to work with.”

“It’s just the two of us here, Rain. You can take off the mask.” Stepping into his personal space, I press my palms into the cubby on either side of his head, caging him in. “That’s why you haven’t put your money where your mouth is? Why you haven’t hit me or done anything more than wrap your hand around my throat? You want me all for yourself, yeah, baby?”

“I’d much rather bite. Lick. Suck and fuck. Leave marks on you that a kiss just doesn’t accomplish.” And then I drop my knees. Bringing down the only barrier of decency he had with me.

“Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall,” he murmurs, his hot breath whispering across my hip as he reads the Shakespeare quote, written in a gothic font.

“I love the way you fight me, baby. It makes the taste of your cum that much fucking sweeter.”

“What are you going to do, Rain? Fuck me in an attempt to bend me to your will?” He smirks, and I feel it against my mouth, and fuck yes, that’s exactly what I want in this moment. “Sorry to disappoint, baby, but you should know by now I’m anything but docile.”

“You aren’t disgusting, River. He is.”

“Look, Grady, it’s simple. If you think you’re lost, just follow the river.”

“Whatever you want. Just know these little rules aren’t going to last long or you’ll go fucking mad.” His hand wraps around my forearm, ripping it from his neck. “And honestly, baby? I think it’s cute how you think your cock won’t end up in my mouth again before this little vacation is over.”

“Jesus Christ, how do you people survive these kinds of winter? My hands are fucking freezing.” “Feel free to put them down my pants.”

What just occurred in this shower with him was the best sexual experience of my life. Until it wasn’t. I’ve never felt so euphoric. Until I didn’t.

“Make no mistake about it, Rain. I will make you regret this until your dying day. I don’t know when and I don’t know how. Mark my words, it will happen. And this pain is going to be worth it when I finally bring you to your fucking knees.”

I wait until I hear the click of the door latching shut before I curl into myself and sob. Cold, mangled, and defeated.

“Because it’s simple, really. You’re not immune to me, no matter how much you wish you were. You might hate yourself for it, you might not be able to handle it and what it means about who you are as a person. But make no mistake about it, baby. You won’t be able to fight it for long, I’ll make sure of that.”

At that moment, I wanted him to do it. To defy me. To challenge me. I fucking wanted him to kiss me.

“Stop taunting me. Stop trying to mess with my mind like it’s your favorite game. We’ve been here nine days and we have at least twenty-five more to go. You’re driving me insane, on purpose. Do us both a favor and don’t test my fucking patience. Or I swear to God, I’ll bend you over right here and fuck you into submission.”

“I’m not the one submitting tonight,” he growls fiercely. “Riv—” I start, but my protest is cut short when he crashes his lips into mine. His mouth is hot and insistent against mine as he pours his pent up rage into this kiss. It’s harsh and volatile. It’s fucking transcendent.

“Accept this is who you are, so you can start to enjoy being stranded in a fucking cabin in the woods with me for another four weeks.”

On his ribs, I see a quote in script. Into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.

Such a Grinch, this one.

I’m not looking to change who he is as a person. He wouldn’t be Rain if he wasn’t a little bit of an asshole, and I like him exactly how he is.

“Nothing tiny about you, babe.”

“What I did to you…it can never be undone. No matter how much I want to take back that day, I don’t have that kind of power over the universe. And it just about fucking kills me.”

“I’m so fucking sorry, River. I can’t even begin…” He trails off and shakes his head before glancing up at the ceiling. “Just know I would give anything to take back that morning in the shower. To erase it from history, so it never happened.”

“How can I not live in regret when I think of what I did every time I look at you?”

“How the hell can you go from sweet to dominant as fuck, then back to sweet again within a minute?” I shrug, wrapping my hands around the back of his neck, teasing the short hair I find there with my fingers. “God given talent? Human sour patch kid? Unclear.” He lets out a soft chuckle. “Tastiest sour patch kid I’ve ever had in my mouth.”

“The color…it reminded me of your eyes.”

“Are you trying to distract me from finding out what song it is?” he pants against my lips between kisses. “Because as much as I enjoy making out with you, it’s not working. In fact, it makes me want to know more.” “I just wanted to kiss you,”

“No, we’re not dating.” “Then what, just fucking? Because Riv, the way he’s looking at me right now...” He laughs, shaking his head before releasing his grip from my chin. “Hell, he looks ready to commit murder for my hands being on you.”

“Nah, you’re plenty for me to deal with. No way in hell I could handle adding in a side piece.”

“Sure you are, Riv. I don’t blame you for it either. Did you forget I watched you go through your parents divorce once you came out? What you thought was a marriage built to withstand the most brutal storms was blown to smithereens the second a tiny little gust of wind hit. “And worst of all, your dad decided you weren’t worth being his son anymore, as if being bisexual was a lifestyle choice when we should know by now it’s who you are in your damn DNA. So the day your dad walked out on you? He proved his love was conditional.”

“And what does this have to do with me and Rain?” He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “You’re afraid of love, knowing what it feels like to have what you thought was unconditional love ripped away. Turning your life upside down in the process. River, you’re afraid of loving someone, only for them to not love you enough to stay.”

“Rain? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asks in quick succession, alarm and gravel present in his voice, as he scrubs a hand over his face. “Why are you on the floor?” I demand rather than answer his question. He’s most definitely still half-asleep, since he sways getting to his feet, picking up his blanket and pillow and starts dragging it to his room like a little kid. “To be close by. If you need me. ‘Cause of the nightmares.” My. Heart. Fucking. Stops.

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Abhainn. We’re past the bullshit. How long have you been sleeping outside my room?”

“Every night,” he whispers, biting his bottom lip. My thumb brushes against it, tugging it free from his teeth. I’m about to speak again when he quickly adds, “Only for a couple hours. During the bad parts.” I swear to God, if holding onto his face wasn’t anchoring me in place, I might float away. Or disintegrate into finely ground dust, right here on the spot. I’ve never been this mortified in my life, yet so eternally…moved. Every. Fucking. Night.

“You’re not going to spend another night on the damn ground attempting to get to me, to comfort me. Because I know that’s what you were trying to do.” Sliding in between the sheets, I keep my eyes on his. “I know. I’m—” “Stop apologizing and get in the bed,” I growl, my temper rising. Lifting the sheet, I indicate to the vacant spot beside me. “But—” “I swear to God, River, I need you to listen right now.” My tone is sharp, but I hear the plea in my voice, hoping he does too. “If I need to spend every single night in this bed with you to make sure you don’t end up on the floor, I fucking will. The thought of you—goddamn, it guts me,” I say, my voice breaking. “If the nightmares come—and make no mistake, they will—I’ll be right next to you. Not keeping you at arm’s length, letting you freeze on the floor.”

“You don’t have to—” “I know that. Just like you didn’t have to. But you did, even after everything.” A sigh escapes me, and I wrap my arm around his waist, pulling him so our bodies are flush. “That shit? The fighting and the bickering and the fucking games? It’s all over. If there’s one thing you can believe, it’s that.”

“Every night, for the rest of the time we’re here, this is how it’s going to be. Maybe because it makes sense or because I feel guilty, I don’t know. Whatever it is, the most important reason is I’m a selfish bastard, and when I want something, I take it.” My throat works at the knot residing in it before I let out a shaky exhale. “And what I want? More than anything? Is to finally have something to hold onto to make it through the night.”

“Thank you, Abhainn.” “Is that Gaelic?” I nod. “What does it mean? You called me it earlier too.” He lets out a soft chuckle. “It probably means asshole or something, right?” Shaking my head, I release a long breath, allowing sleep to continue dragging me under. “It’s your name, Riv. Just your name.”

“It fucking kills me, knowing you went through that, baby. With no one to fight for you, to stand up for you,” he tells me between kisses across my pecs. “And while I might be too late to keep the nine-year-old Rain safe, I’m here now. I’ve found you.”

“I’ve found you and I’m here, and I promise I will always be your safe place for as long as you need one.”

Having him is like taking your first hit of weed or line of blow. You didn’t know what to expect from it, but fuck, the high sure does make you feel on top of the world.

“Your orgasms are mine,” he tells me, leaning back and fucking me with reckless abandon, his hips slamming against my ass cheeks. “I’m the one who gets you off.” “Yes,” I huff, pleasure sailing through me. “You. Only you.”

Baby, let me take your pain away.

“It doesn’t do to dwell in the past, Abhainn. You’ll forget to live.” I let out a choked laugh. “Did you just inaccurately quote Harry Potter to me?”

“There is so much shit I’ve done wrong in my life. So many things I wish I could take back. But I can’t, so all I can do is learn from it and try not to make the same mistake twice.”

“I know it’s fucking cheesy as hell to say this, but you’re my thing. It’s part of who you are. Of course, I want to look at them.”