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My name is Isabelle Thorpe, and I’m going to bang a stranger tonight.”
She picks up after just one ring. “Listen bitch, you need to snap on that strap on and fuck this guy tonight. It’s the only way.”
“What? You never said anything about a… strap on!”
“Ugh, Izz, don’t be so literal. I mean grow a pair. Nut up. Balls out.”
“You need this. You need to feel good about yourself. You need to realize how fucking sexy you are. And you need to have a manmade orgasm. And I don’t mean the vibe-ing type, I mean of the flesh-and-cum type.”
“Once you do that, you can go out into the dating pond and find yourself a fish to bag, and bang, forever and ever.”
“I know you are babe, and that’s okay. But you’re going to walk into that bar, find your hot date, have a drink, go upstairs, fuck him, and not worry about seeing him ever again. It’s really the perfect situation. Seriously, we couldn’t have swiped a better candidate. Meeting in a hotel bar is perfection. He wouldn’t have picked that place if he wasn’t staying there, which means once you decide to hop on his cock, you won’t have to wait any time at all. And then you can go home, and he can go back home to wherever, and you’ll be ready to take the dating world by the testicles. Plus, he’s hot.”
“You can thank me tomorrow by telling me all about it. And by it, I mean his dick.”
“Go fuck ‘em, Tiger!”
“Sugar, if you think having intercourse like that is impossible, then you’ve been wasting your time with all the wrong men.”
"Sugar." That’s a common Southern term, but you don’t sound Southern.”
“Indeed I am not. I like the cold too much to live below the Mason-Dixon line. I called you Sugar because you look sweet as candy.” He reaches out and twirls one of my long blond curls around his finger, gently sliding the hair through his grasp. “Add on the fact that you’ve draped yourself in the color of raspberry ice-cream, which happens to be my favorite flavor... Sugar seems like the perfect name for you.”
“I’ll show you the ones of my generation. Back when toys were real, and you could choke on them. Survival of the fittest type of stuff.”
“Any chance you have the Etsy app on your phone?” I ask. “No chance at all, since I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I shrug. “I figured as much, but it was worth the ask. Who knows, maybe you had a side job selling crocheted socks or something.” “I feel like you’re talking in code right now.” Zach tugs gently on my hair. “Speak English woman.”
Zach’s hand reaches out, and - with the tips of his fingers - he tilts my head back up to look at him. “Sugar, would you like to see my room?” I nod. “Good girl.”
“Sugar, I find that very hard to believe. But - even if you think that’s true, you have nothing to worry about. Because I’m very good at this next part.”
that how it normally feels to get eaten out? Because if it is, then I should’ve been doing that this past six years. And I need to find my old boyfriends so I can punch them in the dicks for never doing that to me. Seriously, Zach needs an award for those skills.
“Sugar, you need to stand up, now. If you stay down there any longer, I’ll lose control. And shoving my cock down your throat is not how I plan to come tonight.”
“I could feel your legs shaking. I figured I proved my point about wall sex being possible.” “Yes... you were right. You can prove that point to me whenever you want.”
Groaning, I grab my stuffed Sleet Yeti mascot and bury my face in his fuzzy white fur.
“YEEHAW!” Meghan yells so loud I pull the phone away from my ear and change it on speaker. “Way to ride him, cowgirl!”
“Well, how else was I supposed to get from point A to point B?!” I ask incredulously. “You mean point D,”
“The pleasure’s all mine, Isabelle Thorpe.” And then he winks. Bastard.
“Zachary - you free for lunch? Want to join Isabelle and myself?” Please say no. Please say no. Please say no. “I’d love to.” Forking hell.
Jackson can give us all rides home once we are sufficiently Monday Drunk.
No. Bad Izzy. Bad! Do not roll over and show this man your belly. You can not survive such a sacrifice.
Dear Zach, That’s going right for the jugular. Of course I can’t just ignore you now. Though I will put my best effort into trying. Hopefully Coach keeps you working hard enough to keep you out of trouble. I’d hate to be your one call from jail. I need to save my money for sweets, not bail. BubblegumBeforeBros, Izzy
With this on, if I get bored I can just slouch in a chair and rest my chin on my boobs.
Emma lets out a low whistle. “Hot diggity damn. That is one fine-ass slice of man-cake. If I weren’t happily married, I’d drag his extra-large self into that walk-in pantry and give him a taste of my frosting.”
“You look fucking stunning. If I wasn’t into the dick, I’d be dragging you into the pantry. New haircut?”
Ohmygod. Do you think my dad would notice if I walked over and banged my head against the wall a few times?
“Remind me again why the fuck I’m here? And where in the hell we’re going?” Meghan asks from beside me in the backseat.
Er, wait, that sounds wrong. I slept like a satisfied call girl. Like a lovestruck homeless hooker who finally found her forever home.
“Izz, you didn’t tell me you were shit at bowling. I’m a little embarrassed right now.” “Shut it, hoe. Not all of us can be so skilled at handling balls.”
“No, you came here with High School Musical. I knew you were a cougar, Sweets. But that’s taking it a little too far.”
Zach: Sugar. Sweets. My Sex Goddess. You can run, but you can’t hide.
“Go on your date with the crypt keeper, and then we can revisit the Zach discussion. How about that?”
I can’t believe your date with Senior Special is on a Monday night.”
Date cancelled my ass. No one would cancel on Zach. I’d bet my secret gummy bear stash he was planning to come alone.
My sexy inner voice is telling me to ditch this class and mount Zach.
“Sounds lovely, you should paint that one for her! I bet she’d appreciate it.” Bill nods. “What a great idea!” And with that, all of Bill’s focus goes into selecting the right paints for his sister’s pussy. I mean painting.
He’s really in the zone, so I sneak my phone out and snap a picture of his work. I’m already going to hell for my actions towards Bill, what’s one more branch in the fire?
“I’m sure you have. But you’re mine now, and I’ll worry as much as I want to.” He kisses me on the nose before swatting my ass. “Now get inside.”
I love that beautiful brain of yours, but I’m sorry that it keeps you up at night.
“I’m glad you find my predicament so funny. But I bet if I slid my hand up that little dress of yours, I’d find your pretty pink pussy dripping wet. I bet your panties are soaked and your clit is swollen and ready for me. How long would it take, do you think, once I got my lips wrapped around that bundle of nerves, before you came on my face.”
“Come on, son.” Those words. My fragile shell starts to spider web. There’s nothing he could have said to affect me more. How long have I waited to hear that phrase spoken to me? When he puts an arm around my shoulder, leading me towards the door, my vision blurs. I don’t know the last time I cried. But I’m about to. As a 30-year-old professional athlete, the last thing I want to do in front of my hockey coach is fucking cry. But I’m at an absolute loss. His tone, his actions, his words, they lead me to believe that this will all somehow be okay.
“Zachary,” he takes another drink, “I can’t thank you enough for what you did.”
“When my baby girl told me what happened to her, I wanted to kill that man myself. I will always be in your debt.” I shake my head. “I was too late," my voice cracks. “No.” His voice is stern. “No, son, you’re wrong. You did what needed to be done. You can’t prevent bad things from happening, lord knows I’ve tried since the day my Isabelle was born. But you can react when those bad things do happen. And that’s what you did. I knew adding you to the team was a good idea, but what you did tonight brought you into the family. So, thank you.”
“Yeah, I know enough about them," he says. “Isabelle didn’t tell me anything, if that’s what you’re thinking. But I do my research. And all I can say is Fuck Them. We’re your family now. What happens between you and Isabelle is between you and Isabelle. But you’ll always be a part of the Sleet family, son. Nothing will change that.”
“Has this been on the whole time? Did we just have sex to the Backstreet Boys?”
