“feminine” vulnerabilities but, like Joe and his father, couple them with a “masculine” entitlement to behave irresponsibly. In covert depression, the man cannot afford to be relationally responsive either, for three reasons. First, his primary allegiance must be to the defenses he uses for self-regulation. Second, intimacy with another will inevitably trigger intimacy with himself—an intimacy many covertly depressed men prefer to avoid. Finally, because relational skills have frequently lain dormant and unexercised, demands for intimacy initially exacerbate the feelings of inadequacy that may
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