Coming Home

by Sawyer Cole Hobson

Don’t let them overstay their welcome. Don’t let the seasonal people take up a lifetime.

I am telling you there’s something to being by yourself that no other person and no substance can give you: time. Time to heal. Time to think.

To just be. To exist. To not worry about anything other than taking care of your own well-being. Time to enjoy your own company and presence.

Not that I was or am a bad person. I, for so long lived for other people, I didn’t know how to live for myself. Do you? I didn’t fully understand this

But this story is for those that need to feel seen.

To feel heard. I see you. I hear you. You are loved and worthy and deserve to take up space. You deserve to live authentically. You deserve to have people in your corner cheering you on so loudly your eardrums burst. You deserve to come home.

There’s truly no hate like Christian love. And

There were problems that could’ve been resolved had the adults been adultier, but I was also packed with (ignored) mental health issues as well.

It was the 90s after all; mental health wasn’t really a priority weighing on anyone’s conscience, especially within kids.

It’s amazing what can happen when you realize you aren’t the only one. It’s liberating. It’s freeing. Knowing that you are justified in your way of existing. You matter. You’re important, yes. But you aren’t alone. And that’s the most important thing.

How many of us have been there before? Just wanting the pain to pass? Just wanting to feel alive by trying to take our final breath? How many of us have tried to ease the pain by trying to find solace in the depths of despair?

As Twenty-One Pilots says, “Sometimes to stay alive, you gotta kill your mind.” And that was all I was trying to do.

Grief is so funny. You’ll be enjoying your day and boom! It sneaks up on you and you’re crying in a Target bathroom. Not that that’s ever happened to me.

Bookstagram, for those of you who may not be familiar with it, is a facet of Instagram dedicated solely to reading and reviewing books. It’s a community. A huge community of nerds, and I love it. We share our love of reading, some of us are partnered with book publishing companies where we read Advanced Reader Copies (ARCs) or Advanced Listener Copies (ALCs) before their release date and post our reviews about them. Some of us have partnered with bookish apparel companies, candle companies; you name it, there’s a niche for everyone. It’s a community of readers united by one singular thing: the love of reading.

go. I made a Bookstagram page to discuss books, and it turned into so much more. I found unwavering support and comfort in a time in my life when I truly needed it. I found a group of people who are so good at uplifting that I feel comfortable in sharing my unfiltered thoughts as they come into my brain.

I made my Bookstagram account to find comfort in the unknown. To have a creative outlet as a hobby. And now, I find comfort in the fact I have a group of people surrounding me that will come to my defense quicker than it takes you to read this sentence. It’s all about taking chances. Trusting people. Trusting the process. Diving in headfirst into the unknown.