Don’t Swipe Right

by L.M. Chilton

‘Really? What about that guy last week who used hand sanitiser instead of deodorant?’ ‘Well, at least he was resourceful,’

NO, what a wild way To defend foolishness!

‘Really? What about that guy last week who used hand sanitiser instead of deodorant?’ ‘Well, at least he was resourceful,’

NO, what a wild way to defend foolishness!

Forrester, on the other hand, was short and broad, like a ginger Super Mario.

LOL

‘Maybe it’s the hair!’ he says, before I have the chance to formulate a better response. ‘You young ladies can’t stand a baldy!’

LOl

‘Do you know how many actual serial killers there have been in England in the past decade?’ He paused for effect. ‘One.’ ‘Doesn’t that mean we’re about due another?’

FFS

‘Well, technically you’ve only worked on one more case than I have. Did you even solve that one?’ ‘That’s not relevant,’ Lyons said firmly.

Nah, shes violating

Gulping down the cold saliva

Dude whats with this cold saliva thing

‘I’m beginning to see why none of those guys wanted a second date with you,’ he muttered.

RAH

‘Basically, if you don’t fit the stereotype of conventional attractiveness then you’re screwed?’ ‘Sure. But it’s not just Connector,’ said Jamal. ‘All dating apps work like this.

I knew it

‘Ah, I see. You’ve been hurt before, haven’t you?’ he says, pointing at me with his index finger. ‘Excuse me?’ ‘You put a brave face on, but your eyes betray you. I’m very good at reading people,’

Its giving ICK!

‘Trust me, Gwen, I’m a good listener. I know women get talked over a lot. It happens in my improv class all the time. But I always let my “supporting actresses” have their say before I decide how the scene is going to go.’

I know hes trying to sjow he supports women but he is doing way too much!

I’m an ally. I’m one of the good ones.’ ‘Pleased to hear it,’ I say. ‘I love women,’ he says. ‘And by love, I actually mean respect.

DOING TOO MUCH

mean, the characters are all women, of course, which was really refreshing to write. They’re all fighting over the same man, a rather dashing chap named Jeb. It really helped me understand the female struggle.

Jesus wept

‘Ah, yes, I see what you’re getting at. You think it’s not my place, as a man, to tell these women’s stories. You’re quite right, we’ve heard enough male voices now. Time to let the ladies have a go. Now, normally I’d totally agree, but I really think this might be my best work, so maybe we could make an exception for little old me?’

DEAR GOD

‘You know, for someone who is such a good listener,’ I snap, ‘you sure do have a lot to say.’ ‘She says, as she interrupts me in the middle of a sentence for the third time tonight.’ He smiles.

OMFG

Seb: I need to be honest because the last thing I want to do is lead you on. You’re too fragile to be messed around. Regrettably, I didn’t feel a connection on our date. I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to offer some advice for the future: if you continue to keep your guard up, you’ll likely discover that it’s very difficult to find the happiness you’re looking for. But I’d be happy to email over my screenplay if you’d still like to read it. Stay safe. Five minutes later, another message arrives. Seb: Send nudes?

NAH IS HE OKAY!