Can't Say Goodbye

by Eden Finley

“I would really, really like that. I’m just a boy, standing in front of other boys, asking them to fill his holes.”

We’ve known the rules all along, but we broke them anyway. Repeatedly. We tell ourselves it’s nothing because we only ever hook up when someone else is involved, and we’re not a couple. We’re best friends. Roommates. And I fucking hate it. Because Prescott is my world. He’s my rock. Hell, he’s the only family I have.

Sinful Marcus Talon and Shane Miller raised sexual deviants. Cue all the conservatives clutching their pearls and making arguments as to why queer people shouldn’t raise kids.

They can’t see that growing up in a nurturing environment where we were not only encouraged to live our truths but were pushed to explore them meant that we were free to be who we are. The world is a lot gayer than people like to think.

Will I come, or will my dick be bitten off? Hard to say. It’s like extreme sports for sex.

I can’t help the pang of longing that hits my chest when we’re curled up together with Brady between Kit and me. It’s a heartbreakingly perfect moment that will never happen again. So I hold on tighter and breathe them in to try to remember this for as long as I can.

This move to Virginia is the right one. The job will be good for my career. Distance from Prescott will be good for my heart. It’s not my fault I went and fell in love with him. It’s his fault for being him.

I don’t hesitate to run into them and wrap my hands around his back and bury my head in his shoulder. Then Kit is behind me, and I’m where I belong. Where I’ve wanted to belong since we first met. With them.

I want to see them again, no doubt. For a day, a week, a month. The only problem with that is each time we make it happen, this has to happen as well. The goodbyes. What goes up must come down. All hellos morph into goodbyes.

“I know I’m not allowed to tell your parents anything, but can I please tell Maddox? You have no idea how proud he would be of you for pulling SEALs. Damn, even I’m impressed.”

What Kit, Brady, and I have is love. It’s respect. It’s one hell of a relationship.

“I don’t want to go to that airport in a week and have to say goodbye again. It hurts too much. I can’t say goodbye.” I hold him tighter. “It won’t be goodbye. It will be see you later.”