Can't Say Goodbye

by Eden Finley

“I would really, really like that. I’m just a boy, standing in front of other boys, asking them to fill his holes.”

We’ve known the rules all along, but we broke them anyway. Repeatedly. We tell ourselves it’s nothing because we only ever hook up when someone else is involved, and we’re not a couple. We’re best friends. Roommates. And I fucking hate it. Because Prescott is my world. He’s my rock. Hell, he’s the only family I have.

They can’t see that growing up in a nurturing environment where we were not only encouraged to live our truths but were pushed to explore them meant that we were free to be who we are. The world is a lot gayer than people like to think.

Will I come, or will my dick be bitten off? Hard to say. It’s like extreme sports for sex.

I can’t help the pang of longing that hits my chest when we’re curled up together with Brady between Kit and me. It’s a heartbreakingly perfect moment that will never happen again. So I hold on tighter and breathe them in to try to remember this for as long as I can.

This move to Virginia is the right one. The job will be good for my career. Distance from Prescott will be good for my heart. It’s not my fault I went and fell in love with him. It’s his fault for being him.

I don’t hesitate to run into them and wrap my hands around his back and bury my head in his shoulder. Then Kit is behind me, and I’m where I belong. Where I’ve wanted to belong since we first met. With them.

don’t care about the time,” Brady whispers. “I’d take a later flight, stay longer, call in sick to work, and put off my law degree if it meant I got five more minutes with each of you.”

I want to see them again, no doubt. For a day, a week, a month. The only problem with that is each time we make it happen, this has to happen as well. The goodbyes. What goes up must come down. All hellos morph into goodbyes.

“I probably should have warned you of the side effects of sleeping with me. Might cause lack of interest in others. No one will ever compare. Once you have me, you’re hooked.” “You’re definitely my drug of choice.”

The second the three of us are wrapped around each other, it’s relief and happiness. It’s sunshine after a rainstorm. It’s clarity in my heart and calmness of my mind.

“We’re close,” Kit tells me and glances down at my stomach in silent question. “Make like the Beatles and come together. Right now. Over me.”

I hope it’s only a few days because those two minutes with Prescott were nowhere near enough to get my fill. When it comes to him, I’m not sure forever would be enough.

“I know you and Prescott have something special. Something deeper, and you’re in love with him—I could tell that from the very beginning—but all I’ve ever hoped is that someday, you and him could see me that same way.”