Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity

by Kim Malone Scott

Then, to make sure you are not biased, get an outside perspective. Find someone who is familiar with the work of the people on your team but not as emotionally attached as you are—your boss, a peer, an HR person. If they would put your people in different boxes, make sure you understand why, even if you disagree. Especially if you disagree.

The hiring person—not a recruiter!—should write the job description, basing it on the role, the skills required for the role, and the team “fit” criteria. Defining team fit can be hard, which makes it tempting to leave out. Try to describe your culture in three to four words. It could be “detail-oriented,” “quirky,” and “blunt.” Or maybe it’s “big picture,” “straightlaced,” and “polite.” Whatever you choose, be disciplined about interviewing for those things. This will help people avoid making gut decisions that are so often driven by bias. Also, if you take the time to define the growth trajectory required for the role, it can help the interviewers avoid one kind of hiring bias: hiring people who share your ambitions, which may not be desirable for the role. The written job description should then go to all interviewers, so they know precisely what they are interviewing for.

I love stories, so my whole interview technique is just to ask people to “give me the oral version of your résumé.”

At companies where it’s too easy to fire people, bad/unfair firing decisions get made, with the result that even people who are great at their jobs start to get spooked. When people feel that kind of fear, they start to avoid taking risks. They learn less, they grow less, they innovate less, they become less than they could be. This is the opposite of personal growth management.

they make firing people damn near impossible. In these companies, bosses have one hand tied behind their backs. Some address performance issues by foisting failing team members on unsuspecting colleagues, which creates bizarre office politics. Those who are doing the best work also wind up having to carry people who are not able to contribute—and often quit in frustration as a result.

Get enough sleep the day before, exercise that morning, and eat a good breakfast. You are going to need to be calm and, if possible, funny that day. Encourage your whole team to do the same.

A thank-you goes beyond praise. Praise expresses admiration for great work. A thank-you expresses personal gratitude. In the case of a thank-you, you are explaining not just why the work matters, but why it matters to you. Take a moment to say thank-you. Do it in person, and do it in writing. Sometimes the thank-you has more meaning in private, other times in public. It rarely hurts to do both.

Some good follow-up questions Here are some follow-up questions you can ask to show not only that you are listening but that you care and want to help, and to identify the gaps between what people are doing, what they think they ought to be doing, and what they want to be doing: “Why?” “How can I help?” “What can I do or stop doing that would make this easier?” “What wakes you up at night?” “What are you working on that you don’t want to work on?” “Do you not want to work on it because you aren’t interested or because you think it’s not important?” “What can you do to stop working on it?” “What are you not working on that you do want to work on?” “Why are you not working on it?” “What can you do to start working on it?” “How do you feel about the priorities of the teams you’re dependent on?” “What are they working on that seems unimportant or even counterproductive?”

“What are they not doing that you wish they would do?” “Have you talked to these other teams directly about your concerns? If not, why not?” (Important note: the goal here is to encourage the people to raise the issue directly with each other, not to solve the problem for them. See “Prevent Backstabbing” in chapter six.)

Signs you’ll get from 1:1s that you’re failing as a boss 1:1s are valuable meetings for your direct reports to share their thinking with you and to decide what direction to proceed with their work. They are also valuable meetings for you, because these meetings are where you’ll get your first early warning signs that you are failing as a boss. Here are some sure signals: Cancellations. If people who report to you cancel 1:1s too often, it’s a sign your partnership is not fruitful for them, or that you’re using it inappropriately to dispose of criticism you’ve been stockpiling. Updates. If people just give you updates that could simply be emailed to you, encourage them to use the time more constructively. Good news only. If you hear only good news, it’s a sign people don’t feel comfortable coming to you with their problems, or they think you won’t or can’t help. In these cases, you need to ask explicitly for the bad news. Don’t let the issue drop till you hear some. No criticism. If they never criticize you, you’re not good enough at getting guidance from your team. Remember that phrase: “What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?”

No agenda. If they consistently come with no topics to discuss, it might mean that they are overwhelmed, that they don’t understand the purpose of the meeting, or that they don’t consider it useful. Be direct but polite: “This is your time, but you don’t seem to come with much to talk about. Can you tell me why?”

Here’s the agenda that I’ve found to be most effective: Learn: review key metrics (twenty minutes) Listen: put updates in a shared document (fifteen minutes) Clarify: identify key decisions & debates (thirty minutes)

Learn: review key metrics (twenty minutes). What went well that week, and why? What went badly, and why?

Listen: put updates in a shared document during a “study hall” (15 minutes). One of the most challenging aspects of managing a team is how to keep everyone abreast of what everyone else is doing so that they can flag areas of concern or overlap without wasting a great deal of time.

Clarify: identify key decisions/debates (30 minutes). What are the one or two most important decisions and the single most important debate your team needs to take on that week? If your team is fewer than twenty or so people, you can probably just list them and decide/debate in an ad hoc way.

An extremely successful—and busy—CEO I know fought this by blocking two hours of think time on his calendar every day. He wouldn’t move it for anyone.

When you become the boss, you are under the microscope. People do listen to you in an intense way you never experienced before you became a manager. They attribute meaning—sometimes accurately, sometimes not—to what you say, to the clothes you wear, to the car you drive. In some ways, becoming a boss is like getting arrested. Everything you say or do can and will be used against you.

When you pay attention to seemingly small details, it can have a big impact on persuading people that your culture is worth understanding and adapting to. The office environment is part of setting a tone and culture. Silicon Valley is famous for its whimsical offices and high-end chefs.

START ASKING YOUR team to criticize you. Review “Soliciting Impromptu Guidance” in chapter six. And remember, don’t let people off the hook when they don’t say much—because they won’t, at first. Embrace the discomfort to move past it. Pay close attention if you aren’t getting any criticism. If you want, you can copy the Radical Candor framework in Chapter Two and track who’s saying what to you there. Just because people aren’t criticizing you doesn’t mean they think you’re perfect. If you realize that you’re not getting any criticism, try Michael Dearing’s “orange box” technique (see chapter six).

Don’t try to do more new things until you feel 1) you’ve made good progress on the fundamental building block of management: getting and giving guidance, 2) you’ve gotten to know your direct reports better, and 3) you’re happy with your 1:1s.

You’ll have to follow up. While this will sometimes result in extra meetings to resolve disputes getting thrown on your calendar, it will save more time than it costs because there will be fewer political situations exploding in your face.

Plan for the future of your team. Start doing a growth-management plan for each person on your team. (See “Growth Management Plans” in chapter seven.) Make sure that you are not creating a promotion-obsessed culture, and give some extra thought to how you’re rewarding your rock stars (see chapter seven).

They found that the five key dynamics for successful teams included: Psychological Safety, Dependability, Structure & Clarity, Meaning, and Impact. But psychological safety was by far the most important of the five dynamics, because it’s the foundation of the other four.3

Where should I start? If I’m really being honest, I am afraid to get critical feedback. A: That’s normal! Nobody really wants to hear criticism. Focus on the fact that you can only fix the problems you know about, and that if the person cares enough to make you aware of a problem they might also help you fix it. If you have a tendency toward perfectionism, remind yourself that you’re human and you’re going to make mistakes; in fact, that’s how you get better. Work on developing a “Not Yet” mindset, as described by Carol Dweck: “I heard about a high school in Chicago where students had to pass a certain number of courses to graduate, and if they didn’t pass a course, they got the grade ‘Not Yet.’ And I thought that was fantastic, because if you get a failing grade, you think, I’m nothing, I’m nowhere. But if you get the grade ‘Not Yet’, you understand that you’re on a learning curve. It gives you a path into the future.”4

Remember, the guidelines for giving Radically Candid feedback work for both praise and criticism: do it humbly, helpfully, immediately; praise in public, criticize in private; don’t give guidance about personality attributes.